rumbleseat Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 If you are a bs, is there anything that you would like to have said to the om /ow in your situation but never did either because you never got the chance or because you thought it best to just let sleeping dogs lie? In my own situation, I wanted to tell her to get help. Psychiatric help, as she was quite unbalanced. I didn't do that, but I did tell her I pitied her and felt sorry for her that she was such and unhappy person. She did not appreciate that, but I really did feel bad that someone could feel so bad about themselves that they would act the way she did. Second part to the question. Is there a truth about your m that you would have liked for them to know? Maybe about something they misunderstood, had a misconception about or just plain made up out of wishful thinking? In my case, in her mind, I was evil incarnate. She wasn't told this by my husband. Rather, based upon the copies of emails between them, he never said much about me except to say "leave her out of this" or that he didn't want to talk about me. I think that in her kind, if I was horrible, then I somehow deserved to be cheated on, and it kept her from having to face some about herself that she didn't like. Come to think of it,he should have defended me to her, or at least said something nice 3
Fluttershy Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I really wanted to tell her she was a narcisist... But very few actually believe it and seek help so even then I felt it was a waste of time. It was actually her BH I wanted to shake until he came to his senses. 1
cocahouts Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 My friend that slept with my wife would come over to my house before I knew about the affair. He would cry to me about how miserable his life was and how his wife was was a bitch. I thought he was sleeping with this other woman and his wife suspected it to since he was caught cheating on her like 10yrs ago. I tried to be his friend and my wife and I were there for him, now I see more my wife. I knew about their affair for about 3 weeks before I let them know. There was one day after I knew he was sitting on my couch as I was getting sick and he was crying how his life sucked so bad. I felt such joy knowing that his life and his wife was a living hell for him. I had planed such horrible things before he came over and luckily I didn't do any of them. I had items all over my home in reachable positions because I was going to let him have it, use your worst imagination and I was about to do it. Seeing how pitiful he was makes me so sick and happy at the same time. I've damaged his life to a point that protects my family. Then I have all the proof to send to his wife, not to mention my lawyers would love to talk to his wife also. His wife, my wife, their kids, and my kids are all in the same school and neighborhood so my life is hell when I see any of them. My wife and I are working on our Marriage, we were both manipulated but it doesn't forgive what happened. I wanted to tell him what a piece of Sh*t he was to his face, not just over text and email. I also would love to knock some teeth out just to satisfy the "Cave Man" aspect of it. I don't know what I would say if I came face to face....it's going to happen eventually so I am at a loss.. .....what do you say to such a low life scumbag who became your friend to purposely sleep with his wife. 2
cocahouts Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I forgot to mention I damaged his career by letting them know what he was doing on company time. Pension, retirement hopefully all "Poof". The info to his wife I think keeps him at bay but time will tell. I still feel like I should tell her but she was always a bitch to me anyway. I'm just happy she continues to make his life hell. 1
gettingstronger Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Oh boy would I- the only reason why I haven't said these things IRL is because any contact with her makes her feel relevant in our lives and sparks up her intrusions- we have tried ignoring, we have tried pleading, we have tried being tough-the only thing that has worked so far is getting an atty- so here goes- Why I stayed with my husband is none of your business so stop asking- I don't care what you think of me or our marriage-if you need to think he is here for the kids, thats fine- I know differently No, he was not lying when he said it was a fling, the fact that you agreed to it when you wanted more is not his fault, its yours-I get that you think he felt more for you than he did and I can even to a certain extent see why you feel that way-but he has made it clear you are the biggest mistake he ever made and that he never intended to leave me for you Yes, he was a liar and a cheater, but so were you-he is my problem now, not yours- you deal with you and let me deal with him-the fact that he lied to you about some things should not surprise you-he was a liar-your whole situation was based on a lie-what makes you think you were the only one in his life he was not lying to at the time-are you really that special-someone willing to lie to your family, spend time away from your kids to have an affair is really someone so special that a liar wouldn't lie to you- And finally-move on....you gave it your best shot and he did not want to be with you in the end-you can spin it any way you desire, thats fine with me-just leave me out of it and remember-he did not choose you so move on- WOW- now I feel better! 5
Timmos Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 is there anything that you would like to have said to the om /ow in your situation but never did either because you never got the chance or because you thought it best to just let sleeping dogs lie? "Hide." __________ 3
yellowmaverick Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 When she kept stalking our family, I did tell her to seek psychiatric help. I didn't tell her anything about my marriage. Frankly, I didn't value her opinion and I don't understand the need to "set the record straight" with someone who would screw a married man. A sense of humanity is missing in people who are engaged in affairs and I have learned that no talking in the world will help someone develop a moral compass. Some people just don't have one. 3
experiencethedevine Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 My friend that slept with my wife would come over to my house before I knew about the affair. He would cry to me about how miserable his life was and how his wife was was a bitch. I thought he was sleeping with this other woman and his wife suspected it to since he was caught cheating on her like 10yrs ago. I tried to be his friend and my wife and I were there for him, now I see more my wife. I knew about their affair for about 3 weeks before I let them know. There was one day after I knew he was sitting on my couch as I was getting sick and he was crying how his life sucked so bad. I felt such joy knowing that his life and his wife was a living hell for him. I had planed such horrible things before he came over and luckily I didn't do any of them. I had items all over my home in reachable positions because I was going to let him have it, use your worst imagination and I was about to do it. Seeing how pitiful he was makes me so sick and happy at the same time. I've damaged his life to a point that protects my family. Then I have all the proof to send to his wife, not to mention my lawyers would love to talk to his wife also. His wife, my wife, their kids, and my kids are all in the same school and neighborhood so my life is hell when I see any of them. My wife and I are working on our Marriage, we were both manipulated but it doesn't forgive what happened. I wanted to tell him what a piece of Sh*t he was to his face, not just over text and email. I also would love to knock some teeth out just to satisfy the "Cave Man" aspect of it. I don't know what I would say if I came face to face....it's going to happen eventually so I am at a loss.. .....what do you say to such a low life scumbag who became your friend to purposely sleep with his wife. You say nothing. Absolutely nothing. When/if you do cross paths, you hold your head high, walk on by without so much as a backward glance. The person who befriended you and abused that privilege is not worthy of ANY of your attention. 2
dichotomy Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 A sense of humanity is missing in people who are engaged in affairs and I have learned that no talking in the world will help someone develop a moral compass. Some people just don't have one. Which is why there is nothing I could have or would have wanted to say to OM that would have done anything. He truly believed adultery was a normal part of marriage and life and no big deal. 2
krazikat Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 If you are a bs, is there anything that you would like to have said to the om /ow in your situation but never did either because you never got the chance or because you thought it best to just let sleeping dogs lie? In my own situation, I wanted to tell her to get help. Psychiatric help, as she was quite unbalanced. I didn't do that, but I did tell her I pitied her and felt sorry for her that she was such and unhappy person. She did not appreciate that, but I really did feel bad that someone could feel so bad about themselves that they would act the way she did. Second part to the question. Is there a truth about your m that you would have liked for them to know? Maybe about something they misunderstood, had a misconception about or just plain made up out of wishful thinking? In my case, in her mind, I was evil incarnate. She wasn't told this by my husband. Rather, based upon the copies of emails between them, he never said much about me except to say "leave her out of this" or that he didn't want to talk about me. I think that in her kind, if I was horrible, then I somehow deserved to be cheated on, and it kept her from having to face some about herself that she didn't like. Come to think of it,he should have defended me to her, or at least said something nice Thinking about this question just makes me sad, tbh. She was so broken. At one point she was sobbing, literally sobbing, on the phone with me. It was a confusing predicament...feeling anger and frustration and my own broken heart...yet feeling bad for her because she was clearly suffering. I did ask her if she had anyone to talk to or just hang out with to stay busy and she said she didn't really have anyone and didn't want to really share the situation with anyone. Sometimes I have considered checking in on her but I don't want to risk causing more harm...she did get a little crazy calling me in the middle of the night...so best to let those sleeping dogs lie. 1
experiencethedevine Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I called her after she tried to exact some twisted form of revenge on us all by contacting our children, left a message calling her a vile name and left it at that. Of course there was an awful lot I wanted to say, but didn't give her the satisfaction of any further correspondence personally. We left that to the authorities and our solicitor.
jnel921 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I have nothing else to say and never will. She did her part in stabbing my M. We are healing now and do not need to reopen any wounds. I could give a rats a$$ about her and why she felt the need to anything she did. I am sure our silence rattles her more than anything. 2
EverySunset Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 At first, I wanted to ask her how someone could pretend to be my friend while pumping me for info about my husband so she could get inside his head. Later, even now, I would ask politely if shed like another go at him and whether or not she'd like my blessing this time. Cause she'd get it. They deserve each other. 1
Raena Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I held it in for a long time and didn't say much of anything to her. The one time I did talk to her, she didn't believe a word I had to say. Although I'm boiling mad and would love to cut her down to size... I'd rather not deal with the drama. She'll get what's coming to her. All I have to do is sit back and wait for it to happen. It already has several times. He keeps dumping her and then begging her to come back. If I were her I'd be very concerned about why he would keep doing that but she's stupid and doesn't get it. And so is he. I'm tired of the drama though so I'm trying very hard not to waste my energy being angry with either of them. It isn't working so well today.
TheBladeRunner Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 At first I wanted to tear him a "new one"; how could and REAL man mess with another guy's family? Looking back, I'm glad I didn't because since he was in another part of the state, I wonder if he knew she was even married. Who knows what she told him. Years ago, I went through the same thing with my first W. I actually caught them in the act when I flew home unannounced. My buddy I was working with made the statement that "by all means what I have seen I should be in prison" meaning that when I caught them I could have done my worst. In the end with the first W, she wasn't worth even being hand cuffed in a police car let alone jail/prison. The second W was no different. As mad as we get with the situation because being cheated on hurts and sucks, revenge wouldn't change anything. My mom to this day says that the best revenge is to sit back and just let things happen.......this has held true so far for me. Would I like to have said something.......sure. Would it make a difference......more than likely no.
ladydesigner Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Nope MOW heard everything I ever wanted to tell her and more:laugh:
Just_AGuy Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) I am out of relationship for half year or so. Papers are signed. I don't care about affair anymore, I don't care about OM, and I don't care about OM's wife. I don't much care about my ex-wife either. Except that we must be good parents for our son. If you are a bs, is there anything that you would like to have said to the om /ow in your situation but never did either because you never got the chance or because you thought it best to just let sleeping dogs lie? No. I don't care anymore. I don't even know OM in person. Second part to the question. Is there a truth about your m that you would have liked for them to know? Maybe about something they misunderstood, had a misconception about or just plain made up out of wishful thinking? No I don't. First few months I regretted I didn't beat OM. But that is gone. Those people, OM and my wife created this situation and they have to deal with this (or don't, it's their call). It is their thing. I am out of this. I have my life now. Only my son has part in my life. OM and my-wife are just "other people" to me now. Edited February 20, 2014 by Just_AGuy 1
NYWoman Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I warned my OM, that in a fight my short skinny Ex was totally vicious, and that if they ever tangled, I had no doubt who the winner would be. And that he would destroy his pretty face. About 2 months after my Ex caught us, somebody confronted the OM one night in the parking lot of a bar. It scared my OM so bad he packed up and moved out of town within a week.
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