Lietome Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I need help....I m broken....A few month's ago I found out that my husband has a women he has been having a relationship with for over three years. then I found out he has been cheating for over 25 years.....Some random pickups in bars...others more long term including women I know and who know me...He says he still loves me and wants to work it out. After trying for three months, I found out he was still in contact with the other woman.....When I asked him about it he said he would block her number...He's said this before and I know he's lying. How do I make this pain go away....How do I keep breathing...I feel so lost....I don't understand how I didn't know....I feel like I have no idea who he is....Am I going survive this? I feel so stupid...I can't believe I'm posting on a forum......but I have to dump this out somewhere...I've been crying all day and it doesn't appear to be ending soon....I've read alot of posts on here that have helped since finding out about the cheating...I need to know how to move on....create a new life without the person I thought I would be with forever.
Tripz Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 First off...So sorry this is happening to you. Truly my heart goes out to you. I know pretty much how you are feeling, as do all of us here, or we wouldn't have ever even found this place. Making the pain go away will take time, but I've found you have to point yourself in a new direction for it to go away faster. Until I started making up my mind to do something about my life, I just spun my wheels. I decided to end the relationship I had with my wife, since, like you, she was already in a long term relationship with someone else. The initial shock of finding out took quite awhile to deal with (am still dealing with it, but getting better). I was a basket case through all of Dec and most of January. Those 60 days or so were a blur and I don't really remember how I managed to get everything done that I got done. Contacted a lawyer, went through the process of filing for Dissolution of Marriage and a million other things including pretending that Christmas and New Year's was fun (for my son). You WILL start to feel better, but it isn't something that you can rush or even control all of the time. You begin to train your mind to not "go there" with certain thoughts. You also learn what triggers thoughts that send you reeling back to square one and try to stay away from them. Spending time on here has been probably one of the best ways I've managed getting through this hell. It's far from over, but the good days are starting to outnumber the bad. I'm actually feeling like it's becoming good hours over bad hours, now. You will also begin to feel stronger as your resolve strengthens. I don't think there is a one size fits all solution, as every is different, with different situations, but I do think the way the heart feels is the same. I had to go onto beta blockers just to keep my blood pressure down and that did help a little. Then one day, I just didn't need them anymore. Like you, I didn't know anything about what my spouse was doing. I was unhappy that she was spending so much time helping a mutual friend of ours through constant alcohol issues, but I'd never have believed that they would fall in love together. It still makes me sick to think of it, but even now, those feelings aren't as strong as in the initial finding out stages. No one can tell you what exactly you need to do, but for me, the affair is too much to reconcile from. I still love my wife dearly, but as I envision us going through counseling (If she would even want to come back), I just don't think I am willing to go through all the work anymore. We were together 25 years and that's a long time of hurts to work through. Seems easier to just work on my own issues, get myself healthy, responsible, disciplined and ready for any potential future relationship. Coming here may have been the best thing you could ever have done for you and your situation.
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