Alaina014 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) Hi all! I'm a little confused and am hoping someone has either been through this or can give me some insight. I became reacquainted with a close friend from high school last spring. He was going through a divorce after having had his wife cheat on him numerous times. During our conversations, we found out that we had wanted more than just friendship in highschool, but neither one of us said anything because of the damage it might cause to the relationship. Long story short, we began a relationship that lasted six months until he broke it off in an e-mail. He never gave me a definitive answer as to why he left and wouldn't return any of my feeble attempts to communicate. Last fall, he reached out, but it was spotty communication. He asked me over recently, and I had the opportunity to ask him why he left. He said that he "had loved me," but he is not ready for a relationship. Broke my heart. I wish he would've just told me that months ago. I have my closure, but it hurts like hell. He says he doesn't want to get "hurt again." But then he says he would like to meet for coffee or dinner sometimes. I'm very confused. Has anyone experienced this? I'm not going to reach out to him, but I find myself wondering if he will ever "love" me again. Frankly, I feel like a joke. Should I wait for him? Edited February 17, 2014 by Alaina014
radiodarcy Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 As someone who has been through a similar situation I can tell you the invitations to coffee/dinner are nothing more than a foot in the door that will only benefit him. He pretty much wants to keep you on standby as an option: be it for sex, an ego boost, a shoulder to cry on, etc. Whatever it is, it isn't going to be a relationship as he said he doesn't want one. I would strongly suggest you don't wait. You deserve much MUCH better than what he is offering. Accepting his invitations to coffee/dinner will only keep you emotionally hooked and wanting more. Even if it doesn't get physical. As you said, as painful as it was: you got your closure. Take it and move on. Don't allow him to linger in your life anymore. It will only hurt more. 4
Author Alaina014 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Thank you! I appreciate your input...and I totally agree. Time to move on no matter how much it hurts. It will only hurt worse if I stay. 1
radiodarcy Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Thank you! I appreciate your input...and I totally agree. Time to move on no matter how much it hurts. It will only hurt worse if I stay. It goes without saying: but you're making the right call. Getting into that kind of situation is the worst. For the longest time I thought that if I hung in there and stayed friends with him that he would see how much I loved him and give me a chance. Instead all he did was take me for granted until he just cut me off via an extremely harsh email; that left me feeling as though I had been punched in the gut. Posting here on LoveShack definitely helped me recover. It was a very long haul. But I learned that self-esteem is not something can be compromised for any reason; and certainly not for those who don't appreciate us in the way that we deserve to be.
Author Alaina014 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 How long did it take you to forget about him, and, aside from Love Shack, what did you do to make the situation "go away?" (I.e. not think of him and what he did to you).
David87 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 How long did it take you to forget about him, and, aside from Love Shack, what did you do to make the situation "go away?" (I.e. not think of him and what he did to you). Time makes the situation ''go away''. NC and don't wait for him, move forward, work on yourself, build back your confidence. My last thread might help you.(It's funny to ) 1
radiodarcy Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 How long did it take you to forget about him, and, aside from Love Shack, what did you do to make the situation "go away?" (I.e. not think of him and what he did to you). It happened in stages. In all honesty, in order to forget about him, I forced myself to think about. Only I focused on what a jerk he had been to me. All the mean things he had said, the way he kept me at arm's length, was always invalidating my feelings, etc. Let's just say that was my anger phase. It was akin to a child throwing a temper tantrum. A few times I even did throw a literal tantrum; throwing myself on my bed, crying, kicking and wishing him every bad thing I could think of (and I was 35 years old at the time ) That whole phase lasted off and on about five months; at which point my anger petered out. Two months later, I started dating again (prior to that I wouldn't even so much as look at another man). And not long after that, when I was reminded that there are guys out there who will treat me much better than he did. Although I didn't really meet anyone, just getting out there helped my confidence to the point where I really just didn't need to think about my ex anymore. It really was a process. For me, the whole thing took about 10 months to a year. There was a setback when he contacted me out of the blue to tell me he had a gf who was pregnant with his kid. But by then I had pretty much moved on. So even though it got under my skin, within a week or so I was over it...
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