OLD.. feeling very overwhelmed!

[ashy555]

I was actually dating someone recently for 3 months which ended about 1 month ago. It wasn't a huge deal as it was only 3 months but I still feel a little hurt by it as it seemed to get quite serious at one stage. I think I am okay now. I actually feel pretty good considering previous experiences. I think I may actually be getting used to the feeling of being messed around with

 

Anyway, people were telling me to try OLD. I had a look and saw that it seems to have a lot of genuine guys who are mature minded and actually LOOKING for a proper relationship which is what I want...

 

So about a week and a half ago I made a profile up. I was pretty excited at first.

Then the response I got was extremely overwhelming. Within a week I had over 200 messages(or free kisses asking to email me) I currently have about 5 people who I am messaging. They all seem like extremely lovely guys.. and they are all reasonably attractive. I am finding it really hard though and am starting to regret signing up. I'm feeling like maybe I am not ready.. Or I worry too much.

 

I have been asked out to dinner by three of them. I don't want a proper date. I want coffee first which I have said. One guy is talking to me like we are pretty much going to be in a relationship. He is a chef and tells me he will cook this or that for me. When I told him about a place I have in the country, he said I will have to take him there. I am meeting up with him on Thursday but I am starting to feel a little sick. He seems so invested already and is already talking to his friends about me. In the past, anyone who has come on too strong has always fizzled just as quick and I am really wary of this. I feel it's usually a sign of insecurity and possible immaturity. Im 23 and he is 24. My dad has already warned me that no men under the age of 25 are allowed in the house

 

I have a bad habit of focusing on the negatives.. before you know it I am thinking of what to say when I reject him and I haven't even gotten to know him. I would never just ignore him. I am always honest. I think way too much and am already thinking of a way to tell this guy I'm not interested. Why can't i just take things as they comes and go with the flow.. :mad:

 

Another guy asked me how my experience with OLD has been so far. I said it was overwhelming and he replied with "Aww I thought I was going to be the only one your were speaking to.. haha jokes" We have pretty much been sending each other essays and he seems really nice but i judge way too quickly.

 

I still think about my previous guy and it makes me feel a little down. I still cannot activate my facebook yet as it causes way too much anxiety(between my ex and my best friend), but I am finding myself very attracted to other men and I think I am over it.. next minute memories of him pop in my head. Should I just be honest with every guy and say that I am dating a few different people?! Might take a bit of the pressure off.

 

The weird thing is.. I am not so much scared of being rejected. I am actually terrified of rejecting. Maybe I am not ready, and I feel awful for making a profile. I've never had a relationship as I have only ever dated arrogant jerks. Or maybe I am just overwhelmed. Meeting a stranger actually makes my heart race. If i don't feel instant attraction, then I walk away without getting to know them. I love it when I feel instant attraction, but it is rare and dangerous territory. I've been told falling in love takes time.

 

Is it normal to feel like this when getting started?

[HappyLove]

First and foremost CALM DOWN!

 

You haven't met any of these people yet stop thinking 10 steps ahead. No, do not tell them you are dating others, because guess what.....they are doing it TOO! Don't for one second think you're the only woman they are talking to. And don't for one minute fall for the guys who act like you're the only one when they haven't even met you yet. Stick with your coffee dates, keep it to an hour long. And don't look too surprised when they look nothing like their pictures.

 

Good luck!

[ashy555]

First and foremost CALM DOWN!

 

You haven't met any of these people yet stop thinking 10 steps ahead. No, do not tell them you are dating others, because guess what.....they are doing it TOO! Don't for one second think you're the only woman they are talking to. And don't for one minute fall for the guys who act like you're the only one when they haven't even met you yet. Stick with your coffee dates, keep it to an hour long. And don't look too surprised when they look nothing like their pictures.

 

Good luck!

 

One of my worst qualities is thinking 10 steps ahead

Its silly i know. I will try to relax. Some of them really go in for the kill ey'.

"When can I take you out to dinner" blah blah. Its full on. I don't want dinner, one reason being I don't want to feel like I owe them anything.

I only want coffee, even if you are the most gorgeous guy around.

[isisisweeping]

I felt the same! I think it's normal. I just got a few, quickly took the conversation to the phone, and disabled my profile. You can always put it back up once you get to know those guys if it's not a good match.

 

 

Try to relax and enjoy

[ashy555]

I felt the same! I think it's normal. I just got a few, quickly took the conversation to the phone, and disabled my profile. You can always put it back up once you get to know those guys if it's not a good match.

 

 

Try to relax and enjoy

 

Actually that is a great idea. I think I might try do that as soon as possible. Thankyou!

[Tayken]

You split 3 months ago, and you are already back in the saddle? Wow.....whatever happened to pause, re-evaluate, lessons learned, and just taking a breather?

 

I think you are more caught up in the amount of messages you've got and your self esteem...like you needed it to reassure yourself that there is nothing wrong with you?

 

The things is, most women that sign up to OLD sites, will get pestered by guys, and a lot of them are just after "tapping that", just like most women.

 

All you've told us about these guys is that "they are quite attractive" is your main priority? I mean what happened with you and your ex, why did it end in the first place...was it a matter of there was nothing there beyond attraction?

 

I think you should focus on ...do these guys have a job, do they have kids and how involved are they, can they communicate past "hey sexy", any hobbies / interests, etc. I mean are you yourself someone that has other things going for her to offer in a relationship beyond sex?

[salparadise]

My advice would be to not get nearly this invested before meeting. Use the site to identify a few who look like possibilities, then meet in person as soon as possible. It's a terrible waste of emotional energy (not to mention time) to get expectations all ratcheted up just to find that you don't really resonate. Going to dinner with someone you're not sure you're attracted to is even worse. Exchange a couple of messages and set up a coffee date/interview to decide who to date.

[ashy555]

You split 3 months ago, and you are already back in the saddle? Wow.....whatever happened to pause, re-evaluate, lessons learned, and just taking a breather?

 

I think you are more caught up in the amount of messages you've got and your self esteem...like you needed it to reassure yourself that there is nothing wrong with you?

 

The things is, most women that sign up to OLD sites, will get pestered by guys, and a lot of them are just after "tapping that", just like most women.

 

All you've told us about these guys is that "they are quite attractive" is your main priority? I mean what happened with you and your ex, why did it end in the first place...was it a matter of there was nothing there beyond attraction?

 

I think you should focus on ...do these guys have a job, do they have kids and how involved are they, can they communicate past "hey sexy", any hobbies / interests, etc. I mean are you yourself someone that has other things going for her to offer in a relationship beyond sex?

 

No, we only dated for 3 months. It was never official, but I met his family, his friends and his work colleagues vice versa. It was an instant attraction as we had known OF each other for a few years prior. I thought it was getting close but it ended by him just ignoring me and fading me out about a month ago. Same as what every other guy has done. When I look back on it I realised he was arrogant and not right for me..

I have been hurt many many times before. Well actually every time. Last year I gave myself a good long 12 month break from getting involved with anyone as I wanted to try find my own happiness. I actually succeeded and seemed to have found myself, and it seems I have lost myself again(wow this is the first time I am actually having a cry over it ) He came onto me like a tonne of bricks. It was obviously physical attraction I am assuming which then quickly faded on his behalf, which I have accepted. It worked out for the best I KNOW that!

 

I have to say I judge by their photo first, but I also judge by what they have to say. I have come across quite a few attractive men but can see possible red flags and no common interests, so have told them I am not interested. The men i am speaking to seem to be what I am looking for. They all have proper jobs. They come across as extremely genuine, interested and mature. I just have an inkling that I did jump into this way too quickly. I think I am actually only realising it right this minute(hence the tears). I feel silly because I dated this guy for only 3 months and I let him have such an effect on me. I know he was not right for me but I think you are right in saying that it has definitely effected my self-esteem once again. I mean I KNOW that I appear as attractive at first. I'm not self conscious about that in any way, but it seems it has always been infatuation/physical attraction for them at first.. then once they have gotten to know me or gotten bored of me, they run. I am a kind, caring, and loyal girl and I'm not clingy in the slightest. I can be quite shy at first. Its simply that I haven't found the right one. I wasn't even in a relationship.. I have never been in one, but kind of realising that I don't want one once again. I have always been unlucky. I am very confused. I am considering just ending it with all of them ..

[Tayken]

I have always been unlucky. I am very confused. I am considering just ending it with all of them ..

 

This....Listen to what you've just said here, and try and follow through with it! What am getting from your post, is that you somehow feel the need to be in a relationship, and once that becomes obvious, history is going to repeat itself

 

Just have friends if you can, even if they come with benefits...at least that way you know there isn't any emotional ties to it.

 

I am deeply sorry to hear what you've been through, and please note that am just calling it as I see it.....you have concurred with some of the things have said.

 

Hang in there sis....

[HappyLove]

I actually think the opposite. I think you need to get out there, don't expect much, and have some coffee dates. You NEED a change of pace to see that the last guy was ONLY 3 months and really not worth all this heartache. I think it'll do you some good. Just don't think these guys are gonna be anything great because with OLDing you never know... I myself am over OLDing but I think this may do you some good and help you move on.

 

I've been there before dated someone 3 months he went POOF. I was VERY upset. And you know what made me get over him.....meeting somebody else! I was finally able to wake up and see that we really weren't a great match to begin with.