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Posted

There are a lot of people who are single or wish they were single. What is it about being single that makes people love it? I have been single for 3 years and keep thinking I will remain single for the rest of my life haha.

Posted

Hey there. I've been single for just over a year, and I hate it. I have dated quite a lot, but nothing has gone anywhere. I am at a point now where I am not as desperate to meet someone, but I also know that I simply cannot be single forever. Sometimes I get down about it, recently I've just been getting on with it a bit more. My problem is that every failure makes it harder to put yoursel back out there.

 

Do you date much?

Posted

You have to make the best of a situation, no matter what it is. That's how you be happy single or coupled up.

  • Like 6
Posted

Well, first of all I'll admit I am not single by choice. I just didn't meet the right man yet.

 

However, I really don't mind it because in the meantime, I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want without compromise.

  • Like 1
Posted

For me, single is okay. In a long term relationship is okay.

Dating is lame as hell though. :D

 

 

There's good things about being single that I like and worry I'll get too used to... but if I didn't like being in a relationship with someone awesome better, I wouldn't put myself through dating. As an introvert, it's not my bag.

  • Like 1
Posted
For me, single is okay. In a long term relationship is okay.

Dating is lame as hell though. :D

 

 

There's good things about being single that I like and worry I'll get too used to... but if I didn't like being in a relationship with someone awesome better, I wouldn't put myself through dating. As an introvert, it's not my bag.

 

Completely agree.

Posted

@OP....

 

Are we talking single (never married, and no kids), or single (been married and have kid(s))?

 

I am the latter, and am loving it to be honest. I am able to do what I want, when I want and not having to put up with any nagging, lack of cooperation and the misuse of joint funds.

 

I am also able to go do different activities that married people do, with anyone I like.

Posted
For me, single is okay. In a long term relationship is okay.

Dating is lame as hell though. :D

 

 

There's good things about being single that I like and worry I'll get too used to... but if I didn't like being in a relationship with someone awesome better, I wouldn't put myself through dating. As an introvert, it's not my bag.

 

Please get out of my head.

:D

Posted

I loved being single. I think the thing I love the most, which probably betrays more of my own issues than anything else, is that there's nobody there who you know has the power to really hurt you. I don't know if that makes sense. But when I'm single I'm very content alone, I see my friends a lot, I work, I play, I study, I volunteer, I have an awesome life. And when I'm at home alone, it feels natural and right and the default. I enjoy knowing that there is nobody out there with the imminent power to really hurt me.

 

But once you're with somebody and crazy about them, you suddenly realise one day that you essentially handed your heart over to someone's outstretched hand and at any point they could snap it shut and hurt you deeply. You miss them when they're not around. The default thing that makes you happy isn't being at home with your own company any more, even though you still enjoy it, it's being around that person. It's a huge risk. I've been hurt several times very deeply by family and by partners and it's really tough to let myself open up and trust somebody anymore, I was actually determined to stay single all year after having my heart broken a couple of times in the year prior (and I don't really fall that easily, been in love four times in nine years).

 

So the being single stuff I love is nothing to do with being able to go out and sleep with random people, it's more the security that comes from knowing you're good alone. Once you're in a relationship there is only one way for it to end and that's in pain, and after being hurt a few times I guess you're always looking out for the next time it's gonna happen.

 

Ultimately, the reward is worth the risk, though. And the older I get and the more times I get burnt the more confident I am that there's nobody I can't deal with hurting me and no breakup I can't get past, so it's no reason not to enter a relationship if someone comes along that truly blows me away. But I can't just enter is unthinkingly any more or fall into being with someone, as soon as someone asks me to be their girlfriend I have to take a days to really think it over and decide whether I am strong enough to withstand that kind of thing again.

  • Like 4
Posted

I've virtually been single all my life other then my first relationship which only lasted about 3 months.

 

It doesn't bother me being single, tbh I was happier single then I was in my relationship. There's so much emphasis put on 'you can't be happy unless you're in a relationship,' I just don't get it.

 

I enjoy the fact that I can get with any single person I want and not have to worry about repercussions. I don't have to worry about money, I don't have to spend anything on Valentine's Day, my Xmas presents are cheap! I can still go out and have money afterwards :).

 

I wouldn't mind having a relationship, but so far I've been happier single!

Posted

There are pro's and con's to being in a relationship, just like there's pro's and con's to being single. Being single isn't a bad thing, in itself, but it solely depends on how you want to view the circumstances. Socially, being single is less accepted the older we get. If an old man is 80 years old and without a wife by his side, we assume that she died -- however, if a man is 50 years old and never married, we'll think "why hasn't he married someone yet..." At 23 years old, people will say "oh, you'll find someone. You're still young." When you're 13 years old, people will just laugh when you say "I'll never find someone."

 

Even still, does society's opinion really matter? Throughout history, there are been people who went against society and developed their own idea - some of them have changed the world because of it.

 

What about biologically? Well, some people argue that humans are naturally monogamous and some say humans are naturally polygamous. We have a biological desire to procreate, but we can still procreate while still being single. However, many relationships (including marriages) occur when a man impregnates a woman, and it would be socially unacceptable to be single while being a father/mother to a child. We have a natural desire for sex, but we don't need to be in a relationship for that.

 

Abraham Maslow says that we have a "need" for love/belonging, which is part of his hiearchy of needs. However, we can get love and a sense of belonging through non-intimate relationships. There are ways to get our needs fulfilled without necessarily acquiring a relationship.

 

Theoretically, we could be single for the rest of our lives and still feel fulfilled, but it largely depends on what fills you up. There are people who consider themselves asexual and they would be perfectly content without having sex for the rest of their lives, and I wouldn't doubt there's people who have no desire for relationships.

 

Based on my personal experiences, I don't blame them at all. Falling in love with someone who may or may not be with you tomorrow is a scary feeling, and there is simply too much at risk. With marriage, that risk increases. There are plenty of reasons why being in a relationship is not as great as it's made out to be, and there are plenty of reasons why being single is not as great as it's made out to be. However, it largely depends on your current perspective.

 

Right now, because you've been single for 3 years...you've had some alone time and you're having those desires for companionship with someone else (which is perfectly fine). Now that you're developing stronger and stronger desire for a relationship, you're no longer comfortable with being single. You're no longer "grounded." You're throwing yourself off-balance. At one point, you accepted being single and sometimes enjoyed the freedom, but now you are adding weight to one side of the scale, and it's now in the process of tipping. You may find yourself getting impatient, and that leads to assumptions like you're "always going to be single," when, in reality, no one knows whether that's true or not.

 

We change, sometimes voluntarily and sometimes involuntarily, but we don't always have the same desires and consistent perceptions on same subjects. I just got out of a long-term relationship. Because I've been hurt pretty bad, I actually enjoy the single life. Would I rather be single? No. I wish I was never hurt, but things happen in life that happen exactly like they're supposed to happen, and I can't dwell on the things I couldn't have done any differently than what I did. I wish I was still dating my ex-girlfriend and we never had big problems in our relationship, but now that I'm single, there are a lot of things that I'm learning that I couldn't have learned while in a relationship. Right now, being single is beneficial for me because I view it as beneficial. However, three years ago when I had planned on killing myself, I viewed my single status as a burden, and felt that I was never going to experience love. At that time, that was my perception. Since then, it has changed.

 

Being single is wonderful. Because I'm single, I recognized that I never really loved myself, and I get to reflect on the mistakes I've made (not just in my previous relationship, but in life). I can focus on the things I want to focus on without being potentially judged by a partner. I don't need to make anymore sacrifices than I already do to accommodate or collaborate with a partner which gives me more freedom to do what I want, when I want, and however I want. I don't need to stay in contact with a woman, I don't need to make important life decisions being heavily influenced by a life partner, I don't hold back pursuing women because I know that I wouldn't be cheating, etc. There are an unlimited amount of reasons why, right now, being single is awesome for me -- however, there's also an unlimited amount of reasons why being in a relationship was great too.

 

They're both great, but it depends on what you want. It's okay to be alone, but know that the reason why we are lonely isn't because we don't have anybody (usually we have someone in our lives even if it's just a family member or a friend), but because we choose to feel that way.

  • Author
Posted

If I had a job or a driver's license and car I would be out a lot more. I have tried to get those things countless times before but still fail to get them. As for dating I have been on dates over the 3 year run but last date for me was July 2013.

 

I am picky when it comes to the type of guy I want to date so when I find a guy that meets what I want they are either out of the state, country, or I don't find them attractive.

 

I have never been married and never want kids. So I am single not married no kids. But I have been engaged twice tho haha.

Posted

I've been single for close to two years now and I still absolutely love it.

 

Honestly, the best gift my ex ever gave me was dumping me. Before we broke up, I had been in back to back relationships ever since I was 16 years old.

 

When my last ex and I broke up when I was 27 it was a complete shock. I had never dated in my life. I had never been single in my life. I just didn't know what to do with myself, what I was going to do, if I'd ever meet someone again... I pretty much had a complete meltdown.

 

I basically started living life from scratch. I moved out and got my own apartment. I joined Meetup.com and met all new girl friends and started making plans to do things every. single. day. I was going out, experiencing all new things, visiting new places, meeting new people. I reconnected with old friends and I basically learned how to love myself.

 

For the first time in 27 years I had the opportunity to really connect with myself, learn from my mistakes, evolve as a person, learn who I was, what I wanted, why it was I went after the same kinds of guys.

 

I started to date! I've been on countless first dates and I've essentially perfected my first date. :p I casually dated a few others. I learned that there were other guys out there for me. I made a few more bad choices in men, but I don't regret it. They are new stories to tell.

 

I went on adventures (and still do), I got a brand new job, I learned that I'm passionate about obstacle racing and CrossFit. I dedicate every waking second of my life.... to MYSELF. That's the beauty of being single.

 

I do what I want, when I want, with whom I want. I see who I want, I don't see who I don't want. I have no obligations to anyone but myself, I don't have someone holding me back or preventing me from doing whatever it is I feel like doing at any given moment.

 

It's been a glorious two years.

 

I'm actually now seeing someone, and it's actually looking like something that's going to become the real thing. Singledom may no longer be a thing in my life for too much longer.

  • Like 5
Posted

I have been single and bachelor and happy but hope to be happily married by 40 but I will just see how my life will be.

Posted

 

 

I do what I want, when I want, with whom I want. I see who I want, I don't see who I don't want. I have no obligations to anyone but myself, I don't have someone holding me back or preventing me from doing whatever it is I feel like doing at any given moment.

 

 

This sums it up for me. I actually like being single very much. I travel all over the world when I'm single, pick up new hobbies and friends, just do stuff without the baggage that comes with partnership. I like cuddling and kissing and sex but I don't miss them enough to actually give up my freedom. And it's so powerful to be your own person and know that you don't need anyone to add anything to your life. I'm 100% complete on my own. It's pretty sweet. I can sleep in whatever I want, walk around the house however, etc. It's absolute freedom. Perhaps people who really struggle with singlehood have co-dependency issues, or are people who are not intrinsically motivated and need someone else to get them going. I think people who are self-starters and enjoy their own company have a much easier time being out of relationships.

Posted
I think people who are self-starters and enjoy their own company have a much easier time being out of relationships.

 

Yep. This.

 

I'm going to have a far harder time becoming accustomed to coupled life in all honesty. :lmao::lmao:

  • Like 1
Posted
Yep. This.

 

I'm going to have a far harder time becoming accustomed to coupled life in all honesty. :lmao::lmao:

 

Have to agree. I'm still going to be the independent type even when in a relationship. It's not an indictment on the other person, it's just how my personality operates.

Posted
Yep. This.

 

I'm going to have a far harder time becoming accustomed to coupled life in all honesty. :lmao::lmao:

 

Agree, it's always really weird at first to suddenly be holding hands with somebody in public! I've done casual and FWB and it's all good, but stuff like public affection is like a super special intimate thing for me, I would hate the idea of anyone, even strangers, seeing me holding hands with a guy unless I'm actually in a relationship with him. It just seems too... intimate!

 

So I was a bit worried holding hands would be weird with my new relationship, but actually it wasn't, it felt really natural. Still gonna take a bit of getting used to that I suddenly have a boyfriend again, though. Especially after swearing it off for a year.

Posted
Honestly, the best gift my ex ever gave me was dumping me. Before we broke up, I had been in back to back relationships ever since I was 16 years old.

 

When my last ex and I broke up when I was 27 it was a complete shock. I had never dated in my life. I had never been single in my life. I just didn't know what to do with myself, what I was going to do, if I'd ever meet someone again... I pretty much had a complete meltdown.

 

I basically started living life from scratch. I moved out and got my own apartment. I joined Meetup.com and met all new girl friends and started making plans to do things every. single. day. I was going out, experiencing all new things, visiting new places, meeting new people. I reconnected with old friends and I basically learned how to love myself.

 

For the first time in 27 years I had the opportunity to really connect with myself, learn from my mistakes, evolve as a person, learn who I was, what I wanted, why it was I went after the same kinds of guys.

 

I started to date! I've been on countless first dates and I've essentially perfected my first date. :p I casually dated a few others. I learned that there were other guys out there for me. I made a few more bad choices in men, but I don't regret it. They are new stories to tell.

 

I went on adventures (and still do), I got a brand new job, I learned that I'm passionate about obstacle racing and CrossFit. I dedicate every waking second of my life.... to MYSELF. That's the beauty of being single.

 

I do what I want, when I want, with whom I want. I see who I want, I don't see who I don't want. I have no obligations to anyone but myself, I don't have someone holding me back or preventing me from doing whatever it is I feel like doing at any given moment.

 

It's been a glorious two years.

 

I'm actually now seeing someone, and it's actually looking like something that's going to become the real thing. Singledom may no longer be a thing in my life for too much longer.

 

 

Love this post. I am like you were. I have never been single. This is the first time in 22 years. I absolutely freaked out. I am trying to start from scratch by catching up with old girlfriends, have signed up for meetup.com (yet to go to any though) to meet new friends and get out when I want to.

 

I have my own home that my kids share 1/2 the time, so I do have them to help in lonliness, but its a whole new way of life for someone who has never had to be single before.

 

Part of me thinks, this breakup was meant to be simply for the reason for me to find myself and enjoy my company. Learn to do things for myself. As a mom/wife/girlfriend I always seemed to put myself on the backburner and put everyone else needs well in front of me. Its hasnt been soooooo bad, but I do miss the companionship and affection from a man. So being single hasnt been as bad as I thought it was. I do love the idea I can go anywhere I want, see whoever I want, whenever I want without any question from anyone that is nice.

 

Do I want to spend the rest of my life being single? No. I would much rather share my life with a partner. I can see the adjustment would be just as difficult for someone who has been single for so long that they have a hard time adjusting to a relationship as it is for us to become single after so long.

 

Its just readjusting our lives. It wont kills us. Thank goodness life keeps teaching us new things. It would be quite boring if it didnt

  • Author
Posted

How do those MeetUp.com meets work?

Posted
How do those MeetUp.com meets work?

 

It does exactly what it says on the package....a "meet" is organized by an entity, people sign up to attending, you show up and mingle with the singles (or not so single)

Posted
If I had a job or a driver's license and car I would be out a lot more. I have tried to get those things countless times before but still fail to get them. As for dating I have been on dates over the 3 year run but last date for me was July 2013.

 

I am picky when it comes to the type of guy I want to date so when I find a guy that meets what I want they are either out of the state, country, or I don't find them attractive.

 

I have never been married and never want kids. So I am single not married no kids. But I have been engaged twice tho haha.

 

 

 

Perhaps you should work on getting that job or your driver's license? Or going to school? What if the guy you meet is 'picky', and values independence and self sufficiency? All of these things would increase your chances of meeting someone, if that is your goal.

  • Author
Posted

I've tried getting those things and keep failing at them so I stopped.

Posted
I've tried getting those things and keep failing at them so I stopped.

 

To stop trying is to guarantee you'll never get them. Want exactly is your block to them? What do you expect a guy to provide for you?

Posted

One thing which puzzles me is I often hear people say they can do what they want when they're single, ie see friends, but why can't people to these things in a r/ship? I have my own set of friends and do my own thing, as well as things with my partner, when I'm in a r/ship, you don't lose your freedom when you stop being single, or you shouldn't, except freedom to be sexually involved with others but if it means that much to someone then stay single or have an open r/ship!

 

Why on earth wouldn't you be able to sleep in whatever you want, or walk around the house however you like if you're in a r/ship?! I don't get it :eek:

 

 

 

It's pretty sweet. I can sleep in whatever I want, walk around the house however, etc. It's absolute freedom. Perhaps people who really struggle with singlehood have co-dependency issues, or are people who are not intrinsically motivated and need someone else to get them going. I think people who are self-starters and enjoy their own company have a much easier time being out of relationships.
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