Username37 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Hey LS, long time no see! So i've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years already and for the most part, we're pretty solid. One of my best friends has a girlfriend and my girlfriend expressed her interest to kiss her, and as a guy, I'm totally okay with this. But I told her two conditions. When she does, she has to 1, have me and my friend present and 2, not to do it in front of ANYONE else. I keep on telling her to make sure. Girlfriend drinks alcohol. Friend's girlfriend drinks alcohol. She gets REALLY drunk and flirty with everyone, and most especially my girlfriend. They kiss and it was nice and all, but it was in front of all our friends and it ended up bothering me a lot. People were judging and all my guy friend were ogling them. I don't want all my friends doing this and have them see my girlfriend any different or expect them to do it EVERY TIME they see them together. I don't want them to force them drinks or tell them to do it for their pleasure. Do I have every right to be bothered by this? I spoke to my girlfriend prior to the party saying that sometimes she hard to control when she's drunk and that if you end up doing stuff with my friend's gf, that they keep it secret from everyone except me and my friend since I did not want to make a show of it. The sucky thing is they kissed in the past before, but it was when everyone was egging them on to do it. Sorry if this all sounds silly. But it's been bugging me since last night.
deathandtaxes Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 You're pretty much giving her carte blanche to cheat on you with this lady? WTF? You reap what you sow, OP. Remember that. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 One one hand, you made it clear that you would only be okay with it in those specific circumstances, and she ignored it. It's essentially going outside of the relationship for intimacy, whether or not you dress it up in a 'ooh it's just two girls, it's hot' or not. So she didn't really respect you or what you felt about the scenario... I'd be pissed too. But on the other hand dude, you treat her like a performing monkey. Honestly it's such a turn off when a guy is happy for you to be with a woman as long as he 'gets to watch', if I ever had the desire to kiss another woman while in a relationship (and I've done it as a wild 17 year old, yes at a party in front of my bf and all of his friends, yes our bfs were both angry about it quite rightly) it'll be because I want to experience it myself, not because I'm putting on a show. It's not hugely respectful to give your gf your blessing for her to do it but only if you get your sexual kicks from it too. You both sound too immature for this scenario and while she committed the greater 'wrong' by doing it in circumstances outside of your agreement, imo you can't be too judgmental because you already made it clear that if she was going to kiss this girl it would be simultaneously for the benefit of turning on others. Maybe I'm just being judgmental about that part but personally I'd just make it clear that you don't want either of you going outside of the relationship for sexual intimacy (including kisses) again, and drop it. You both seem as though you're not exactly approaching it for the 'right' reasons (you want her to perform for you, she wants to perform for others). 2
TB Rhine Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I'm generally okay with girls I date having relationships with other women, as it doesn't make me feel inadequate or anything. (If it were a guy, I would reason there must be something she SHOULD be getting from me that she's obviously not getting - and seeking elsewhere - so that would constitute a failure on both our parts, and would undermine the relationship. With another girl, on the other hand, I can accept the fact that there may be things a woman can offer another woman in a relationship, that a man can't). Getting drunk and making out with each other in a room full of people (primarily guys, sounds like) is something altogether different, however. That's not being a lesbian, or bisexual; it's classic drunk sorority girl exhibitionist/attention-getting behavior. It speaks of low character, and should be taken as a red flag.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I'm generally okay with girls I date having relationships with other women, as it doesn't make me feel inadequate or anything. (If it were a guy, I would reason there must be something she SHOULD be getting from me that she's obviously not getting - and seeking elsewhere - so that would constitute a failure on both our parts, and would undermine the relationship. With another girl, on the other hand, I can accept the fact that there may be things a woman can offer another woman in a relationship, that a man can't). Getting drunk and making out with each other in a room full of people (primarily guys, sounds like) is something altogether different, however. That's not being a lesbian, or bisexual; it's classic drunk sorority girl exhibitionist/attention-getting behavior. It speaks of low character, and should be taken as a red flag. That would be a big concern for me, too. I have seen plenty of other women do things like this simply to gain attention from men and not because they feel a genuine attraction to the other woman.
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