Biscous Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I need to gauge this, and I could be wrong, but from what I've seen with this girl she wants to see me all the time. I've been seeing her for a month and one red flag that pops up is that she recently broke up with her ex. The time we were talking, getting intimate, etc I cannot accurately state whether or not she was still with her ex. The fact that she jumped into a 'new' relationship with someone after being with another guy for nearly two years is unsettling...I have mentioned this to her. Regarding the time spent between each other, I would say last week we hung out maybe 3-4 times that week, but there was an instance where she wanted me to come over and it was too late. She got upset that I was acting 'weird' and frankly sometimes I like to sleep at my place. The other time I was out with my friend and I told her ahead of time I was watching a fight and seeing my friend. She wanted to get a drink later. Again this has been a month. She complained about her ex being complacent but the times she wanted me to go see her I end at her place and sleeping over. She asked me tonight if I wanted to hang out...I said later but she asked me why so late? Well she knows I train. I'm a very physically active person. I do weightlifting and martial arts and have aspirations to fight. Also my schedule will possibly be more busy with side work I do on the weekends. I was a bit frustrated last week that I didn't get to train how I wanted due to other circumstances and the fact that she wanted to see me. I need to either: 1) set LIMITS on her. She wants me to be in a relationship with her. I can sense it based on her comments. I want to take things slow and see where things go...and there are other factors that are making me 'on the fence' about her. I mentioned one. I have addressed to her that I need ME time but I did not set my foot down saying that this is a hard limit that I NEED this. We work in the same place (something I'm iffy about) and I see her there. I need separation from work and personal life 2) stop seeing her. Things aren't working out, etc. Any input appreciated.
NYC-BigKat Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I need to gauge this, and I could be wrong, but from what I've seen with this girl she wants to see me all the time. I've been seeing her for a month and one red flag that pops up is that she recently broke up with her ex. The time we were talking, getting intimate, etc I cannot accurately state whether or not she was still with her ex. The fact that she jumped into a 'new' relationship with someone after being with another guy for nearly two years is unsettling...I have mentioned this to her. Regarding the time spent between each other, I would say last week we hung out maybe 3-4 times that week, but there was an instance where she wanted me to come over and it was too late. She got upset that I was acting 'weird' and frankly sometimes I like to sleep at my place. The other time I was out with my friend and I told her ahead of time I was watching a fight and seeing my friend. She wanted to get a drink later. Again this has been a month. She complained about her ex being complacent but the times she wanted me to go see her I end at her place and sleeping over. She asked me tonight if I wanted to hang out...I said later but she asked me why so late? Well she knows I train. I'm a very physically active person. I do weightlifting and martial arts and have aspirations to fight. Also my schedule will possibly be more busy with side work I do on the weekends. I was a bit frustrated last week that I didn't get to train how I wanted due to other circumstances and the fact that she wanted to see me. I need to either: 1) set LIMITS on her. She wants me to be in a relationship with her. I can sense it based on her comments. I want to take things slow and see where things go...and there are other factors that are making me 'on the fence' about her. I mentioned one. I have addressed to her that I need ME time but I did not set my foot down saying that this is a hard limit that I NEED this. We work in the same place (something I'm iffy about) and I see her there. I need separation from work and personal life 2) stop seeing her. Things aren't working out, etc. Any input appreciated. I noticed a lot of guys don't appreciate a girl that's into them until after its gone & they cant get it back. I wish I could trade places with u. I wouldn't be complaining about this u know.
MidwestUSA Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 She sounds like the type who lets her entire life hinge on a relationship. Is she independent? Does she have hobbies? Girlfriends? Things to occupy herself when she's alone? I'm going to guess no on all of these counts. There's a certain amount of wanting to see one another as much as possible in the beginning stages of a relationship, but I have a feeling her entire identity revolves around being half of a couple. Set limits. Let her know you're not giving up your workout time to accommodate her. Agree on a set amount of time to spend together, and don't give in to last minute demands to see you. If she gets pissy about it, you'll know you have a clinger, and it'll be best to break it off now. Plus, you're a rebound, which is directly related to her inability to be alone. Good luck, you'll need it.
MidwestUSA Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I noticed a lot of guys don't appreciate a girl that's into them until after its gone & they cant get it back. I wish I could trade places with u. I wouldn't be complaining about this u know. Kat, I know you want a girl, but I'm betting you don't want to be suffocated!
Author Biscous Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 I noticed a lot of guys don't appreciate a girl that's into them until after its gone & they cant get it back. I wish I could trade places with u. I wouldn't be complaining about this u know. You don't want to have to settle for a relationship Kat. She sounds like the type who lets her entire life hinge on a relationship. Is she independent? Does she have hobbies? Girlfriends? Things to occupy herself when she's alone? I'm going to guess no on all of these counts. There's a certain amount of wanting to see one another as much as possible in the beginning stages of a relationship, but I have a feeling her entire identity revolves around being half of a couple. Set limits. Let her know you're not giving up your workout time to accommodate her. Agree on a set amount of time to spend together, and don't give in to last minute demands to see you. If she gets pissy about it, you'll know you have a clinger, and it'll be best to break it off now. Plus, you're a rebound, which is directly related to her inability to be alone. Good luck, you'll need it. The rebound comment resonates with me. I TOLD her that she needs to be ALONE post break up instead of being serious with me...but instead she wants me to be around her all the time, she has gotten jealous on one occasion for me 'hitting' on a friend of hers, which I wasn't and I later found out was a lesbian, and have said a few things that were insecure. I will say that she isn't the usual type I go for and that makes me ambivalent about being with her, but the other factors trouble me a lot more. She's texting me right now because she wants to see me. I spent the night at her place on Sunday, trained on Monday (she wanted me to come by) and asking me again. I just need ME time overall to work towards my career, do things that make me happy, clean up my place, etc. Just basic stuff. Glad you understand.
deathandtaxes Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 You need to have an honest conversation with her where you communicate your concerns to her. Let her know you think you're seeing each other too much and you want to slow down. If she doesn't like that, then that's just too bad. But be completely honest.
FitChick Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Some men are like this, too. These people are afraid to be alone. Set limits and if she leaves you, problem solved.
Guitarisgood Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Welcome to relationship world my friend. Now the thing is if you want to keep this going you have to be sly and sneaky about it. No simple 'I'm busy' or other excuses that will make her angry - after all you are dealing with someone who's more needy. Learn to let her text first. When you are busy, let her know the reason you cannot make it but add in a few cheesy compliments or lines that will keep her happy and most definately next time you will see her. When you two do meet, gage what hobbies or interests she has and try to engage in them i.e. you are 'making' do hobbies she enjoys. Basically you have to ween her off you - especially if she only recently got out of a relationship.
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