How do I let go? :(

[meggiemay]

Hello ... I'm pretty new here, but have been lurking and reading for the last month or so. I had been in an EA since early December and it has petered out as of late as the OM (has a live in gf) has said he loves his gf too much to ever let this become a PA.

 

A bit of background ... I am married. My hubby has recently returned from rehab (PTSD and alcoholism). This all came to a head mid November when he attempted suicide by drinking excessively and the intent to take his depression meds ... he texted his supervisor saying "so long" and they tracked him down. Long story - he went to outpatient for a few weeks before going to rehab for 8 weeks. In that time period his supervisor was texting me to see how we were doing and to keep in touch about what was happening. As time went on it became flirty and gradually became much more - all via text. He constantly said he never expected this to happen and he thought about me all the time. I asked about his gf and if he was still madly in love with her (as I am not madly in love with my hubby) and he said things had changed. I asked what had changed and he said everything. We were in constant contact with each other. I kind of blocked everything out about hubby and focused all of my attention on OM.

 

So anyways ... the intention was to meet up and see how things went. Every time this was going to happen, OM would change his mind. Me - I was very ready and willing to participate in a PA. That part of my life with hubby has been dead for ages now. OM went back and forth many times ... he was feeling very guilty for wanting to physically be with me and to cheat on her. (He doesn't feel what we did was cheating btw). He'd say I'm over the guilt and then he'd feel guilty again - back and forth.

 

It got to the point I think I was becoming somewhat needy - trying to hang on to something that seemed to be unravelling. He said he loved his gf too much and that things are really good at home (I find it hard to believe you'd participate in the amount of texting we did and say the things that were said if things are so great at home - maybe I'm just naïve?)

 

Anyways ... my therapist and I have talked this through and we came up with a text to basically end it from my end. I did send it ... and low and behold within a half hour he had texted me - even though he had answered no other texts for almost four days (but said he didn't see that text as he doesn't read long texts? - it wasn't long for the record). We went back and forth a bit and he was blunt about him just being my hubby's supervisor and he never meant for this to happen and that we needed to move on and I needed to focus on my marriage.

 

So me - feeling like an infatuated teenager went through all my old texts and sent him some messages with these texts in them (not every single text - but snippets of conversation in a list so easy to read). No response. I sent a text yesterday asking if he read them and he said no he didn't and I needed to move on and all texts should stop. Well then, silly me texted him more - I just feel like I need a reason - like the reason of loving his gf just isn't enough for me ... I know it is crazy, but I can't stop thinking of it. Why wouldn't he read the texts? Five minutes tops to read them! I read all texts - long or not - and I'm pretty sure he does too as he sometimes sent longer texts to me. We did text each other again ... and I had hoped we'd have chatted last night while he was at work, but he didn't. He didn't answer anything. I sent a simple text asking to chat when he woke up today but I have a feeling I won't hear from him - but I hope I will.

 

Does he not miss me? Was everything that went on not as real to him as to me? I miss him so much ... I have fallen very hard for him and it hurts like heck in my gut. I just can't seem to move past this. I have cried and cried, I have journaled, I have talked with a girlfriend .... I can't get past it.

 

My marriage is shaky right now. My hubby doesn't know - and I can't tell him with all of the mental health issues he is dealing with as well as working his sobriety ... I just can't do that. In some ways I want to email OM's girlfriend anonymously, but I'm sure he'd know it was me. Just something like "check his phone" - but maybe messages have been deleted. Of course I have them all still!

 

What do I do? How do I deal with this? I am dealing with all of my marriage issues, with the inability to trust hubby anymore after the alcoholism issue was blown wide open (stupid me didn't even know he was drinking - chalked it up to his lack of taking care of his diabetes), dealing with OM, off work due to stress of home life, dealing my own depression ... why am I a crazy fool about this whole issue with OM? Am I crazy to think that if my marriage ends (I see us separating eventually - we actually talked about this last night) ... but am I crazy to think that OM and I would ever be together if my marriage ended?

 

I just want closure or an explanation - even though I'm not sure I want to hear it. I keep holding on to hope that he misses me as much as I miss him, but that he is just not willing to betray my hubby - who is his one of his "brothers" ... I just don't know. All I know is that I want to be with OM ... and my brain can say that it won't happen or shouldn't happen, but my heart just can't

[wasntlooking]

Ok first of all i want to say i completely understand where you are comng from. Im five months NC now, i started it, didnt want to, but knew it had to be done. I struggle everyday not to contact him. He never responded when i broke it off so i feel like i need closure. I would never want to start A again because i dont want to hurt his family or mine.

My thoughts to you are you have to go no contact. It is without a doubt one of the hardest things youll ever have to do, believe me. Im not entirely confident that i wont break it but you takd one day at a time. If you keep contacting him hes going to get the impression you are weak and needy. Your situation with your H is tricky as hes very fragile right now im so sorry that you are in such a pickle. Be strong, try to limit textng him. Let him chase you if he wants. I know easier said thsn done. Youre not alone.

[RickFox]

He read the texts, he doesn't care. He won't tell you he read them because it doesn't matter to him. Stop torturing yourself, he showed you what you meant.

[meggiemay]

Ok first of all i want to say i completely understand where you are comng from. Im five months NC now, i started it, didnt want to, but knew it had to be done. I struggle everyday not to contact him. He never responded when i broke it off so i feel like i need closure. I would never want to start A again because i dont want to hurt his family or mine.

My thoughts to you are you have to go no contact. It is without a doubt one of the hardest things youll ever have to do, believe me. Im not entirely confident that i wont break it but you takd one day at a time. If you keep contacting him hes going to get the impression you are weak and needy. Your situation with your H is tricky as hes very fragile right now im so sorry that you are in such a pickle. Be strong, try to limit textng him. Let him chase you if he wants. I know easier said thsn done. Youre not alone.

 

I originally tried to go NC ... I couldn't hold out - of course when I said I was going NC he texted me very shortly after I don't want NC ... but in my head I know it is likely for the best - although it sure doesn't feel like it.

 

As for my H ... today I am getting the cold shoulder. I finally opened up to him last night about how I am feeling about everything that has happened. We talked about possibly separating .... so I am sure this has thrown him off. I feel like I am in such a tangled mess. A pickle is a good way to describe it.

 

OM has been my listening ear through all of this ... he knows more about me than anyone else really ... I just feel so rejected and it hurts so much

[meggiemay]

He read the texts, he doesn't care. He won't tell you he read them because it doesn't matter to him. Stop torturing yourself, he showed you what you meant.

 

I know That is what hurts ... why doesn't it matter to him? I used to mean a lot to him ... why the sudden 180 change? I just feel like I need closure or something ... it hurts much more than I ever could have imagined.

[littlemermaid]

Please take the post above mine, WolverineFan's, post to heart, he is a guy and has explained it very well for you.

 

I was in a situation where I am not very happy in my marriage (no physical contact really, and my DH travels quite a bit) and fell into a sort-of A with my best friend's husband. Our situation was different in that we could only see each other in person, not call/text/anything else because she monitors everything he does with his phone and online, and in retrospect I am so glad of this because not being able to text/call has saved me from making a giant fool of myself. We were in a PA but didn't go all the way, and it was also E because we have known each other for years and already have a relationship as friends, but he decided the last time we saw each other that he feels too guilty, loves his wife too much and doesn't want to be "a cheater." I have no choice but to respect his wishes, as much as I want to continue the A with him, and as much as I still sadly hope he will come back to me, it has to be his choice. There is NOTHING I can do and NOTHING I will do. You need to stop texting him now. Try to hang on to whatever self respect you have left. You CANNOT text him again, ever! You are making yourself look so desperate. Even if he was still attracted to you, you are killing it, men do not find this kind of behavior cute at all.

[meggiemay]

Be thankful that this situation never turned into a PA. I understand that you have been missing Physical attention in your marriage but an affair will bring heartache and pain that you cannot fathom. It is much better to focus on your marriage and what needs to be done there. There is help available if you want it - counseling, intensives, and materials galore.

 

As far as the OM is concerned, he is not lying to you. I am a man, trust me, we are wired differently that women. You think you need a big explanation and that there has to be more of a reason as to why he allowed himself to have an EA with you if he really loves his GF. The reality is that he doesn't. Men will get involved because of the excitement and the thrill - not necessarily because there is some glaring unmet need in their current relationship. As time has gone on and he sees what he has to lose, he has backed down and wants to end the EA. Men and women are different! What if the tide was turned - say you wanted to end the EA because things were getting better in your marriage. Would you want the OM to "anonymously" tell your husband to "check your wife's phone"? Would you want him to continue to pursue you after you asked him to stop? I understand that this is hard and that there are emotions attached, but do you really want to pursue someone who has a GF and is your husband's boss?

 

I do get all of that - and it is nice to hear it from a man's perspective. Why would he tell me everything had changed in his relationship if it really is fine with his gf? I do want an explanation ... and maybe you are right that there really isn't one there to give. He is everything my hubby isn't and that is so darn appealing to me - especially right now. I don't see my husband and I continuing in our marriage ... I see us eventually separating in the near future. He actually isn't talking to me today after having said conversation last night.

 

I have gone back and forth about the "check his phone" thing. I guess my real reason is for wanting him to maybe hurt as badly as I am right now. When my hubby returns to work he won't be his sgt anymore as he will either be on steady days for awhile until he works back up to full time. If he ever goes back on the road this sgt doesn't want him on his shift anymore as there were issues that lead up to his meltdown and I believe there is some anger there and worry it could happen again.

 

If I had a different way to be in touch - talking or something - then I wouldn't continue to text. I guess in my irrational thinking I'm trying to remind him of what we did once share ... and if it was just a thrill that hurts too. It was so much more on my end

[meggiemay]

Please take the post above mine, WolverineFan's, post to heart, he is a guy and has explained it very well for you.

 

I was in a situation where I am not very happy in my marriage (no physical contact really, and my DH travels quite a bit) and fell into a sort-of A with my best friend's husband. Our situation was different in that we could only see each other in person, not call/text/anything else because she monitors everything he does with his phone and online, and in retrospect I am so glad of this because not being able to text/call has saved me from making a giant fool of myself. We were in a PA but didn't go all the way, and it was also E because we have known each other for years and already have a relationship as friends, but he decided the last time we saw each other that he feels too guilty, loves his wife too much and doesn't want to be "a cheater." I have no choice but to respect his wishes, as much as I want to continue the A with him, and as much as I still sadly hope he will come back to me, it has to be his choice. There is NOTHING I can do and NOTHING I will do. You need to stop texting him now. Try to hang on to whatever self respect you have left. You CANNOT text him again, ever! You are making yourself look so desperate. Even if he was still attracted to you, you are killing it, men do not find this kind of behavior cute at all.

 

Yes ... his reply had a good explanation. I do agree.

 

I know I need to stop texting him ... I seem to get into these moments of an overwhelming urge to talk with him - he has been my closest confidante throughout all of this - and I text him. I do get irrational I suppose ... I know it isn't cute at all and is making me look desperate and needy. I am sure I have killed the attraction Just over a week ago he still liked me very much ... it is like a complete 180 turn and my heart is crushed right now. I don't want to let go and I feel like I am unravelling a little more each day. I am going to try hard not to text him, but it is so very, very difficult not to.

[scatterd]

Sorry you are hurting. This man is telling you he loves his girl friend. He means this and he feels he has no reason to have to explain. If you feel his girl friend needs to know, let her know but if she finds out he will be heart broken. He will try to get her back and you will not be the one he ends up with. You need to focus on your own relationship with your husband. I know this is hard but you will be better off leaving this other man alone. You have enough to deal with.

[Snipercatt]

". . .maybe I'm just naïve?)"

 

 

Maybe, or maybe you just want what you want.

 

 

It went too far and he has ended it. He says because he loves his girlfriend too much. Be thankful that he didn't just poof on you and believe him when he says that it is over.

[Berkley]

I'm a little confused here....you say you miss him and can't get over him - but you never actually spoke to him or met with him besides through text messages? And, this only went on for two months ?

 

 

This wasn't a relationship or an EA on his part...just some flirty text messages. Even guys who are very much happy and in love with their partners enjoy flirting. The fact that he refused to meet with you in person means that it never meant more to him than that.

 

 

There's nothing to let go of, there was never anything there.

What you're doing now is getting very close to harassment. He's asked you to leave him alone and stop texting him....you need to do it .

[RickFox]

Meggie, I.had a feeling you were involved with LEOs. Nothing good comes from having an affair with'us', be it emotional or otherwise, it's in the subculture and more than likely be had a wall up between you two when it all started

[meggiemay]

I'm a little confused here....you say you miss him and can't get over him - but you never actually spoke to him or met with him besides through text messages? And, this only went on for two months ?

This wasn't a relationship or an EA on his part...just some flirty text messages. Even guys who are very much happy and in love with their partners enjoy flirting. The fact that he refused to meet with you in person means that it never meant more to him than that.

There's nothing to let go of, there was never anything there.

What you're doing now is getting very close to harassment. He's asked you to leave him alone and stop texting him....you need to do it .

 

I disagree ... we have known each other for years - my dad also works in the detachment. He's known me since I was a kid actually (he's 8 years older than me) ... and yes we only texted ... right from the night everything happened (Nov.13) ... it started as a lot of conversation and spilling all kinds of things with him. It eventually led to flirting from him and him liking me. Took me awhile to be hooked too. It then led to more intimate conversation ... we texted for hours on end daily and throughout the night - especially when he was on night shift. So I disagree - I have discussed this at length with my therapist and she agreed it was an EA. I don't know what length has to do with it ... almost three months and he has stopped it because he says he loves his gf.

 

If you saw our texts you would see there was something there ... I have stopped texting him as of this morning. Its obvious he isn't interested in having a chat about everything - so I will respect that. I won't continue to "harass" him.

[meggiemay]

Meggie, I.had a feeling you were involved with LEOs. Nothing good comes from having an affair with'us', be it emotional or otherwise, it's in the subculture and more than likely be had a wall up between you two when it all started

 

Yes - definitely a LEO ... my hubby is one ... my dad is one ... and my OM is one ... I admit it I love a man in a uniform ... My OM was hubby's sgt.

[meggiemay]

Sorry you are hurting. This man is telling you he loves his girl friend. He means this and he feels he has no reason to have to explain. If you feel his girl friend needs to know, let her know but if she finds out he will be heart broken. He will try to get her back and you will not be the one he ends up with. You need to focus on your own relationship with your husband. I know this is hard but you will be better off leaving this other man alone. You have enough to deal with.

 

I don't know that I could let her know ... it is just a thought that goes through my head. I don't actually think I could hurt him, although other moments I want him to hurt like I am hurting kwim? I know it would mean never being with him though ... and my thought is still that if down the road things are different I'd hate to ruin that possibility ... although I try not to think like that so I won't be disappointed.

[krazikat]

Meggie, I.had a feeling you were involved with LEOs. Nothing good comes from having an affair with'us', be it emotional or otherwise, it's in the subculture and more than likely be had a wall up between you two when it all started

 

Listen to Rick, Meggie...but since you have blue in your blood you should already know this...

[jellybean89]

I agree with Berkley...you are bordering on harassment. He has asked you not to contact him, he has not responded to your lengthy text messages and he has ignored your requests for contact...how much more does he have to do to get you to stop contacting him? You filled a void in his day - maybe his work was slow and he enjoyed the attention from you? Maybe he saw that you were too needy and wanted more than just flirty conversations? Maybe he realized he did NOT want to lose his g/f who he has told you he loves and realizes that continuing to text with you could cause him problems in his relationship? For all you know, he has deleted every text from you so wanting to 'anonymously' tip off the girlfriend could be a dead end.

 

I can't believe a counselor would encourage you to keep bothering a man who told you he loves his girlfriend and who has shown you by his actions (by NOT responding to your numerous texts) that he isn't interested.

 

Your husband deserves to be loved fully. You cannot do that. You should separate from him and let him go so he can find someone who loves him and wants to be with him. You sound like you are only there because there is no one else at this time. Can you be on your own? Why not divorce your H since you are not in love with him? You seem bothered by him giving you the cold shoulder for some conversation yesterday -- do you know how he would react if he saw the text messages you sent his boss?

 

Alcoholism is a disease - a life long disease. I am glad your H is getting help. He will forever be changed because of this addiction and his suicide attempt. If you cannot be with him in a healthy, monogamous manner, then its time to let him go. I don't see the OM as an option for you - unless you keep contacting him and he files a restraining order against you.

 

You said you took time off work because of the stress -- maybe its time to get back to work to fill your day and your time?

[meggiemay]

I agree with Berkley...you are bordering on harassment. He has asked you not to contact him, he has not responded to your lengthy text messages and he has ignored your requests for contact...how much more does he have to do to get you to stop contacting him? You filled a void in his day - maybe his work was slow and he enjoyed the attention from you? Maybe he saw that you were too needy and wanted more than just flirty conversations? Maybe he realized he did NOT want to lose his g/f who he has told you he loves and realizes that continuing to text with you could cause him problems in his relationship? For all you know, he has deleted every text from you so wanting to 'anonymously' tip off the girlfriend could be a dead end.

 

I can't believe a counselor would encourage you to keep bothering a man who told you he loves his girlfriend and who has shown you by his actions (by NOT responding to your numerous texts) that he isn't interested.

 

Your husband deserves to be loved fully. You cannot do that. You should separate from him and let him go so he can find someone who loves him and wants to be with him. You sound like you are only there because there is no one else at this time. Can you be on your own? Why not divorce your H since you are not in love with him? You seem bothered by him giving you the cold shoulder for some conversation yesterday -- do you know how he would react if he saw the text messages you sent his boss?

 

Alcoholism is a disease - a life long disease. I am glad your H is getting help. He will forever be changed because of this addiction and his suicide attempt. If you cannot be with him in a healthy, monogamous manner, then its time to let him go. I don't see the OM as an option for you - unless you keep contacting him and he files a restraining order against you.

 

You said you took time off work because of the stress -- maybe its time to get back to work to fill your day and your time?

 

Hi ... I get it ... I haven't texted him since. He never asked me to stop texting until Sunday - and that point we did text back and forth after he said that. I then sent a couple of little short texts to him ... he did reply after a few hours as he was sleeping - but it was just an acknowledgement really. I don't believe I have been harassing him. If I continue to text, then yes that would be harassment - but I only sent a text last night apologizing for the texts and just asking him to text me at some point when he is able to chat. He hasn't done that - so I haven't texted him either. I am trying very hard not to contact him - but it does hurt. He won't be filing a restraining order when that would mean having to admit everything to people in his job (sgt) and he likely crossed some boundaries in his profession.

 

As for my husband - last night was the first night we actually sat down and talked since he has been home. He is a different person since returning from rehab. It has been very awkward between us and I have been giving him his space and he has been giving me mine. Last night I finally opened up to him about my feelings of everything that happened. Things were not great before everything came to a head, but this has really opened my eyes to how things have not been good. We talked about separating last night and I know that was difficult for us. He has withdrawn - as usual - after this conversation.

 

I am well aware of his struggles and am proud of how hard he is working on his sobriety. I sadly do not know that I can continue to live with the pattern of alcoholism that I have lived with for many, many years. This incident finally led to treatment, whereas previous times did not. There have been previous suicide attempts (only one I knew of) and found out about two others that he attempted that I did not know about. This is why I will not be sharing this EA with my husband. He has to still work with this person, albeit likely not on his shift ... it would not be good for anyone.

 

This stress of the above incident and my depression diagnosis has made it difficult for me to work. I have sick leave so I took the time off as my husband was away for 8 weeks and my daughters needed me to be there for them as well. Our lives settled into a peaceful pattern here ... there was less arguing, less impatience on my part, and no yelling and screaming dad for them to deal with. I feel like I would like it to be like that again ... I do not feel that the spark can be reignited in my marriage. I have not lied to hubby about this. We are just giving it time. He and I have been told that he needs to put his sobriety above all else ... he cant focus on his marriage or anything else or he risks losing the sobriety. 90 meetings in 90 days ... we are on about 20 days now ... every single night he has a meeting - with two on Sundays. That is our life right now. I just don't know that I can live with always watching and waiting for the possibility of some stress in his life leading to him slipping again - whether that is in a week, a month, a year or ten years ... I don't feel I can do it sadly. But for the sake of the girls we are in the same house and we are both parenting our girls ... that is what is important right now. My tentative return to work is on March 3rd - half time for now and by the end of the month hopefully back to full. It is the depression that has made a return to teaching a real struggle. I was so emotional at every turn that I just was hardly able to get out of bed at about the end of January, let alone deal with 30 kinders every day.

 

As for my therapist - she has NEVER said to keep texting the OM. She actually helped me compose a text for me to initiate NC with him. So we wrote a short and text and I sent it later that day. As soon as I sent it he replied to me and wanted to talk through things (this was last Thursday). Obviously NC did not work for me at that moment ... or for him. I am going to try really hard to lay low and see how things go for now.

 

I am not innocent and neither is OM. We both willingly crossed boundaries ... I obviously took more out of it than he did ... or something else happened - whether she saw texts, whether he just felt guilt - I don't fully know the whole answer. It is all a guess now. I just know he says he loves her and I will have to accept that as hard as it is.

Edited February 19, 2014 by meggiemay

[meggiemay]

I am having a rough couple of days - cried for two days solid ... I know it isn't just this situation (also the depression and hubby's issues), but this is a big part of it. After H and I talking about things the other night (lack of spark, roomies, the resentment I feel, the newly acquired smoking habit, and the possibility of separating once he is over the main hurdles in his recovery) ... he has basically ignored me since then. He came home late last night after his AA meeting - I was already in bed. When I got up this morning he had already left the house. I have no idea where he was or what he was doing - I refuse to chase him or ask what he was up to. I used to do that all the time before our world crashed down and I won't fall into that again.

 

I just have this huge urge to talk to OM about how I am doing ... although I know he likely doesn't care How I wish he did ... why when I am a pretty strong, educated, professional woman did I fall so hard for this? It confuses me to no end what or why I let myself fall into this. It is so much harder than I ever could have imagined.

[wasntlooking]

Meggiemay, i so understand you. Im not sure why i let myself get into this also. I was very naive and was only thinking in the moment and didnt realize i was hurting myself in the long run. I just hope one day both of us can wake up and not care about OM anymore or at least be able to go through a day without wanting to talk to them. Im so sorry you feel the way you do. Im sure both of us wouldnt have put ourselves where we are now if we knew we would feel this way. Lesson learned. My H and I are going through a rough time currently also. He would move mountains for me and im struggling with the realization of i may not have it in me anymore.....im seeking IC to sort things out. Post here to stay strong. We can help each other.

[mea_M]

Hi. Totally understand how it can be difficult to break free from an ea. EA's are so filled with emotion and I think fantasy as well. So first off, take a look at the emotions you've attached to it. Then figure out why? If you contemplate this a bit it may help you see this is not serving you any good. As for a text, I'd just skip right over that and cut at forms of communication. You can do this.

 

Mea

[meggiemay]

Meggiemay, i so understand you. Im not sure why i let myself get into this also. I was very naive and was only thinking in the moment and didnt realize i was hurting myself in the long run. I just hope one day both of us can wake up and not care about OM anymore or at least be able to go through a day without wanting to talk to them. Im so sorry you feel the way you do. Im sure both of us wouldnt have put ourselves where we are now if we knew we would feel this way. Lesson learned. My H and I are going through a rough time currently also. He would move mountains for me and im struggling with the realization of i may not have it in me anymore.....im seeking IC to sort things out. Post here to stay strong. We can help each other. [/quote

 

Sadly right now if OM contacted me again and wanted to resume what we had I would jump at the chance. I was so ready for it to turn into a PA. He was and then he would change his mind - always saying he didn't think I could do that to my H and that when H returned home I would fall back in love with him. He also was very worried about this being completely on the QT - with them working together there could be a big fallout if we had a PA. When I asked him if H and I weren't together anymore what his excuse would be, he said he wouldn't have one anymore. I have fallen very hard for him. I haven't had any of these feelings for a very, very long time. It was like that side of me has woken up and I very much want that in my life. In that respect my therapist says that is likely the reason this fellow came along ... he showed me that there is a part of life I truly am missing and need to have. My H says he is very much in love with me and he too would move mountains for me, but there isn't a spark there at all. He is so not into intimacy. That part has never been stellar in our lives and I wish I'd listened to that little voice years ago that sometimes said to myself "is this all there is?" ...

 

Like I said my last couple of days have been tough ... what do I do in my throes of tears, but I write a text to OM ... telling him how hard my last two days have been, that I miss having his listening ear to talk to, that he doesn't need to answer me, but I just need to tell someone ... told him how H and I talked about separating and then asked if there was a possibility we could still chat - JUST chat .... now I did NOT send it - actually deleted it now. But that is my first inclination ... run to OM. He has been my shoulder to cry on throughout this and I miss that. I feel this is the point when life is even tougher with hubby home and this is when I need him more than ever ... but I know that is all so silly and that it isn't going to happen.

 

I think my meds need to be increased as I am only on the initial low dose. The crying is exhausting me and makes me look awful

 

I can't pm you or I would ... not sure how many posts I need to be able to do that ... thanks for understanding I am a good mom and a good person ... I love my H, more in a care for him kind of way - not an 'in love' way. It is all so very confusing and uncertain right now and that just feels so overwhelming

[wasntlooking]

Im not sure when you can pm either, i think you need a certain number of posts. Im here to talk whenever you need to so pm me when u can. I think we feel the same about a lot of things. Its nice knowing im not the only one. 8) hang in there, keep writing those texts and never send them, they may help. I tried messages never to be sent and it did help sometimes. I honestly take one minute at a time........

[meggiemay]

Im not sure when you can pm either, i think you need a certain number of posts. Im here to talk whenever you need to so pm me when u can. I think we feel the same about a lot of things. Its nice knowing im not the only one. 8) hang in there, keep writing those texts and never send them, they may help. I tried messages never to be sent and it did help sometimes. I honestly take one minute at a time........

 

 

Yes - one minute at a time ... it is hard. I think about him a lot throughout the day. I am sure it isn't the same on his end though ... I did send a text last night that I think closed it for me ... as much as I said I wouldn't text him last night I had this urge to ... just said that I wouldn't be bothering him anymore but that if he ever wanted to contact me he knew where I am. Not sure if that was good or not ... but I wanted to send it because the previous text had been asking him to be in touch to talk and I'd just never heard from him. I said I guess I got my answer when you didn't reply ... so it is done.

 

Of course I'm at the stage of holding out hope he will be in touch ... but I know that is more fantasy than reality. I have fallen hard - I think it gave me a chance to focus on something pleasurable instead of all the crap going on in my house. Why I continue to want this I do not know ... I know I am not happy here at home ... but even if that ends in my logical thought I do know that jumping into a relationship even if he was available would not be a smart move ... but my heart would likely leap at the chance. Crazy eh?

[Realist3]

This may sound harsh, but given all your issues going on at home I don't see you could possibly think an affair would be a good idea. Yes, I'm sure the EA was an escape for you and made you feel good, but it was just adding more problems to an already bad situation. As you mentioned you fell so hard... and it was way too fast. Way too fast. You have to realize that your EA partner saw red flag after red flag of continuing this with you. Being needy in any relationship is a huge turnoff and an even bigger one in an affair. With your texts after he tried to end it, it more than likely strongly confirmed to him that he made the right decision. If that is how you reacted after just two months, imagine what it would have been like after 6 months. Two months is a blip in time no matter how many messages were exchanged or what was said. You have a lot on your plate coming up, hopefully you can focus on what is best for you and your kids because it is not going to be easy. Best of luck.