marycc Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 We've been dating for 2 months and everything has been perfect between us. But the other day something happened and it left me very uncomfortable and skeptical. We were in my parents house, in my room, and he was tickling me, so I naturally started screaming "stop!" because I don't particularly enjoy being tickled. After my reaction, he stopped and said something like: "Are you crazy? Your parents are at home, they could think I was hurting you or something!", with an agressive attitude, then I said I was sorry and tried to hug him, but he pushed me away and refused to be hugged. I didn't like it and I told him so. His response was that he was scared about my parents so he acted that way, that he didn't mean it, cause he loves to hug me and all that stuff. However I still feel bad about it, I'm afraid that in the future he will turn out to be just like my EX, someone that abused me both physically and mentally. This "little thing" was enough to make my insecurities get worse and now I can't stop thinking about this. What do you guys think? Am I over-reacting?
Eivuwan Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I think you need to have a discussion with him about what things are triggers for you. If he reacts poorly, you have your answer. 2
Omei Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I was just saying in another post sometimes its a bad idea to date if you're still not over your abusive past him living up to your grand expectations might end up being hard on him esp if your going to put him in the is he gonna get like how my ex was everytime there's a conflict in your new relationship its kinda unfair.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 You need to fix your issues first in the past before you move onto another relationship, if you carry over those issues that just leaves the new person to deal with something they might be unfamiliar with and unaware of. So you at least need to have a real conversation about why you reacted that way and how certain behavior triggers a strong emotionally reaction without thinking, because you're still scarred from the past. Now you're likely to get involved now with the "fixer type" but you're better off working on these issues separately because that is exactly what they are, they are separate and tied to another person, that's why they exist and that's where they need to be squashed...thinking this guy could make it better or has to work on those issues with you and for you isn't going to give you closure or resolution from the past...and he also shouldn't have to, this isn't about him and I'm not saying that to make you feel you aren't good enough or should be feel less than for it, I'm saying chop the tree at it's root not just the branches, otherwise they just keep growing back...so keep this past issue with the right person and resolve it in light of that and where it belongs. It doesn't mean you should walk away from everything in life, every experience with a clean slate, but you should try your best to handle it that way...that way you don't cause problems with your personal issues because that just makes another person have to try and figure out to how "fix it" and the end he won't be able to and it'll still be your problem, that's why you need that therapy and recover in order to move past it...that means less problems emotionally in your life period, with or without this guy.
Author marycc Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Thank you all for your replies. Well, I think I know what you mean when you say that I should "work on my issues", but do you think it would be best to take a break from this relationship? I don't think it would be needed... I actually thought about this before, about trying to improve my self esteem, like take a bit more care of myself, start volunteering (something I've done before and really enjoyed it), read more, I don't know, just focusing more on myself in a general way. I also don't want to become too dependent on him, that's also one of the reasons why I think I should work on my self esteem, as I think it's obvious that I'm still fragile because of my past, since I got so offended when he pushed me back when I tried to hug him...
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