Guinevere04 Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 I don't understand. I am seeing someone that is great. He is just the sweetest thing to me and I appreciate him so much. We have been together about 3 months but known each other about 6. I am going through a divorce that is mentally draining and I try very hard to not let that weasle it's way into our relationship or our conversations, but sometimes it's just hard. We get along like to angels, laughing, joking. Even though I have been married, I have never had someone be this sweet to me before or pay this much attn to me. But then all of a sudden, he will start asking me what's wrong, if I stop smiling for 2 seconds. I know he just cares about me and wants to know whats on my mind and I really usually don't have anything wrong when he asks and it turns into this huge silent treatment, it's crazy. But then I must admit, sometimes he will be absolutely fine and then it looks like someone turned the lightbulb off and he is just not the same person. Then he says I drive him nuts asking him whats wrong. So Monday was my birthday and he sent me 31 gorgeous roses since I was 31. I do not take Bdays well, never have but I was looking forward to this one since I was going to be with him and not husband of 6 years. So I called to thank him for them and told him that I couldn't wait to see him. When I saw him that night, he had that look again, like he couldn't care if it was my bday or a funeral. It really hurt my feelings since I was looking so forward to seeing him. Then for the rest of the night we were both quiet. I know that he cares about me. He knows that I care about him, but sometimes these little lack of communication mishaps are so nerve racking. They seem to be getting worse instead of better and I just need some advice to guide us back in the right direction. I know that I it is a difficult time to be having a relationship, since I am not completely divorced yet and I wasn't looking for just anyone to have a relationship with, I just happened to meet him and he was so great. I just don't want this to end.
Merin Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 1) Nothing is Perfect 2) See above You know honestly.. why don't you tell him this is tripping you up? Tell him in a nutshell what you've said here.. You like him, You appreciate him, You're open to him.. With the last thing said.. BE OPEN to HIM and tell him whats up... ask him to be upfront and open to that with you. Good Luck
iceisles Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Originally posted by Merin 1) Nothing is Perfect 2) See above Ditto that. Perfection is merely an illusion we create in our minds. The minute you think something is perfect, it probably isn't. I agree with being open - a good channel of communication can solve most problems.
Author Guinevere04 Posted January 19, 2005 Author Posted January 19, 2005 So what do I say when I feel like something is wrong with him (ie:quiet, not laughing at my jokes like usual) and I say, is everything alright and he says yes. Do I leave it alone and just keep on, hoping he will come around? Because that is where I feel like I mess up trying to drag it out of him but I care how he feels and if something is wrong, I want to know. You are exactly right, perfection is just a big let down.
iceisles Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 If you know something is wrong, you need to gently pry it out of him. Tell him that talking about it will help, and that you will not judge him in any way. Show him that you care by offering your support and your time. A lot of people will say nothing is wrong when you know there is. If you feel that you are irritating him by trying to get him to talk, back off for a little bit and then try again.
upsetnhurt Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Communication is most important here and I am sure that his actions are just a reaction to your situation with your former husband. I am not so sure how long its been since you were divorced/separated yet I am sure it goes through his mind that he is simply a rebound for you and eventually you will either go back to your husband or use him till you find someone new. This probably is not the case as you sound awfully sweet yet this is what typically happens if this in fact is a rebound situation. Be open and honest with him about what your feeling and ask him to be the same with you. You both will feel so much better afterwards! Happy belated birthday !
Author Guinevere04 Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 You are right though, he has mentioned being a little afraid I may go back. But that would never happen, even if I never saw him again. I have told him that but I guess that possibility is out there until we are officially divorced. I mean in his eyes, not mine. Once I left, I knew it was over for good. It was over 2 years before I left for me. That's why I don't really feel like it's a rebound relationship, because I don't feel like I have been in any kind of relationship for so long. I felt more like brother/sister with my husband and that's why I adore the attn this guy is giving me. We had a really long talk last night and think things will be fine. He is so great with my 2 year old and that is not an easy task. That is also a lot to ask out of someone, I never pressed it. I don't want my son or myself to get hurt but I guess life is about taking chances sometimes.
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