I've ruined things with her… i love her

[Hello YouTube]

I'm so angry at myself. I am in love with this girl… have been for months. me and her used to be mega close and she has told me things that she has never told anyone else. she used to fancy/like me last year and i let her chase me without taking action because I'm an idiot. she got a boyfriend and my life was hell for about 4 months. i realised i loved her to bits. everything about her, her appearance, her personality, the lot. i want to be with her, she's damaged from a rocky few years she's had and is fragile and vulnerable and i want to hold her in my arms at night with her knowing that she's is loved and is safe and no matter how hard life gets i love her.

 

However she recently broke up with her boyfriend. and i thought i could try and start things up with her as we remained close friends and she gave me mixed signals but when i told her how i felt she said that she chased me for months and she didn't even see me, ( yeah the most regretted thing I've ever done! ) and that she only sees me as a friend and that I'm the cutest guy she knows and she adores me but I'm trying to settle for something less than i should, i was devastated. i told her i couldn't be friends with her anymore because id be always wanting more, and we didn't say a word to each other until friday where she text me saying ' she misses me immensely' so my heart strings were pulled. i ended up leaving her a voicemail telling her how much i loved her and she said she'd ' had a think about it and will call me the next day'.

next day came and no phone call, i got upset ( this was today ) and ended up having a MASSIVE argument with her ending up in her saying she will not say a word to me ever again so none of us will get hurt. it contained a lot of my feelings towards her and how I've been there when she cries in the middle of the night, when boys hang her out to dry and ditch her, when every things getting too much for her she texts me and i tell her everything is going to be ok. I'm always there for her and she used to like me as we used to fantasise about being with each other and how much we wanted to snuggle at night and be together.

 

from what she said she was talking to this other guy who will only treat her like **** and use her for one thing. i know this because i know the guy quite well and i ended up saying to her after she said he was ignoring her ;

 

want to really know why Ryan's ignoring you? because he wants you for one thing and one thing only and you haven't given it up to him yet and now he's getting less and less interested... feel free to disagree but I'm a guy so i know what some guys think, I'm deleting this number now i think because I'm so angry, upset, confused, i thought you were different to every other girl, your not a ****, your not a *****, you were actually my best friend and then feelings caught up and after months of playing and playing with them you just got bored and shattered my heart... , you've used me as emotional support, ego booster in other words and I'm not going to be that anymore, i wanted a normal relationship with the girl I've come to adore no more no less and I'm not going to settle for being ' just friends ' and listening to all the guys playing you and taking advantage of you. your fragile and soft, something that shouldn't be thrown around

it didn't go down well and the last message i put was this;

 

i know you know when you cry at night and need somebody to talk to that all you'd have to do is put a ' ' to my phone, whatever the time and you'll get a reply in at least 1 minute, thats because my phone is always next to me waiting for your name to pop up on the screen, its been a habit since i fell for you and thought you liked me and ill probably carry on doing it... i don't care if your phone is off now, if you feel like ever, later tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, or even later down the line actually talking to me like a genuine person you care about again, all you have to do is call or text. because i know what me and you felt for each other last year is not lost forever and ill continue to believe that until i can't bear to any longer. i want to snuggle up to you at night and let you fall asleep in my arms knowing that your loved, your safe and valued and knowing that no matter how hard life gets, ill always make room for you. that is my LAST MESSAGE until i get a reply, which could be never

I've just ruined everything i had with this girl. i love her so much ): and its all gone… she said I've treated her like a princess etc. but i feel like such i bad person now ): she has texted me in the middle of the night with a ' ' with no ambition of a conversation. just saying that she's sad. we both said sorry and we'd talk about it soon. but she once again came back to me

 

the bits in bold are the text messages, i just wanted a second chance at being with her… after messing up and not making a move last summer...

[ITw]

I'm so angry at myself. I am in love with this girl… have been for months. me and her used to be mega close and she has told me things that she has never told anyone else. she used to fancy/like me last year and i let her chase me without taking action because I'm an idiot. she got a boyfriend and my life was hell for about 4 months. i realised i loved her to bits. everything about her, her appearance, her personality, the lot. i want to be with her, she's damaged from a rocky few years she's had and is fragile and vulnerable and i want to hold her in my arms at night with her knowing that she's is loved and is safe and no matter how hard life gets i love her.

 

However she recently broke up with her boyfriend. and i thought i could try and start things up with her as we remained close friends and she gave me mixed signals but when i told her how i felt she said that she chased me for months and she didn't even see me, ( yeah the most regretted thing I've ever done! ) and that she only sees me as a friend and that I'm the cutest guy she knows and she adores me but I'm trying to settle for something less than i should, i was devastated. i told her i couldn't be friends with her anymore because id be always wanting more, and we didn't say a word to each other until friday where she text me saying ' she misses me immensely' so my heart strings were pulled. i ended up leaving her a voicemail telling her how much i loved her and she said she'd ' had a think about it and will call me the next day'.

 

next day came and no phone call, i got upset ( this was today ) and ended up having a MASSIVE argument with her ending up in her saying she will not say a word to me ever again so none of us will get hurt. it contained a lot of my feelings towards her and how I've been there when she cries in the middle of the night, when boys hang her out to dry and ditch her, when every things getting too much for her she texts me and i tell her everything is going to be ok. I'm always there for her and she used to like me as we used to fantasise about being with each other and how much we wanted to snuggle at night and be together.

 

from what she said she was talking to this other guy who will only treat her like **** and use her for one thing. i know this because i know the guy quite well and i ended up saying to her after she said he was ignoring her ;

 

want to really know why Ryan's ignoring you? because he wants you for one thing and one thing only and you haven't given it up to him yet and now he's getting less and less interested... feel free to disagree but I'm a guy so i know what some guys think, I'm deleting this number now i think because I'm so angry, upset, confused, i thought you were different to every other girl, your not a ****, your not a *****, you were actually my best friend and then feelings caught up and after months of playing and playing with them you just got bored and shattered my heart... , you've used me as emotional support, ego booster in other words and I'm not going to be that anymore, i wanted a normal relationship with the girl I've come to adore no more no less and I'm not going to settle for being ' just friends ' and listening to all the guys playing you and taking advantage of you. your fragile and soft, something that shouldn't be thrown around

 

it didn't go down well and the last message i put was this;

 

i know you know when you cry at night and need somebody to talk to that all you'd have to do is put a ' ' to my phone, whatever the time and you'll get a reply in at least 1 minute, thats because my phone is always next to me waiting for your name to pop up on the screen, its been a habit since i fell for you and thought you liked me and ill probably carry on doing it... i don't care if your phone is off now, if you feel like ever, later tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, or even later down the line actually talking to me like a genuine person you care about again, all you have to do is call or text. because i know what me and you felt for each other last year is not lost forever and ill continue to believe that until i can't bear to any longer. i want to snuggle up to you at night and let you fall asleep in my arms knowing that your loved, your safe and valued and knowing that no matter how hard life gets, ill always make room for you. that is my LAST MESSAGE until i get a reply, which could be never

 

I've just ruined everything i had with this girl. i love her so much ): and its all gone… she said I've treated her like a princess etc. but i feel like such i bad person now ): she has texted me in the middle of the night with a ' ' with no ambition of a conversation. just saying that she's sad. we both said sorry and we'd talk about it soon. but she once again came back to me

 

the bits in bold are the text messages, i just wanted a second chance at being with her… after messing up and not making a move last summer...

 

Here are a few questions for you, to get more info. When she chased you last year, what made you not respond to it? Try to see it from her view. If she's fragile and vulnerable, how would she know that you are really serious about starting something with her? Did you suddenly realize you were in love with her or did you love her even when she was chasing you?

[Hello YouTube]

what made me not respond to it?

 

i was too immature, to scared, to stupid to take the relationship by the scruff of the neck and be with her. me and her went to separate schools and i kept being asked if i was seeing her, if we was together and if i liked her that way. it got to my head and i chickened out as my feelings were in early development, i only had lust for her then and it was exciting to have cute text messages and flirty conversations but when i look back on it i hate myself for it because i constantly wonder what could have been if i just woke up and realised i need her .

 

to be honest i think I've always loved her. she used to go to the same secondary school as me and we were best friends about 6 years ago. i know she liked me then and i did to but had a girlfriend at the time and she moved away… we didn't speak for two years. she had a relationship which was horrible for her and she's told me things that nobody else knows of what went on between her and this guy. not even her parents know, just me as she trusts me not to tell anyone details.

 

she knows i want a serious relationship with her after that argument. she says she doesn't feel like that to me but theres something that keeps making her come back to me. i love her to bits, and if i could go back 8 months i would do anything to change the outcome of our relationship. i know i must've hurt her by not responding to her chasing me but i couldn't be more sorry and I've said that to her… i just don't know what to do, she's my best friend as well as the girl i love.

 

we are both 16 by the way.

[Woop1337]

Once she said she only sees you as a friend, right then and there it was over. All that heartfelt messages you sent her, surely fell on deaf ears. The way I see it, she doesn't like you like "that". So why should she care about anything you say, that concerns romance? Regardless, of how heartfelt or genuine your message was.

 

Its over. Dont believe me? Ask her on a date, and watch her say, something along the lines of "didn't I tell you I only see you as a friend".

 

I say move on, it's going to be hard. But you can do it.

[Hello YouTube]

yeah i know moving on is the best way, but something inside me won't let go. she used to like me like that, it was only till about late august september when i noticed a change in her behaviour. she says she adores me and I'm the cutest etc. and she has read the messages over and over. i want to move on but i want to be with her more. i want to be there for her and protect her, and treat her better than anyone has ever treated her because i just think she's perfect…

 

it would make it easier if she didn't keep texting me though, in the middle of the night sometimes because thats when she gets upset and cries… I'm always her first port of call, and i just want to hold her and calm her down and let her sleep next to me…

[CelticGibson]

"I'm always her first port of call"

 

That translates into "I'm her bestest boy "girlfriend" who she feels able to tell me things she could NEVER say to someone she's interested in that way".

 

Look at this way. You only get one shot with a girl, maybe two if you are lucky but usually it's only one shot. Sometimes it's nothing you do that might cause her to lose interest. It just happens. We no more have control of who we get all hot under the collar for than we have at manipulating the same response in others. It's the luck of the draw. Right now you are suffering from "notgettingtherelationshipIdeserveitis" and it's a pain in the backside. She gets all the benefits of relationshippy things with you without having to commit to anything the actually resembles a relationship. My advice? Cut the ties until you can look at her the same way she looks at you.... Simply as a friend and nothing more...

[bubbaganoosh]

. we are both 16 by the way.

 

First of all, you want to be the good guy with the white horse riding in to town to rescue the girl tied to the railroad track by Oil Can Harry.

 

Your sixteen years old and everyone offering you their advice here is past sixteen including me. That was 50 years ago. You can't be that guy.

 

I'm not trying to crush you but your a kid and you fail to see that before you can help her, she has to help herself. This girl has a ton of problems and most of them you can't do anything about.

 

If you want to be her friend, then fine but you said you want to hold her at night. Think about that for a minuet. Sooner or later you have to go home, go to school and a ton of other stuff.

 

When your 16, like everybody else, your social and romantic life is like a revolving door. Don't believe me? Come back in say 5 or 6 years and tell me that I was wrong. You wont be able to because you'll know it's true.

 

Look. Be her friend if you want but you can't solve all her problems. It takes a lot more then a hug and a kiss. Your way too young to be taking on her problems. Trust me, you'll be biting off more than you could chew. Good luck friend and be careful.

[Hello YouTube]

hey thank you for all of the responses because i do appreciate the advice, i just wish i could travel back in time and fix my mistakes…

 

i don't want to walk out of her life because she needs somebody there to comfort her after a all she's been through. its mainly the regret of not being with her when i had the chance that kills me. thinking about her with other guys who just want her for one thing, mistreating her and not appreciating her. its heartbreaking sometimes.

 

if i have to make a decision soon i'm probably going to go down the route of being her friend. i know it will hurt, but i honestly care to much for this girl to leave her on her own. she doesn't have many friends so thats probably one of the resins she sticks with me… and i also feel that bringing up her past in that stupid argument was a mistake because it now feels like i betrayed her trust. some stuff i said she didn't want to be reminded of and i wish i didn't say it.

 

again thank you for the responses, any more are welcome and ill take the advice on board.

[ITw]

Yes continue being a good friend to her. She may feel doubt about any romantic feelings you expressed because of your previous rejection. If it's meant to be, perhaps more than friends can develop later. Just live your life for now.

[d0nnivain]

On some level when she liked you but you didn't see here that way, she felt rejected by you but she was willing to settle for being just friends. Now she has you firmly in the friend zone -- you are her go to guy where she has a confident & gets her ego stroked.

 

 

You didn't really start to see her as GF material until she got a BF. At that point once another guy wanted her, she became much more attractive to you.

 

 

It's a common issue when you are younger.

 

 

For now, put some distance in your relationship. Don't be at her beck & call. Develop other relationships, friends & interests.

 

 

When her current romance fizzles, do NOT be the boy on whose shoulder she cries or she will never see you as a man. Instead, hang back & after she heals, if you aren't otherwise occupied, then you can ask her out.