long but bear with me, it could still be progress!

[gothicrose]

Hello...its me again.

 

Some of you might remember my previous threads and the next recently on coping where I thought I was making progress.

 

Well, I slipped up again. I've been too scared to post on here for fear of getting a flaming, but my break up buddy is away at the moment and my real life friends have encouraged me to go ahead with Wednesday as 'it can't hurt'. So, here I am asking for your advice.

 

As I said, I slipped up again. On 10th Feb I went to ex's place. I knocked once, he let me in straight away and not long afterwards, started kissing me. Long story short, we fooled around, he did his usual thing of saying he can't see me until after his work investigation is over (mentioned in previous threads) and a few things along the lines of "I do care a lot about you", "I should be so angry with you for everything that's happened, but I just feel so safe and relaxed with you in my arms", yadda yadda. Then I went home, on the understanding he would be in touch when the investigation is over.

 

That Friday (so, valentines day) I saw him in school and we just went about our business, no drama. Later that day I saw him in a meeting room with the head teacher and deputy head, panicked he might have told them I'd been to his place and texted him asking him to meet me at lunch. He showed up, to my surprise,. Assured me he hasn't said anything about me and then when I said I can't cope with this, he said he couldn't either and that contact between us should stop.

I said we needed to talk this through properly and he said he would come over that evening.

 

Again, to my surprise, he turned up.

 

First hour was a bit tense and we argued a bit (just niggly stuff, not screaming and shouting),but then he was here another four hours after that and the majority of the time we were kissing, fooling around etc., and just joking around. We did eventually have sex.

 

Now. During that first hour, before the kissing and stuff, I had said that in all honesty, I do feel like I love him. BUT I felt the same about my children's' father after we split and I know now those feelings weren't real, so these ones might not be either.

I also said he doesn't need to feel bad; I'm not going to pine for him or sit around waiting even though he doesn't want me, I've done that but I'm not usually the friends with exes type and I'm ready to move on. I then said that any decision he makes now, I will take as gospel and stick to forever, so if he is sure about no contact then its done.

He thought for a bit and "i dont feel like i want to go on a date with you, but you've just given me an 'out' so why can't I take it? I can't say I want no contact forever, I don't know what I want".

 

I dropped it after that, and as I said we did end up having sex.

As he was leaving, he asked to see me again on wednesday next week. I was shocked, as I've been asking him to see me for weeks now and he has kept refusing.

I asked why hr changed his mind, and he replied "we've got on better tonight than we have in a long time, we haven't argued, I've enjoyed our company and hope you enjoyed mine. I feel really relaxed and happy...don't I seem that way to you...so I fee, like I'd like to see you again if you'll let me".

He also said that when I'd gone to his house earlier that week, before I turned up he had been feeling really stressed and depressed, and I had somehow relieved that depression, but he has no idea how I did it.

 

So to my question.

 

I don't know whether its a good idea to see him on Wednesday or not?

 

A part of me wants to, as he hasn't said he 'wanted' to see me in...well truthfully, months.

It would also be good seeing him, knowing that he's coming over just to get on rather than 'to talk'.

 

BUT for once, he left smiling, I was happy too and now I feel like I've finally given him that positive experience of me that I wanted to.

 

I don't know if he's just after sex, or genuinely confused, or even just wanting a distraction this week while its the school half term break.

 

I don't want to be friend zoned or used as casual sex, bit I did enjoy the other night and loved that we got on and ended on a positive note. Just don't want to ruin the slight step forward I've made.

 

So...do I start nc again now and forget Wednesday, or let him come over and take things as they come?

 

For once, even though I've recounted every detail again (sorry!) That was just for context really, and I'm not making too much of the 'positive' things he said or the being confused comment, as I heard all that before. So I feel like I am in a better place emotionally...I'm talking to other guys too (but not going on dates, no interest in that) but...hmm, I don't know what to do.

 

What do you think?

[Xemyd]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

 

 

You're starting the whole crazy situation over again!

He knows how to play you, he knows what to say to you. You're being investigated for god's sake.

 

Give it up, this is not good for either of you.

You were doing so well with NC. I also find it super creepy that you just turn up at his house. If ever I was to break NC with my ex, it'd be by text, never would I just show up at his house.

 

Everyone tells you never to see this man again yet you keep doing it. I also think you need to deal with your insecurities. Just because he was talking to two teachers doesn't mean it's about you, so don't just assume and panic and then call him. You're being investigated for being with him, and if he is telling teachers about you showing up, do you really think the best next step is to contact him again?

 

You were doing good, and you even said it, you're gonna get flamed for this. Obviously this is a hard process, we're all going through these emotions, granted probably most of aren't being investigated. You have to get through this, you've already proved you can do NC, keep at it. Forget where he lives, get rid of his number. You've got a reputation as the crazy lady now, keeping in contact is only making it even worse, and you've shown you care what people think of you.

 

Is this guy really worth all this crazyness? Are you going to marry him and live happily ever after? NO, so just drop him. He's just using you.

 

PS. I know my thoughts are all over the place, but reading your posts makes my head spin.

Edited February 16, 2014 by Xemyd

[gothicrose]

Thanks, well the showing up at his house is because I know he will answer the door. Not doing it again though.

 

I think my confusion about it is because he never asks to see me, and this time he did without any hinting or prompting from me,

 

I kind of resent the 'future' comment from you though...I do believe the craziness, on my part at least, was down to anxiety and circumstance, and I admit a part of me wants to see if he's still 'confused' and messing me around after we have spent time getting on. Because of the way we argued most times he came round in the past.

 

Its hard to get rid of the what ifs.

 

And I want to know for sure whether he is messing me around or not. I mean, what if he's not?

 

One thing though; there's more to the investigation, its not actually about me in that sense, or even me and him anymore. Thats all I can say, but its not as it seems.

 

Oh and the insecurity as you called it...the time I went to his place, I mentioned I had had a meeting with the deputy head that day he assumed it was about him. It wasn't, it was about my child.

 

So its not just me panicking, he thinks the deputy head is trying to get me to make a formal statement.

Edited February 16, 2014 by gothicrose

[gothicrose]

Been thinking about what the last poster said about my ex using me,

 

Yes, my ex could be using me for sex.

 

He could be using me for company and affection.

 

But isn't there a chance that because we got on the other night for the first time in ages, he enjoyed my company and it made him realise we might get on well?

 

What's wrong with 'seeing how it goes'?

 

I am fully prepared to walk away if he decides he just wants to be friends.

 

But I'm not sure if I want to walk away without seeing him again first, to see how the land lies.

 

I mean, if he comes onto me or is in any way sexual straight away then I will assume that's all he's after, but what if he seems interested in talking?

Would a bit of kissing and cuddling be so bad, what if we do nothing of that sort and we just talk, and he asks to see me again afterwards, would you see that as genuine interest and a sign he might not be using me?

 

These are genuine questions by the way, not me doing my usual thing of asking advice then ignoring it anyway!

[Xemyd]

I realize it's hard to get rid of the "what if". I'm going through that myself.

 

But I'm sorry, if this guy was serious about you, you would not be in this crazy situation. He would be with you right now. He wouldn't be telling you that you should stop contact and then come around again.

 

He's jerking you around. Its obvious to everyone but you, and I understand that, it's easy to not notice things when it comes to the ones we love. If he was in fact genuine, and not messing around, he'd have committed by now, he knows he can have you whenever he wants.

 

As for you being fully prepared to walk away if he just wants to be friends, I don't believe that. So much has happened with this situation, you should have walked away a long time ago, but you keep going straight back to his door. You need to walk away for good, you need to get to a point where you want nothing to do with this man. If you can't do that, you will always come back and get stuck in this psychotic situation.

[gothicrose]

Yes but the way I'm thinking is, how could he have been serious/committed when I was acting the way I did?

 

In a way I want this to be a fresh start, just see if we can get along without arguing, more than anything else. I'm not necessarily attempting a reconciliation.

 

I kind of don't see the harm in seeing him again on Wednesday, because I think after the school goes back there might be some texting occasionally but I don't think we can risk meeting until its over, so that'll be a month or so of just texting...or no contact, I don't know yet.

 

I do see what you're saying and wold probably give the same advice, but I think I want to take a chance..the fact we had a positive experience at las has made me feel much better, I truly can step back if he just wants to be friends.

 

I want to try for a relationship or nothing, but I see Fridays meeting and the one on weds if I allow it, to be building blocks...building positivity and see if we want to take anything forward from there.

 

If I don't have sex with him on weds and he still wants to see me again then surely that's a good thing?

 

ETA: he initially came round on Friday because he had said he needs to cut contact altogether, I had accepted what he said calmly but asked to talk to him properly, he suggested that evening.

I started off by saying the part about not waiting around, not pining, if he thinks no contact is the way to go then I will do it, but it has to be forever...to which he relied he wasnt sure that was what he wanted...but then I did start kissing him a bit later on so I'm sure he thought he had it on a plate. But throughout he was saying full sex wasn't important, he was just enjoying being with me etc.,

 

Oh, I don't know. I just think if he's just after sex, it will become clear in...at the most...a few weeks, right? I'm willing to take the risk as long as I'm not going back to the stalker place again.

 

So where's the harm?

 

Plan was, if it goes well on weds I will see if he mentions meeting again. If he doesn't, I won't.

I might text but I might not, if he does ask to see me again then I was going to d that, but if it got to meet number four to six and still nothing was moving...he hadn't made noises about trying again or going out somewhere on more of a date, then i thought I'd either tan have 'the talk' or just say I'm not going to be used and cut contact.

Edited February 16, 2014 by gothicrose

[Simon Phoenix]

wash, rinse, repeat.

[organizedchaos]

This will not end well. Neither of you have had enough time away to have evolved.

[gothicrose]

Simon - it is literally because he said he wanted to see me.

 

Last time I remember him saying that is May last year!

 

So of course I'm hesitant to pass up the chance.

[Xemyd]

Honestly, all I get from these posts of yours is that you'll keep saying whatever it takes and make excuses, until someone says "yes, it's a great idea".

 

We've all given you our consistent opinion to leave this guy alone. Do what you think is right, it'll keep biting you in the a*s. You're just repeating the same mistakes over and over.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon - it is literally because he said he wanted to see me.

 

Last time I remember him saying that is May last year!

 

So of course I'm hesitant to pass up the chance.

 

This all started because you showed up unannounced again. Had you never done that, none of this would have happened. You are repeating history because your impulse control is sh*t. It doesn't matter what anyone says though -- you are just going to continue to do this because your self-esteem and self-respect is shot. You'd rather keep being desperate and playing this stupid game than actually take your recovery and evolution seriously. He'll get his fix, then tell you to back off again.

[Xemyd]

Simon - it is literally because he said he wanted to see me.

 

Last time I remember him saying that is May last year!

 

So of course I'm hesitant to pass up the chance.

 

 

You are so blind, you don't see what he's doing.

 

Of course he knows you still want him, of course he knows that if he asks you you'll come running to him. He's got you on a f*cking leash whenever he wants you.

 

You need to seriously take a step back.

[Simon Phoenix]

Honestly, all I get from these posts of yours is that you'll keep saying whatever it takes and make excuses, until someone says "yes, it's a great idea".

 

We've all given you our consistent opinion to leave this guy alone. Do what you think is right, it'll keep biting you in the a*s. You're just repeating the same mistakes over and over.

 

Yep, just a constant barrage of mental gymnastics to try to bend things and make her self not seem clingy, desperate, crazy. This guy must have a magic d*ck or something.

[gothicrose]

OK yes, admit. If I hadn't gone to his again, he wouldn't have come to see me.

 

But I've been to his in the recent past haven't I and he has still refused to come and see me.

 

So why this time? Other times he has come round in the past, he has left without mentioning seeing me again and I've been doing my obsessive texting and calling thing...which he has ignored. So why did he bring it up this time?

 

I am seeing what you're saying, but surely there is a chance that because we got on well for once and he felt positive, its that which made him want to see me again?

 

If its the sex...then I withhold it this time and I have my answer, right?

[gothicrose]

And...if he knows I will come running to him..

 

 

The thing is I've been running to him regardless haven't I! When he didn't want to see me, was there and throwing myself at him,

 

So why would he have to ask to see me?

 

Surely going on past behaviour, if he would have just left id have been showing up at his place or bugging the hell out of him again?

 

I wouldn't have done, but that's what you and he all think.

 

That's all I'm asking. Why did he ask to see me this time?

[Xemyd]

OK yes, admit. If I hadn't gone to his again, he wouldn't have come to see me.

 

But I've been to his in the recent past haven't I and he has still refused to come and see me.

 

So why this time? Other times he has come round in the past, he has left without mentioning seeing me again and I've been doing my obsessive texting and calling thing...which he has ignored. So why did he bring it up this time?

 

I am seeing what you're saying, but surely there is a chance that because we got on well for once and he felt positive, its that which made him want to see me again?

 

If its the sex...then I withhold it this time and I have my answer, right?

 

See him on Wednesday then, see where that takes you.

 

Why do you want a relationship with someone that has been 99% ****, and 1% "we got on so well for once"?

[gothicrose]

Because I've been 99% crap too.

 

I'm not discounting everything you're saying, whenever I think about meeting him on Wednesday, gut feeling screams out 'don't do it...if he has feelings for you, then friday would've been enough to spark something in him' but I know if j don't take the chance, i will regret it.

 

At this point, I feel like I can step back if he's not giving me what I want.

 

I did believe he was being genuine on Wednesday, and actually I remember thinking as we were talking about him going home, I felt fine with it and wasn't in this mad panic to keep him here longer, which is unfortunately how I felt all the previous times he's been here. I was happy for him to go, to give him a peck and say goodbye with a smile.

 

That's why I think am in a better place,its just tough not to do anything physical with him...not sex, but the kissing and cuddling.

[d0cholliday]

Because I've been 99% crap too.

 

I'm not discounting everything you're saying, whenever I think about meeting him on Wednesday, gut feeling screams out 'don't do it...if he has feelings for you, then friday would've been enough to spark something in him' but I know if j don't take the chance, i will regret it.

 

At this point, I feel like I can step back if he's not giving me what I want.

 

I did believe he was being genuine on Wednesday, and actually I remember thinking as we were talking about him going home, I felt fine with it and wasn't in this mad panic to keep him here longer, which is unfortunately how I felt all the previous times he's been here. I was happy for him to go, to give him a peck and say goodbye with a smile.

 

That's why I think am in a better place,its just tough not to do anything physical with him...not sex, but the kissing and cuddling.

 

I thought my ex was also geniuine, and I'm pretty sure she isn't... Also I thought if she has feelings I can spark them easy, and believe me I do most of the times, but comes tomorrow, I'm back at the begining.

 

The chance thing, I was thinking like that, what if I don't meet up, and that was the chance to reconcile, and after she will say I was going to, you rejected me, now I'm not coming back. If it were to come to that, you will know that ex is playing you, and he/she is not serious, they make you feel guilty, they get ego-boost. I noticed my ex is always coming back when she has nothing to do, or probably feel lonely, and I always caved in, and let her

to give me false hope. Soon as she gets what she needs, tomorrow she moves on, and it is a repeating cycle. So I decided to put an end to it, go NC, told her not to contact me, stand my ground, be firm with her.

[Simon Phoenix]

Honestly, do what you want. You are going to anyway and you are going to twist and turn everything to try to find the conclusion you so desperately want. The fact that you are trying to make the fact that he suggested getting together (which I'm guessing means nothing, probably something he just said without thinking) into this big epic moment shows how ill-prepared you are to resume this. You are weak, you are clingy, and you are desperate. And it's hard to want to help someone who not only doesn't want to help themselves, but is so willfully blind to what they are doing. So I guess have fun and buckle up -- you obviously aren't ready to get off this rollercoaster yet.

[No Limit]

I don't want to be friend zoned or used as casual sex

 

You have no intention of going full and strict NC over a longer period of time. There is no friendship between exes, at least not unless there've been 5 years of seperation, and most do never get back to the state they were before their relationship.

 

You will be used as casual sex. He did his game once and it worked, he'll do it again on Wednesday and it will work as well. You're pretty much the sex buddy in his backyard.

 

I think you should post again when you're actually ready to seperate, but right now you're just trying to pick up every breadcrumb you can find on your path. However, everyone has a different tolerance level when it comes to that kind of stuff, obviously yours is a little higher. Good luck.

[gothicrose]

So there's no chance he's genuine and wanting to see if we can get on?

 

It has to be that he's after sex?

 

I just don't see why it has to be as blvk and white as 'cut contact, he's using you'.

 

Youdint think there's any chance he did have genuine feelings but all the crap got in the way,and now the crap has shifted h can see the real me and wants to give us a chance to get on!

 

I said...I'm not going to keep hanging around indefinitely, if he doesn't ask to see me again after Wednesday then I'm not going to ask. If he does but s still 'unsure' after a couple of meetings then that's it.

[Simon Phoenix]

So there's no chance he's genuine and wanting to see if we can get on?

 

It has to be that he's after sex?

 

I just don't see why it has to be as blvk and white as 'cut contact, he's using you'.

 

Youdint think there's any chance he did have genuine feelings but all the crap got in the way,and now the crap has shifted h can see the real me and wants to give us a chance to get on!

 

I said...I'm not going to keep hanging around indefinitely, if he doesn't ask to see me again after Wednesday then I'm not going to ask. If he does but s still 'unsure' after a couple of meetings then that's it.

 

No, there is no chance, because you haven't allowed him or the situation to breathe. And even if you did, the chance of him having genuine feelings for you are low, because every indicator that's out there suggests that he's just using you for his own needs. He hooks up with you, he shames you into leaving him alone until he decides he wants another fix, and when you inevitably come crawling back due to your lack of self-control and self-respect, he uses you again and repeats the cycle. And the cycle has gone on for so long that the odds of him being able to see you as a viable long-term romantic option and not a crazy, gullible friend with benefits are extremely small.

 

There is absolutely no reason for him to entertain a legitimate romantic relationship with you because he doesn't have to -- he can get whatever he wants out of you at a snap of a finger, why should he seriously entertain a relationship with you? There's absolutely no reason for him to give you anything.

 

But since you have proven time and time that you don't have the self-control and dignity to leave well enough alone and work on yourself, you might as well continue this pattern of self-destructive behavior. Because it's clear that you'd rather hang on to any sliver of hope than listen to reason.

Edited February 17, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[d0cholliday]

So there's no chance he's genuine and wanting to see if we can get on?

 

It has to be that he's after sex?

 

I just don't see why it has to be as blvk and white as 'cut contact, he's using you'.

 

Youdint think there's any chance he did have genuine feelings but all the crap got in the way,and now the crap has shifted h can see the real me and wants to give us a chance to get on!

 

I said...I'm not going to keep hanging around indefinitely, if he doesn't ask to see me again after Wednesday then I'm not going to ask. If he does but s still 'unsure' after a couple of meetings then that's it.

 

 

I was in your shoes, I kinda still am.... But you need to fight it. Go take a look on my thread, look at my posts, you will find that I've been there, done that.

I think I will always hope, that she is geniune, she is honest when she says to relax, everything is alright, don't put pressure, take it slow etc.

Told you before, I'll do it again.

As long as you keep yourself available, you won't get where you want to be.

It took a lot of blocking and not answering for my ex to react, and she did, she was all good, nice, etc... But soon as we part, she started doing what she wants.

 

I'm a believer, and I understand you, and can relate. It is hard as hell to do this NC, to stand your ground, not to contact. At least try it for a month. You have nothing to lose, I doubt he will find another girl in a month, that is if he hasn't find already and keeping you as a back up, or if you won't take our advice, don't contact him first ever, and if you still want to hang around, at least do it on your own terms, not his, reject him few times, tell him you can't you have other plans, or even better don't answer him.

 

There is always constanct doubt, and what if questions... You need to get past that. If you are so scared of losing him, that you are willing to put yourself trough all of this, try to show him some backbone. Believe me I know what are you going trough... You need to take a chance, risk it a little. He who dares wins. If it is meant to be it will happen. People told me countless times, don't hope man, lose hope, and I think they are right, but I can't let go of the hope, it's just the way I am, but I won't let my ex to string me along, or to have a control over me, and my actions. I told her everything she needs to know, and it doesn't mean nothing to her, and didn't change her mind nor decision to try to start fresh.

 

You need to go trough NC, for at least a month, try to do that, no matter what. It will be hard, but try....

 

Since I'm in the same position, feel free to PM me, we can talk, vent out etc, you can write on your thread, ask for support, anything but don't contact him.

 

Probably you have the feeling, why is he doing that, why go trough all of this if he doesn't want to reconcile... I don't know, its like that, and you can't do nothing about it. Be patient and wait to see what happens in a month. Distract yourself as much as you can.

 

 

Again feel free to PM me, if you need support, vent out, or an advice.

 

Good luck!

[gothicrose]

So...I know no one's interested any more (don't blame you) but for the purposes of concluding the story I suppose I'd better fess up.

 

I phoned him Tuesday evening, asking if he could make it then instead of weds, well actually I texted during the afternoon asking that, tried phoning but it didn't ring at all, the line stayed silent so I hung up and tried again when it did half a ring then went to voice mail. Guessed he might be home at 5 so rang again then, no answer so I phoned again at 6 and he answered, asked me to phone again in half an hour. I know...tooooo many calls

 

Anyway when I finally spoke to him at 6.30, he was annoyed that I had 'bugged' him.

 

He said that the reason he had asked to come over weds was he realised we hadn't resolved anything, and wanted to see whether, and how, we could move on from here and whether we would be able to "keep things open". Anyway he said he couldn't come over til weds so I hung up.

 

At 5.30 on weds afternoon, he sent me a text: "we are both aware that I have been trying to end our relationship since June. What I really wanted to end was the animosity and arguing. After our conversation yesterday I am even more confused about what you want from me".

 

He showed up at 8 with a smile, I asked him to say whatever it is he wanted to say and he said he likes me, he enjoyed the other night but feels I didn't enjoy it (the sex side of things), that he had left feeling positive but that I had "ruined it" by trying to control the situation and forcing him over a day early. I had mentioned in my text that there was an awards thing on TV I wanted to watch on weds, and he said "so basically you'd rather watch television that spend time with me...thanks, that made me feel like **** and shows how interested you really are in me, doesn't it".

 

A bit later on, yet again I started hinting about why he was interested in me sexually the other night and not tonight, he said he was but was angry with me to trying to force him round on Tues and he didn't want to have sex with me when he is angry. I hugged him and apologised and a bit later on he accused me of never initiating anything, even kissing or affection. He said that he's had relationships in the past where his partner left it all to him and he doesn't want to be involved with someone like that again, then he started asking me to kiss him.

He said "if you wanted to, you would just kiss me. I'm here, looking at you, have told you I want you to kiss me but you just don't, do you?" Then he looked really upset, I asked what caused that outburst and he replied "I just want you to kiss me!" Then when I couldn't, he looked upset again and said "brilliant". He later said that had made him feel "absolute ****".

 

He said he should go at about 10pm and by then, I felt the evening had been ruined so my idiot idea to 'fix' things was to keep on about how he wouldn't have sex with me, he felt guilty and hung around a bit longer, tried to pleasure me (sorry) but refused to have sex, got upset when he felt I wasn't enjoying what he was doing to me and said that he had really tried to make me feel good...it was all such a mess and I'm so annoyed with myself.

 

Before he left, he said that he needs space until this investigation is over, I said that could be months and i wasn't going to leave it that long (I know...crazy!) To which he replied "the best thing for both of us, I truly feel, is to cut contact. Because I keep giving you chances to take the olive branch, give me a bit of space to get this investigation over with and allow me to come and see you with an open mind, and see if feelings can develop".

I asked why he had said two contradictory things, did he say the last part because he's scared of me going crazy on him again or because he actually wants to try and see me with an open mind, he said it was a bit of both. He then said "you're so confusing, you say...oh I don't think I do love you, I don't know how I feel but come and see me with an open mind, I say I will then you try and control me into changing the days because oh, he wants to see me and god forbid he might actually like me, I'd better annoy the heck out of him to make him hate me. Oh but I want to see if feelings can develop but I don't want to be friends with you, then back to I don't love you. How can you as so many different things!?".

 

Then he said he will come and see me in three weeks, give us both a chance to calm down and then "maybe I will feel like I'd like to see you rather than you forcing me, and we can see how it goes".

 

So I know what you'll all say, I can see it myself.

 

Crazy me left him on a positive on Friday, started being pushy again on Tuesday and weds, confused the heck out of him and then yet again, he's left feeling negative and so am I.

 

Obviously there's a tiny part of me wondering whether he just wants the hassle to stop and not necessarily the contact.

 

But I've been saying that for yonks and just kept doing the same thing over and over, haven't I,

 

I know I need to go NC for myself and get my head on straight before I can even contemplate contact with him. He says he's having counselling and has realised that he is still as 'emotionally broken' as he says he was last year so needs to sort himself out.

Then he said "i told you months ago i was 'broken', you say I tell you conflicting things and I sound confused. Why do you think that is...because i'm confused!!!"

 

By the way, I got the results of the appointment I had in January with the mental health team...i had told them everything about how I have been acting, in detail, and the letter said that they don't feel I am in need of further psychological as segment or treatment, but have recommended therapy for the past sexual abuse and/or CBT for the impulsive behaviours and thoughts. So, I'm getting help but it seems like its stuff that's fairly easily treatable.

 

Apologies for the essay.

[Zahara]

Same storyline, over and over and over again. It's getting so old.

 

I'm not even sure why you post anymore. You don't listen to anything anyone tells you. You respond with all sorts of justifications when you don't like what you hear. You make excuses. You create reasons to support your actions. When people rebutt, you respond with "but". Then you conclude that you are going NC and that you are strong enough to stay away and do what needs to be done.

 

Then one week later, "I went to his house, he held me tight, then he told me he wants to cut contact, then we had sex, then he never called me, then I asked him to call me, then he never showed up, then I went to his house." I'm not sure how anyone in their right mind can't see the insanity.

 

FFS. Progress? Where?

 

If I had a dollar for everytime you came and posted "I went to his house", I'd be f'n rich.

Edited February 20, 2014 by Zahara