I'm getting mixed signals?

[destinyhope]

I know this is a lot to read, but I'm in a situation I've never been in & I could really used some unbiased opinions.

 

I'm in college & met a guy at a party about a month ago. My friend knew I had seen him before & thought he was cute (he's on the soccer team at my university), so she went over to him & told him that I thought he was cute, then pulled me over to talk to him a minute later. Admittedly, I was drunk. Not falling over, slurring, or anything obvious, though. We talked for a minute. He seemed pretty dang shy. We just had some small talk. If I wasn't as drunk as I was, I would've been able to hold a MUCH better conversation. Anyways, he & his teammates left the party a few minutes later & one of my other friends went onto Twitter (on my phone, so it was under my name), tweeted him saying we had just talked at a party & asking what he was up to now. He responded by giving his number & saying to text him. While texting, he asked what my friends & I were up to for the night & said he could come over to our dorms & hang out. Sensing that this sounded a lot like him trying to just hook up, we replied saying that we weren't interested in doing anything besides just hanging out. He explicitly replied saying 'Yea I just wanna hang out' & I think he fell asleep or something a while after because we kept texting about where we all could hang out & then he stopped replying. I got a message from him at 10am the next morning (Sunday) asking me what I was doing that day. I didn't wake up until 2 or 3pm, but once I was awake I told him I would probably just be doing homework. He never replied to that.

 

Two & a half weeks later-I was at a soccer game with one of my friends. Our seats were coincidentally VERY close to the bench that the players sit on during the game. Since we were so close, I noticed that he definitely saw me in the stands. Him & I made eye contact multiple times (he literally turned halfway around in his seat to look back at my friend and I).

 

A week later (earlier this week)-There was an event at my university where the soccer team made an appearance & sat on a small stage in a gymnasium in front of an audience of about 200 students. Before this sounds creepy that my friend & I are always at men's soccer events, we're just huge fans of all sports at our school. I was there, in about the third row, & he definitely saw me in the audience & made eye contact with me many times. At one point, my friend saw him say something to his teammate & they both looked right at my friends & I. When the event ended, the audience & soccer team all left together, & I noticed he definitely kept looking over at my friends & I. He was walking towards the exit with one of his teammates & they seemed to kind of stop at the door, & he turned around & out of the corner of my eye I saw him looking at us. I didn't know if he was going to wait to say something to me or what (remember, I noticed he's shy). When I left the gymnasium, he was standing at the door & definitely watched me walk out (I'm shy too, so my dumb ass didn't look at him or smile at him, which I know I should have). He was standing right at the door for a minute or two before I left, & immediately once my friends & I walked out, I noticed he and his teammate did too.

 

Last night-I was at a party where a lot of athletes at my school were also at. My friends & I happened to be standing super close to him & a couple of his friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I definitely saw him watching us a lot. I know I should've said something to him, but my shyness got the best of me & although I got very close, my dumb ass once again didn't say anything to him. Many times throughout the night, when I walked past him & his friends, he literally turned his head to watch me dance or watch me walk by. At one point, my friend was talking to someone standing right by him, so I went up and talked with her too. There was a drunk girl basically throwing herself on him and as I noticed he wasn't specifically into her. He would crane his neck around the person I was talking to to look over at me.

 

This afternoon, I texted him. It had been almost a month since we last texted. I was casual & asked if he was at the party last night, & he said yes. I told him he looked familiar & that I knew we'd met before. He asked my name (this shows my name wasn't saved in my phone), & I told him & asked his (even though I already knew). He responded with his name, I said 'Okay cool,' (to keep it casual) & he said 'Yup'. I never replied because that's a hard thing to reply to.

 

Keep in mind that throughout all of this, I have 1) noticed when I first met him that he was shy, & 2) have heard that his teammates sort of make fun of him for being shy.

 

I don't know whether he seems into me or not. He didn't save my number when we first met, yet he seems to always be interested by how he seems to watch me whenever he sees me.

 

What do I say if I see him again? Do I text him sometime? I’m terrified of rejection. Help, thanks!

[ExpatInItaly]

I know this is a lot to read, but I'm in a situation I've never been in & I could really used some unbiased opinions.

 

I'm in college & met a guy at a party about a month ago. My friend knew I had seen him before & thought he was cute (he's on the soccer team at my university), so she went over to him & told him that I thought he was cute, then pulled me over to talk to him a minute later. Admittedly, I was drunk. Not falling over, slurring, or anything obvious, though. We talked for a minute. He seemed pretty dang shy. We just had some small talk. If I wasn't as drunk as I was, I would've been able to hold a MUCH better conversation. Anyways, he & his teammates left the party a few minutes later & one of my other friends went onto Twitter (on my phone, so it was under my name), tweeted him saying we had just talked at a party & asking what he was up to now. He responded by giving his number & saying to text him. While texting, he asked what my friends & I were up to for the night & said he could come over to our dorms & hang out. Sensing that this sounded a lot like him trying to just hook up, we replied saying that we weren't interested in doing anything besides just hanging out. He explicitly replied saying 'Yea I just wanna hang out' & I think he fell asleep or something a while after because we kept texting about where we all could hang out & then he stopped replying. I got a message from him at 10am the next morning (Sunday) asking me what I was doing that day. I didn't wake up until 2 or 3pm, but once I was awake I told him I would probably just be doing homework. He never replied to that.

 

Two & a half weeks later-I was at a soccer game with one of my friends. Our seats were coincidentally VERY close to the bench that the players sit on during the game. Since we were so close, I noticed that he definitely saw me in the stands. Him & I made eye contact multiple times (he literally turned halfway around in his seat to look back at my friend and I).

 

A week later (earlier this week)-There was an event at my university where the soccer team made an appearance & sat on a small stage in a gymnasium in front of an audience of about 200 students. Before this sounds creepy that my friend & I are always at men's soccer events, we're just huge fans of all sports at our school. I was there, in about the third row, & he definitely saw me in the audience & made eye contact with me many times. At one point, my friend saw him say something to his teammate & they both looked right at my friends & I. When the event ended, the audience & soccer team all left together, & I noticed he definitely kept looking over at my friends & I. He was walking towards the exit with one of his teammates & they seemed to kind of stop at the door, & he turned around & out of the corner of my eye I saw him looking at us. I didn't know if he was going to wait to say something to me or what (remember, I noticed he's shy). When I left the gymnasium, he was standing at the door & definitely watched me walk out (I'm shy too, so my dumb ass didn't look at him or smile at him, which I know I should have). He was standing right at the door for a minute or two before I left, & immediately once my friends & I walked out, I noticed he and his teammate did too.

 

Last night-I was at a party where a lot of athletes at my school were also at. My friends & I happened to be standing super close to him & a couple of his friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I definitely saw him watching us a lot. I know I should've said something to him, but my shyness got the best of me & although I got very close, my dumb ass once again didn't say anything to him. Many times throughout the night, when I walked past him & his friends, he literally turned his head to watch me dance or watch me walk by. At one point, my friend was talking to someone standing right by him, so I went up and talked with her too. There was a drunk girl basically throwing herself on him and as I noticed he wasn't specifically into her. He would crane his neck around the person I was talking to to look over at me.

 

This afternoon, I texted him. It had been almost a month since we last texted. I was casual & asked if he was at the party last night, & he said yes. I told him he looked familiar & that I knew we'd met before. He asked my name (this shows my name wasn't saved in my phone), & I told him & asked his (even though I already knew). He responded with his name, I said 'Okay cool,' (to keep it casual) & he said 'Yup'. I never replied because that's a hard thing to reply to.

 

Keep in mind that throughout all of this, I have 1) noticed when I first met him that he was shy, & 2) have heard that his teammates sort of make fun of him for being shy.

 

I don't know whether he seems into me or not. He didn't save my number when we first met, yet he seems to always be interested by how he seems to watch me whenever he sees me.

 

What do I say if I see him again? Do I text him sometime? I’m terrified of rejection. Help, thanks!

 

Honestly, I don't get the impression that he's interested any more. It sounded as though he may have been before, but then you both seemed to pretend not to know each other and it kind of withered away. He didn't take much initiative and neither did you - this could have given him the impression that you weren't interested either. Both of you played aloof and it backfired.

 

You ask if you should text him sometime. But you already did. It didn't go anywhere. Why did you ask him his name? You quite obviously knew it because you texted him! Maybe you're trying to be coy but it comes across as strange and a little silly. Don't text him again. He knows how to get in touch if he wants, shy or not. And if he's that shy, it'd be like pulling teeth to get through to him; that would get old and tiring quickly.

 

In the future OP, don't play it too cool if you're interested. You can put the feelers out there without coming on too strongly.

Edited February 17, 2014 by ExpatInItaly

[oolong]

I'd play it safe--don't get your hopes up too high, but don't give up on the possibility either. You both seem to be mutually observing each other to an extent, although some of that could be him looking at you merely because he notices you're looking at him.

 

I think you made a good move texting him and exchanging names. That's a nice start, but you can't leave it at that if you want a chance for this to progress. If he's shy as you've stated, you can't necessarily depend on him to initiate the conversation. The longer you wait to talk to him/message him again, the more awkward it'll be to start up a conversation with him later. If I was in your position, I'd bite the bullet and talk to him more, gauging from there whether he seems interested or not.

 

Just my opinion though. It's really hard to say, because he also may have lost interest in you already. Or maybe he's unsure whether or not you're interested, because you gave him mixed signals.

Edited February 17, 2014 by oolong