My story of no contact

[jallajalla08]

I'm new to this forum. Though I'd start off by sharing my story. This is a long post, but I wish you guys will read it. Really hope it will help out some of the people going through the same thing, and also hope someone will give me advice on how to move on from where I am now. As I'm sure you all know it takes time to get over an ex. I feel that I'm getting there, but slowly.

 

So I've been going through a tough time the last 4-5 months. This story really started in the summer of 2012. I met a girl that I really liked, but it took me six months to collect enough courage to ask her out. We hit it off great, and it didn't take long before she was my girlfriend.

 

Things were great for a couple of months, but then out of the blue she broke up with me. She said I didn't show her that I loved her enough, and that she didn't trust me enough to be my girlfriend. This was the end of february 2013.

 

I did what many of you probably have done: I begged. For weeks. I told her I could change. Around April I stopped begging. I was starting to think I would never get her back, so I tried to move on. It didn't take long before she suddenly contacted me and wanted to "hang out".

 

At this point I was told she was moving away for some months in august, but I still felt that we could make it work by then, and have a long-distance relationship. It seemed she wanted the same thing.

 

May came, and we started talking on the phone for hours, seeing each other every now and then. I felt that we were really getting somewhere. As my summer break started early I went on a vacation with my mates during the first two weeks of june. Before I left I was sure that me and her were going to get back together. She texted me constantly while I was away, and would often call me as well to chat. She went on and on about how much she had missed me since we broke up, how she regretted it all etc. We planned to meet as soon as I got home. She even wanted me to spent the weekend at her place. The deal was sealed, in my eyes. But then I returned home...

 

We had planned to meet the same day, but she cancelled. She told me a friend of hers had come over, and she was so tired after a long day at work that she wanted to go to bed after her friend had left. Hours later I see her tagged in a Facebook-post. "Girls night out!", it said...

 

I kept trying to meet up with her but it seemed impossible. She either flaked or didn't have time.

 

Then I noticed she posted a photo of her and this other guy in Instagram having a movie-night. My heart skipped a beat at this point, and I didn't know what to believe anymore. It finally reached a point where I called her and said: "Ok, listen. What the hell is going on? Just tell me!"

 

She said she didn't want a relationship with me after all. I was stunned. I felt completely played with! This was the exact opposite of what she had told me just a week earlier. I raged at her, which she did not like at all.

 

At this point I was determined to move on. But after a week she called me, and wanted to meet up with me while I was out at a party. I went to meet her, and I regret it to this day.

 

Basically the reason she wanted to meet me was to tell me that she had slept with another guy the day she told me she didn't want me anymore. She kind of blamed me for it, because I had become so angry at her. It was the same guy she had posted a picture with on Instagram.

 

I wish she had rather hit me in the face with a brick at that point. I was crushed. I cried for days. Not only did she not want me. She had jumped right into bed with this other guy instantly.

 

I went NC straight away. About a month later she came knocking down my door again. She regretted everything again, and wanted me back. And what did I do...? I was broken in a million pieces, my confident had reached zero and now the reason for all this wanted me back again. I was blind and stupid. I welcomed her with open arms... (TAKE A NOTE OF THIS, GUYS! THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.)

 

After only a couple of days she moved away as planned. We talked regularly, and it really felt like a long-distance relationship.

 

When she had been away for around a month she came home for her autumn break. She was home for a week, and we had planned to spend a lot of time together. Remember what happened earlier in the summer when I was away, and coming home? Well, it all happened again. She flaked every day for a week! Then in the middle of the night I got a "break up" text from her. Again she had crushed my heart.

 

I went straight into no contact, and was determined to get over this girl. And slowly but surely I was starting to. This was so hard, but I was determined to do it.

 

What I realized at this point was that No Contact is for YOU. It's not for getting the girl back or about revenge. It is about YOU getting over HER. Period. So I did this not with the intent that she would come back. Because I thought she would never do that.

 

So the weeks went by. Slowly but surely I was starting to feel better. I didn't hear a beep from my ex. But then, as sudden as she had broken up with me, my phone started ringing. And the text messages started coming. She told me she was sorry for treating me like sh*t, she missed me like crazy and wanted me to take her back. Remember what I did the last time this happened with this girl? Well, this time I had learned my lesson. I don't know what had happened to her during the months that had passed since the break up. Maybe she was hooking up with someone else, and it didn't work out? Or maybe she just had regrets. I still don't know to this day what really happened. But I told her I did not want her back. That I couldn't, because I did not trust her.

 

She kept crying and begging. For weeks. The christmas period was the worst. She would not get off my back.

 

About a month ago she texted me: "I'm sorry, but I'll delete you off Facebook and never speak to you again."

I replied with: "Sorry you feel that way, but do what you have to do. I'm not going to convince anyone about being my facebook-friend. Have more important things to do in my life."

An hour went by, and she responded with: "I talked to my friends about this. I'm not going to delete you off facebook."

 

But then, two weeks later she called me. Now she was pissed at me, and told me that I had to take her back or she would never speak to me again. She even said that I was a bad person for not taking her back.

 

Obviously I did not take her back, and she deleted me from Facebook (childish, I know).

 

The funny thing is that she's been sending me Snapchat pictures every now and then.

 

So what do I want to tell you guys by sharing this story?

Learn from my mistakes! I implemented NC to get her back on two occasions, and look where it got me. Im now in NC to get over her, and when she came crawling back to me I rejected her.

 

I'm feeling better day by day. Yes, I did reject her when she tried to get back together with me. But I still find myself sometimes over-thinking every now and then. What if I take her back after all? Maybe it will work? What if she's really learned this time, and has changed? I hope this is all just normal for anyone who has the option of taking back their ex, but choses not to. Anyone has any experience on this part?

Edited February 18, 2014 by jallajalla08

[STM206]

I'm sorry but what a manipulating person she is! 1st and foremost she has NO idea of what she wants in life, that is certain. She bounces around all over the place yet keeps reaching out to you, maybe not because she has legit feelings for you but because she simply is lost in life and is looking for others to validate her existence.

 

You tried, and it shows you were willing to put your heart on the line. She saw this as validation and detached as soon as she had you hooked. Love isn't about playing games, it's about putting others feelings into the picture as well.

 

You deserve a lady who WANTS to be with you, not someone who is willing to **** with your head like this.

 

I'm being completely honest, I initiated NC in hopes that he would finally see that I'm not letting my heart hurt anymore (even though it does more often than not). I looked in the mirror today and saw a beat up man, who has put himself through hell over someone who didn't even make one last effort... At the end of the day this is YOUR life. It doesn't make the heartbreak move faster, but it helps you put up a little fight for YOUR life. Let them go, let them figure out what they're missing out on and soon enough you'll be back on your feet, maybe even with someone deserving of you. Deserving because they want to work on things just as much as you do.

 

I hope I can reach NC for my sake eventually, like I can't stand the thought of seeing a picture of him smiling in his new life, new friends, and potentially a new lover. I hope and know that one day I'll be able to see his picture on facebook and scroll right past it without a care.

 

Best thing, remain a mystery to them. Let them go out of their way to search for you, to initiate contact and don't give hem once breadcrumb, why? Because they certainly didn't give you that when they left you behind.

 

Now only if I could read my post and embed it into my heart.

[StGeorge22]

Thanks for your post, found it really useful. Good on you for standing your ground, that must have been a tough call. I went NC three times with my ex last year. Came back every time but now I'm hoping this one sticks

[jallajalla08]

So it's been over a month since she said she would never speak to me again.

 

Well, not only does she send me snapchat pictures several times a week, but yesterday she also sent me a text!

 

Her: "Hey, how are you doing?"

Me (the next day): "I'm allright. And U?"

Her: "I'm good. Was thinking about you yesterday, so just though I'd see how you were doing. *then tells me what she's been up to, how good she's been doing in school and so on, and so on*

Me: Cool. Good luck with the next project then.

 

How would you guys interpret this? Why the hell does she tell me she'll "delete me" from her life, but then keeps contacting me? Think she just wants to make sure that I don't forget about her? Was making great progress up until the point where she contacted me... Made my head spin again.

Edited March 13, 2014 by jallajalla08

[STM206]

You feel worse because you replied in hopes that she was reaching out... I'm sure you were hoping for a text along the lines of "I made the biggest mistake and I want you back" but you basically just got breadcrumbed. However good for you holding your ground and not giving her too much information.

 

However, if she texts again do one of 2 things.

 

1.) I'm good, thanks for asking. (It doesn't leave the door open for her to reply unless she has something she needs to tell you that's of any value.

 

2.) Don't even reply, remain a mystery and let her sit there and wonder why you're not replying. However, the longer you don't reply, the better you'll feel about not getting any unneeded information from her.

[jallajalla08]

You feel worse because you replied in hopes that she was reaching out... I'm sure you were hoping for a text along the lines of "I made the biggest mistake and I want you back" but you basically just got breadcrumbed. However good for you holding your ground and not giving her too much information.

 

However, if she texts again do one of 2 things.

 

1.) I'm good, thanks for asking. (It doesn't leave the door open for her to reply unless she has something she needs to tell you that's of any value.

 

2.) Don't even reply, remain a mystery and let her sit there and wonder why you're not replying. However, the longer you don't reply, the better you'll feel about not getting any unneeded information from her.

 

Thanks for your answer.

 

Well, it might be that I was hoping she was reaching out. I don't know... But if that's the case it's not because I want her back, but has more to do with my ego. If I wanted her I would have taken her when she came crawling back two months ago.

 

I think it might have something to do with all the suffering she put me through over the last year. That I finally have the upper hand, and now she's f*cking with my head again. Unfortunately I'm the one letting her, so will most likely go for option nr. 1 or 2 the next time.

[STM206]

Thanks for your answer.

 

Well, it might be that I was hoping she was reaching out. I don't know... But if that's the case it's not because I want her back, but has more to do with my ego. If I wanted her I would have taken her when she came crawling back two months ago.

 

I think it might have something to do with all the suffering she put me through over the last year. That I finally have the upper hand, and now she's f*cking with my head again. Unfortunately I'm the one letting her, so will most likely go for option nr. 1 or 2 the next time.

 

You might be waiting years for the ego stroke. I think subconsciously we all want that, it gives us some sort of self worth in what we had together as a couple. That "aha! Do you weren't such a cold hearted jack ass" and sadly, to get your revenge and put them in their place, give then a taste of their own medicine if you will.

 

I know deep down I'm hoping that day comes, but I know deep down that when/if that day comes... I wont really care.

 

Kinda sucks, we want things to happen now. Time is everything.

[jallajalla08]

An update on my situation:

 

After months of silence she has (again) started begging me to take her back. She tells me all about how much she has changed over the last couple of months, and comes up with new apologies for why she broke up with me (something in the lines of her having family issues and being insecure at the time).

 

I don't trust this girl one bit, but when she comes at me like this it really messes up my head. What do you guys think? My gut tells me I shouldn't but really confused right now...

[Zapbasket]

DON'T RESPOND. She can handle your silence just fine.

 

She HAS NOT CHANGED. If she had, she would stop flailing at you with excuses and pleadings.

 

Great that she's sorry, but who cares? Nothing she has said to you since your break-up has panned out as a) emotionally true or b) considerate of YOU.

 

Stop making it so easy for her. Make her have to work 'til she's blue in the face to even get an audience in you.

[Lifegoezon]

Actually after all this time why is she not blocked and deleted from your life? She persists in pestering when it suits her and you should have ignored her long ago. Start now.

[jallajalla08]

I have a hard time believing that she has changed, yes. She seemed like the same old drama queen, with the same insecurities that she had when she dumped me. I suspect that she is a borderline, but I don't really know to much about it to be sure. Many of the signs are there though, the daddy issues for one. And borderlines usually comes back, don't they?