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Amazing First Date, Horrible Second Date.


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Posted

*sigh*...haha - why does this happen to me.

 

I met this girl who I think is incredible. I'm the one who posted about the "whether I should I should send valentine day flowers" about a week ago. So a bit of background. Met this girl through mutual client (She's 20 I'm 30).

 

This girl initially chased after me, she kept telling the client how she wanted to have a drink with me after I had just been passing through every now and then. So when I did finally meet up with her in the presence of our friend's party one day and asked her out she was stunned! Of course she wanted to. So...a week later we went on our first date.

 

It was...probably the most amazing time I've ever had on a date. This girl was stunning, and she was by my side. We just gelled together so well, the conversation was fun and deep and I was really smitten with her. She is really caring and sensitive, smart and has an awesome personality. Everyone kept looking at us. A few girls even told us they thought we looked like a couple - then we explained we were on a first date. Anyways, eventually we kissed in the bar but it was pretty magical I have to say...hah hah. We started making plans for the next few days and she was soooo open with me about everything. I dropped her home and of course I wasn't going to try have sex with this girl because I want a relationship. She sends me a text afterwards telling me what a great time she had etc.

 

Right so, a few days go past and I ask her out for the second date, which she seems totally excited about.

 

So...it's valentines day. I pick her up from her house. We exchange gifts. She did me a sketch which was amazingly detailed. We exchange niceties and then proceed to leave. Conversation in the car is a bit stiff. I put on some comedy tapes I have but she didn't seem very interested.

 

Oh and before I continue, she had been working literally a 12 hour day so she was exhausted, she explained she couldn't stay out long. Which I was totally fine with.

So I decide to take her to a outside movie thing. However, I hadn't been there in a while and forgot how long it would take us to walk there from the car. OMG it takes us forever (feels like 30 minutes to walk). At this point she is a bit upset. We can't get drinks because it's cash only. Our conversation is getting really boring and I've stopped making jokes because I can tell she's not feeling it. She then tells me she wants to go home *ouch* I totally understood though. So we proceed to walk *Back* to my car.

 

I eventually get her home but she is completely distant. Not really talking and I have made barely any conversation on the way back because she just doesn't seem interested, although I have definitely been trying my best to keep things from being boring. She did apologize and say "Sorry for not talking much" and I say "That's totally cool". No goodnight kiss or hug. She literally looks like one of those girls who is just "waiting for the hell to get out of here". She said she'd text if she felt better tomorrow.

 

Well...I drive home thinking (there is no way in hell she is texting me after that date). I get home and go to sleep.

The next morning I go on facebook....and low and behold....she's blocked me. Huhhhhh? I was sooooo upset about this. Now...I know the second date wasn't great but when you essentially block someone you are saying "Stay away from me". :eek:

 

Some things to note before we go on

 

*the date only lasted 2 hours

*She mentions she doesn't like PDA, from that point on I didn't touch her much in public. In the car we held hands a little bit (back and forth) but I didn't try to kiss her or do anything super uncomfortable.

*I did mention some things I saw on her facebook that I liked, she laughed at some but I think she felt like I was potentially intruding.

*The conversation was at times...super awkawd. To the point of me even asking about her parents (who are divorced).

*I did feel like I was trying to impress this girl a little too much. Agreeing a little bit more than I usually do, trying to feel a bit more *in* with her "Crowd* because I am 10 years older. I feel...really stupid about that.

 

 

Now...this girl is a bit sensitive. She's been through a lot of things. I really can't blame her for feeling like she can't "trust" me but I also think she may have been just in the wrong state of mind for the night. Regardless I won't lie to myself if I don't hear back from her.

 

I did send her a text on the Sunday apologizing for the date and saying sorry for potentially intruding in her private life (if that's what she felt) without asking for forgiveness.

 

I am...well...obviously realistic about what probably won't happen. I am just so annoyed at myself for screwing this up. Had we gone to a low-key restaurant or coffee place it would of been FINE....seriously I wouldn't of been so nervous and awkward and she would of been fine as well.

 

So it's now Wednesday and I haven't texted her since Sunday...and of course haven't heard from her. I know I have probably...very little chance but I'm wondering if she might come around eventually. I am a really genuine guy, I'm the type of guy this girl needs in her life. Every other guy will just treat her like crap I just know it. Had I handled her with more sensitively I think everything would have been fine.

 

I guess my question is to Women is, if you had a bad second date with a guy that you had really great chemistry with and you KNOW is right for you. Would you have given him another shot after thinking about him for a couple of weeks. I mean, we were just so right for each other. We had great phone conversations and of course our great first date. Any ideas?

Posted
I dropped her home and of course I wasn't going to try have sex with this girl because I want a relationship.

 

...

 

Any ideas?

Go for the sex next time. I'm not saying that's why things went south but at least taking the shot lets the woman know that you sexually desire her.

  • Like 1
Posted

It's always the last date that counts most. If you had a bad 2nd date, you got points off for the 2nd date, which may or may not let you have a 3rd date.

Posted

VDay for date number two is not the most ideal thing. And outside movie date for that? So many better things you could have chosen. She probably just wasn't impressed. So it didn't go well. That's the ropes. There's plenty more. And I'm still scratching my head at why you would want to date a 20 year old? Is she a college student? Is she on her own? Ten years isn't a big age difference, but in this case it might as well be the whole world.

  • Like 2
Posted

Oh and before I continue, she had been working literally a 12 hour day so she was exhausted, she explained she couldn't stay out long. Which I was totally fine with. So I decide to take her to a outside movie thing. However, I hadn't been there in a while and forgot how long it would take us to walk there from the car. OMG it takes us forever (feels like 30 minutes to walk). At this point she is a bit upset.

 

This is such a poor date choice, when she has worked a long day and is exhausted, but I guess you know that. But your choice shows really poor planning on your part. Not a good way to impress a girl.

 

We can't get drinks because it's cash only.

 

I'm really confused by this. You went on a date and didn't bring any cash? None at all? I'll be honest -- I would think you were a total bozo. Couple this with your date choice of walking forever to watch a movie outside when she was exhausted and you are batting 0 for 2.

 

I guess my question is to Women is, if you had a bad second date with a guy that you had really great chemistry with and you KNOW is right for you.

 

What makes you think she knows you are right for her? I'd argue that she doesn't know that at all. You only went on one date.

 

Would you have given him another shot after thinking about him for a couple of weeks. I mean, we were just so right for each other. We had great phone conversations and of course our great first date. Any ideas?

 

I think you are done. Your date sounded lame, poorly planned, and boring. I can't see wanting to go on another date.

 

Sorry. :(

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted

My gift to her was Chocolates and something for her cat. Nothing big.

 

Yes she is 10 years younger than me, but she works full-time and she is quite mature for her age.

 

Yes, it was a stupid date idea but the idea sounded good at the time (everyone told me it was a good pretty idea - including some of my friends who are girls).

 

So just move on then? I would of liked to hear more from some Women but I understand that she's probably turned off to the point where she is simply not interested anymore.

  • Author
Posted
I'm really confused by this. You went on a date and didn't bring any cash? None at all? I'll be honest -- I would think you were a total bozo. Couple this with your date choice of walking forever to watch a movie outside when she was exhausted and you are batting 0 for 2.

 

In the country I live in we use cards to pay for things. It's there 99% of the time, in fact we have wireless card services for outdoor events, this one just didn't happen to have it. Not my fault, just an unfortante event.

 

What makes you think she knows you are right for her? I'd argue that she doesn't know that at all. You only went on one date.

 

She does know a lot about me. We have been really open with each other for a while. Our first date was 4 hours long. In fact she told me things that were *taboo* on the first date. eg, ex boyfriends, embarrassing things etc. I was the one who kept it cool and didn't talk about anything weird. She was so comfortable with me that she didn't hide anything.

 

The second date was weird and short. Yes it probably left a bad taste in her mouth but are those feelings from the first date going to be completely forgotten?

Posted
*sigh*...haha - why does this happen to me.

 

I met this girl who I think is incredible. I'm the one who posted about the "whether I should I should send valentine day flowers" about a week ago. So a bit of background. Met this girl through mutual client (She's 20 I'm 30).

 

This girl initially chased after me, she kept telling the client how she wanted to have a drink with me after I had just been passing through every now and then. So when I did finally meet up with her in the presence of our friend's party one day and asked her out she was stunned! Of course she wanted to. So...a week later we went on our first date.

 

It was...probably the most amazing time I've ever had on a date. This girl was stunning, and she was by my side. We just gelled together so well, the conversation was fun and deep and I was really smitten with her. She is really caring and sensitive, smart and has an awesome personality. Everyone kept looking at us. A few girls even told us they thought we looked like a couple - then we explained we were on a first date. Anyways, eventually we kissed in the bar but it was pretty magical I have to say...hah hah. We started making plans for the next few days and she was soooo open with me about everything. I dropped her home and of course I wasn't going to try have sex with this girl because I want a relationship. She sends me a text afterwards telling me what a great time she had etc.

 

Right so, a few days go past and I ask her out for the second date, which she seems totally excited about.

 

So...it's valentines day. I pick her up from her house. We exchange gifts. She did me a sketch which was amazingly detailed. We exchange niceties and then proceed to leave. Conversation in the car is a bit stiff. I put on some comedy tapes I have but she didn't seem very interested.

 

Oh and before I continue, she had been working literally a 12 hour day so she was exhausted, she explained she couldn't stay out long. Which I was totally fine with.

So I decide to take her to a outside movie thing. However, I hadn't been there in a while and forgot how long it would take us to walk there from the car. OMG it takes us forever (feels like 30 minutes to walk). At this point she is a bit upset. We can't get drinks because it's cash only. Our conversation is getting really boring and I've stopped making jokes because I can tell she's not feeling it. She then tells me she wants to go home *ouch* I totally understood though. So we proceed to walk *Back* to my car.

 

I eventually get her home but she is completely distant. Not really talking and I have made barely any conversation on the way back because she just doesn't seem interested, although I have definitely been trying my best to keep things from being boring. She did apologize and say "Sorry for not talking much" and I say "That's totally cool". No goodnight kiss or hug. She literally looks like one of those girls who is just "waiting for the hell to get out of here". She said she'd text if she felt better tomorrow.

 

Well...I drive home thinking (there is no way in hell she is texting me after that date). I get home and go to sleep.

The next morning I go on facebook....and low and behold....she's blocked me. Huhhhhh? I was sooooo upset about this. Now...I know the second date wasn't great but when you essentially block someone you are saying "Stay away from me". :eek:

 

Some things to note before we go on

 

*the date only lasted 2 hours

*She mentions she doesn't like PDA, from that point on I didn't touch her much in public. In the car we held hands a little bit (back and forth) but I didn't try to kiss her or do anything super uncomfortable.

*I did mention some things I saw on her facebook that I liked, she laughed at some but I think she felt like I was potentially intruding.

*The conversation was at times...super awkawd. To the point of me even asking about her parents (who are divorced).

*I did feel like I was trying to impress this girl a little too much. Agreeing a little bit more than I usually do, trying to feel a bit more *in* with her "Crowd* because I am 10 years older. I feel...really stupid about that.

 

 

Now...this girl is a bit sensitive. She's been through a lot of things. I really can't blame her for feeling like she can't "trust" me but I also think she may have been just in the wrong state of mind for the night. Regardless I won't lie to myself if I don't hear back from her.

 

I did send her a text on the Sunday apologizing for the date and saying sorry for potentially intruding in her private life (if that's what she felt) without asking for forgiveness.

 

I am...well...obviously realistic about what probably won't happen. I am just so annoyed at myself for screwing this up. Had we gone to a low-key restaurant or coffee place it would of been FINE....seriously I wouldn't of been so nervous and awkward and she would of been fine as well.

 

So it's now Wednesday and I haven't texted her since Sunday...and of course haven't heard from her. I know I have probably...very little chance but I'm wondering if she might come around eventually. I am a really genuine guy, I'm the type of guy this girl needs in her life. Every other guy will just treat her like crap I just know it. Had I handled her with more sensitively I think everything would have been fine.

 

I guess my question is to Women is, if you had a bad second date with a guy that you had really great chemistry with and you KNOW is right for you. Would you have given him another shot after thinking about him for a couple of weeks. I mean, we were just so right for each other. We had great phone conversations and of course our great first date. Any ideas?

 

 

She's right for you only in your eyes my friend not hers unfortunately and you're going to have to accept that here. Women at that age are the most fickle you'll ever find around and for a 30 year old male I would've gone for a woman at least 25 or better because I think there's a fine line.

 

 

And oh by the way you didn't really do anything wrong except that you were trying too hard I think and this never works with the younger crowd which is why I stick to women in my age bracket. They get you better.

  • Like 1
Posted
Women at that age are the most fickle you'll ever find around and for a 30 year old male I would've gone for a woman at least 25 or better because I think there's a fine line.

 

True....If I was 30 again (funny I look it now in my 40s), there is no way in h3ll that I'll go that low...heck I have never dated anyone younger than me. I mean a 10yr age gap...what were you hoping to have in common with this person that barely just got out of diapers?

she wants a older dominate guy to sleep with her because what she has on the side or at home isnt exciting enough

 

She also wants to show off to her friends that she is "dating an older guy"...never understood that one with females :confused:

Posted

She may have been disappointed in your gift choice. I remember your other post about this chick and she has been giving you the cold shoulder since the first date. Remember?

  • Author
Posted

No, she really liked my gift. She loves her cat and she was really happy about it.

 

My initial reaction was that she was not interested in me. However, she was really happy when I called her after the second date. Everything has been 100% fine up until this second date.

 

Okay thanks everyone. I am going to give up on this. Obviously there is nothing I can do.

 

Regards

Posted

I suspect her change of heart came from something more than just a date that didn't work out well. What it was, who knows. Maybe nothing to do with you at all. It's too bad, but I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. I know if I really liked a guy after our first date, nothing you mentioned happening would mess things up for me. The second time I met up with my ex (it wasn't expressly a 'date' but it basically was) it was super lame, his cute-sounding idea ended up not working at all, it was raining, both of us were too shy to suggest anything else more interesting to do than just take a walk (even though my feet were soaked), he was stressed and tired, AND it was my birthday and I'd taken a three-hour train ride to be there. I was still really happy to get to spend time with him. I personally feel if someone really needs to be 'impressed' so badly that they can't laugh at silly mistakes, they aren't going to be a great relationship partner anyway.

  • Like 3
  • Author
Posted
I suspect her change of heart came from something more than just a date that didn't work out well. What it was, who knows. Maybe nothing to do with you at all. It's too bad, but I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. I know if I really liked a guy after our first date, nothing you mentioned happening would mess things up for me. The second time I met up with my ex (it wasn't expressly a 'date' but it basically was) it was super lame, his cute-sounding idea ended up not working at all, it was raining, both of us were too shy to suggest anything else more interesting to do than just take a walk (even though my feet were soaked), he was stressed and tired, AND it was my birthday and I'd taken a three-hour train ride to be there. I was still really happy to get to spend time with him. I personally feel if someone really needs to be 'impressed' so badly that they can't laugh at silly mistakes, they aren't going to be a great relationship partner anyway.

 

Thanks for that. I do feel like it's mostly my fault but I can't put all the blame on myself. I mean, she was really not in the the best of moods.

 

So what did you do after the bad second date? did you not talk to him for a while or what?

Posted
win/win situation if you're hitting it, guy can show all his married friends what they are missing

 

but OP missed the boat on that one... if he would have given her a pearl necklace instead of a box of chocolates, she would have loved it and came back for more

 

Personally...I am not into rocking the cradle, may be I have class or that je ne sais quoi? :D Give me a mature woman any day in her 40s

Posted

I disagree with a lot of what has been said in this thread - I do not understand why the blame is being put on the OP for this girl's apparent fickleness and lack of communication. She sounds childish in my opinion.

 

I find it unhealthy that dating is like this...some posts in this thread would make men feel that they must walk on eggshells and not make a single error, or they will be kicked to the curb, regardless of how much chemistry they may have had. Are people really this fickle? You really kick someone to the curb because you were tired and couldn't be bothered walking, and they mistakenly thought that they could pay using a card? How ridiculous. There is more to people than that, and honestly, this paints a very grim and shallow picture of the dating scene.

 

This girl initially pursued the OP. They had a great first date, they kissed, she was very open in terms of conversation and revealing personal history, she was very excited for following dates etc.

 

OP planned to take her to an outdoor cinema, which is fine. They both exchanged gifts. Okay she worked a 12 hour shift, he wasn't intending to take her on a 10km hike...it was a movie! So she had to walk a bit? Boo hoo. Ya this sucks when you're tired, but to block someone you clicked with so well without explanation because you were a bit fatigued on a walk? Please. And the lack of cash is hardly something to hold against someone - he had his card, and intended to pay. Most places accommodate this. I feel that it is juvenile to act like a princess and get annoyed over something so trivial - she didn't have cash either, remember.

 

OP - the conversation was strained from the start, and from what you say, you tried very hard to keep it going and she didn't play ball. Do not blame yourself for the awkwardness if she acted like this from the get go. You then put on some comedy tapes and she just sat there acting disinterested in everything, which is impolite. She then told you (rudely?) that she wanted to go home. F that. Takes two to tango, and she gave nothing by the sounds of things. Then she blocked you without explanation.

 

The only thing I can think of is that perhaps you said something that bothered her or freaked her out? If she ditched you solely because the activities of the night didn't go perfectly, then you're better off without her. If you said something that bothered her, then so be it. People blurt things out sometimes when conversation is seriously strained. Don't sweat it.

 

Forget this girl. Stop analysing your every move, wondering where you messed up. Carry on and be yourself, and things will work out fine.

  • Like 12
Posted

What does class have to do with age preference?

Posted

Don't take anyone out on V Day unless you have been exclusive for a while. Too much pressure. This woman sounds young and immature and was probably imagining an entire romantic scenario which never materialized.

 

A ten year age gap at that age is too much. If you were 40 and she was 30, not so much.

  • Like 3
Posted

I honestly don't think your date was that bad either OP. She seems hard to please. But I never date people that young I have no clue what a 20 year old would like to do for fun. I'd leave her be, if she's interested let her reach out to you.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
I disagree with a lot of what has been said in this thread - I do not understand why the blame is being put on the OP for this girl's apparent fickleness and lack of communication. She sounds childish in my opinion.

etc

 

Thank you Almond!

 

That is very nice of you to defend me like that. Yeah, I mean. I totally understand what your saying. I'm just gonna guess I said something freaked her out. But, I'll try not to blame myself for the logistical failures of the date too much.

 

I do feel this girl is very sweet and caring, and that we were very right for each other. However, I will only hold out hope for a short amount of time before I completely give up.

 

Cheers everyone.

Edited by Larry56
Posted
Thanks for that. I do feel like it's mostly my fault but I can't put all the blame on myself. I mean, she was really not in the the best of moods.

 

So what did you do after the bad second date? did you not talk to him for a while or what?

 

Not at all... I really liked him, remember! I felt pretty disappointed, especially because he was really awkward in the end (sensing my disappointment, I'm sure). One of us texted the other shortly after saying thank you for the time (I can't even remember who it was, haha), and the other returned it. I felt really worried it was all over, that he wouldn't want to continue with ME, even though nothing was my fault. I actually went out of my way to act as if it hadn't been lame at all, all positive and sweet, I suppose to reassure him in case he was having doubts over it not going so well. He had exams right at that time and then it was Christmas so we weren't super in touch (some distance involved, too), but I didn't feel any less infatuated with him than before, and it got back to where it was without any real problem, and the next time was much better and it just got better from there. (wonderful guy, even though things obviously didn't work out in the end).

 

I definitely can't speak for all women and especially not the one you are involved with... but I do feel when someone reallllly likes you, and for the right reasons, it's pretty hard to mess up. If it was me in the situation and I liked you as much as you liked me, I'd probably be annoying you with my assurances it was fine, haha. Again, not that that's the only way or even the right way.... just that all kinds of women react in different ways. It's really hard not to feel you're at fault when something that seemed so promising suddenly changes course-- I've been there too. It sucks. But I think ultimately the 'right' person isn't going to jump ship as soon as there's an obstacle or a mis-step, so ultimately it just means, however it seemed, they weren't the right person.

 

Best of luck to you!

  • Like 2
Posted

i hate to say this, but regardless of how excellent the first date was, the fact that she blocked you on facebook in the end (COMPLETELY childish move, btw, unless it's for harassment/stalking purposes) seems like the deal breaker to me. i've had a few dates myself that i thought went really well, but culminated in the guy never calling me again. i was disappointed, sure, and would routinely analyze the situation ad nauseum until i eventually realized nothing would ever materialize. so you, sir, seem a lot like me; you're holding out hope. but- and not to be too harsh here- she blocked you. she's showing her age through that act of flakiness. and that's not to say i think she's too young for you; i'm 22 and have always dated guys in their early to mid 30s myself. but even if she came around eventually, UNblocked you, and contacted you out of the blue wanting to patch things up, is that really someone you'd want to deal with? who's to say she wouldn't do it again? as almond said, you're far better off without her. i know it's tough, man, i know. but do your best to move on. a thought i'm going to pass onto you that was passed onto me from a fellow poster on this forum: it seems to be a case of you worrying more that she doesn't reciprocate, rather than a case of her being so super amazing.

 

good luck.

  • Like 1
Posted

Women expect A LOT for Valentines Day - LOTS OF ROMANCE AND ROMANTIC GESTURES.

 

Frankly, the outside movie thing was stupid. Go to an expensive Dinner - you are 30 so you should have enough money for a nice dinner.

Posted

So just move on then? I would of liked to hear more from some Women but I understand that she's probably turned off to the point where she is simply not interested anymore.

 

Well, you can try to bribe her into dating you again. Send her dozens of roses, buy her an expensive bracelet, get her concert tickets.

Posted
I disagree with a lot of what has been said in this thread - I do not understand why the blame is being put on the OP for this girl's apparent fickleness and lack of communication.

 

I agree with almond. The date wasn't the best, but if she was there to have fun and be with you, it wouldn't matter.

 

There's some reason she shut down on you, and it may or may not have something to do with you, OP.

 

You may have said or done something to put her off, or it could have been a situation with an ex, her family, or something going on inside her own head.

 

The right girl for you isn't going to block you due to a poorly planned date, especially when you already had a rapport built up.

  • Like 1
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