Relationship on rocks but confused, can someone please help me?

[sallywl]

Hey, Im new to this website, stumbled upon it in by chance.

My story:

 

Engaged, for over 2 yrs, together almost 5.

I love him but questioning whether I am "in love" with him, hes great 80% of the time but has an arrogant and really annoying/upsetting side to him, he has also put on a hell of a lot of weight, and really doesnt care.

 

I have also put on weight, however am making a huge effort to make healthty balanced meals and exercising, whereas he sits on his bum and scoff boxes of choc, and lager etc. I cant really explain without it sounding nasty, its just it sickens me and worries me as he had a health problem , which was caused by his diet and weight. Also I find him less attractive, perhaps more because I know what he is doing to himself and doesnt care.

 

He also doesnt really help with house work etc even tho I am at uni working part time and have to do my uni homework everything is such a struggle. He also lacks ambition or drive settling for what ever comes.

 

I am seriously considering splitting up with him, however there are a few factors standing in my way:

 

I am not sure if I really really really am doing the right thing

I dont wanna hurt him or his family (who are fab)

We rent a house, and i finish uni in may cant afford to stay on my own,

we have a join account which is seriously in its overdraft

 

But am I happy? Should I just settle and put up with it?

I dont know!

HELP!

Its tearing me appart, Ive been in tears so many times in the last week (hes visiting his parents and picking up his new car)

[LucreziaBorgia]

Tell him now how you feel. Be completely honest (but tactful) about how you are feeling. Don't leave anything out. The resentment you are letting build up inside you can be used for productive means - if you tap it and turn it outward in an effort to address those things that are eating you up. If you keep it inside - resentment has a strange way of turning love into hate and happiness into anger. Everyone loses.

 

Be honest with yourself about it as well. It sounds like you are staying mainly because its more secure for you to stay, and you want to keep up appearances with his family. If you had no debts, and could afford a place on your own, and had no concern for what people would think about it - would you still stay?

 

He is probably oblivious to how you are feeling. Ignorance may be bliss - but in a case like this, the more blissful they are - the harder they fall when the truth comes out.

 

If you sincerely want to give it a chance, tell him how you feel and tell him that you want to work on things such that both your needs are being addressed.

 

If you sincerely do not want to give it a chance, tell him how you feel and tell him that you do not want to work on things and that you feel it would be best to part ways.

 

Either way, you have to tell him how you are feeling. All of it. Your efforts to hide the truth will end up hurting him (and you) more than the truth itself in the long run.

[JoL]

I agree with LucreziaBorgia.

Tell him how you feel, tell him how his health is worrying you, his lack of help around the house, tell him you are stressed out and upset all the time and it's taking its toll.

 

Be honest- if you aren't happy, then say so. It will be much better for him to know now, than have you break it on him and shock him. At least this way you may be able to salvage some sort of relationship and get back on track..

 

But it does sound to me like even though you care about him and his family, you probably aren't meant to be with this person- especially if you are doubting your feelings.

Once those doubts creep in, it is almost impossible to get rid of them.

 

So discuss things with him and then see how you feel..if nothing changes, then you at least know you tried.