isisisweeping Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 This is my first time being dumped before a relationship -- that is, I've been dumped after several years several times now... but I've never had a guy end things after a short time (it's been a month). Loveshack called it: not that interested. He did communicate if I stop but he was not aggressive and not anywhere near what I'm used to... didn't even try for anything more than a kiss in many, many dates. Apparently, I'm gorgeous and intelligent and he wishes that spark was there but it just isn't. He didn't pick it up sooner because he doesn't have a lot of experience in relationships. But he really, really wants to still be friends and hopes we can still talk. He was a really nice and really smart guy. We are probably better as friends... but it still is unpleasant! New experience I guess. Also, I'd prefer it be done not in person, I think. I'm sure I'm taking it harder due to a really bad night unrelated to it.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I agree about the 'in person' thing, many people seem to think that it's classier to meet up with somebody to tell them it's not working out. But personally if it's only been a handful of dates, I'd rather just get a text from somebody. It's really awkward to try and handle it in person, and also implies that the dumper thinks you're going to be really upset, which is a little patronising! I'd be more irritated at somebody taking time out of my day to meet for coffee and tell me it wasn't working than just getting a text, to which I can respond in my own time after I've processed the emotions (even if you're not invested, rejection is never nice). You'll be fine, you haven't wasted too much time on this guy. Nobody's fault if the spark just isn't there! Did you feel the spark yourself, though? 1
Author isisisweeping Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 I agree about the 'in person' thing, many people seem to think that it's classier to meet up with somebody to tell them it's not working out. But personally if it's only been a handful of dates, I'd rather just get a text from somebody. It's really awkward to try and handle it in person, and also implies that the dumper thinks you're going to be really upset, which is a little patronising! I'd be more irritated at somebody taking time out of my day to meet for coffee and tell me it wasn't working than just getting a text, to which I can respond in my own time after I've processed the emotions (even if you're not invested, rejection is never nice). You'll be fine, you haven't wasted too much time on this guy. Nobody's fault if the spark just isn't there! Did you feel the spark yourself, though? I really liked him. I don't really know about "the spark" I'm not sure I've ever really felt that. For my long term relationships it always has built over time. I do not have a lot of time to meet up with people typically and choosing to means sacrificing another opportunity. He was very nice about it, though. I could tell it was hard for him to do.
napy666 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Being friends first sucks! It never leads to a relationship or dating it ends up leading to the friend zone which sucks even more!
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 My two longest relationships (2 and 4 years) sprung up from friendships. One of them actually from friends with benefits for several months until he pursued me into a relationship. Funny when people say don't do FWB if you want a relationship. Although it was definitely an anomaly not the rule.
Author isisisweeping Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Being friends first sucks! It never leads to a relationship or dating it ends up leading to the friend zone which sucks even more! This is not a friends first but a friends always thing, though I'm not sure I agree. I would rather date a friend I trusted and liked than a stranger.
Guitarisgood Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Been there done that. Welcome to the club! I've found it best to surround yourself with things to do and friends to see and you'll get over them in flash because it was so short. Just do not obsess over it.
meeji Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Don't try to be friends if it is going to hurt you. Tell him you were really interested in him and that you need some time to let things die down and that you will contact him later when you feel okay with just being friends. Don't torture yourself and don't give up on dating. You will find someone who adores you. Don't stop until you find him.
Author isisisweeping Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Don't try to be friends if it is going to hurt you. Tell him you were really interested in him and that you need some time to let things die down and that you will contact him later when you feel okay with just being friends. Don't torture yourself and don't give up on dating. You will find someone who adores you. Don't stop until you find him. It won't hurt me. It's not that serious. It's more an ego blow, probably. We only knew each other for a month- not enough time to seriously invest. I am sure I'll get used to a guy interested enough to go on a few dates but not interested. I've been lucky so far and the dating I didn't end myself all turned into long term relationships. I guess I can admit valentines day guy was same guy as loveshack said wasn't interested... Same as "let's be friends" guy. I was embarrassed for not listening earlier.
Author isisisweeping Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) He's gay. Next question? Haha, not every guy who isn't interested in me is gay. Some simply have uncontrolled psychiatric issues, I am sure. Ps, hair color and weight are a little different but you look like my ex husband waaay too much. I did a double take. Edited February 17, 2014 by isisisweeping
TB Rhine Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I also look quite a bit like George Clooney, absent weight, age, hair color, and facial features. ;-)
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