yogo Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Background info: Im a 30 yr old male, met a girl online. She’s 6 years older than me. We went on our first date in a restaurant, went great! Laughs, great conversations, we’ve never got a chance to talk about our past relationships, but learnt a lot about each other’s backgrounds (family, dreams, jobs etc).Near the end of the night She invited me to a short weekend shopping trip with her friend and her friend’s bf the following weekend. This Friday she had texted me, she can’t make it because she had students asking for extra tutoring sections. So this weekend’s plans had to be rescheduled. We talked about future dinner plans, we she can’t give me an exact date. I didn’t push her for a date, I just ask her to let me know when she frees up. I know there are a lot of experienced and supportive people on here, if I can get some advice that would be great! I’m genuinely interested in getting to know her more as a person, maybe more. But I’m a little confused as for what I should do next, should I wait for her to reach out next? Is she interested in me? I want to pursue her but I don’t want to come off as too aggressive and desperate, Please advice.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 You told her to hit you up when she's next free, so now you don't do anything. Don't contact her, let her see that you have better things to do than chase somebody. If she's interested she'll be in touch. You already asked her out, she declined, it's on her to re-initiate a date now. 7
mammasita Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 How did you communicate before your date? Text/email? There's nothing saying you can't open up the lines of communication just to "talk" without the pressure of setting up a date. Send her a good morning text (if she likes to text) or an email, or a phone call if that's your style and go from there. 2
Author yogo Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 We communicate via texting, we've had small conversations here and there, mostly about going to different places and events in the future, but I just don't understand why she cant commit to a date. (I didnt push), I feel like the ball is in her court now, As much as I like to keep trying/asking I really dont want to push her away. Do you guys think the age gap is an issue? very confusing time...
GoreSP Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 The fact she is not giving you an exact date for dinner plan looks shady to me. I think that if she was really interested, she would find time to hang out with you. I would wait for her to contact me but I wouldn't hold my breath. 3
HappyLove Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 We communicate via texting, we've had small conversations here and there, mostly about going to different places and events in the future, but I just don't understand why she cant commit to a date. (I didnt push), I feel like the ball is in her court now, As much as I like to keep trying/asking I really dont want to push her away. Do you guys think the age gap is an issue? very confusing time... I don't think the age gap is a problem unless you came off as immature but sounds like it was a great date. I'd keep dating others. She canceled on you let her get back to you. Too many excuses to hold out for just her keep dating others and if she gets back to you...she gets back to you. And don't send Good morning texts- too desperate. (Does no one here watch guy code? ) 1
Author yogo Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Thanks guy, I was just going to text her. After reading your replies, I wont. I'll keep you guys posted. I might have ruined my chances of making myself too available to her ... classic rookie mistake.. WHY CANT you ladies just make it simple for us!! =*) I'll hang in there.
HappyLove Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 "I might have ruined my chances of making myself too available to her ." What do you mean? You did nothing wrong you had a great time and were following up on a second date.
Author yogo Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I just thought I we might have had our second date planned, if I hadn't reached out and tried to land a 2nd date so soon. I wished I had just left it and let her reached out and talked about 2nd date's plans (b/c she initiated during our 1st date) ... I've done alot of online reading about dating, but couldn't control my self from reaching out. lol! =**) I guess it'll all come with experience.
Poppygoodwill Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Keep breathing and give it some time. Maybe she's very busy and fitting someone into her routine can take a bit of effort. All the signs are good. Just be patient. If you haven't heard from her in a week then I would CALL her and very casually offer up a specific invitation/idea on a specific day. If she's busy, that's fine, but if she doesn't automatically suggest an alternative then I would say she's not really that interested. But give it some time first before you jump to conclusions. 1
Author yogo Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 will do, I will give it sometime before reaching out again. Thank you all for all the kind words and suggestions, much appreciated!
Author yogo Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 So we went on a 2nd date, again great conversations. The date toke place last week we had dinner. She mentioned she wanted to go indoor rock climbing. So set up our 3rd date this weekend. During good bye hug, I went for the kiss on the her cheeks, but chickened out last sec... only touched her face with mine... she seemed ok with it. When she was leaving to her home she looked back twice (not sure if its a good sign). Text'ed her this week to follow up, her reply is not very fast, usually takes 2-3hrs. Or the next day... she mentioned that she got sick earlier this week. our 3rd date might have to be postponed. I'm not sure if I should continue pursuing this girl. Please advise.
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) I think you need to let this girl chase you a little. She's cancelling a lot. I would send her a text and say something like, "Just let me know when you feel better and want to get together again." and leave it be Edited March 8, 2014 by babycakees 1
Author yogo Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 I dont know what girls are thinking sometimes... we're great face to face.. but the whole texting thing is driving me nuts...
J21 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 If she's sick and cancels, she should offer an alternate date. That alternate date is huge. "I'm sick" with no further contact might be a nice way of letting you down gently. 2-3 hour responses are perfectly fine in a budding relationship... I mean nobody wants to look like they were waiting all day for a text right? Plus we all work and have other things going on in our lives, she might not had time to think of something worth saying. But I've got to say, I don't really like that some of her replies are next day... I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she was sick. 1
JungleLover Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 She is on the fence about you. This will be a bit delicate here. Not offering an alternative date at cancellation is not a good sign. Let her wonder about you a bit. There are some situations where a bit of persistence can move things your way, I don't think this is one of them. If she makes one more cancellation, I would definitely be upfront about it but in a calm, easy way. Don't put a guilt trip on it; that is never good but don't be afraid to do it. Just point out that she tends to cancel a lot. Again, I would maintain much composure when I point it out. You will catch her off guard and how she responds will tell you a lot. 1
Author yogo Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Thank you for the advise, but how do you mean by upfront? asking her why she cancels alot? or just let her know that I'm interested in more then friendship. Thank you
JungleLover Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Thank you for the advise, but how do you mean by upfront? asking her why she cancels alot? or just let her know that I'm interested in more then friendship. Thank you The next times she cancels on you, tell her specifically that she tends to cancel a lot and then she should reply to that statement. If she does not reply or give a lame excuse, then it is definitely time to move on but if she is sort of apologetic or replies with a very genuine attitude, you still have a decent shot with her although she would still be on the fence. I would definitely address the cancellations the next time she does it. Do not be afraid of upsetting her by doing so. Afterward, if she really sees you as significant potential, she should try to put some effort into showing it. 1
readynow Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 You're dating a 36year old woman - about my age, so this is how I'd see it. At this age, she's dated a lot and now probably wants a guy that really wants to be with her. What's with all the texting? Why don't you pick up the phone,and ask her properly? There will be no need to wait 3 hours for a response. Plan the end of the date properly and go in for the kiss properly. I personally think communicating mostly by text is just lazy. When I was in my 20s, yes - not so much now. It's different if you're both at work or in different countries. Otherwise, there's always evenings to ring on the phone. I've dated guys that were laid back about dating me, scanty texts, never ringing, not really going for it and I just thought they were just killing time with me so there was no need for me to focus my time on them to reply texts or be serious about dates. Now, she's not well. Pick up the phone and see how she is. 1
Author yogo Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Thank you for the advises, I did pick up the phone and called her. She is in fact recovering from her sickness earlier this week, we've talked for awhile, over an hour. we ever touched the relationship topic, our conversation hovered mostly around family, hobbies and life. she did however bring up the age gap issue(not directly towards our age gap) in our topics. I think you guys are right shes somewhat on the fence. I'm not sure how I can push her over the edge. anyone encounter similar situation? I want to know what I can do at this point.
Author yogo Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 update. 3rd date happened. We went out for movie + dinner. We both had a great time, When I toke her home I went for the Kiss on her cheeks! she seems happy right after but did not directly acknowledge the kiss. She seemed more happy/nervous didn't know what to say. She kept looking back and smiling while walking to her door. We had talked about future dinner/date/activity plans. so I followed up trying land the 4th date. she said she'll be busy for the next little while... guys I dont get it... what is she thinking?? I thought if you like someone,.. you would want to see them as much as possible.. i dont get it.
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