confused_Guy01 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 First time poster.... looking to understand I [31 M] left for Korea for a week for a conference organizing meeting. I lived with my [26 F] girlfriend. Been dating for 2+ years and I thought everything was great and we were in love and would get engaged in the next year. On v-day over an instant chat program she would not say I love you. I asked her about it and she said she didn't want talk and was going to bed. I asked if she was breaking up with me and she wouldn't answer. I said then I had to assume she didn't love me anymore since she refused to say it and was breaking up with me. She refused to talk saying she didn't want to talk over the computer and refused to skype either. The next three days were horrible, alone and on the other side of the world. I come home to find that she moved all her stuff out of the house while I was gone and had moved back in with her parents. She said she didn't love me anymore and had to change herself to be in the relationship with me. She had never said this before and to be honest I thought I was a really great boyfriend, never made her change, and if anything I was the one that had to adapt to her. I had no warning and thought we were rock solid together. I had always known her to be thoughtful and kind and I find what she did just cruel and out of character. No discussion just dumped on vday while away and came home to another surprise rather than discussion. I am really at a loss here. I think maybe her negative parents were involved as she had to have had help moving all her stuff so quickly. She says this was not planned before I left but I have trouble believing that. She has been vegan for the past few months and I wonder if this could be part of the issue and if it affected her mood / thinking in some way. Otherwise I am really at a loss... what do you think?
David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Your ex was thinking about dumping you for sometime before actually doing it. She was too afraid to do it in person, that's why she did it while you were away. The fact that she became vegan a couple of months ago is a little strange and may have affected her mood. There is nothing you can do at this point to change her mind. She was a coward for dumping you this way.
Author confused_Guy01 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) To make the matter more confusing (addressing the post above) had her insistence we booked an expensive yoga workshop together the night before I left which we were supposed to do together in april. Just to clarify one previous point I didn't jump from her not saying I love you to asking if she was breaking up with me. I had a bad feeling that day (v-day) after I realized all our previous chats had ended with me saying I miss you and her saying nothing which is very out of character for her. I first asked her what that was about and I saw her read the message but then not respond for a long time, also out of character. Edited February 17, 2014 by confused_Guy01
David87 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 There is the possibility that she found someone else.
Author confused_Guy01 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 There is the possibility that she found someone else. I have considered that but since we spent literally all our free time together I think it is unlikely but not impossible. She doesn't go out on her own really or really have that many friends.
Trep Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 A ridiculous number of "relationships" these days start online via social media (sometimes having never met in person). If she has found someone else she may have been communicating with him while you were sitting on the couch right next to her. In this day and age you can never be to sure.
lauri Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I'm really sorry this happened to you man. You were right to see that she was ending it witg you while you were abroad. There is nothing you can do right now to change her mind because this has been something she has been planning for a while. The only thing you can control is how you handle the amount of pain you are in from today. I suggest going NC and avoiding her...this girl, in my opinion, has played the worst game possible with you...saying "I love you" to you for months when she was not feeling you any more. I know this is going to be hard but you have to accept what has happened and start to look out for yourself. Don't look at blaming anyone or a reason, just accept she no longer wants to be with you and that you nerd to protect your heart and mind NOW. FYI, my friend went through a similar situation as you and keep talking to his ex to try to work it out. I don't even want to mention the hings he went through...
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