Which moves you : Actions or Words?

[AjisenHi]

Hello Everyone,

 

BACKSTORY

My sister DSM, one 9 year old D, is 3 years into an A with a MOM with 2 kids, ages 8 and 5. When they started, they were not work colleagues but he was a volunteer at a school project in his home country and they clicked. She had just come out of a emotionally abusive and a little physical abuse marriage ( no hitting but flicking with fingers etc ). He was in an unhappy M. <DUH>.

 

They were getting along but he was not moving out of his M. She brought him to a family occasion early on and he revealed he was married to a relative. Our parents freaked, Mom especially, but they continued to see each other when Sis was on project in his home country.

 

When I spoke to him 2 years ago, he said that he loved his kids and hadn't told his parents about their relationship as he was going to wait for 2 years because a fortune teller said his parents would pass away around that time.

 

OK.

 

Now, IMO that is bullcr@p. But she swallows it. Then He says He is a pure Vegetarian because he made a vow for the birth of a son. He now eats meat. My Sis says it proves how much he loves her because it is inconvenient to be pure Veg when they go out for meals.

 

 

My Question is this :

 

Why doesn't my Sis see his actions differ from his words of love and devotion to his family (which makes him look like a good guy) and what he actually does?

 

Thanks for reading

[whichwayisup]

The guy is so full of shi.t!

 

When I spoke to him 2 years ago, he said that he loved his kids and hadn't told his parents about their relationship as he was going to wait for 2 years because a fortune teller said his parents would pass away around that time.

 

But also . Real fortune tellers or psychics do not give bad news like this. Again, he's full of crap.

 

Your sister is going to do what she's going to do, obviously she loves him and believes the lies he's telling her. Sadly, she's probably gonna have to learn some painful lessons and suffer heartbreak before she wakes up and sees him for who he is.

 

Be supportive when she needs to talk, a shoulder and all, but don't enable her A. She knows deep down what she is doing is not healthy or good for her, let alone she's helping this guy betray and cheat on his wife. Encourage her to love and respect herself, that she deserves someone who will love and adore her and not a MM.

[AjisenHi]

Thanks for the reply whichwayisup

 

She is my sister whatever happens and I will be there for her. It's just really frustrating that she seems to have put a whole lot of trust in a rather untrustworthy man. Not even that, it's like she put her brain on vacation.

 

I know a lot of it is escapism as MM comes to visit on Valentine's Day etc. Sis leaves her daughter with me when she goes out now as I voiced that she should not be letting her daughter have contact with MM unless she is sure this will be the "one". MM really resents me for this but I just don't want my niece to grow up thinking it's ok to go out with married men. They used to pick up my niece for a fun Afternoon before going out by themselves at night.

 

Is this enabling her A? It's like trying to navigate a minefield here. Sis is an adult and I should let her live her life but she seems to be in a cloud somewhere and I don't know if I am doing the right thing.

 

MM's W found out about a year ago and they are going through a D which her father is pushing her to contest. It's really making my head spin because my Sis now says that he will be moving to our country and leaving his beloved children with his (in his view) incompetent wife. Again, my Sis takes this as more proof if their love.

 

Has there come a time when the OW recognises that words and action don't tally?

 

What I mean is, what is the wake up moment and how can I get my Sis to see clearly?

 

Or is it just that I am such a cynic about this guy?

 

Thanks in advance

Edited February 18, 2014 by AjisenHi
Add: MM's wife found out And they are going thru a D.

[peaksandvalleys]

Actions. My ex husband showed me by his actions that he did not want to be married to me so my actions showed him that I was willing to help him fulfill his needs.