Juno Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Why?? We had not been a couple for over 5 years, but always kept in touch every six months or so. During this time he cultivated a relationship, moved in with this woman, bought a house, got engaged & ultimately married. Not once did he give any hint that all of this was going on with him. He even went as far as to state that he didn't want or have time for a relationship as it would only distract from his career. With this understanding we toyed with the idea of getting back together, but it never happened. It was more of a flirt, then we would go and live our separate lives until another six months would pass and we would reconnect. On one of these occasions he happened to send me a picture of himself at an event. When I enlarged the picture I could clearly see that he was wearing a gold ring on married ring finger. When I asked about it he said it was a gift from an old girlfriend. I furthered asked why wear it on "that" finger? With that he ended our conversation & began our next 6 month hiatus. Like clockwork almost 6 month to the day he connected he. Small talk at first, then I directed the conversation to our last chat & "that" ring. It was like pulling teeth, but he ultimately fessed up that he was married. I immediately congratulated him & his response was "thank, I think". Not the response I expected from a newlywed. As the conversation progressed he said he was not happy, but would not go into details. He said he needed to see me to see if sparks remained & if he has made a mistake. He persisted over the next few days & weeks but I continued to tell him to go to his wife. I know it is all about the chase with him, but still I am baffled. Insight please???
jwi71 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Why?? We had not been a couple for over 5 years, but always kept in touch every six months or so. During this time he cultivated a relationship, moved in with this woman, bought a house, got engaged & ultimately married. Not once did he give any hint that all of this was going on with him. He even went as far as to state that he didn't want or have time for a relationship as it would only distract from his career. With this understanding we toyed with the idea of getting back together, but it never happened. It was more of a flirt, then we would go and live our separate lives until another six months would pass and we would reconnect. On one of these occasions he happened to send me a picture of himself at an event. When I enlarged the picture I could clearly see that he was wearing a gold ring on married ring finger. When I asked about it he said it was a gift from an old girlfriend. I furthered asked why wear it on "that" finger? With that he ended our conversation & began our next 6 month hiatus. Like clockwork almost 6 month to the day he connected he. Small talk at first, then I directed the conversation to our last chat & "that" ring. It was like pulling teeth, but he ultimately fessed up that he was married. I immediately congratulated him & his response was "thank, I think". Not the response I expected from a newlywed. As the conversation progressed he said he was not happy, but would not go into details. He said he needed to see me to see if sparks remained & if he has made a mistake. He persisted over the next few days & weeks but I continued to tell him to go to his wife. I know it is all about the chase with him, but still I am baffled. Insight please??? I think he's fishing...and, uh, not for actual fish. If you wish to be the OW...based on the above, I'd say the position was open and he might be looking to fill the role. If you do not wish to be the OW...then don't. Still be his friend though. Although, every 6 months to contact sounds less like friend and more like "one more for old times sake". Your life. Your choice. Your consequence.
Author Juno Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 I don't want to be an "OW", however I do feel on any given day, in a moment of weakness I might give in. I don't know why, I don't want to but I might and I am angry with myself for even considering it. Nothing good would come from it, only heartache.
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I immediately congratulated him & his response was "thank, I think". Not the response I expected from a newlywed. See I took that as more like he was surprised you congratulated him after everything. He's led you on, omitted stuff from you and obviously doesn't respect you very much to keep this hidden for so long. Don't bother with this cat/mouse chase game. You need to ditch this guy as he's married now and not worth chasing. Find a single guy worthy of spending time with you.
Author Juno Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Not sure he omitted this from me for a year is due to lack of respect. I did ask why he didn't tell me and he said he feared I would never speak to him again.
kalimata Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 This guy sounds like a creep. Jettison him like a piece of shyte to the bottom of the ocean floor. Move on with your life. Tell his wife what he has been up to in his spare time.
BetrayedH Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 As a man, I can say that it's amazing the amount of time and effort we'll put into grooming a woman to be a future sexual partner. Don't mistake it for anything else. If you do, you'll just have a married man for a boyfriend. Even if you managed to steal him away and marry him, you'd just open the vacancy for another "other woman." You're being played. And so is his wife. 2
Author Juno Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 This guy sounds like a creep. Jettison him like a piece of shyte to the bottom of the ocean floor. Move on with your life. Tell his wife what he has been up to in his spare time. Lol @ your reply. I became mad at him once & told him I would tell his wife about his antics & he said he could care less if I did. He said he was unhappy & divorce was likely.
Author Juno Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 As a man, I can say that it's amazing the amount of time and effort we'll put into grooming a woman to be a future sexual partner. Don't mistake it for anything else. If you do, you'll just have a married man for a boyfriend. Even if you managed to steal him away and marry him, you'd just open the vacancy for another "other woman." You're being played. And so is his wife. I think with him it's the thrill of sneaking around. It adds an additional layer of excitement to the sexual experience. After all that is how he got his current wife...she was married when they met & then began an affair. He may be bored now.
BetrayedH Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I think with him it's the thrill of sneaking around. It adds an additional layer of excitement to the sexual experience. After all that is how he got his current wife...she was married when they met & then began an affair. He may be bored now. Good gravy. He sound like a real winner, I mean, weiner. 2
BetrayedH Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Lol @ your reply. I became mad at him once & told him I would tell his wife about his antics & he said he could care less if I did. He said he was unhappy & divorce was likely. A bluff, to be sure. 1
Author Juno Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 A bluff, to be sure. Bluff...I thought so too, but he said he would spend an entire weekend with me to prove it. Unsure how he would account for his absence with his wife. He seemed not to care. Btw...I did not take him up on his offer, but some days I ask myself why not?
imperfectangel Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 him offering to do it and actually following through are different things I'm sure he'll be v "busy" on the weekends you'd be free
BetrayedH Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 but some days I ask myself why not? If you did, I'm curious about what the best-case scenario end-game would be.
Author Juno Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 If you did, I'm curious about what the best-case scenario end-game would be. Exactly! The above is what has prevented me from taking him up on his offer. There could be no happy end game. Sometimes I wonder why look for a happily ever after. Are we not sophisticated enough to just enjoy time spent with each other? Listen, the novelty is not there. We have dated each other in the past. There is no sense of discovery, so could it actually be more that draws us to each other? Ugh! I'm just crazy...I know better!
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