lauren4002 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Hello, I am just after some clear light on to my situation! advice is needed! I met john six years ago, where we where friends nothing more. Then i started seeing another man I moved to 300 miles to be with him and we ended up being together for five years until he cheated jan 2013. I moved away, and was a mess for 7 months LS helped me through a lot! I messaged john in july, and it went from there feelings became more, And i fell hard. Now the problems, he smoked weed every single day, we where two hours apart he lives in london, so distance was a slight issue, he was controlling, hated me going out with friends, if i walked past a bloke in the street he would accuse me of lying to him. But when he was good he was good!! he is attractive funny and I've never felt so myself around anyone. Between november and december, we broke up twice my fault. I ended it both times, due to his paranoia(smoking) and him picking who i can't and can be friends with. But in the end we would work it out. It got to a point in january, and I had to take a pregnancy test, i was so upset. He on the other hand was no where to be found! said he was busy with his friends and he couldn't talk because they where going to see a movie. which may I add was never showing at the cinema he was going to. And on the saturday I broke down, said it wasn't working I couldn't be with a man who had no interest in me, treated me second best, would just dissapear for the nights because he was too stoned to see me. But a pregnancy test for me was a deal breaker, came up negative. However it was too me, like he didn't care. I felt it was for the best that we ended it.i felt constantly second best and just not what he wanted. I loved him, no doubt about that but this relationship was testing everything I had in me. I constantly was upset, and wondering where he was and why my own boyfriend didn't want to talk to me. So next friday came, and he and I talked, decided things where not working but we didn't want to loose each other, so taking it one day at a time as friends. So the next day, GOOD OLD FACEBOOK! He adds a ex, the one that got away. His words. And I questioned it. I have lost most of my male friends while being in this relationship because he didn't want me near them. Was I in the wrong? Because we where only ''seeing how it went' He deleted me off everything, blocked of everything in a instance. So five days pasts and a message pops up from him ' you have moved on quick, you have a new boyfriend i have been told. ( i dont! and we don't have any mutual friends any more) he kept saying who is it, who the f is it.. for about half a hour. I said there is no one and then he had the cheek to say to me. 'Nice to see you still lie even when we rant in a relationship..Goodbye I will always love the person you could of been you f'ing crazy bitch' My friends are not his biggest fans and they say I'm better of without him. but why do I miss him so much, I only saw him twice a month.. did i do something wrong, he is saying this is all my fault… i caused this.. I only did what I thought was best, we argued constantly…but I love him and i have done for months this hasn't been easy for me either. hope this makes sense, i do tend to ramble on! just needs an outsiders opinion ..be harsh whatever… was this my fault?
John83 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Sorry but you truly are well shot of hom he treat you appallingly and certainly didnt deserve you. I know its harsh and probably not what you want to hear but its easier for an outsider to see. Take care .
Author lauren4002 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Why do I want him back? I know he treated me rubbish! i miss him
John83 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Why do I want him back? I know he treated me rubbish! i miss him i wish i could answer that but dont know but do know how you feel, when in love you only see the good in that person and refuse to acknoledge the bad and when a breakup is raw uou tend to only remember the good times. In time the hurt fades and you start to see the realationship for what it really was and not the tainted view you had when in love. Time will make it better i know thats what everyone says But its true. It will get better i promise just give it time
LadyM Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Sometimes, I think the worse they treat us, the more we want them back. With these types, I think we are always seeking their approval. Trying to get them to treat us well on a consistent basis. When that never happens, it's almost like we still crave for that to happen. It's like unfinished business.
lauri Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) So, let me get this straight... You miss a guy who would rather get high then be with you when you were doing your pregnancy test, who seems to have no drive, self control or confidence, is jealous and is trying to deflect all the blame on you? You have done nothing wrong!!! Be thankful you weren't actually pregnant as this could have been a catastrophic situation. The man you choose to be with should enhance your life, not MAKE it. Let him think whatever he wants about you because he is no longer your concern. You deserve to be treated better. I promise you that you made the right decision...maintain NC and stay strong. He is just trying to get the upper hand on you. Edited February 16, 2014 by lauri 3
Author lauren4002 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 I totally get what you say, I just feel like I want to text him and try to get him to talk to me! It is ridiculous I don't want to feel like this, i don't want these feelings! and yet i just love him. He hasn't said anything to me, I did call him about his stuff and yet i am so glad he didn't answer!! why head is everywhere at the mo I want to hear his voice yet I don't!
Author lauren4002 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 no contact for me, not for him. He has been awol for exactly a week. Surely, if someone loved you they would do anything to be in your life? So why should I make the effort being in his life if he doesn't want to be in mine I miss there being an us, i miss him and i want to talk to him so bad!! :(:(
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Trust me, I know what you're going through. My soon to be 36 year old ex-boyfriend, of over 3 years, told me on Jan 9th he loved me and completely disappeared after that. He didn't show back up until 2 weeks later blaming me for breaking up with him because I didn't chase him or look for him while he was gone. That was his way of ending our relationship, blaming me for causing the BU and I assume, feeling no guilt. I've been NC for 8 days, today. I haven't heard from him for 10. Unless your ex has a good reason for missing I'd go NC, stay that way, and move on. It's hard, and it will get harder... but then eventually you'll be back to your old self and will be much happier without him. God, why the hell does that not make ME feel better? If only we could take our own advice.
Author lauren4002 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I know, It took eight months to get over the five year relationship before and that was all down to this guy! I just don't get why he's blaming me when he is the one that finished it finished it. Like for good. He always believe in fighting for things and sorting things out, and the day he stopped talking to said how much he loves me. Just why would he say that and then disappear! I know i will have to take this day by day, i just hate the thought of him forgetting me!!!why do i think like that!!
ithappenedagain Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 You nailed it on the head when you said you were afraid of him forgetting about you. I think that is the #1 thing dumpee's have a hard time struggling with. Me as well I miss my ex so much and think about her all of the time. Is she thinking about me all of the time? Nope. That is what stings.
Author lauren4002 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 You nailed it on the head when you said you were afraid of him forgetting about you. I think that is the #1 thing dumpee's have a hard time struggling with. Me as well I miss my ex so much and think about her all of the time. Is she thinking about me all of the time? Nope. That is what stings. Its a huge thing, Its so frightening to think I will be nothing to him..just another ex girlfriend thats all. i think its because we wanted the same things out of life, we wanted to travel with each other and see the world. I can't imagine doing that with anyone else. Now, I start to think officially we have been apart a month, and thats a long time!! why is this still so raw!!
crackerjax9 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I was dumped last Monday night through a text after 18 months of dating--day 3 of NC. Stay strong. We can do it together!!
Author lauren4002 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I was dumped last Monday night through a text after 18 months of dating--day 3 of NC. Stay strong. We can do it together!! Yes, we need all the support we can get
crackerjax9 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 You should order the book "Its called a break up because its broken". Its freakin awesome. I read it through my last break up and it gave me such strength I was able to get over my ex. I tried to read it again after this last break up but its not helping as much as it did the second time around--but def reccommend it!
Author lauren4002 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I was an idiot, thought I was being all brave going onto his page to block him… and then i saw he has a new girlfriend.. i just blocked him. His new picture..them..on holiday.. This is horrible
crackerjax9 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 whoa whoa whoa...how long ago did you break up?
Author lauren4002 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 whoa whoa whoa...how long ago did you break up? Jan 20th, he and his friends had planned a holiday to austria for good 7 months… I just didn't expect it so soon, I want to text him and just be angry with him.. But i won't, i won't show him how I feel. he couldn't of loved me that much then
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) I was an idiot, thought I was being all brave going onto his page to block him… and then i saw he has a new girlfriend.. i just blocked him. His new picture..them..on holiday.. This is horrible You just broke up a month ago and he's already with someone new? This is the *exact* reason I'm staying the HELL away from my ex. I just couldn't handle seeing that right now. I'm having a hard enough time with the BU withOUT seeing something like that. He basically abandoned you and moved on to his next victim, I'm assuming. What a sorry, low-life, POS. I'm soooo sorry you're going through this. I imagine my ex is out f*cking whatever pill-head will spread her legs for a xanax or 2 but whatever. F*ck your ex and mine!! Edited February 18, 2014 by Gemini x
ithappenedagain Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 People who jump from relationship to relationship have SERIOUS issues. Consider this breakup a blessing in disguise. He has some serious issues if he is already moving on with someone else. Jan 20th!?!?! WTF.
Author lauren4002 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 People who jump from relationship to relationship have SERIOUS issues. Consider this breakup a blessing in disguise. He has some serious issues if he is already moving on with someone else. Jan 20th!?!?! WTF. I think I'm past the stage of crying all I keep seeing is that picture of them. I guess five years of feelings don't go just like that! I'm devastated but I know there's no hope. He has moved on that's the end
ithappenedagain Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I once dated a girl for almost 5 years. We made some MAJOR life changes together. (leaving my close friends and family and moving 2000 miles away with her so she could take her ''dream job'') Not even 2 months after we moved to our new state I found out she started seeing someone else at her new job... She told me that either her or I would have to find a new place to live, etc etc.. I was shattered. I made the decision to move out - as rent was extremely high. I would see him and her all over the place. It killed me. I had multiple setbacks. But I can tell you this. I recovered. There was no way in hell I ever thought I would get over her. But I did. I am using that as hope with my current breakup. So I just wanted to tell you my story. I know things will be better. The thing that sucks is ''time''..
Scarecrow24 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 My ex fiancee of 5 years is already seeing someone and we haven't even been broken up a week. So I feel your pain, you are not alone.
Author lauren4002 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 I think I am doing well, i got to day two. Thats a start, but I miss him bad tonight
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