justnotsure83 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Finding things so difficult, we met just before xmas and things where amazing she used to say things like 'i love how inseperable we are' and i agreed because she works part time and i have my own company so both had a lot of time for each other. Then it just stopped, we now see each other around 2 times a week, we make plans ahead of time like for example we're meeting tuesday again but it just doesnt feel the same. She has her own place and so do i. we used to plan things like 'stay over for thursday and friday i cant wait' now im lucky if i stay over once a week. Then here is the other part, she has a child with an ex who walked out on her and was never around, he is suddenly showing a huge interest now and althought a month back she hated him i now find they talk often and its the childs birthday in april, even though together we have planned and paid for this party at her house, bought decorations etc last night she asks 'how would you feel if the ex came too' i was shocked, my family is also coming and she wants to invite the ex. Am i reading to much into things or am i right in feeling im a bit of a back up because soon as the ex decides he wants back in ive been pushed back out
Keenly Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Regardless of how you feel about the parent or their lack of effort, you stay out of the way when it comes to a parent and their child. Seriously, that's best advice you'll get. Stay out of the way, and just let it happen. If he is a bad parent, let him prove it. But you have no right to deny him access to his child. 2
Author justnotsure83 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Regardless of how you feel about the parent or their lack of effort, you stay out of the way when it comes to a parent and their child. Seriously, that's best advice you'll get. Stay out of the way, and just let it happen. If he is a bad parent, let him prove it. But you have no right to deny him access to his child. my reply to her was pretty much 'i dont mind, he should be in the childs life i wouldnt want him to not come because you have to put the kid first but make sure he doesnt let him down' 1
Keenly Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 my reply to her was pretty much 'i dont mind, he should be in the childs life i wouldnt want him to not come because you have to put the kid first but make sure he doesnt let him down' Absolutely perfect. Let him either A) dig his own grave or B) be a semi decent parent.
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Respectfully, the dynamic between ex's and their kids is one that you need to respect. If you like her - then let her have leeway when it comes to this. There is a chance that she may have feeling for him, and if that's the case - you can't do anything to stop it. They will always have communication because of the kids and if there is something there, it will eventually happen. You might as well find out early. However, more than likely, she's just in a place where she/him can talk and get along about the kids. My ex and I, for the first nine months after our separation - couldn't chat with each other (well, I could..she couldn't). But at some point we got past the anger and started sharing our love of the kids with each other again. She and I will *NEVER* get back together - we'd both tell you that. But, our friendship is almost where it was before we started dating. We realized our kids are something we have in common and no one is going to love and want to share the details of the kids more than both of us. Plus, it allows us to give the kids a happier environment that we can be around each other. In either of those two scenarios - let it go. When you are more serious and deeper in the relationship, perhaps you can ask to try to understand their relationship better - but be careful with that!!! the last poster is right - don't get between parents and their kids. 1
Author justnotsure83 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Respectfully, the dynamic between ex's and their kids is one that you need to respect. If you like her - then let her have leeway when it comes to this. There is a chance that she may have feeling for him, and if that's the case - you can't do anything to stop it. They will always have communication because of the kids and if there is something there, it will eventually happen. You might as well find out early. However, more than likely, she's just in a place where she/him can talk and get along about the kids. My ex and I, for the first nine months after our separation - couldn't chat with each other (well, I could..she couldn't). But at some point we got past the anger and started sharing our love of the kids with each other again. She and I will *NEVER* get back together - we'd both tell you that. But, our friendship is almost where it was before we started dating. We realized our kids are something we have in common and no one is going to love and want to share the details of the kids more than both of us. Plus, it allows us to give the kids a happier environment that we can be around each other. In either of those two scenarios - let it go. When you are more serious and deeper in the relationship, perhaps you can ask to try to understand their relationship better - but be careful with that!!! the last poster is right - don't get between parents and their kids. Sound advice, if she has feelings for him there in no point me making it worse by restircting access or telling her im jelous. If she likes him still then im screwed whatever i do so i may aswell ride the wave and just hope im not second best eventually. Cheers everyone
894hjk Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 A child wants his parent at his birthday?! Shock! Is she using u to get a reaction from the ex? Him seeing u both together could spark him on to being committed again. Women r manipulative. There's a fine line between love and hate.
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