bobby326 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Hey everyone, me posting in here is a big step lol, all my other threads were getting over my long term relationship, a lot has happened the past few months and I pretty much feel like my old self, anyway onto my question. So I went on a first date last Thursday, very random, hate to admit it but we met on tinder, I was not expecting anything and actually dreaded going, it turned out to be an amazing date, I actually felt that "sparks" "chemistry" feeling with this woman. I've been on a lot of dates since my ex, probably like 13 and all of them I was never interested, this time it was different. We just had a few drinks, talked for over 3 hours and I walked her to her car and gave her a hug and we parted ways. It seemed like she was into me but I guess I don't know for sure, she texted me about 15 mins after the date to tell me that she had a lot of fun and thanks with a smiley face, I told her we should get together again and she said definitely. Fast forward to today, I asked her out to dinner "via text" yesterday (5 days after the date), she said she had plans on the day I proposed but then she asked if I was free Thursday, I'm not and said that would be fine, I sent her a few messages about my weekend and asked her about hers joking around, her texts were relatively short and did not lead into more conversation. I just let the text conversation die after she responded with a comment that could end it. My questions are as follows, should I text/call her before the date or just ask her on the day of the second date about the details of meeting up? Should I kiss her at the end of the night? Should I setup another date on the date for the weekend, she mentioned she liked to shoot so I was thinking of going to a gun range? At the beginning of dating where I know we are getting to know each other is it bad to call her randomly to chat or text frequently? We have only known each other less than a week so I felt it was inappropriate to call and put her on the spot like that. Any other tips? Anyways, thanks a lot guys, this stuff is all fairly new to me and this is the first promising date I've been on, I'm trying to walk the fine line of acting like I don't care but acting like I care enough. If it at all matters, I'm 26, she is 27, were both independent etc. Thanks!
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Wow - congratulations. I'm in a very similar situation right now and it's funny how you can answer for others - but you can't answer for yourself. Keep in mind I'm 41 - but I think the rules are generally the same. She's definitely interested - very eagerly, it sounds. So your confidence should go up and you should allow things to happen naturally. As I've said, I'm in a similar situation. I asked her for a second date immiedately after the first. We set the day and then I kept texts to a minimum (don't obsess on her. It's not about playing games - it's about freaking her out). But a text a day is fine and a few days out - I think you should send her your plan..ask if that works or if she has a better one. She sounds pretty forward and I think would be very receptive to your questions. I wouldn't worry about the conversation dying out via text (even though I worry about the same thing. lol). Folks get busy and you are still getting to know each other. She may not want to sign over eager signals either. You are better than me - I never can find that 'pause' in the text to end it. If you want to talk with her - do it. Text her and ask if she's got time to chat. Make an excuse like after setting up the date plan - ask if she has a few minutes to chat and work out logisitics. If she's into you, and it sounds like she is - she'll agree to chat at some point. I would be cautious about too many texts or conversations a) you don't want her to think you are desperate (and I don't mean that in a bad way) b) save some mystery for the date - so you have things to talk about. But, all these rules are made to be broken by the ultimate rule - do what feels natural and right. The best piece of advice I have, and one that folks here have helped me with too - don't live with regrets. I've learned I'd rather be rejected and shown my cards than play it safe and never know or lose the opportunity. Easier said than done. The fine line becomes not chasing her off if she's interested by coming on too strong. But the flip side is, I think a woman likes being liked. Just don't be creepy about it. As for the kissing - isn't that the question. I got great advice today, which was don't wait for the end of the date. If you see and opening (and it feels right and natural) do it. That end of date with the expectations can really put stress on the whole second half of a date. But the key is 'natural'. She likes you - if it doesn't feel right it might be her taking it slow. I think we've all been on dates where some like to kiss right away..some don't..and some in between. It is like jumping in the pool though - you are going to have to go for it at some point if she doesn't give you a clear clue. You can always play it safe - give her a hug, tell her how much you enjoyed the evenign and you want to see her again. I'm quite sure that, if you make it to that third date, you can take some liberties with 'going' for the kiss with little risk. Good luck - one last piece of advice. You want to be with someone who wants to be with you. So, be yourself - do you what YOU feel is comfortable. If you guys are a match...it should work.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 As for the kissing - isn't that the question. I got great advice today, which was don't wait for the end of the date. If you see and opening (and it feels right and natural) do it. That end of date with the expectations can really put stress on the whole second half of a date. But the key is 'natural'. She likes you - if it doesn't feel right it might be her taking it slow. I think we've all been on dates where some like to kiss right away..some don't..and some in between. Going in for a kiss in the middle of a date can be sketchy. A lot of women aren't comfortable kissing in public, especially a first kiss. There is a ton that can go wrong here that has nothing to do with her wanting to kiss you. You really need to be pro at reading the girl, kiss cues, and building attraction. Sounds like the OP is flailing around as is so I wouldn't feel comfortable setting him up for failure like that. But I do agree that there is a way to kill that first kiss pressure. And it all has to do with seduction and body language. If its a dinner date share some food with her and allow her to do the same with you. The same can be done with drinks. Using the same silverware or glass helps build comfort for both of you. Its not a kiss but you get the idea... Next make sure your sending lots of attraction signals. Have quiet moments in the conversation where you look into her eyes then mouth then back to eyes. Maybe lick or bite your bottom lip just a little. Holding hands while this unspoken thing is going on is powerful. A table is great for this. Put your hand on hers and caress it softly then place her hand on yours and allow her to return the favor. By now she should be fixing her hair, putting on lip gloss, subtly licking or biting her lips. And your in there my man. Hold your ground. Generally, at that point I will wave her in close but not kiss her. Instead, I will whisper in her ear something like, "I want to kiss you so bad right now we need to get to move this party soon". Then smile sit back and shut up. Like Mr Miyagi said in the Karate Kid, "If done right no can defense". You may end up getting a whole lot more then a kiss that night. Good luck hope this helps you...
Author bobby326 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Wow, great advice, since the date is only 2 days away I think it's probably best to just wait till the day of the date and text her about what time to pick her up, get her address etc. I will defintely call her/text her more if the second date goes well and she agrees to a third. My confidence was a little hurt when I tried to joke around and text a conversation after asking her on the second date and she seemed kind of dull or short answers and not excited but I guess they are texts and don't show a lot of emotion and the fact that she agreed to go out with me again should mean she is at least interested in me. I doubt I will have the opportunity to kiss her before the end of the date just because we are going to have dinner and I don't think leaning across the table will be appropriate lol. I'll keep a look out for other opportunities though. But yeah I am def aware that there is a fine line in being to eager or coming on too strong, I guess I should feel confident that I got this far, thanks again! Also if anyone else has anything to add please let me know, it feels good to feel something for someone but I don't want to get ahead of myself and set myself up for dissapointment if she ends up not being interested.
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Don't let your ego take a hit. She said she wanted to go on another date. She also problem solved for another date when your initial day didn't work. Many would just simply wait for you to suggest something. This tells me she is excited about seeing you again. I think the truth with the kissing is there is no one right answer. Every woman is different. The women on this forum have different ideas of what's appropriate. In fact, every woman is different in every way. Lee is right - you need to be a pro reading signals. But that's tough. He is right though - look for signals. Sharing food, drinks with same straws/utensils is a good sign. I do think some of the other suggestions are personality driven too. Part of the idea should be to get closer to her, in a non-creepy way. Some can lean over the table, sit next too her, etc. As for contacting her - my personal opinion is do it the evening before. For many reasons. The most logical is if she's tied up during the day, you could be waiting until the date to work things out. She also would appreciate a confirmation (esp. if you haven't been texting) that you are still 'on'. But the 'fun' reason is it gives you an opportunity to text/chat a bit more and get to know each other a bit. As for getting ahead of yourself. Just f'ing go with it. Ok - that works for me. I've realized life is short - she'll like you or not like you..either way you will wake up tomorrow. Maybe depressed for a few days, but you'll get over it. It's fun to think ahead..i'm not saying marriage..but where things might lead or what you might want to do with her next. The key is not to give off too much of that vibe. Trust me, a woman who is very interested in a guy is probably doing the same (right ladies? Or am I wrong).
Author bobby326 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Thanks guys, this site is freaking awesome, no joke. I actually read back through our first conversations before we even met and I really think that is pretty much the way she texts lol so I'm sure I'm good. I know that I need to assume that she is dating other people as well, I also need to keep my options open and be free. It's funny that I am here asking for dating advice when I have had several serious relationships and have been with a decent amount of women, the problem is I was 22 when I started dating my ex and meeting/hanging out with women in College is completely different than this adult style of dating, I'm slowly learning and getting more comfortable. I guess I am just excited because she was the first date that really caught my attention and made me feel crazy afterwards. I know I need to realize that I am just as desirable as her and be confident in myself, that is something that I have been working on and feel that I am getting better at. Worst case, it doesint work out, there are so many women out there to meet and I need to just say f it like you said and go with it. I'm 26, thinking that there are no single women my age is crazy. Thanks again guys, I feel much more prepared for Thursday and will go into it with a carefree attitude.
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