RedRobin Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I was having dinner with an old friend recently, and he suggested I should join Mensa as a way to possibly meet compatible men. I've thought about joining Mensa in the past, but it felt a little pretentious. All those people waving it around how smart they are. It just never felt right to me. There was another thread floating around about how tough it can be if you are different... It occurred to me that if it is true that only 1% of the population has an IQ over 130, then maybe it isn't such a horrible idea to find a place or group of people you fit in so you don't feel like a freak. Not much different than joining a running or hiking group perhaps. On the other hand, I wonder how a meeting at Mensa would go. I wonder if it would just be a bunch of people all sitting around trying to prove how smart they are. Doesn't sound like a lot of fun. Anyone here have experience with this group?? I've heard that the ratio is 67% men and 33% women. Definitely odds in my favor
pteromom Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 It's another avenue to meet men, so DO IT. Worst case scenario: you will attend a meeting and it will suck, and you'll have a funny story. 6
Author RedRobin Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 At least someone has a sense of humour I am a member by the way, but I haven't been active for a while. Got married, had kid, separated and all that, being a father, working, other hobbies (running marathons, photography, gardening, volunteering, mentoring kids etc) Who me? I have no sense of humor. Ask anyone here, lol. So, when you were a member, did you go to any of the meetings? What was it like? I went to one eons ago... with a guy I was dating. He was pretty snobby about it though. Probably what put me off. Had it on his license plate and talked about it a lot. I recently joined a social group where I work... Where I work is populated by a large number of highly educated people. That too... I kind of veered away from in the past due to my dislike of showboating. I'm not opposed to dating a man where I work as long as its not in the same department.
Tayken Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Who me? I have no sense of humor. Ask anyone here, lol. So, when you were a member, did you go to any of the meetings? What was it like? I went to one eons ago... with a guy I was dating. He was pretty snobby about it though. Probably what put me off. Had it on his license plate and talked about it a lot. I recently joined a social group where I work... Where I work is populated by a large number of highly educated people. That too... I kind of veered away from in the past due to my dislike of showboating. I'm not opposed to dating a man where I work as long as its not in the same department. We are in different countries I assume? At the time, I was living on another continent so my experience had culture tied into it. However, it was a friendly relaxed atmosphere, no different from your typical clubs in high school and at university....i.e. Maths, debating, photography clubs I'll say find the courage and just attend one, perhaps bring a friend along with you as a "guest"? Do you have other hobbies that you can use as avenues to meet people? i.e. photography, volunteering, walk/run clubs etc?
M30USA Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 The last time I had my IQ taken I was in elementary school and I scored low because I had ADHD. OP, what is your IQ? If you said it already, I'm sorry, it must be my ADHD kicking in.
Author RedRobin Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 We are in different countries I assume? At the time, I was living on another continent so my experience had culture tied into it. However, it was a friendly relaxed atmosphere, no different from your typical clubs in high school and at university....i.e. Maths, debating, photography clubs I'll say find the courage and just attend one, perhaps bring a friend along with you as a "guest"? Do you have other hobbies that you can use as avenues to meet people? i.e. photography, volunteering, walk/run clubs etc? That's good to know. I'm a member of lots of other activity groups. Just aren't that many single people around here.
gaius Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Something tells me not a lot of the guys there are going to look like Ryan Phillippe. If they did they wouldn't have to go around bragging about how smart they are. I hear about 40% of them are over 50 as well. Like you don't have enough old guys hitting on you already. I'm not sure whether I want to encourage you to go since you'd really have nothing to lose or be discouraging so you'll more than likely end up continuing posting here a lot, benefiting us. But I guess the first paragraph means it's the latter. 4
Author RedRobin Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 The last time I had my IQ taken I was in elementary school and I scored low because I had ADHD. OP, what is your IQ? If you said it already, I'm sorry, it must be my ADHD kicking in. Haven't been tested recently. Was tested a lot in school. Then there were SAT's, GRE's... did take the unofficial Mensa test one time. According to that, I qualify for Mensa (minimum IQ of 130).
FitChick Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Mensa members who are men are not that different to "normal" men. Some will still try to get into your pants before you want them to. I dated a guy who is a genius and a Mensa member. He is also a social snob and prude as well which is why I friend zoned him. I do enjoy learning new things from him, however. Our conversations are always lively and he's got a great sense of humor. You have nothing to lose.
Author RedRobin Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Something tells me not a lot of the guys there are going to look like Ryan Phillippe. If they did they wouldn't have to go around bragging about how smart they are. I hear about 40% of them are over 50 as well. Like you don't have enough old guys hitting on you already. I'm not sure whether I want to encourage you to go since you'd really have nothing to lose or be discouraging so you'll more than likely end up continuing posting here a lot, benefiting us. But I guess the first paragraph means it's the latter. You mean Ryan Gosling look alike I dated awhile back? He got a herniated disk in his neck and has put on a lot of weight. I'm not interested in going around bragging about how smart I am either... but I'm tired of feeling like a freak. I shouldn't feel like I need to dumb down in order to be attractive to a man. It hurts. "to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.” ... CS Lewis. It feels like I'm shoving myself into ever smaller boxes. You are funny. I imagine that most of these social groups don't have a lot of young(er) men. Jeez, I SO need to move to a different area. You live in Bahston, right? (yes, I know that's with an accent). Lots of smart people there. My ex-H was from Salem. 1
Author RedRobin Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Mensa members who are men are not that different to "normal" men. Some will still try to get into your pants before you want them to. I dated a guy who is a genius and a Mensa member. He is also a social snob and prude as well which is why I friend zoned him. I do enjoy learning new things from him, however. Our conversations are always lively and he's got a great sense of humor. You have nothing to lose. Well, at least they might stimulate my brain as well as my other parts. haha. It turns out that two of my best male friends are super geniuses. One of them is pretty out and undisputed. He holds maybe the top 2 or 3 highest number of patents at GE and can talk on just about anything. Not pretentious or the least bit rude. My other friend, the one who recommended Mensa, claims to have a 145 IQ, which I never knew... but having known him for awhile, I'm not surprised. Also super nice guy... if not a little hot-headed. Not rude though. Unfortunately, both of them are old enough to be my dad and married. All of the rude people I know aren't that smart. Uh oh. Maybe I'm not that smart
gaius Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 You mean Ryan Gosling look alike I dated awhile back? He got a herniated disk in his neck and has put on a lot of weight. I'm not interested in going around bragging about how smart I am either... but I'm tired of feeling like a freak. I shouldn't feel like I need to dumb down in order to be attractive to a man. It hurts. "to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.” ... CS Lewis. It feels like I'm shoving myself into ever smaller boxes. You are funny. I imagine that most of these social groups don't have a lot of young(er) men. Jeez, I SO need to move to a different area. You live in Bahston, right? (yes, I know that's with an accent). Lots of smart people there. My ex-H was from Salem. In a suburb a little outside now but I lived there for a few years growing up. About a block away from Symphony Hall and the Prudential Center. I still travel by your old stomping grounds on the T about once a month. Good at remembering colleges but first and last names, not so much. Should have seen some of the looks I've gotten from women after what I thought was their name came out of my mouth. Don't even ask what it is anymore most of the time, I've just given up. Anyway, Boston and the metro area has a lot of it's own snobbery that it needs to get over but I love it anyway. Come back if you do end up moving. There are guys who wouldn't hold the PhD against you. Must have gotten a little ping of satisfaction after you saw those extra pounds on the ex after what happened.
HokeyReligions Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I joined on a lark years ago. Its nothing special IMO. There are people from every socio-economic background that are members.. every profession. PhD and medical doctors. Lawyers and scientists. Astronauts and leaders of industry. Lunch ladies, janitors rough necks and teachers. Drop outs and artists. Moms and dads... people from all walks of life. I guess if some want to make clubs that separates the different lifestyles that might be a way to meet people with some common interests.
Weezy1973 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I'm not interested in going around bragging about how smart I am either... but I'm tired of feeling like a freak. I shouldn't feel like I need to dumb down in order to be attractive to a man. It hurts. It feels like I'm shoving myself into ever smaller boxes. I remember reading somewhere that couples tend to sort themselves out in two specific areas: attractiveness level and IQ. Joining Mensa can't hurt, and if you find someone that's as into health and fitness as you are (as most intelligent people should be), then go for it. Of course, he'll likely already be taken... 1
Author RedRobin Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 In a suburb a little outside now but I lived there for a few years growing up. About a block away from Symphony Hall and the Prudential Center. I still travel by your old stomping grounds on the T about once a month. Good at remembering colleges but first and last names, not so much. Should have seen some of the looks I've gotten from women after what I thought was their name came out of my mouth. Don't even ask what it is anymore most of the time, I've just given up. Anyway, Boston and the metro area has a lot of it's own snobbery that it needs to get over but I love it anyway. Come back if you do end up moving. There are guys who wouldn't hold the PhD against you. Must have gotten a little ping of satisfaction after you saw those extra pounds on the ex after what happened. Yes, it does. I got a taste of it when I was married. Even though they were from old money, they never made me feel like I was beneath them... I have my thoughts about that. As I've gotten older, I can understand more why they are a bit insular. ... and about the ex. I wouldn't exactly call him an ex. Just a guy I went out with for a couple of months who I really liked. That was a close one. I'll tell you... he is the one that inspired me to start looking into sociopaths. He was very good at faking empathy and care. Almost had me. I remember that I came here and kept telling people that something just wasn't right. He has fooled a few people... my good friend who 'recommended' him being one of them. He is smart that way. But not smart enough. As far as the weight goes... I doubt it has slowed him down much in the getting girls department. He still has all that muscle underneath the flab. He's like me that way... Spend a week in the gym and it all bounces right back. I joined on a lark years ago. Its nothing special IMO. There are people from every socio-economic background that are members.. every profession. PhD and medical doctors. Lawyers and scientists. Astronauts and leaders of industry. Lunch ladies, janitors rough necks and teachers. Drop outs and artists. Moms and dads... people from all walks of life. I guess if some want to make clubs that separates the different lifestyles that might be a way to meet people with some common interests. Interesting! If that is the case, then it might be up my alley. I'm not really keen on binning people by job title. I've run the gamut of activity groups. There is one guy in the hiking group that seems interesting. I've never met him... have just heard about him. I haven't been able to get on one of the hikes he's joined yet. Since it is winter, it tends to slow down and he doesn't seem to be the type to go to the "go out and drink" events. So yea, I have my 'target' list of guys I'm keen on getting to know better... in just about all the groups I'm in.
thefooloftheyear Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Intelligence comes in many forms....Esoteric "knowledge" doesnt impress me at all, even though I will hold claim to quite a bit of this useless knowledge..I've met a lot of scholarly folks who couldn't operate a kitchen appliance...And the most intelligent guy I know(outside of myself:p) is an ex con who is as good and sharp a businessman as you will ever see. As for RR, meh, its a novel idea and cant hurt....I just dont see it being any more effective than kissing a bunch of frogs...In fairness, I know nothing about the dating scene.. I wish you well though.. TFY
Els Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) Well... I'm not so sure about that. My guy and I are both members, though we didn't meet there. I didn't attend many of their gatherings, although the one that I did seemed like a normal gathering more than anything else - people were talking about family, food, pets, etc, and any number of things - so it isn't necessarily true that everyone in Mensa is a pretentious snob. However, most of the members I know in it are not exactly single - many are older and married with kids. Treat it like any other avenue, as pteromom says, and it won't hurt to try. Have you taken the test to get in yet? IIRC, you will have to pay to sit for an official test, and then if you qualify based on that test, pay again to join. Sounds like college admission, doesn't it? I took mine on a lark when it was free in college, but I'll probably let my membership expire eventually cause I wasn't too thrilled about paying $50 a year to stay in. Edited February 18, 2014 by Elswyth
Author RedRobin Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Well... I'm not so sure about that. My guy and I are both members, though we didn't meet there. I didn't attend many of their gatherings, although the one that I did seemed like a normal gathering more than anything else - people were talking about family, food, pets, etc, and any number of things - so it isn't necessarily true that everyone in Mensa is a pretentious snob. However, most of the members I know in it are not exactly single - many are older and married with kids. Treat it like any other avenue, as pteromom says, and it won't hurt to try. Have you taken the test to get in yet? IIRC, you will have to pay to sit for an official test, and then if you qualify based on that test, pay again to join. Sounds like college admission, doesn't it? I took mine on a lark when it was free in college, but I'll probably let my membership expire eventually cause I wasn't too thrilled about paying $50 a year to stay in. It wouldn't necessarily be JUST to meet men... also to expand my social circle. When I join a lot of activity groups around here, I have to hide or downplay what I do. Cut myself down and repeat over and over how degrees don't equal intelligence blah blah... which I believe but also shouldn't need to feel embarrassed about just because they don't have one. I mean, if someone feels bad about their accomplishments in life or whatever, they can go out and get one too... not rag on those who do. I'm not the one doing the comparing. I'm aware of the process to enter and remain a member. At least as long as I live in this area (small town) it might be worth the $50 just to not feel like such an outlier. That's the problem. If I were living in a bigger, thriving city I know for sure I wouldn't feel like this about my brains... maybe I'd feel like an outlier for other reasons (age, money, relationship status)... but I'd like to think that I'd have more room for free expression. My grad school was in a big city and felt more at home there intellectually than I have before or since. 1
Els Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Sure, then by all means go for it. I did meet a few interesting people, although they were mostly women or older/married guys.
Author RedRobin Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Sure, then by all means go for it. I did meet a few interesting people, although they were mostly women or older/married guys. Thank you for sharing your first hand experience. Very helpful! 1
janedoe67 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Even if it doesn't end up being a place you meet someone special, it sounds like it would be enjoyable for you. I can relate to the frustration of living in a very small, under-educated type area and lacking in intellectually stimulating friendships. Yes, that probably sounds "snobbish," but it's a fact in certain areas.
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I have thought about this too. Not sure if I would make the cut though. In my country they require an IQ of 142. I once was tested in my early twenties and had an IQ of 135 and I notice in many things that I am gifted but I am not a genius. It is however a fact that I could not be with a man who is not intelligent. Brains are a huge turn on for me, not so much in academic performance but if I feel that a guy is really intelligent, it always draws my attention. That's honey for my brain (and there is a direct link from my brain to my heart...). Ultimately I would prefer to meet people based on shared interests rather than on the result of an IQ test. I am smart but I also like to have fun. It's difficult to meet interesting available men though in clubs and organisations. I am doing yoga since a year and I was actually positively surprised that there are quite some men who are doing yoga. Nice to not only have a lot of yin but also some yang while doing yoga. There's even a guy who plays rugby who attends the studio now. Normally that's not really the body type I feel attracted to but boy that guy has one impressive body. he must weight something like 120 kilos I think but it's all muscles as far as I can see. That guy could lift me up with one hand...
salparadise Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Two of the women I've dated since being single again were in the 130+ range. One was a member and the other was not. One of my good friends may be the smartest person I've met, certifiable genius, and he refuses to join. He works at a university and says he deals with enough big egos at work. He is truly a humble guy who appreciates everyone and it really show in how he communicates without any air of superiority. Now of these two women, the one who is not a member has amazing emotional intelligence. Her understanding of people, capacity for empathy... whew! I don't know that I'll ever meet anyone like that again. She also refuses to join because joining would imply that she wants to be recognized in a certain way. The one who is a member is interesting for what she lacks in terms of EQ. Very little empathy, and really into being recognized. She makes a boatload of money and contributes tens of thousands every year to things like the symphony orchestra where it pays off in status, yet she will calculate a tip to the penny (15%) and I even saw her stiff a poor man once who shuttled her kayaks. I could go on about her but suffice it to say that I think she has some of the same deficits attributed to sociopaths. She used her intelligence to simulate the emotional aspects and did it pretty well at first, but that veil grew thin with time. This is all anecdotal, of course, but based on my own experience I think I'm far more likely to meet the kind of people I want to socialize with by engaging in activities I enjoy. I now consider EQ far more important than IQ, although they often go hand in hand. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 My wife is Mensa and I don't hold it against her.... G 1
Author RedRobin Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 This is all anecdotal, of course, but based on my own experience I think I'm far more likely to meet the kind of people I want to socialize with by engaging in activities I enjoy. I now consider EQ far more important than IQ, although they often go hand in hand. I wish I could say the same. I'm a member of a lot of different activity groups... I'm sure demographics plays a big role in this. It is very seldom that I come across a single attractive guy close to my age in any of my activity groups. I'm hoping the social network in my place of employment will offer more opportunities for friendship at least. Am just doing my best to leave no stone unturned. I wish I could be one of those people who could do long-distance or OLD, but just can't. Both of those dating avenues just leave me feeling more lonely, anxious, and aggravates what I know now is PTSD like issues related to my fiancé's death. Thanks for the insights.
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