i know it's bad but help me figure it out.

January 19, 2005

we were dating for over 3 months. everything was great. all of a sudden she wanted space. she said she didn't know what she wants. can this really be a reason?

obviously other things like another guy or she doesn't like me as much come into my thoughts but i've confronted her with these ideas and she's been only explaining to me that it's because she doesn't know what she wants.

she's a straight forward kinda gal so she'd tell me that she's not into me anymore but she assures me that she cares but i'm just curious as to the validity of this reason of wanting space.

so it's only been a week. we've talked over the weekend. i don't make any effort to contact her either so i'm doing my part i guess. just wanted to know the meaning of this reason and if they do come back. so basically just make me feel better by telling me good stuff.

thanks in advance.

January 19, 2005

Only tell you good stuff?

January 19, 2005

I can tell you only one thing sometimes it just becomes impossible to understand why he/she is behaving this way.

Please start trusting your instinct and put your protection on.God forbid it but if something goes wrong you should hit bottom.

Hear the alarm bells.

January 19, 2005

Originally posted by Merin
Only tell you good stuff?

I guess I don't have much to say, then. I guess one positive is that she still talks to you.

January 19, 2005

merin, im just saying i know that this could be over. just wanted to see if not knowing what you want is a legit excuse. if it's over then yeah i'll pick myself up but as of right now i'm trying to give her space. so as of right now, i just wanna know if it'll basically work out.

January 19, 2005

Hey buddy dont get worked up.

Yes what you are doing is perfectly ok do give her space as she has asked and try to work it out but on the other hand try to make yourself strong so that you are not thrown into darkness of despair.

Just dont lean your life on the outcome of this.

Good Luck

Cheers

January 19, 2005

90% of the time "I need space" means without you in it. I think if you ran it through a decoder ring, it translates to "I may or may not know what I want, but I know it doesn't have anything to do with you." My ex said she needed space back in September. I guess by now, she must be in the next solar system. Sorry if this was a downer, but I'm calling it as I see it.

January 19, 2005

She doesn't want to date you at this point in time, for reasons known only to her. Trying to find the legitimate truth won't make you feel any better about what happened.

If feels bad when you really cared for someone, but the best thing to do is to get on with your life and meet other people.

January 19, 2005

thanks guys. i'm not going crazy about it. just wanted to know if it was legit. whatever the case may be, i can move on, just gotta pick up my pride off of the ground.

she's making contact with me. won't assume anything though. but i just thought there was maybe an explanation of wanting space, simply as that, some space.

but whatevers, life goes on. i understand how the game is played, just not interested in playing.

January 19, 2005

Haywood,

I'm going to give different advice than most of the people here. My boyfriend said the EXACT same thing to me. Except in his case he actually broke up with me, too. After two days of not talking he realized he missed me. We got back together and actually discussed the problem, which was that we were seeing and talking to each other too much. We're both solitary people, and tend to feel stifled and stagnated when we spent hours on the phone or saw each other every day or even every other day. He likes his time to play his video games and work on his writing. When I gave him that time and let him pursue me, he came right back around again. The fact that your girlfriend is contacting you signals, to me, that this is the case. Just back off, focus on your own interests, and let her call you. I can almost guarantee she'll come around.

January 19, 2005

sadandlonely,

thanks. this is just what i needed. same thing in this relationship. we spent nearly everyday together. i guess it was too much for her. so i haven't been initiating the contact. i think it's basically up to her to want it to work.

just a thought though. i look back and i've been too available. i answer all my calls no matter who it is. you think that i should ignore some of these calls and take the risk of her not calling again? how did you handle it?

January 20, 2005

I wouldn't have a problem returning phone calls if someone asks you to call them back, if you truly want to speak to them. If you don't want to speak to them, don't.

However, since you two are broken up, I don't think it's a bad idea to get out and meet other people besides this girl. You should be polite and friendly if you see or speak to your ex, but I wouldn't expect or promise any committments (won't date anyone else) to anyone you are not currently in a relationship with. You'll meet other girls. Good luck.

January 20, 2005

Well, let's put it this way...I went out Friday night, and for the first time ever, missed my boyfriend's nightly call. I didn't call him back. The next day at work he called me, and he NEVER does this, and he kissed me as soon as he saw me later that day.

I would say to go out, have fun, make yourself less available, but not necessarily see other girls. You're obviously still interested in this one. Just enjoy your own company, hang out with other friends, and let her have her space and call you when she wants to.

January 20, 2005

update. she makes contact through IM. calls me after work. i put my phone on silent so i wouldn't have to think about it. she calls me again but this time i answer. we just make small talk. 30 mins later she calls again, telling me she doesn't know what to do. i know what she's talking about but i kinda egg her on about what the problem was.

she says that she knows she shouldn't call me until she's ready to but she misses talking to me. i told her if i'm getting in the way of her knowing what she wants then she shouldn't talk to me. i tried to keep the conversation light. joking here and there and about how i want to take her out. threw out the idea of us taking it slow but we know that ain't gonna work.

so, i'm trying to be strong. give her what she wants...space. she called me again at night but i didn't answer. it's confusing both of us.

could she just be afraid of getting hurt? she's said that her past relationships have ended really bad. I know i'm looking into it too much but just some ideas of what's going on.

asked her again if she would tell me if there were other guys. she said she would and that of course there isn't. can she be this confused? if she didn't like me anymore, then why all the phone calls telling me she misses me. any thoughts welcome.

January 21, 2005

update. she called me again last night. she was kinda drunk again. i tried to keep it light. then she was mentioning that she wasn't gonna call me anymore. i feel like im being pushed and pulled. one second i think she wants something, the next i think it's overs.

we talked a bit. i came off weak. just confusing. she admits she's a little afraid. as they say hindsight is 20/20. i shouldve just kept it light but something in me just wants to figure it out instead of being patient.

so, thinking about it, this might be the end. why would she want to talk to me again. i come off too weak. i must be stronger. i wouldve moved on if the problem was with me but she admits that she's just afraid. damn ex bf's.

hopefully, sooner than later, i can report back with good news.

January 21, 2005

haywood,

You need to be the strong one here......You need to put her in a position to make a decision as to whether she will be with you or not. I know it is easier said than done and I know you will be hurt by not speaking with her yet think to yourself what benefit you are getting in still conversing with her during this time period. You are questionning your every move! Leave her be and that will push her to figure out what she wants in the future. If it is not you...then at least you know now rather than later and can move on and find a bette gal that fits you.

January 21, 2005

thanks for the encouragement upsetnhurt. trying to give her what she asked for...space. but you have to admit it's not gonna be easy. it's hard for me not to think too much into things but i don't think i'm coming off as a crazy person to her...yet.

just wanted to give those that might be in a similar situation a story they can follow. reminding myself constantly to be stronger. i believe that if i keep up being very babyish by constantly asking her why or why not, it'll end up pushing her away. hopefully all this aloofness won't drive her away either. damn these games. just gotta think positive. take care everybody.

January 21, 2005

Originally posted by haywood
i believe that if i keep up being very babyish by constantly asking her why or why not, it'll end up pushing her away. hopefully all this aloofness won't drive her away either. damn these games.

I was aware that this could happen and I still did it. Somehow I thought it would be different this time. It wasn't.

January 21, 2005

I am in the exact same situation as you, great first three months, then boom, she says she needs to be alone to figure out what she wants, that she doesn't think her heart is in it anymore. The last time I talked with her was Tuesday. Its tough man. And although I don't want to admit it, she is probably not coming back.

You need to do what I am doing, get your feet back under you, re-establish yourself as your own person. I would imagine that the spark is gone, because of spending too much time together, much like my situation. All you can do is give it time and hope it re-ignites, but at the same time, move on, go out, meet people.

These are all things I need to do as well, but I don't want to. You just got to make yourself. You'll come out on top.

And yes, space is a valid reason. Doesn't mean for sure that it is going to work, but it can. When my parents were married only a couple years, they split for 2 weeks because my mom didn't know if she loved my dad anymore. Thats was 29 years ago, and they are still happily married.

By the way, if yours comes back and mine doesn't, I'll hate you forever

January 21, 2005

By the way, if yours comes back and mine doesn't, I'll hate you forever

Lol ! this is really cute.

I wish both of you get back yours.

There is one saying that if you have bird and to know whether it is yours set her free if she comes back then she was yours if she doesnt then she was never yours.So whatever be the outcome you should not get hurt .But i know it is easier said than done.

I am reading the posts at LS for something like three months now and i think i can write a dumper's hand book now.There are some classic statement like

1.I need space

2.I love you but i am not in love with you

3.We can still be good friends

4.I dont know but it just vanished away.

5. I need some time to know whether i really love you or not.

i guess if everyone add up here i will able to write a dumper's hand book soon.

January 24, 2005

some people say that there is a chance because she calls me so often. it's tough. well, she calls me again sunday 330 in the morning. i was drunk off my arse and i didn't bother answering.

talked to her last night. just made it light. nothing about "us." she tells me she misses talking to me. yeah, i'm confused. i keep thinking that the next phone call, she'll tell me she wants to get back. but everytime i hang up i feel like she just wants to slowly get used to not talking to me.

all her friends are single. some say this plays a big role. i don't know how big. it's wierd. haven't seen her in a while. only talk here and there. but i'm getting used to it. i highly doubt she'll come back cuz it'll just seem awkward as time goes by. all i want in life is to find that somebody. just thought she was somebody.

January 25, 2005

all of the energy you are putting into this onto yourself man. Most likely, thats what happened in the first place, is that you both lost your senses of self, and you need to get that back. It sounds like she is trying to do that as well. And no, I don't think she is trying to get used to not talking to you. About 4 years ago, I broke up with someone who I was desperately in love with for a time. That love had faded though, because she had gotten so needy and dependent on me to make her happy. It was more than I could take. I kept in contact with her though, because I was hoping to see the things come back in her that had attracted me in the first place. They unfortunately never came back, well not at least until she started dating someone else again. The point being, is she wants to see if the things that attracted her to you in the first place are going to come back. Which means you need to focus on yourself. You can't change her, but, you can change yourself. You can put yourself in a position to get her back. Stay casual with her. Show her that you are the same guy she fell for, and maybe even better than she had intially thought. Will this work for sure, no, but will you be better off in the long run, yes.

January 28, 2005

so after only two weeks. she's been calling me probably every two days. some i answer, some i don't. depends how strong i feel. so i guess i've haven't been as available.

she called on a wed night. i gave her the old "i gotta go" line 15 seconds into the phone call. i felt so bad. i didn't call her back that night. i was feeling okay about it. told myself that i have to be strong and that she wasn't my girlfriend so why should i treat her like one, especially when she's the one that wanted space, right?

so the next day she starts chatting with me. made some small talk. i answered pretty much with one word answers. she asks me if it bothering me that she's talking to me. i say no, and ask her the same. she says no. then she asks me if she shouldn't talk to me anymore. i said maybe. and that was that. i figured that was the last time i'd have contact with her.

later that night, she calls me and asks to come over. of course i say yes. she gives me a long hug. and we had a talk. i know i shouldn't have given in so easily but i just couldn't be like this to her. we talked about what we expected from each other and so on. so basically, we're gonna give it another shot. it's all about communication now.

i know this is one of the few instances where she does return but there are many factors that have to be considered to determine how likely. mine were pretty high in the fact that she kept calling me and basically she cracked because she said she couldn't stand the fact that she might never talk to me again.

i understood how she felt. i've been smothered before. i just didn't realize that i was doing this to her until now. my advice is that you should give space when it is asked for. leave it up to the other person to "wake up." and you have to have the mentality of moving on. cuz either way you're gotta get over her. if she comes back then great, if not then you're already moving on.

it's all about wanting something you can't have. play your cards right, they will see how strong of a person you are. not saying that games are fun but sometimes you have to think of it as a game in order to win.

ps. good luck snow

January 29, 2005

Well,

Things aren't going quite that well for me. We have been talking about every 4 days or so. She has called me once, and I called her once. We were going to go to lunch today, but last night she told me she was going to go visit a friend in Omaha (where she is from). She asked me if I missed her, to which I responded, 'only when I am hungry or horny'. She thought it was funny. I asked her if she missed me and she said she did, but only mildly. It was really fun talking to her. We talked for 45 minutes and then I let her go. She told me that she wants to get away for a weekend from everything around here. Guessing she just wants to be away to figure out what she wants. So we are going to lunch on Monday. I did mention that my ex-girlfriend before her had been calling me since she found out about the break-up (which she has). This made her very very jealous. She made reference to it about 6 times throughout the rest of the conversation. So, basically I am guessing that she is going to either tell me one of two things on Monday, lets not talk, or she will say she misses me and would like to talk still. Any opinions?

So, as of right now, I hate you

January 30, 2005

ACtually, it sounds like you're doing everything all right.

You're being supportive, patient, caring and understanding.

And if showing your weak underbelly to someone you care about isn't allowed, then what the heck is the point anyhow?

She shows you her weakness by phoning you!

Sometimes it is strong to show weakness.

But still this constancy isn't helping either yourself or her.

I would suggest telling her you want to not talk for one solid week. Both of you do your own thing. You care about her, and will think about her, but how about you both do that as something you do for each other.

Sign In

i know it's bad but help me figure it out.

Recommended Posts

haywood

Merin

greenhorn

iceisles

haywood

greenhorn

iceisles

morrigan

haywood

SadAndLonely

haywood

morrigan

SadAndLonely

haywood

haywood

upsetnhurt

haywood

iceisles

snowcraig

greenhorn

haywood

snowcraig

haywood

snowcraig

clynn

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...