StGeorge22 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Wrote the below in the second chances area but realised it is more appropriate here. Just feeling pretty weak ATM! My situation is this- had a long term relationship (from mid 20s to late 20s) which ended 18 months ago. Basically, she had some mental health issues which put a massive strain on our relationship. Caused a lot of resentment. I think I supported her the best I could in a difficult situation, but she is still bitter that I didn't support her enough. Was also arguments about why we weren't getting engaged ( we literally had no money due to the fact that she couldn't work for a while but she still says that I didn't take it seriously). Anyway, we spent all of 2013 on and off. A lot of things have changed for both of us, and I think we a lot of issues gone our relationship could be different this time around. A lack of love never really seemed to be the problem. Late last year she told me she couldn't decide and as a result was running away to move states. I accepted this but she kept wanting to hang out to see if we could do long distance. Towards the end of the year she still said she couldn't decide and couldn't trust that I would take our relationship seriously, so she is trying to move on. I suspect she has someone over there, an old friend who she already knew but she denied it before she moved over. Anyway, it's been a month NC. Every other time I went NC last year she would come back. This time it feels a bit different given she is in a new state. I found out a few days ago that I have to go to her state in a few weeks for work. Since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about whether I should contact her or not. I know, I should keep NC. The most likely scenario is that if I reach out to her, there is a strong possibility she will say she is with someone else and I'll be back to square 1. I know all this stuff, but I still can't get the possibility out of my head about contacting her when I'm there. Do I want her back, I know I shouldn't but if you are asking me honestly then yeah I prob do. But I also know I need to respect myself enough to not reach out to someone who had a heap of chances. The main issue is that she is scared to give me another chance and it won't work out again. Anyway, any insights would be really welcomed.
Gemini x Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Don't do it. I know it's hard. I'm going through it and am still sneaking peeks at his facebook page. Stay NC. It's for your protection. If you break it, and it doesn't go like you hope, your pain will be worse. At least wait until you feel somewhat indifferent before reaching out. By that point you won't be so traumatized if it doesn't work out. It's super hard but stay strong and don't break it. *hugs*
Author StGeorge22 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Thanks Gemini, how long have you been NC for? I guess because she has changed her mind so many times I'm expecting her to come back even though that's not a great mindset to be in
Gemini x Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Thanks Gemini, how long have you been NC for? I guess because she has changed her mind so many times I'm expecting her to come back even though that's not a great mindset to be in I haven't heard from my ex in 11 days. I haven't reached out to him in 9. But, I have been looking at his facebook every once in awhile which just makes it harder. I know exactly how you're feeling 'cause my ex would distance himself in the past and always come back. This is the longest we've been broken up so it feels rather hopeless at the same time.
Author StGeorge22 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 How many times have you broken up? Still want him back?
Gemini x Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 How many times have you broken up? Still want him back? This is our first BU. He'd disappear on me sometimes the last few months of our relationship, usually a couple days or so due to fights we were having, and then he'd come back and we'd go on as if nothing happened. This time he just left me, told me he loved me and then vanished for over 2 weeks. He came back saying that I broke up with him because I wasn't chasing him while he was gone. That was his way of relieving himself of guilt, I suppose. Whatever. We've been broken up about 5 weeks. I do want him back but there's nothing I can do. I reached out less than 2 weeks ago and tried to see him and work things out and he ignored it so I changed my number and have left him be. A part of me feels like after the dust settles and we re-find ourselves that he'll come back but who knows.
Author StGeorge22 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Good on you for taking the step to change your number. Sounds like the best thing to do for both is walk away, but that's obviously easier said then done. I get what you mean, reaching out to them and have them reject you is a crushing blow. I just know I'm so frustrated by her reasons for not trusting me so I don't want to engage in a convo where I get frustrated and seem flustered
L1ght Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Tell her you love her, wish her good luck and say your door is open if she needs anything, walk away, breathe the air, live your life, find new love. Maybe she will come back some day, maybe when she does it will be too late, maybe not. Just live brother. Peace.
Author StGeorge22 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Thanks L1ght. Yeah Gemini doing ok. Heading out with a girl I know thru work to watch a band tonight. Nothing serious but I have decided that this is my year of saying yes to everything! How are you today?
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