crimsoncurrent Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Don't know what's really going on, but I've haven't communicated nor seen my ex in over a year, but during this weekend, I've been really struggling. I'm having a huge urge to contact her tonight. I have this long email in my draft folder that I want to send her, something I wrote about a month ago. I don't know, maybe it was Valentine's that ignited this urge, but hoping for some encouraging words right now. I'd appreciate it.
changedlife Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I'm new here and I don't know your full background. I am just starting NC myself. Before you send it, may I ask what is your purpose behind sending it? Most of mine I write are apologizes. What is your goal in sending it?
Author crimsoncurrent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I'm new here and I don't know your full background. I am just starting NC myself. Before you send it, may I ask what is your purpose behind sending it? Most of mine I write are apologizes. What is your goal in sending it? The difference between my email and yours is that I said all my apologizes when we broke up. My email is basically telling her how much I've missed her, how much this experience feels a lot like grief, and how I wanted to maintain no contact because I didn't want to make it hard on her also.
changedlife Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I see. Has she contacted you at all during this time? Do you know if she moved on or not? If she doesn't respond or responds negatively it would probably hurt a lot I imagine? I'm not an expert, but if you were interested in seeing how she was doing and you think reconciling would be good for both of you, maybe you could just indicate that something reminded you of her and you were wondering what they were doing? For example, and this is completely hypothetical I was _____ the other day and it reminded me of the time we _____. I know we haven't spoken in a while but I wanted to see how you were doing. She isn't expecting an email from you right now and a bad reply, or no reply may crush you and send you back to where you were a year ago. I need to take my own advice honestly... but maybe you could keep it simple if you think there may be a chance of restoring the relationship. So that way if she doesn't respond you wont have put your whole heart out there. Just a thought..... Go with what you think is right and what you think is best for you long term. Hopefully I can listen to my own advice and heal from my feelings too.
iPhone Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Here's what it comes down to, brother. We don't have the power to control others. There's nothing left to say to get her back. If she comes back, SHE will have to come back. You can't entice her back with the right combination of words. You have to accept your words have no power. If your ex were the amazing person you thought she was, the two of you would never have broken up in the first place. Feel me on that. 2
Author crimsoncurrent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Here's what it comes down to, brother. We don't have the power to control others. There's nothing left to say to get her back. If she comes back, SHE will have to come back. You can't entice her back with the right combination of words. You have to accept your words have no power. If your ex were the amazing person you thought she was, the two of you would never have broken up in the first place. Feel me on that. Yeah, the fact she hasn't contacted me, moved on with another guy, really hurts but shows that she doesn't want me in her life to any capacity. Man, just sucks.
Author crimsoncurrent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I see. Has she contacted you at all during this time? Do you know if she moved on or not? If she doesn't respond or responds negatively it would probably hurt a lot I imagine? I'm not an expert, but if you were interested in seeing how she was doing and you think reconciling would be good for both of you, maybe you could just indicate that something reminded you of her and you were wondering what they were doing? For example, and this is completely hypothetical I was _____ the other day and it reminded me of the time we _____. I know we haven't spoken in a while but I wanted to see how you were doing. She isn't expecting an email from you right now and a bad reply, or no reply may crush you and send you back to where you were a year ago. I need to take my own advice honestly... but maybe you could keep it simple if you think there may be a chance of restoring the relationship. So that way if she doesn't respond you wont have put your whole heart out there. Just a thought..... Go with what you think is right and what you think is best for you long term. Hopefully I can listen to my own advice and heal from my feelings too. Yeah, I thought about a less dramatic approach if I was going to contact her, but just don't know. I Appreciate the advice though. I hope you continue to stay strong on your journey.
changedlife Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Yeah, I thought about a less dramatic approach if I was going to contact her, but just don't know. I Appreciate the advice though. I hope you continue to stay strong on your journey. Best of luck. Let us know how it works out for you. Try to keep focusing on yourself and realize that even though that relationship may be over, you can have a better relationship in the future from learning from all of this. Let us know what you decide to do and how it works out. Best of luck 1
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