starla33 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Invite someone to your birthday event only after a few dates?
hasaquestion Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Invite someone to your birthday event only after a few dates? You do not have to. That would be an absurd expectation. 1
Author starla33 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 No, you do not. I feel like he is offended that I didn't invite him
hasaquestion Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I feel like he is offended that I didn't invite him Well he can suck it. He's been on 'a few dates' with you. What's that, 10 hours? Your friends are at your birthday because they've been there for years. They've proven a whole lot more than that they think you look good and will buy you coffee. There's no reason he is entitled to that access. 1
pteromom Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I feel like he is offended that I didn't invite him Take control of the situation and ask him "Are you offended that I didn't invite you?" If he says yes, you can explain that you aren't comfortable inviting him after only a few dates. If he reacts badly, you can decide whether to keep seeing him.
mammasita Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 There's nothing saying you have to, but I bet you he's wondering why you're not interested in him.
Author starla33 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 There's nothing saying you have to, but I bet you he's wondering why you're not interested in him. But I am interested! I just want to get to know him one on one. I posted previously about another event I invited him to with my friends and he was acting weird, so I'd rather not deal with that at my birthday.
hasaquestion Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 if you were really into him you would have. lucky for him he found out now rather than later than you are lukewarm about him. Not really. I know I would never invite a S/O to celebrate a birthday with my friends. Even if I were head over heels into them. Its called having your own life. She's not lukewarm about him. She has her space and he has his. She's with her friends. Its not like she's boning male strippers or something.
hasaquestion Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 its called an opportunity to look for another guy. you're not fooling anyone. the birthday isn't all ladies, there's good looking guys there too, better looking that your boyfriend. When did she say that? And who cares if there are other men there, and who cares if they're good looking? She has a life.
mammasita Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Not really. I know I would never invite a S/O to celebrate a birthday with my friends. Even if I were head over heels into them. Its called having your own life. She's not lukewarm about him. She has her space and he has his. She's with her friends. Its not like she's boning male strippers or something. That's odd, I wouldn't dream of celebrating my B-day without my SO and my friends, family, strangers....whatever. That's an important event IMO. There's other days to have "me" time and space.
hasaquestion Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 she does have a life and that life keeps the so called boyfriend out but other guys in. may as well just let the boyfriend go because she's not interested. why even string him along? First of all she never said there were any men involved here, much less "good looking ones" (oh the horror:laugh:). Second of all, presumably the boyfriend gets special treatment (intimacy, sex) that no one else does. If you're together for six months, okay. But after a couple of dates? A bf you literally just met is not someone who has any "right" to be involved in non-romantic things.
pteromom Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 That's odd, I wouldn't dream of celebrating my B-day without my SO and my friends, family, strangers....whatever. I agree, but a guy doesn't qualify as an SO after a few dates. Until they have the exclusivity talk and maybe even exchange ILYs, there is no obligation to include him in birthday festivities. 1
hasaquestion Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 That's odd, I wouldn't dream of celebrating my B-day without my SO and my friends, family, strangers....whatever. That's an important event IMO. There's other days to have "me" time and space. And you've probably spent way more time with your S/O than "a few dates". Your S/O has proven themselves.
Author starla33 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 its called an opportunity to look for another guy. you're not fooling anyone. the birthday isn't all ladies, there's good looking guys there too, better looking that your boyfriend. umm I don't have a bf. you sound super bitter with women or something. Did you even read the post it's been a few dates we have not even hooked up yet.
MidwestUSA Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Did you go on that fourth date yet to even see how you feel about him? How does he know about your birthday event? I wouldn't have mentioned it if I was sitting on the fence about him as you are.
Author starla33 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Did you go on that fourth date yet to even see how you feel about him? How does he know about your birthday event? I wouldn't have mentioned it if I was sitting on the fence about him as you are. Yea the date was great. I mean that just comes up in conversation I cant really hide it.
mammasita Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 And you've probably spent way more time with your S/O than "a few dates". Your S/O has proven themselves. Well of course I have, but no, I was commenting on what you said: Not really. I know I would never invite a S/O to celebrate a birthday with my friends. Even if I were head over heels into them. Its called having your own life. And I said it was odd that you wouldn't spend your Bday with your S/O who you've presumably spent way more time than a few dates with.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 You do realize its officially your birthday at midnight the day before right? If you really like this guy but aren't comfortable putting him under the microscope of your girlfriends and family do something with him the night before! At midnight he can be the first to wish you happy birthday. And you can spend it alone without all the extra pressure for him to impress or you to entertain him. Honestly, the guy is kind of a chump for not thinking of this himself. So I'm not sure he deserves that shot but what the hell I'm feeling charitable today.
Author starla33 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 You do realize its officially your birthday at midnight the day before right? If you really like this guy but aren't comfortable putting him under the microscope of your girlfriends and family do something with him the night before! At midnight he can be the first to wish you happy birthday. And you can spend it alone without all the extra pressure for him to impress or you to entertain him. Honestly, the guy is kind of a chump for not thinking of this himself. So I'm not sure he deserves that shot but what the hell I'm feeling charitable today. Unfortunately I have plans with friends and family the entire week, so that would not work.
AnneT1985 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 certainly not. How you spend your time is your call.
GoreSP Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 You certainly do not have to… But if I had a few good dates with someone and he had his birthday without inviting me I would be suspicious - big red flag. Unless your birthday is a family trip to an all inclusive resort...
Author starla33 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 (edited) You certainly do not have to… But if I had a few good dates with someone and he had his birthday without inviting me I would be suspicious - big red flag. Unless your birthday is a family trip to an all inclusive resort... seriously after 4 dates I have to invite someone to meet 30+ friends? I want to mingle not babysit a guy I don't even know that well yet! We are not exclusive, I don't know if he is dating others. So I don't see why I should invite him?! I'm also confused why my post got moved from the Dating forum...as this is a situation to do with dating. Edited February 19, 2014 by starla33
MissBee Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I'm selective about who I introduce to my friends and family. If we've only been on 3 dates I would feel a bit strange about inviting them to my birthday event where my friends and family will have to meet them. 3 dates isn't a significant space of time and a lot can change after 3 dates. You're not obligated to invite him but I would communicate my reasons to him if I liked him and as someone else suggested probably suggest doing something else together. While I would probably feel a bit left out if a guy did it to me, I would also understand why. If we've been consistently seeing each other for say 3 weeks or a month or more then it would be a lot more hurtful/unacceptable but 3 dates, I could see where he's coming from as I'd feel the same.
Author starla33 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I'm selective about who I introduce to my friends and family. If we've only been on 3 dates I would feel a bit strange about inviting them to my birthday event where my friends and family will have to meet them. 3 dates isn't a significant space of time and a lot can change after 3 dates. You're not obligated to invite him but I would communicate my reasons to him if I liked him and as someone else suggested probably suggest doing something else together. While I would probably feel a bit left out if a guy did it to me, I would also understand why. If we've been consistently seeing each other for say 3 weeks or a month or more then it would be a lot more hurtful/unacceptable but 3 dates, I could see where he's coming from as I'd feel the same. There is no family at this, just friends going to bars. It's been pretty casual so far honestly.
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