skins_nation Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) So ive been with this girl for over 2 years. On new years eve she did something that botherd me alot nd I snapped on her. I didnt put my hands on her just really snapped on her and my mother had got involved to try and come me down. Well since that day we have been broken up. For a whole month I was a mess nd did everything I could do get her back. She would tell me she loves me nd misses but needs her time. At first I wasn't respecting it but then I finally backed off and after 2 weeks we talked again. We agreed that we were gonna take things slow and see if we can work things out. Well this pass Saturday after valentines she had plans to go out and I was suppose to pick her up because i didnt want her to spend the night at the place. Well she textes me 2hours before I was suppose to get her nd tells me she didnt need a ride anymore. That she had found one. Well I took it as surprised nd wasnt sure to believe her. Well I wait outside her house to make sure she got home safe. As she was pulling up with her friend she saw my car nd didnt stop she pulled up the street nd wasnt coming out. Now I know nothing wrong was going on but the fact that she pulled up the street got to me. so I try and pull up to the car. And they start to drive away so I started to follow them. She finally called me and said what's my problem I told her why did you start to drive away I just wanted to make sure she got home safe..she started calling me weird nd that started to get me more mad so I told her if she didnt pull over I was gonna fight the driver for making me follow them nd not stopping. They still kept driving so I got even more mad nd she called again and thats when I had flip nd started going off telling her ima really mess the driver up if you dont stop. She told me to **** off nd hung up so I acted as if I was going to ram them but stop....once I did,something just told wtf am I doing and stopped following them nd went home...she called me again a couple mins later nd I was alot more calm. Nd apologize to her for acting that way. I had also apologize to the driver nd his father for they were going to call the cops I guess nd the father had accepted my apology for I had told I made a mistake nd my feelins got the best of me nd that im not a violent person that I was surprised with my seld for what I had down. But yeah later that night nd the next day I felt like ****..I was able to talk to her and apologize once again and told her I felt horrible for what I did and didnt know why I had reacted like that I guess because she started to run off. Well she accepted my apology nd I left it at that I didnt wanna bring up our relationship and what will happen. for I know for the time being she is still pretty upset.... she knows im not a bad guy we have been through alot she met my family nd I have met hers.i took her virginity and she fell deeply in love with me. She knows im not a violent guy but that night I felt I came on maybe a little crazy but like I said I stopped nd realize what I was doing before anything serious really happen..I dont what to do now I really love this girl nd im afraid I will lose this time should I do....... Edited February 17, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
iPhone Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Nothing you can do brother. You need to leave her alone entirely. Not gonna lie, I've been through the anger too, and it kills relationships. You're likely going to have to let this one go, and you need to work on your anger problems for future relationships. Don't view this as a loss, but rather an opportunity to make yourself finally the best man you can be. Sounds like she may be seeing another guy, too, which is usually the case. Back off, lick your wounds, and work on yourself every day. Tell yourself every day you're changing this or that, and work to actually change it. 1
Author skins_nation Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Yeah you might be right it hurts knowing you've been through alot..you know at the beginning it use to be her that would do some crazy things like show up at my house to make sure I wasnt doing anything stupid idk man I feel the tables have turn on me...I just wish things can work out for the better
Author skins_nation Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I reply I just dont know how to use this alot
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 First of all, you need to learn to control yourself. You do have violent tendencies and that should be your number one concern in this scenario. People who don't have aggression problems do not skulk outside their ex's home, follow them, threaten them or their companions, or try to physically intimidate them. Your behaviour is highly inappropriate - do not minimize the damage you are doing to yourself and those around you. She doesn't know you're not a violent guy; you're on the borderline of losing all control and becoming physically aggressive. Second of all, I don't believe for one second you waited outside her home to make sure she got home safe. You went there to check out who she was with. Once you saw she was with another guy, you should have left. Period. I'm not saying you shouldn't have been upset; I think many people would've been. BUT your reaction indicates you have impulse control/anger problems, and your ex is right to want to stay away from you. The driver's father was also well within his right to phone the police and report you. You should be thanking your lucky stars that he didn't. You should also being doing a lot of soul-searching and asking yourself why you let yourself behave like an unstable little punk. Finally, what did she do on New Year's, and what was your reaction excatly? You say your mother had to step in to get you to calm down - why? There's a disturbing pattern here, OP. You need to address that before you can be in any relationship. Based on your post, you don't know how to regulate your emotions and solve problems in ways that aren't destructive. As long as you let your anger get the best of you, a healthy relationship won't be possible. Seek professional help so you have a better set of strategies to calm yourself before you really do hurt someone.
Author skins_nation Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 First of all, you need to learn to control yourself. You do have violent tendencies and that should be your number one concern in this scenario. People who don't have aggression problems do not skulk outside their ex's home, follow them, threaten them or their companions, or try to physically intimidate them. Your behaviour is highly inappropriate - do not minimize the damage you are doing to yourself and those around you. She doesn't know you're not a violent guy; you're on the borderline of losing all control and becoming physically aggressive. Second of all, I don't believe for one second you waited outside her home to make sure she got home safe. You went there to check out who she was with. Once you saw she was with another guy, you should have left. Period. I'm not saying you shouldn't have been upset; I think many people would've been. BUT your reaction indicates you have impulse control/anger problems, and your ex is right to want to stay away from you. The driver's father was also well within his right to phone the police and report you. You should be thanking your lucky stars that he didn't. You should also being doing a lot of soul-searching and asking yourself why you let yourself behave like an unstable little punk. Finally, what did she do on New Year's, and what was your reaction excatly? You say your mother had to step in to get you to calm down - why? There's a disturbing pattern here, OP. You need to address that before you can be in any relationship. Based on your post, you don't know how to regulate your emotions and solve problems in ways that aren't destructive. As long as you let your anger get the best of you, a healthy relationship won't be possible. Seek professional help so you have a better set of strategies to calm yourself before you really do hurt someone. The thing is man ive been in pervious relationship never have I reacted like this...no girl was able to get me like this im a clam person I never problems controlling my anger. ...everything change when I met her
iPhone Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I feel you on that. My ex was borderline personality disorder and bipolar. She brought out a MONSTER in me. Very dark. The girl, this girl that you cherished, was an illusion. Clearly she's a liar, and you need to write her off and remember her as that. Clearly tell yourself that she was not the girl you had those great memories with -- and even during those great times, it was just an illusion.. It's up to you now to fix yourself. Like I said brother take this as an opportunity. This was NOT a loss -- this was a gift, and you just haven't been able to see it yet. Utilize this RIGHT NOW, your change starts NOW. Then it's her loss.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 The thing is man ive been in pervious relationship never have I reacted like this...no girl was able to get me like this im a clam person I never problems controlling my anger. ...everything change when I met her It's not relevant if you've behaved like this in other relationships. You're behaving inappropriately now. And you are an adult, OP. (I assume. How old are you?) You and nobody else control your reactions and anger. The fact that you claim she gets you this mad indicate that you don't understand this. In fact, that type of blame-shifting is typical of abusers; don't go down that road. Own your behaviour. I'm not saying she's blameless. I'm sure her behaviour has contributed to the problems in the relationship. But you and only you choose to react the way you do, and it's unacceptable. The relationship is toxic. Move on. You shouldn't be together if you get to this level of crazy. It's unhealthy for you and for her. I noticed you didn't answer my other questions - what happened on New Year's?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I feel you on that. My ex was borderline personality disorder and bipolar. She brought out a MONSTER in me. Very dark. The girl, this girl that you cherished, was an illusion. Clearly she's a liar, and you need to write her off and remember her as that. Clearly tell yourself that she was not the girl you had those great memories with -- and even during those great times, it was just an illusion.. It's up to you now to fix yourself. Like I said brother take this as an opportunity. This was NOT a loss -- this was a gift, and you just haven't been able to see it yet. Utilize this RIGHT NOW, your change starts NOW. Then it's her loss. I want to comment on a couple things here. My ex is also diagnosed BPD, and I very much understand how difficult relationships with someone suffering from this condition are. It was dark indeed, and the most crazy-making situation I have ever experienced. But I never lost control of my anger; that is on you. Believe me, I understand how it can get that bad, but everyone is responsible for their own behaviour. However, I wholeheartedly agree with the last paragraph. This is very good advice, OP. I hope you listen to it.
iPhone Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Well, admittedly, I do have anger problems deep down, but I was just able to control it before I dated a borderline / bipolar for 4 years LOL!!
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