collegeguy_24 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Hello all, I am in need of some advice, and frankly I have a hard time getting help from my friends. This is going to be long, so please forgive the length. Here is some background: I am 28 year old man. I met this girl on OK Cupid about 2 weeks ago, she is 23. We went on a first date, it ended well. No physical contact, we just went to dinner and watched tv at my place, that was her suggestion. Date 2: I took her to the local hot springs, she looked good in a bikini, and I told her so. I held her hand all day, she let me rub her legs. We even made out in the sauna. Afterwards we go to my place, eat and watch a movie, cuddling tightly the whole time. We then start making out, I ask her if she wants to go to my room or stay in the living room. We ended up having sex. Date 3: Lunch date. It ended awkwardly. She asked what I was looking for and I told her I don't know, I'm just taking this one date at a time and enjoying her company, we will have to see where it goes. Later on that day I get a message from her saying relationship stuff makes her nervous, and she is sorry for being a spaz. She still wants to go out, just go slow. I'm ok with that, I don't want to rush. We plan a 4th date, and she gets super excited, talking about it and showing a lot of interest in us. THen on the morning of the date I get a text from her saying she is not a relationship person at all, and that she shouldn't be dating at all and that this makes her feel weird. I tell her its ok we can go slower if she wants, no rush. She says that we should take a step back, and that it just doesn't feel right now, it should be easy but instead she is uncomfortable, maybe we can hangout again but its not working for her right now for a relationship. I understand completely, I tell her I won't pressure her or rush her, I am just taking it one day a time. I also say I will give her some space and contact her in 3 days, this was last thursday. I did contact her yesterday, the end of the three days. we talked about video games at first, then about how her and I usually get stuck helping others and the detrimental effect it has on our own lives. We then talk about more video games. We talked about playing multiplayer together briefly, but she neither said no, but she hinted at yes without saying it. I then get a text from her this morning telling me about her night playing the game, how her morning is going at work, and such. We eventually talk about how awkward we are meeting new people, and it goes well. That was it, I haven't heard from her in a few hours. She is still at work I know that could be a reason. Now here is more information about her: She doesn't like to initiate anything, at all. I have to ask her out, she doesn't. When I ask her she gets excited and enjoyed herself. When I hold her hand, she squeezes it. When I kiss her, she deepens the kiss by grabbing me and pulling me tighter. When I asked if she wanted to have sex, she got up, dragged me to my room and that was it. She doesn't even initiate text messaging 9/10 times. I have to, and when I do she gets into it. She also told me she doesn't like sharing things about herself or her life, but with me she will forget that and give me information that I didn't even ask for. So I initiate most things. Now we haven't talked about her blow up thursday morning. But I do want to ask her if she wants to get together again, not a date, but just to hangout with no expectation and relax and to make that clear. Is that a good idea? Also, I want to bring up what happened thursday, because she was so interested and so into us when she freaked and closed up. I want to talk to her about setting boundaries, I want to ask if she still wants the cuddling, kissing, and the sex. If dates in the near future are a good idea? Just set the boundaries that way I don't push them without knowing better. I don't want to push her, but at the same time I don't want to miss out if she wants to continue. She doesn't give many signs, she just smiles and thats it. So its mostly guesswork. Thats why I want to talk to her about this, that way I don't scare her off with my advances to fast.
ChatroomHero Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 talking about of this that seems like you are missing the point, it makes her feel awkward to discuss the relationship stuff. IMO you need to just ask her next time if you can "come over and make her tingle" and leave it at that, no deep discussion, just have fun for a bit without pressing and I bet she stops freaking out after a while.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 She did tell me she likes to smoke a little something, would that make a good invite?
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