Annie767 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 At the moment I hate my ex and his new (termed loosely) woman. He broke up with me after 4 years, during this time I feel he led me on believing he wanted his own family (i gave him the option to call it if didnt want children a year ago- no fuss) but he didnt. This is the month we should of been beginning a new chapter and started trying for a baby. Instead he devastated the relationship and ran back to a desperate psycho ex, who has 3 kids by various fathers and is a desperate lying whore (his words). He then tried to get the message to me that she is getting her sterilisation reversed for him so they Could have a baby. Obviously this hurt me. She's pushing 40 years old , I'm 26, he's 31. (Since then someone told my sisters this is all bull**** and he was lying, he contacted my sister to say we all misunderstood- there were 4 people stood around phone when he said that to my aunt) Now my mother is concerned, she says I need to talk about it but I don't want to because it makes me angry. so she tries to get me to talk and all I can feel is anger towards him for doing it, and her desperate enough to take him back (they were both on the edge of nervous breakdowns the last time they were together) I do wish him harm and that it all comes crashing down around him. I want him to hurt like I did. I want her to suffer to. I know this is wrong but my mum thinks i should try and be happy for them . Why?!
iPhone Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Ehhh when my ex fiance of 4 years left me for a random felon we met a few weeks before, and I found out about it, I verbally crushed her. Tore her spirit apart, called her a pathological liar, told her grandparents how she REALLY was, etc. Part of me regrets it Part of me is glad I stood up and struck, for my own dignity. Overall, glad I did it. But the other part knows she has a bad life, this new guy is a useless piece of trash 11 years older than her, and I know everything is going to come crashing down and hit her like a train, so I shouldn't have been so mean. But like I said, overall, glad I did it. She deserved it. 2
somedude81 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I've been pissed at my ex for going on two months. My hand still hurts from when I punched a wall last night. 1
radiodarcy Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Anger is a normal healthy part of coping with a break up. If you don't feel happy for your ex then don't. Honor what you feel. I know when my ex contacted me after 7 months of hardcore NC to tell me had a new gf who was pregnant with his child, I certainly wasn't happy for him. And I didn't care if I was supposed to be or not. The way I see it, as long as you're not hurting anyone, you are entitled to feel however you like. If you can't own your feelings in all this, what else can you own? You need your dignity and validation as well; not someone telling you how you should feel. 2
Sandy99 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Think about how worse it would feel if he left you for a stable, successful, more compatible partner than you. Instead he left you for somebody that he most likely can't stay with. He's already left her before. His actions say that he truly isn't looking for a new permanent situation, but a temporary one that allows him to create enough drama so he can get out of his last relationship. He's obviously having a lot of personal problems. You should find a good therapist because you won't be able to let go of this anger. And anger only festers and you'll be the one who suffers in the end. 1
Author Annie767 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Thank you for your replies I've been reading that this can go either 2 ways......I can use it as a positive force that is helping me reclaim my dignity and use it as a force to move forward in my life or turn it in and become bitter, thus wrecking myself. That's what I'm afraid of, it building up and causing me the harm. At the same time I feel completely justified that I do feel like this and I don't believe I even owe him a "hi" in the pub. I don't care how it embarrasses him or makes him out to be a nasty man in front of his friends. I think I do need to see someone , the only one that is suffering is me at the moment, someone outside my life and impartial will hopefully guide me through it What a horrid rollercoaster this is! 1
Author Annie767 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Ps radiodarcy, who would do that?!!! Crazy
rosedl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Anger is a pretty normal and appropriate reaction in this situation. Allow yourself to feel it, just don't get caught in feeding it or telling yourself a bunch of story lines. Breakups are always a grieving process even apart from when your ex does something especially awful and unkind towards you. And, anger is one of the stages of grief. I have had a lot of anger around my breakup that I try not to feed, it stems from deep, deep hurt. I fantasize about smashing every window in his house with a baseball bat and then, smashing the glass into tiny shards so it sticks everywhere. I would never do it, but when the image comes I just allow it and then let it go again. You need to heal and you don't need to wish him well. Ultimately, it is best to forgive and let go for your own benefit. It takes time and grieving to get to that stage and trying to force or pretend something you don't feel will just slow down the process. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. It is so hard recovering from a break up. Hugs. 3
julzfromsa Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 My fiance left suddernly after 11 years, and 2 months from been married because of the GIGS, or whatever. She didn't love me anymore. Things seemed great until she went on a trip for 7 days, slept with a stranger and came back a different person. 11 years down the drain. I was crushed, hurt. Its been 3 months now, and not once have i felt anger to her. Im wondering when im going to be infuriated but i just done feel this emotion. Im grieving, but moving on. Im wondering if there is something wrong with my healing process. I feel as if im dealing and coping pretty well with the circumstances, but still, no anger. By the way, NC since the BU. Perhaps some people get angry, and some don't. Im looking fit and quite honestly in the best shape of my life. Im healthy and feel im doing reasonable well however im worried im holding something back. The point is, EMBRACE your anger. I wish i was angry right now Julz 1
Mondmellonw Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Anger is the key to forget sometimes, but it's not the key to forgive. As long as you feel you forgot the love you had, then it's time to see if you can move on to the part were you'll forgive him. Of course, forgiving doesn't means anything... It's just for our well-being, and for being able to see their mistakes and ours. And learn... 1
radiodarcy Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Ps radiodarcy, who would do that?!!! Crazy Lol, my crazy, attention-starved ex! Knowing him, he was trying to get back at me; because when I went NC he lost his adoring audience of one The good thing was enough time had passed since he dumped me; so even though it still stung I got over the news fairly quickly 1
mea_M Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Anger is going to last as long as you allow it. It's best to accept something for what it was or is then let it go. Mea 1
Author Annie767 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 My fiance left suddernly after 11 years, and 2 months from been married because of the GIGS, or whatever. She didn't love me anymore. Things seemed great until she went on a trip for 7 days, slept with a stranger and came back a different person. 11 years down the drain. I was crushed, hurt. Its been 3 months now, and not once have i felt anger to her. Im wondering when im going to be infuriated but i just done feel this emotion. Im grieving, but moving on. Im wondering if there is something wrong with my healing process. I feel as if im dealing and coping pretty well with the circumstances, but still, no anger. By the way, NC since the BU. Perhaps some people get angry, and some don't. Im looking fit and quite honestly in the best shape of my life. Im healthy and feel im doing reasonable well however im worried im holding something back. The point is, EMBRACE your anger. I wish i was angry right now Julz See doing Muay Thai boxing had really helped me at first, then I got told by my doctor that I may have a muscle wasting condition a few weeks after I was dumped! He told me to lay off the Muay Thai until I get a full diagnosis. So I think that has complicated things as well, I'm grieving my health on top of a relationship. Im so fit usually and hitting a bag is therapeutic for me. I'm angry at it all. Take my relationship but not my health as well! But maybe you being so physically fit has helped with the anger, it certainly helped helped me in those first few weeks, otherwise my round kick would have met his head instead of a bag! Ill feel the anger when it comes then feed some positivity , I hope I'll let go one day and I know I will but ill certainly never be happy for him either way. Ill be very surprised I do. When he broke up with me he said I'd thank him: please 1
Author Annie767 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I've been pissed at my ex for going on two months. My hand still hurts from when I punched a wall last night. Start boxing, that way you'll be fitter and save your knuckles. Good all round.
brokenheart12345 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Hey, I know the feeling. Just today, I struggled with myself whether I should ****ing call the bastard over here and just lay it out on him. You need to talk to your friends and family like you have been. It's not right to do this to yourself. If you just yell it out in the air or to a friend you will equally get the same results and even better because if you were to yell at him, he might make you even angrier by giving the douchebag responses he has always given. Try to do this - every time you think something negative, put it into something positive. I will be with you. We can do this.
jphcbpa Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 from a friend of mine when I was experiencing anger... This is a critical step in healing. Sadness and then anger. Feel it. It will assist you in being crystal clear in your next relationship. You won't avoid the tough questions out of fear of loss, doubt about your abilities, or not wanting to hurt someone. Agape love demands clarity and accuracy. We step into a person's world, create a safe place, establish trust, walls come down. We also may discover something we do not want to be involved in or with. Agape love is God's love--seeing someone the way God sees them--clearly. It is not about naive kindness. Let the anger be your wakeup call--wish I had known this before kind of anger. It will make you a better man.
julzfromsa Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 See doing Muay Thai boxing had really helped me at first, then I got told by my doctor that I may have a muscle wasting condition a few weeks after I was dumped! He told me to lay off the Muay Thai until I get a full diagnosis. So I think that has complicated things as well, I'm grieving my health on top of a relationship. Im so fit usually and hitting a bag is therapeutic for me. I'm angry at it all. Take my relationship but not my health as well! But maybe you being so physically fit has helped with the anger, it certainly helped helped me in those first few weeks, otherwise my round kick would have met his head instead of a bag! Ill feel the anger when it comes then feed some positivity , I hope I'll let go one day and I know I will but ill certainly never be happy for him either way. Ill be very surprised I do. When he broke up with me he said I'd thank him: please Don't worry until the doc gives you a full diagnosis. It may be something easily remedied with medication, non the less I'm so sorry to hear that. Perhaps the training has filled the anger void. I train hard every single day so perhaps it is a good thing. Hang in there!!! 1
Author Annie767 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Thank you everybody, guess I've got to combat the obsessive thoughts and acknowledge anger is part of this grieving process! Thinking of writing a letter about what I'd actually say to him if I bump into him. Not that I'd say it, but I'd let him know how utterly selfish and screwed up he is. Maybe then I could let it go. Saying that if it all come crashing down, I think I'd reach for the champagne! But this may never happen and I need to accept that
SadNLonley Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Does everyone go through an anger phase? I haven't yet. Im sad and hurt over the breakup, but for some reason I cant get myself to hate him or really be angry at him.
somecamel Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I think anger is a healthy part of any break up and the sooner you get angry the sooner you will heal your heart. The line between love and hate is very narrow and it's easy to turn that love into hate. Use it for your advantage to get over them, think of all the bad in the relationship, the stuff you had buried and forgot maybe, was it really so perfect?
Author Annie767 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Does everyone go through an anger phase? I haven't yet. Im sad and hurt over the breakup, but for some reason I cant get myself to hate him or really be angry at him. I can't speak for everybody but I was extremely sad at first for months, the anger just came on like a mist. It's about reclaiming your dignity and not being a victim! Hang in there x
Author Annie767 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Hello My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me around 3 months ago. We were meant to be trying for family etc now . I was set to get married build a home and have a baby. After a lot of games,playing me for a fool, leading me on then putting me down again, he's gone back to an ex whom he claimed was psychologically disturbed. She already has 3 kids. I was extremely angry and that has carried me through for a while. now that subsiding I feel very sad and so full of regret. I had my life mapped out, I felt secure and now it's all gone. I just can't believe the person I fell in love with and trusted with my life has changed into a nasty and cold man. I lost my home, my hopes and dreams for a future and now he's swanning about town with his new woman. I feel like he's robbed me. I have to put on the front that I'm over it for him and my family. But I just feel a dull ache now. Any tips for getting past this stage?
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