David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) I have a little dilemma and I would really appreciate some advice. At the beginning of january I become friends with a very beautiful girl(she is a model) via fb. I send a friend request she responded immediately and I started to talk to her. She told me that she broke up with his ex a year ago but still hang out with him from time to time but he dumped her for good a week ago. After a couple of days I asked her out she said yes, we had a nice time but she had to go to another country for work. I was ok with that. We talked everyday she send me good morning and good night text kisses and a lot of flirting. She told me that she can wait to come home in april to become a couple. One day she didn't send the usual good morning text, I asked her how are u she says that she is talking to her ex because he called her. From that point I cut all contact with her and I tried to forget her. This happened a month ago. During this time I found out that her ex cheated on her with my brother's girlfriend, I couldn't believe that and I was shocked. The story is very twisted. A week ago she send me a mesage out of the blue asking me If I was ok? I was surprised to hear from her. We hit it of again, this time with more intense feelings, we talked from morning til night every day. She told me that her ex hurt her very badly by cheating on her and that she wants to forget all about him and start a new relationship with me.... I even sent her virtual flowers for valentines day. Some how her ex found out that she is talking to me and got very gelous and to my surprise they started to talk again. Friday she told me hat her ex is very gelous and that she will block me on FB, I was like ''what the hell" not this again ) This happened around 17:00 friday on valentine's day. I sad ''ok do what you have to do I will stop hitting on you''. Then friday I was out with my buddies at a strip joint and guess what she calls me I was like ''not this again please make it stop''. I answered and she told me that my ex brother's girlfriend is starting to send her threatening messages and she cals her and talks bad to her. I told her ''what do you want me to do about that?'' You chose your ex then fight for him right. This girl's ex boyfriend is having a dilema to because thise two girls are fighting for him. Then saturday she send me messages all day and she told me not to tell on her that she is still talking to me ( I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IS SHE STILL TALKING TO ME). She meets with her ex and he tells her that he loves her very much and that now he is very confused and need's time to figure things out. She askes him if he is in a relationship with my brother's ex girlfrend and he answers that he doesn't know. Sunday she messaged me again all day, she told me that she is suffering very band and that she is starting to have medical problems, she didn't eat from friday and her chest is hurting.I tried to comfort her the best I could( I felt realy bad for the girl) Again she beged me not to tell on her that she is talking to me( What the hell, why are you still talking to me) I guess that i ended up in the friend zone and I need to get out. I never initiate contact with her from friday, only she texts me and calls me. The big question is what to do now? Should I support her or not, she will text me again today I'm sure of that, and I have a date... I really really like this girl alot but she loves her ex to much but he is a scumbag ..... WHAT TO DO????? Edited February 17, 2014 by David87
OhThatGirl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Um. Block her? On everything? Tell her to stop contacting you? Move on with your life? Certainly don't comfort her for being so torn up over the disrespect her ex is showing her. Set some boundaries. Tell her you'd appreciate if she stopped dragging you into this situation and stopped contacting you. I get the impression you know all of this but just don't want to do it. You should do it. If that doesn't work tell her you will contact her ex. Whatever. Just get rid of her. 3
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Um. Block her? On everything? Tell her to stop contacting you? Move on with your life? Certainly don't comfort her for being so torn up over the disrespect her ex is showing her. Set some boundaries. Tell her you'd appreciate if she stopped dragging you into this situation and stopped contacting you. I get the impression you know all of this but just don't want to do it. You should do it. If that doesn't work tell her you will contact her ex. Whatever. Just get rid of her. She explicitly told me that if her ex found out she is still talking to me he will never forget her. Yes you are right I know that I should end it with her. What I don't understand is why is she still talking to me , WHAT are her intentions?
OhThatGirl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 She explicitly told me that if her ex found out she is still talking to me he will never forget her. Yes you are right I know that I should end it with her. What I don't understand is why is she still talking to me , WHAT are her intentions? It's not because she wants to be with you. I know you're likely hoping to hear that's why, but it's not, so the real reason is irrelevant. It's likely because she needs make attention to validate her after being cheated on. She needs a friend to calm her down when she's broken hearted and panicking about her ex. She needs a doormat to wipe her feet on. Let this be a lesson. Don't get involved with girls who are 1 week out of a relationship. Best case scenario you get to be a rebound. Worst case scenario you get to be a diversion of her attention until her ex comes back. I'm not entirely sure there is even a difference... Anyway. Lesson being.. Don't be a rescuer. Girls aren't ready to date for quite some time after a horrible breakup and being betrayed. Just know girls who have been hurt will cause hurt. (Until they manage it, for a decent amount of time, and no longer feel hurt) Sorry guy. Plenty of free, single, non rebounding girls out there. Try again! 2
Purepony Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Be blunt! Tell her she made her bed now to sleep in it. Tell her you are moving on by dating and she might get jealous and come around. 1
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Yea she probably keeps me around in case it doesn't work with her ex, who by the way told her that he doesn't what a relationship now. It doesn't bother me that much that I lost this one, because I have been going on dates a lot, even tonight I have date. So there's no problem ... I was just curious what's the deal with this one.
OhThatGirl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Be blunt! Tell her she made her bed now to sleep in it. Tell her you are moving on by dating and she might get jealous and come around. Don't hold your breath. You shouldn't be waiting for this girl. Just move on. If she's still entertaining the thought of a guy that cheated on her, if she DOES come back it's likely for more rebounding/revenge/trying to make the ex jealous. None of those scenarios will work out well for you.
OhThatGirl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Yea she probably keeps me around in case it doesn't work with her ex, who by the way told her that he doesn't what a relationship now. It doesn't bother me that much that I lost this one, because I have been going on dates a lot, even tonight I have date. So there's no problem ... I was just curious what's the deal with this one. Good insight. Keep moving forward. Give those other girls a chance! 1
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Good insight. Keep moving forward. Give those other girls a chance! The next time she texts me I'll ask her: ''Why are you still talking to me ?'' I want to know what she has to say.
pickflicker Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Too much drama, m'dear. It's one thing to have an amicable relationship with an ex with no drama, it's quite another to have this weird triangle going on. Ditch her. She may be pretty, but she's towing a f*ck-ton of ugly baggage. 1
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Tnx pickflicker, I apreciate your replay. I tonight when she texts me again I will tel her that I was on a date and I enjoyed it.
pickflicker Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Tnx pickflicker, I apreciate your replay. I tonight when she texts me again I will tel her that I was on a date and I enjoyed it. If you can maintain a casual relationship with her, that's fine, if you're still attracted to her, I would suggest not responding for the time being. A little silent space will not hurt.
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) If you can maintain a casual relationship with her, that's fine, if you're still attracted to her, I would suggest not responding for the time being. A little silent space will not hurt. I'm very attracted to her, not only she looks like a million dollars but she's also very smart and we have alot in comon( She's attracted to me to, and made me a lot of compliments). If we start chatting we end up wasting at least a couple of hours. Edited February 17, 2014 by David87
pickflicker Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I'm very attracted to her, not only she looks like a million dollars but she's also very smart and we have alot in comon( She's attracted to me to, and made me a lot of compliments). If we start chatting we end up wasting at least a couple of hours. I think you need to ignore her for a while. You're too emotionally involved for someone who is not available.
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I think you need to ignore her for a while. You're too emotionally involved for someone who is not available. O men, that sucks but I will trust your judgement. I'll keep you posted..
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) She just texted me and I quote:" Hei:* How are you? Alexandra(my ex from 2012) just added me on FB. I find refuge in work, I feel better now. " I ignored them. They were sent via whatsapp at 12:21 and 12:45 Edited February 17, 2014 by David87
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Yaaaay. Every time you pull further away, you become less of an emotional teddy bear and more of a normal guy. The trick though is that you have to mean it. It's like with any compulsive behavior, it doesn't count that you stop cold turkey if you're only able to do it because you know you'll go back to it. Everyone else has said it, but I'll throw my cents in too; consider a woman who is beautiful. To be honest, you haven't said much else about her personality or interests except that you share a few, which given the situation isn't too impressive or surprising on your end, but I digress. So she's beautiful and maybe funny and maybe has some great personality. First off, recognize that as a beautiful woman, you're dealing with a person who is very used to getting what they want. That's just how beauty works. Now consider the fact that her ex cheated on her and treated her poorly...and she can't get over him. You know that saying that when you can't have something you want it more? You'll typically that in people who are emotionally immature. Here you have a gorgeous woman who could have anyone, she has this nice guy making himself super available as a "friend", and then she has the cheating ex, that she sees as unavailable and a little forbidden at this point. Reason says she should take the easy route (you), yet she's still falling over herself to chase the cheating doucher. All she has to do to keep you around is throw you a few compliments or winkey faces or say any simple affectionate line and she knows she can keep you around while she tries to catch the ex. To be fair, she's probably not doing it to be malicious, it's just her reaction to being scared and used to getting what she wants. Unfortunately, she's still stupid for it. If you seriously want to be with someone who behaves like her and values herself the way she seems to, I think I'd question your own sense of self worth. Skuds you make perfect sense, I'll ignore her from now on. How the hell did I get in the friends zone...... hate it.
Author David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I couldn't help myself:)) and I told her that I have a date tonight. he says''Oh man I'm losing you to''.
Eivuwan Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I couldn't help myself:)) and I told her that I have a date tonight. he says''Oh man I'm losing you to''. Oh man, so I guess you like drama too. People like this are NOT relationship material. Are you just hoping to score a one night stand or something?
TB Rhine Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 At the beginning of january I become friends with a very beautiful girl(she is a model) via fb. This is your first, last, and ultimate mistake. NEVER become friends with a woman - if you're never a friend, you can't ever get "stuck" in the "friend zone." There are two types of models who frequent FB, in my experience - actual halfway professional types, who are on there to network, advertise their services, solicit modeling gigs, and gather followers, NOT to meet people or make friends. The most you'll get from this type is an invite to some event or other where she might be working as a promo (booth) girl, which is simply aimed at getting you to come out and make her/the venue look good, NOT at starting any kind of a friendship (or anything else) with you. The second type is a 25 yr old Goth stripper with a kid, tons of tattoos, and possibly a (failed) side gig as a financial dominatrix. This type is trying to do the same kind of thing as the other - network, promote herself, etc. - but is not nearly professional enough in her presentation, and it shows. Her pics will be selfies taken at work with her cell phone before mounting the pole, or possibly bathroom/getting ready shots. Do I even have to tell you why you should avoid this one?
OhThatGirl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I couldn't help myself:)) and I told her that I have a date tonight. he says''Oh man I'm losing you to''. Wow. Wow. Don't try to make her jealous. Likely when she read that she rolled her eyes and gave you a response she thought you would want to hear.. One that indicates she has any intention of having anything romantic with you. She did this because she needs to keep a reassuring friend on the line. You don't tell her you're moving on, you just DO. Actions speak louder than words. Girls see right through this "I've got a date tonight" stuff because we are quite comfortable you won't be able to focus on them while you're thinking of us. Politely say you're moving on, wish her the best, and don't contact her. 1
OhThatGirl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 This is your first, last, and ultimate mistake. NEVER become friends with a woman - if you're never a friend, you can't ever get "stuck" in the "friend zone." There are two types of models who frequent FB, in my experience - actual halfway professional types, who are on there to network, advertise their services, solicit modeling gigs, and gather followers, NOT to meet people or make friends. The most you'll get from this type is an invite to some event or other where she might be working as a promo (booth) girl, which is simply aimed at getting you to come out and make her/the venue look good, NOT at starting any kind of a friendship (or anything else) with you. The second type is a 25 yr old Goth stripper with a kid, tons of tattoos, and possibly a (failed) side gig as a financial dominatrix. This type is trying to do the same kind of thing as the other - network, promote herself, etc. - but is not nearly professional enough in her presentation, and it shows. Her pics will be selfies taken at work with her cell phone before mounting the pole, or possibly bathroom/getting ready shots. Do I even have to tell you why you should avoid this one? This is hilarious. I'm trying to think of what the male equivalent would be... Ps. Why is everyone so impressed with a "model"..? Makes me think I'm in 7th grade again. Sure looks and attraction are important.. But really? Someone whose entire career centers around the way they look? Chances are other aspects of them will be neglected and underdeveloped. And I'm not saying that as an unattractive woman at all. I get it. But I don't know why it's a point of pride. I'd rather have someone that could be a male underwear model but chose to be a basic scientist researcher or civil engineer or something. Not that all models fit this stereotype but I'm just not entirely sure why "model" is the male interest equivalent of "doctor" for women (and don't even get me started on that...)
hasaquestion Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 This is hilarious. I'm trying to think of what the male equivalent would be... Ps. Why is everyone so impressed with a "model"..? Makes me think I'm in 7th grade again. Sure looks and attraction are important.. But really? Someone whose entire career centers around the way they look? Chances are other aspects of them will be neglected and underdeveloped. And I'm not saying that as an unattractive woman at all. I get it. But I don't know why it's a point of pride. I'd rather have someone that could be a male underwear model but chose to be a basic scientist researcher or civil engineer or something. Not that all models fit this stereotype but I'm just not entirely sure why "model" is the male interest equivalent of "doctor" for women (and don't even get me started on that...) Well yeah. And I'd rather have Mother Teresa's sweetness and Marie Curie's brain in Jessica Alba's body. Sometimes you've just got to settle.
OhThatGirl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Well yeah. And I'd rather have Mother Teresa's sweetness and Marie Curie's brain in Jessica Alba's body. Sometimes you've just got to settle. Oh. I see. This may be why I'm still single. //end threadjack
hasaquestion Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Oh. I see. This may be why I'm still single. //end threadjack If I get an ab transplant from Brad Pitt and my brain exchanged with Stephen Hawking, I'll be sure to bump this thread and let everyone know.
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