nowimnothing Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I am new to this forum and I am really here because I just broke up with my long term boyfriend a little over two hours ago and I'm afraid I may try to run back to him. This will probably get long and I truly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and offer any words that could help me. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We have been best friends for half of our lives and have a very close love and connection so it kills me that I had to do this, to break up with him. The reason I have done this is because of his on going severe addiction to alcohol. My boyfriend has been drinking since the young age of 12 and his father is also a raging alcoholic. For the first few years of our relationship, I was in major denial about his sever alcoholism until one day his mother sat me down and told me that I was in denial. Ever since then, I have started to really open my eyes to his problem. He lies about it, he hides the alcohol and there have been MANY days which have been completely ruined because of his drinking which I won't go into too much detail but I'm sure anyone who has been close to an alcoholic knows what I mean. After these such instances, he is always full of apologies and makes many promises he will never keep. He will openly admit he is an alcoholic, but when I confront him about how much it is ruining his life, he down plays it and makes me feel like I am the one who is wrong for thinking there is a problem with him and it always gets turned around into me being the issue, not his drinking problem. In the end, he always manages to 'sooth' me issues and we end up staying together even though I know being with an alcoholic is ruining my life and I end up staying because I am just so entirely in love with him. Today I woke up and went into his room where I found a half empty 40 ounce bottle of vodka next to his bed (he always keeps his liquor very close by and coddles it, and gets very mad if I try to look in his bags where he hides it) and I just got so mad I lost it! I told him he was an alcoholic pig and I couldn't stand to watch him slowly die from this poison and that he had a choice to make, me or the bottle. Again, he down played the whole thing, asked me if I was on my 'period' and told me I need to calm down. I told him I was serious and to choose and leave if he chooses his bottle. Well, he left and his took that damn bottle with him. I told him it's over, don't talk to me anymore. Now, I'm so unbelievably heart broken over this. It almost feels like it is not real and my fear is that he will call tonight and like a stupid idiot I will take him back, but this time I don't want to. I know this is what needs to be done and I don't want to take him back, but it is so hard over all these years I have accumulated so many things of his and it's hard not to look around my house and see him in almost everything surrounding me. I want to stay strong and stick to my guns, but I am so afraid that I will just take him back and this vicious cycle will just start all over again. I'm sorry this is so long, there is just so much I need to get out and I feel incredibly vulnerable right now. I don't know what I'm looking for here; advice or other wise...maybe some one will have some words which will help me... thank you for your time. 1
sidney2718 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I'm sure others will be along with other opinions, but in my opinion you've done the right thing. Very few alcoholics can quit without help. And help means a qualified counselor or a group like AA. He needs to want to give up alcohol. You cannot make him do it. But if you stay with him you will sooner or later bury him -- if worse things do not happen. I know that this is awful for you and I'm really sympathetic. But this is the real world and none of us has a magic wand that can make it all better. What can change his mind about getting help? Nagging won't do it, yelling won't do it. About the only thing I can think of is to take away something he wants. And that thing is YOU. Do NOT take him back. All that will happen is that you will go through this same drama again in a couple of weeks. It will be very painful for you, but DO NOT take him back. 1
Author nowimnothing Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Thank you Sidney, you have reiterated some things I said to him today. I told him, I do not want to be with a man I love so deeply simply to have to bury him before he turns 40. I truly hope this will be the 'rock bottom' which he needs to get him to decide to quit drinking, not for me, but for himself. 1
pickflicker Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I'm a bit worried about your username. If you're nothing without your partner, that is indeed a sad indictment of your relationship.
Author nowimnothing Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I'm sorry to have caused concern over my username,it is actually a nine inch nails song I use as a nickname online quite often, I guess not a great choice for this particular forum 1
pickflicker Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I'm sorry to have caused concern over my username,it is actually a nine inch nails song I use as a nickname online quite often, I guess not a great choice for this particular forum That makes me feel a LOT better. \m/ I was a bit worried there for a moment!
Poppyolive Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Be brave dear you did the right thing because I'm sure its work you down, the blame, mind games, hurt & frustration. I'm sure the dynamic has become like mother & son...I know I was in a long term relationship with my ex for 6 years, marriage & kids planned, goals, traveling all sorts but his drinking broke us down, it withered me, the promises, apologies are all buying time. Wasting yours, you've wasted enough. Its not going to change. I stuck by my boy worked my ass off to help. He like your knew he had a problem would cry then then another time he would play it down...not a big deal...etc...our relationship got worse. Summer festival in aug he just wanted to DRI k in the beer garden I suggested he take a break and come check out the bands, he said no...I suggested I go and find him later he told me to f##k off. Proceeded to tell me how much I don't care about him. Next morning our drive home he was angry at me, told me he was done. No conversation, nothing. I accepted it vecaut that although hurtful was a sign he couldn't change, I have been harassed & threatened for months...my advice is you did the right thing. It will become very clear to you when you spend some time healing, box up his things, surround yourself with friends, family as nd things that make you happy. All you need to know is he took the bottle, hes first love is alcohol. He chose it over you. Like my ex he chose alcohol over me. It's been a challenging ride, ive learned some valuable lessons, read others stories, write here, write to me. This move could be the exact thing that guides him towards help...all I know is it doesnt stop....go back to him stay another 1,2,3 years its not going to change, tip that bandaid off & heal. Xxxx
Poppyolive Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Excuse the spelling sent from my phone...fat fingers small keyboard
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