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More complicated pre-relationship trouble! ~ Confused!!


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Posted

I guess I have a couple of questions, and I was really hoping to get some advice. ( I know its long, but try to bear with me and read it for my sake!)

 

Here's my situation as it stands.

 

I'm in my college years, and thusfar, I haven't had any real serious relationships. I'm the type who falls hard for someone - often before I even know them very well, and that's usually pretty disasterous. I'm also the biggest chicken ever...call it what you will - no balls, fear of rejection, lack of self confidence. In fact I'm pretty sure its all three!

 

Anyways, about a year ago, I met this girl, and gosh darnit, I just thought she was the cutest thing in the world. We actually met at a exam re-write, because we both missed the first one =P. Anyways, I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner afterwards, and she already had plans, but invited me to come along. We saw each other fairly often for the next few weeks - either to study, or to grab a meal, or just to hang out. This lasted a few weeks, and one day we were talking, and suddenly she brought up her boyfriend. Needless to say, I was a little supprised. (The timing of this news kinda corresponded with the same time we brought up the age difference...we found out she was just over 2 yrs older than me...here's a question for the ladies...Does age matter??)

 

Regardless, we were still friends seeing each other in class, at the gym, and just around campus, and we went out for movies or dinner. Frankly I was still intersted, so regardless of the fact that she had a boyfriend, I was still trying to flirt a bit. Turns out they've been going out for almsot 4 yrs. Hrmm. Not soo good.

 

Over the summer, she had been having some relationship problems - just loosing that connection and the butterflies. And she came to visit me at my parent's house in my home town one day, and ended up spending the night in the same bed beside me. There was nothing sexual about it....we were fully dressed ;) It was a small bed, so we cuddled a bit, and I thought it was nice...I was thinking to myself...maybe there is still hope...(a little off topic, but i thought y'all might enjoy this: my mother walked in and saw us in the morning and well...ain't that awkward??)

 

After that, we talked a bit online...made plans to see each other again. We got back to school in Sept., and she was "on a break" with her bf. I didn't want to make a move, because as much as I would enjoy her company, I wouldn't ever do anything until her romantic ties had already been cut. We hung out some more...more platonic at this point that anyhthing else. They got back together - for about 3 weeks - and broke up for good (mutually).

 

This is where everything takes a turn for the worse. She started missing school, working 2 jobs (she was crazy busy enough as is), and just seemed really stressed, and we started to drift. She stopped writing me (over msn etc..), and we talked, but less often. Every time I tried to help her, it seemed to only get worse. Frankly, there wasn't much left for me to do, as she was already seeing a life coach type of person...but I still wanted to be there for her. During casual conversation, she had mentioned how she just wnated to be single for a while and needed some time (in general). Hearing this, I thought, I'd better back off for a while.

 

Ever since then, it's only gotten worse. I haven't seen her in 2months even though she lives 5 minutes away. The only time we talk is when I message her. And she's been spending a lot of time with her "buddy" going out to bars, or various activities...pretty much what we used to do..

 

I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like its all faded away, but I still have feelings for her. I'm a little hurt by the entire ordeal, and more than anything...stressed! I can't just let it all slip away this easily! We definatley had chemistry before, but we just don't have a lot in common in life...is that possible? I miss our time together more than anything else, and I don't know what to do with my attraction towards her. Is it likely that she's still interseted? Should I just never talk to her again - wouldnt be a far stretch from the exisitng situation? The only thing I know I can't do is "talk" about this entire situation on the level with her. We just aren't comfortable talking about serious things like this...she won't open up to me much (i know this is a bad sign).

 

Am I just trying to cling on to a non-existent ounce of hope?

 

I think i might go crazy if I keep on thinking about her!!

Posted

I think you met this girl at a really bad time and she used you as a crutch to get through some tough times. If you still like her a lot then I would stop contacting her for a few months and then call her out of the blue and ask her how's she doing and if she'd like to hang out sometime. If she says no, forget her, if she says yes go out with her and make your move. That way you'll know where you stand either we.

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Posted

that actually makes a lot of sense.

 

its the strangest thing, she actually has contacted me twice in the last 24 hrs saying that we should meet up sometime. I don't know if she's bored, or if this meeting up actually has some sort of motive behind it?

 

anybody else have any input/advice?

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