mandym Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 First thing, I'm not sure if this is the right topic to post under... Oh well. So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We get along great (most of the time.) We have a lot in common even though he's 5 years older than me. last week we went to visit one of his life long friends all the way in Idaho- we're from GA. He has always wanted to move there and he had the opportunity last October but didn't go. While we were out there he had a job interview where his friend works.. I knew about it but just brushed it off as "oh yeah right" well he got the job. The guy told him to start march 10. That gave him a total of 3 weeks to quit his job, pack his life up, and move there. I was devastated. It literally broke me when he told me he got the job. Idk why I felt like that. I guess it just made it real. We've talked about moving there before - just for a little while. I always said no more than a year and a half. So he wants me to move with him. Besides my family and friends, I have nothing holding me back. I work two part time dead end jobs. Nothing special. BUT I can't move until middle of May. My sister is getting married end of April and I just have so much going on. He knows that. I'm stuck. He's going to ask for an extension on the start date, but who knows what the man will say. I don't really want to go to idaho. Not right this moment. It was pretty but didn't really appeal to me. I do not want to lose him, but we both agreed that a long distance relationship was not for us. I'm broken. I don't want him to go, but I know he is going to. He can make a lot of money in that year and a half, so he can move back here and start his own company. I'm freaking out a little. I don't want to move out there after he goes. By myself. I don't want to move there and be lonely when he's working. I may be overreacting a little but I do not know what to do. He cried with me when I first found out. But now he's tired of me being upset, I don't blame him, it's annoying.. I just need some advice, because I'm feeling a little crazy and I'm not thinking straight.
Philosoraptor Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Well the thing you need to figure out is what you want. Is leaving the life, friends, and family you have here worth it to stay with him? How confident are you in your relationship lasting as it hasn't even been a year yet? Personally, in your shoes, I would not pick up my life and leave for a time period that exceeds the length of our relationship. I wouldn't move somewhere I wouldn't feel comfortable living forever... as life and plans change... and it can quickly go from a short trip to save money for a business to a permanent stay.
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 That's tough - a heart is a tough thing not to follow. I think a lot of it depends on how close you are to your family and friends. You also need to look deep into yourself and see if he's the one you really will end up spending your life with. First, the fact he is willing to try to extend the date so you can move with him, shows he does care about you. That's not always a given. But you are right, it will be a lonely start out there and this will be your home - don't expect you will be moving back anytime soon. I have come to this belief - you'd be willing to move anywhere with the right person. If you have reservations about it, there are some doubts about the relationship. I don't know if this is really a great philosophy - but one I've developed over many years of relationships. My gut is telling me you shouldn't go. Resentment can ruin the relationship. You can also try it and move back. If you really have nothing to lose going out there -do you have anything to lose coming back? 1
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Think of it this way your only ever a couple hour plane trip from going back to Georgia. No dead end jobs in Idaho? It sounds like a great opportunity for him. If you love him you should go and support him and start building a life that doesn't include dead end jobs and the safety of familiarity. This guy sounds like a winner to me. He seems ambitious and considerate to your circumstances. I will leave you with a small quote from one of my favorite poems. Our greatest fear by Marianne Williamson... It has inspired me to take on some really big things in my life. If you like it look up the whole thing I think it will help you in this spot. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" 1
FitChick Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 It will only be two months apart. That is nothing. Besides, it will give him a chance to get settled, find a place and prepare everything for your arrival. Go for it! 1
Author mandym Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) I'm pretty close to my mom & sister. Most of the friends I have here, are our(mine and his) mutual friends. The boss man told him he couldn't guarantee him a job if he went up any later, so he will be leaving March 6th.... not happy about that. My family is really supporting me, asking me why I wouldn't just try it out. If worse comes to worse, I can always move back. I do love him, he's probably the most considerate person I've ever met. He is very ambitious & a very hard worker. I am feeling a little selfish because it is a wonderful opportunity for him. But it's definitely the hardest decision I've ever had to contemplate. Edited February 20, 2014 by mandym
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'm pretty close to my mom & sister. Most of the friends I have here, are our(mine and his) mutual friends. The boss man told him he couldn't guarantee him a job if he went up any later, so he will be leaving March 6th.... not happy about that. My family is really supporting me, asking me why I wouldn't just try it out. If worse comes to worse, I can always move back. I do love him, he's probably the most considerate person I've ever met. He is very ambitious & a very hard worker. I am feeling a little selfish because it is a wonderful opportunity for him. But it's definitely the hardest decision I've ever had to contemplate. Sounds like you know what you need to do. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take...
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