Blind0wl Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Hi, Ive been seeing this girl for about 9 months now, and we started off very quick, as she moved in within the first month. We were really happy for the first couple of months, and had to move around a bit. She became quite depressed about her Uni work and has suffered bad depression in the past. So I had to deal with her depressive moods and try to be understanding, which I was, but found that I was becoming more and more worried about saying something that would upset her further...so it basically became difficult to discuss the bad stuff in our relationship as it became counter productive. As none of my issues were being resolved Ive become more and more unhappy about the situation we are in. She has become very controlling as far as our conversations go (shes constantly trying to one up me), and is increasingly nasty about simple questions I ask her...like Im supposed to know the answer all ready. She had decided before we were together that she was going to backpack around a foreign country for 3 months, and has been gone for two months now. I didnt want her to go, but realised I could never try to stop her either. Im very much in love with this person, but over the last couple of months, I really havent felt alot of love back from her. Im unsure how to deal with my emotions after a phone conversation we had last night. At the end of our call, I said "I love you lots" and she said "good, good"...so I said it again thinking that the line was not very good, as we had experienced some interruptions before...she then said "I love you too". To me Im unsure if she heard me the first time or not as I did kind of talk over her, and it just makes me feel that I was forcing her to say that. Im afraid to ask her about it now, in case it was exactly that...a bad line and dont want her to think I am doubting us when its difficult to communicate in the first place....and even then Im unsure as to whether to bring it up when she finally comes back. Am I over reacting?? Ive just been an emotional wreck since shes left, as I miss her dearly...she just doesnt project that she feels the same way....maybe its just her way of dealing with it, I dont know. My plan at the moment, is to let it blow over and wait and see what happens when she gets back...of course that doesnt help my over analysing everything right now. Any advice would be much appreciated. Blindy
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 Good plan. Be strong, be cool, don't put all your eggs in one basket
herbalyyys Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 Oh sweet heart...move on.It sounds like she has.Be up front with her.sounds to me like she just used you for a place to stay before she went on her jaunt.Without you.And like she misses you too much.Tell her you are moving on, but she is welcome to come visit as long as she doesnt expect you to change any other relationship you may be involved in.And do you really expect her to come back to you, or to a free place to crash till her next trip?
Anais Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 Am I over reacting? Yes and no. Doesn’t sound good to me , dear. I was wondering yesterday if men have the “insecurity “ thing like some women. This sounds to me the case to me. Do you know what exactly makes her upset in the talk? Is it like she really needs to go and you keep going over and over? Is it really hard to think a bit longer before you talk so that you won’t ask questions that the answers are clear? (No offence, I am just curious) Or maybe she is not a phone type person. BE more confident. Don’t stress her even more right now with insecurity issues. If it is going to work it will. If not you are just making things a little bit faster and harder. With your attitude try to show her that you love her but that you will be cool if she leaves. This is because you don’t want her to feel sorry for you in case she thinks that it is not the right relationship for her but is worried about you. Suggest her not to call her for a week or so she can have more time for her job. Good luck .
Author Blind0wl Posted January 31, 2005 Author Posted January 31, 2005 Well, we've talked again since and Im pretty sure shes still in love with me...so Im a bit more secure about that. I know however that things are going to change dramatically when she gets back. She will be moving into her own place (her mum just bought a place and she'll be moving in). Shes told me she wants to have some independance and feels like Im stepping on her toes by making decisions for her. The only decisions I have ever made were ones that were nice and not meant to be seen as something that would feel she was being told what to do. An example was that her friend is also going overseas to meet up with her and rang me a couple of days ago, I asked her if she wanted to be picked up from the airport on her return flight, as she will be returning with my g/f. She said that would be really good as she didnt have anyone to get her from the airport. Anyway, on telling my g/f this, she blew her top because Id not discussed it with her first. I dont know why...she just said it bothered her that I was somehow organising her life. Im at a really low point at the moment, and I really cant see much left of our relationship, but dont want to end anything over e-mail or thousands of miles away. Im still curious about what will happen when she gets back, so Im going to give her that much, but just think her moving out and living with her friends is just a step backwards for me. Maybe its not and Im the selfish one for wanting to be with her everyday and not twice a week...but thats just me...and obviously not her. To give her some credit, she is still young and relatively immature, and I know who I am and where Im going, where she doesnt. So I can understand the need to find yourself...its just not working in with my thoughts... Maybe I need to be more accomodating....but then again, I have been and why cant she. Can you see the insecurities!! hehe...yes Im very insecure at the moment. Thanks for lending an ear Blindy
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