luvlost88 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 So I just have a question here to all of you that have been a dumper at some point or another. Say you dumped your dumpee for reasons not including cheating, dishonesty or physical abuse, but just lots of pointless arguments and little things that built up over time due to them being stressed or whatever. Now if you ran into them many months/years later and neither one of you were seeing anyone else and you could tell that the time apart has helped them to become a better person and that they really have changed and still are in love with you. Would you give the relationship another shot? Of course, this is assuming that the relationship had just as many good times as bad. Are any of you willing to give things a second chance or do you believe once its over the first time its over forever no matter what?
TxJD79 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I do because I've seen it with friends and family members. But I have to be honest and say it is the exception, not the norm. I am a dumpee so I can't answer the rest of your questions except to say, I don't think there's an "always" or "never" when it comes to this stuff. Just my 2 cents.
Gemini x Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I believe in a second chance. My reason is because sometimes in a relationship, we lose ourselves, and get wrapped up in all the trivial $h!t that shouldn't matter. Instead of focusing on the actual relationship, we fight and argue over something as stupid as not putting the toilet seat down, or who's to refill the toilet paper roll. We get comfortable, take for granted and assume our partner will keep taking it. Once you're out of that relationship you start getting back to your old self and see where things went wrong. You start looking at the relationship as an outsider. Suddenly, those things that were once life or death no longer mean a damn thing. If two people were really in love with each other and just got too comfortable and lazy, then I don't see any reason they can't try a second time. This time they know what the limits are and what boundaries are not to be crossed. It was this lazy, too comfortable, petty bull$h!t, that my ex left me. We both had our moments but I guess his patience ran out before mine did. 1
MissTrudy Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Yes. In a heart beat. I believe that we are constantly developing, that no one is perfect, and if there was a deep bond there in the first place, and the relationship was good while it lasted (no cheating, abuse, or major arguments), then why wouldn't I want to love that person again, if we have both changed for the better and were single? I dumped a guy and I am going to pursue a second chance because not only do I believe in second chances, but I believe in HIM. I believe in US. Things will be different this time if it happens, but I think it will be a better relationship because of the insight from the previous relationship we had together. You always learn something about yourself from exes, and if you re-date an ex, you have learnt something about yourself and your partner. Maybe it won't happen, there is always a chance that he won't want to be with me again, but I am willing to take that risk and have the second chance fail. That way I can't say I gave up on things I believe in without trying. But I can't pursue a second chance right now because I am afraid of the fear of failure, I want to reach a point where if I fail I can get back up again and not be bothered by the bruises.
newmoon Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 nope, no second chances ever. I was with whomever for a period of time in my life, they filled that space and need, and if I were to meet them again I'd sincerely hope that my mind and heart would have moved far beyond them. it's so very rare for things to end amicably anyway, so I wouldn't want to be with someone again knowing their faults. over, done, don't live in the past.
TraciKp Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Second chances can work. You can't go back and do the something that caused the relationship to go bad. Something has to change.
No Limit Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I can't. It's just that my mind is like a camera, I remember a lot of things and there are a few things and experiences I never forget at all. Even if it did not include cheating or abuse, there'd always be this little voice in my head telling me to escape, and me over-analysing everything the other person does and how it might compare to bad habits he had in our previous relationship. And to be honest, I wouldn't even want to. There is quite a list of habits people never change at all, and not all develope for the better...
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