BUBS Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I am much better off than I used to be when my fiance left me in October of 2012. Those of you have followed my posts already know this. I've even been in a relationship with someone else for almost 6 months now. On the outside I am doing much better, I get what I need to do done, I fill most of my free time with my boyfriend so I dont let my mind wander too much, but it still stings, sometimes more than I think it should. In ways I wanted to come to the forum today not to vent about how much I love and miss him, which I do... but more to see what others opinions are on the whole self esteem issue that comes with it. I have noticed that I get really down on myself a lot more since the break up. I feel as if I am not doing enough or good enough. I compare myself constantly with who he is dating now, and how I think he looks at me versus her. I've mentioned in previous posts that my ex fiance is 25 about to be 26, I am 25 as well... and his new girlfriend is 40, with a 10 year old daughter. She is established, extremley cultured having lived in tons of countries. Shes artistic and runs companies making jewlrey and selling art work. When I discuss it with my friends or mention it they always laugh about what an idiot and odd choice or decision he made in leaving me to get involved with a woman 15 years older than him, but for me it makes me feel worse, like that he was so desperate for a real woman, that maturity that hes breathing a sigh of relief and looks at me like a child as well. I know its all irrelevant how he looks at me, or why or anything. But I just don't know why it bothers me so much. I just was hoping to get some advice on how to get back some of my self esteem. Thanks guys.
STM206 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Have you thought about trying counseling and CBT? I'm going to be starting this week and hoping it'll give me some better insight into how I need to value myself more. So you're with a new boyfriend but not over the last one? If so, to be honest before things get too deep, I would figure out if you're possibly going to end up hurting him the way you were hurt. You know how the pain feels so it might be best to think if you're "using" him or really see a future with this guy.
LadyM Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 My ex left me the exact time as yours did. Not that I wish you should still be harboring feelings for your ex, but it is consoling to me, in a way, that a few others still feel the sting after such a long time. I also feel my ex left me for someone who had so much more to offer. I often think had he had left me for a simpler girl, maybe this wouldn't still leave me feeling so inferior. I really understand how your self-esteem has suffered because mine has too and I don't know how to get it back. Part of me is hopeful that he and his current girl will eventually break-up because I think that could possibly help me recover. I just don't want him to be with her. I think that sometimes, a person comes along who affects us in such an irrational way that we have a very hard time shaking them off. I am hopeful that the more time that passes, the less we will compare ourselves to their new loves and our self-esteem will slowly re-emerge. I am currently reading a book called "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" by Howard Halpern. I've only read about six chapters, but I already feel it has started to help to at least understand why I'm still thinking about him. In fact, the day after I read those six chapters was one of the best days I've had in a long time. Congratulations on your new boyfriend and I hope that the stronger the two of you become, the less you'll be thinking about your ex.
StGeorge22 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Hi guys. I'm in a similar boat. My ex moved states after 12 months of us going back and forwards trying to work it out, only for me to find out that a guy she saw for a month when we first split lives in that state now too. She denies that she will see him beyond friendship, but I have a hard time believing that. I know where you are coming from, I have my ex so much support when she had mental health issues (including a lot of money) even when her family wouldn't support her. But it wasn't enough for her apparently and now I can't shake this feeling that she sees this guy as a better option even after everything I did for her. Regardless, it's great that you have a new relationship and I hope I'll be able to let someone in some day too
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