Amazing First Date, Horrible Second Date.

[TheNewMe2014]

Concur with a lot that has been said here.

 

I think dating a 10 year younger woman is ok - at any age. But the 30/20 thing (which is about the youngest 10 year gap - because anything less than 28/18 is illegal in some contexts) is tough.

 

There is so much living that happens in those ten years. More than probably any other 10 years as an adult. Lest we forget how much we've grown since college.

 

I think your plan for the date was fine. The execution may have been poor - but things happen. Unfortunately, particularly with someone younger, that may be enough to turn them off. Being that much older, I think we are held to two standards: 1) we have our act together more 2) we need to show their youthfulness. Tough balance too.

 

As for V-Day. That is a bad call, bud - don't do that again unless you've been dating someone for awhile. It put pressure on the date that doesn't need to be there. Maybe at her age, that pressure was to act overly romantic since everyone knows it's Valentine's Day. I think universally, most will tell you not to date on V-Day.

 

Look, you don't know if she knows you are right for her. Honestly, if she thought that - she wouldn't have blocked you on Facebook. Maybe take a step back or slow things down. But, I think she may have been entertained on the first date and was excited to see the second. But that doesn't guarantee anything. I had two, what I thought, were amazing dates with a woman. The first went on all night and we closed down a couple of bars. The second was a great dinner and conversation and we left on great terms. But somewhere along the way - her vision and my vision of a potential relationship changed. I accepted that - there is no way to know what someone else is looking for. Even the woman I am pretty smitten with now, that I think we are really truly a match....I don't know what she thinks and if she disagrees, I can't tell her she's wrong (though I'm very much hoping that isn't the case).

 

So where does this leave you? Well, first - she is childish for blocking you on facebook. The liklihood of you two have a relationship is, honestly, very minimal and you really shouldn't linger for her.

 

Second, even if she considered another date - she has demonstrated her immaturity and that isn't something that goes away. You'd be setup for more of that in the future. If anything, if she is interested - I wouldn't jump on it right away. She sounds immature enough that if she knew she could get you to jump when she wants..she'll continue to take advantage.

 

You are a nice guy - thoughtful, seem to be romantic. Do yourself a favor, before you get wrapped up too much more in her, and go find someone (your age or younger) who will appreciate what you have to offer.

[TheNewMe2014]

I disagree with a lot of what has been said in this thread - I do not understand why the blame is being put on the OP for this girl's apparent fickleness and lack of communication. She sounds childish in my opinion.

 

I find it unhealthy that dating is like this...some posts in this thread would make men feel that they must walk on eggshells and not make a single error, or they will be kicked to the curb, regardless of how much chemistry they may have had. Are people really this fickle? You really kick someone to the curb because you were tired and couldn't be bothered walking, and they mistakenly thought that they could pay using a card? How ridiculous. There is more to people than that, and honestly, this paints a very grim and shallow picture of the dating scene.

 

Almond - thanks for slapping sense into a lot of folks..including me. You stated it perfectly..this forum (including me) thinks dating women is like walking on eggshells. It's a sobering thought to realize that may not be the case and we, in fact, as guy, are attractive and have something to offer the opposite sex.

 

I think that could help all of us 'chill' a bit when it comes to mistakes. I actually took some of this to heart (before I read your reply) and said f all this 'should I or should I not text' someone - I decide..if she likes me, she likes me and won't mind..even if it's a bit much. I think overthinking potential actions - bad move. Overthinking what something means...maybe not so bad.

[RonaldS]

Dude, you wanted a relationship with a 20 year old. You're 30. Once you remove sex from the equation, this thing had a shelf life of about 5 hours. Come on...20?

 

I'm almost 40, and 25 is my lower cut-off, and that's just for hanging out. To have a relationship, I would have a hard time going younger than 30. That's for a billion reasons. And I would have felt roughly the same way when I was 30. 19, 20, 21 year olds.....you just live in different worlds.

 

There's a girl that I've had a few classes with and we were always partners. She was 20 when I first met her, now she's 22. She's gorgeous, super intelligent and quite mature. I've always been physically attracted to her, and we've hung out outside of class together several times, working on projects. Anyway, one night she drunk texted me and asked if I was attracted to her because she totally wanted me. It was a total green light, but being an adult, I just told her that while I thought she was incredibly attractive, I view her as a friend and would never act on that attraction.

 

Why did I say that? Because she was 21 at the time and as much as I wanted to hook up with her, in a worldly sense, she was just a kid to me and I didn't want to go down that road. If I didn't know her and we had just met at a bar and she just wanted to hook up, that might be something I would consider. But having a friendship already put it in that zone where I had to think about, you know, actually hanging out with and sharing worlds with this, for lack of a better word, kid. It took no time at all to squash that idea.

 

Just think about that stuff before you go starting relationships with girls in that age range. They might 'act' mature, but they're kids and they are still growing g up. The emotional economy that you've established as an adult is probably not present in a 20 year old. Ipso facto, you end up with the person you had a second date with.

[StanMusial]

Sometimes you can make a brief connection and then it fizzles out.

 

I can't help but wonder, when reading your OP, how much positive spin you put into your descriptions of the situation.

 

Nonetheless, I agree that the date specifics were not a huge factor here. She just "wasn't feeling it".