TheNewMe2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) So, I had my first date with the woman who I mentioned several days ago and wanted to get impressions. Real quick background - I met her on a group vacation a couple of weeks ago and we spent most of our time together. I asked her for a date the day after we got back. Friday we both were at a party with friends and spent much of our time with some of our closer friends. Last night was our date. I picked her up at her house and asked for tour - she said 'no' but I know she's been there for awhile and not unpacked yet. We went to dinner at a place she recommended and had an excellent dinner. We chatted, very little if any, awkward pauses. Both leaning in at times too. When we planned our date, we had another activity planned after dinner - and we had a good time. It gave us some time to chat some more. However, after the event ended, it was only 11:30. I asked her if she wanted to get a drink and at first she thought it was much later, but after I told her it was still only 11:30 - she agreed. We found a bar near by - but she thought the noise was too loud inside, and I agreed. Ended up getting in the car and trying to find another bar. As we were looking she mentioned she knew of one in a different area she used to frequent. I agreed to go over. We ended up eating and drinking more - and chatted for another 2 hours. Up until this time, there was really no contact (except occassional legs touching). I finally started caressing her arm and we chatted for another 10 minutes - she didn't pull away and conversation continued to be natural. We closed down the bar at 2:15 and I finally suggested we should go and let the people close-up. Driving home, if I recall, I ended up rubbing her neck and bit and we chatted. I got to her house and got her out of the car (but stopped at the middle of her drive way..just seemed natural). I told her I was glad I finally had one-on-one time with her and she commented something along the lines, 'what it's tough to be alone with everyone on the trip." I told her yeah. We both leaned in, hugged, and we kissed - peck on the mouth, and then another on her cheek. I told her I had a great evening and it was a lot of fun. She said she really enjoyed it as well. I asked if we could do it again. She said yes or 'absolutely' or something that agreed we could do it again. I gave her another hug, and another kiss on the cheek and said good night. My impression is that the date went very well - 8 hour evening date and very little lack of conversation. She seemed engaged - asked me about me too. I over analyze - but we didn't hold hands, we didn't get super close (though at the bar I did sit right next to her..almost on top..and she didn't move). And the date ended with the pseudo-kiss. If this was a 'traditional' first date, I'd not even think twice. But we've gotten to know each other over the last couple of weeks. I'm not complaining, I actually think it went well. I get the impression she either takes things super slow (and with her - I'll take things as slow as she wants) or she isn't the most comfortable with intimacy. I got home at a little over 3 and left her a text telling her I really enjoyed our time and asked if we could get together soon (knowing her, she is going to sleep until noon..so doubt I'll hear anything back for awhile). I'm rambling - thoughts? If I read this - it sounds great. If I over analyze - I think she just had an ok time and she's a friend and a very nice one an didn't want to disappoint me. Edited February 16, 2014 by TheNewMe2014
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 the fountain of wisdom is dry this morning :-(
HappyLove Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 It was a GREAT date! You were a perfect gentleman. You basically asked her out for 3 dates in one night and she kept saying yes. You'd have to be really into someone to spend so much time with them and I don't stay out until 2:30 in the a.m. for just anybody. Follow up with plans for your next date. 1
HappyLove Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I think since you know her address and really like her I'd have a bouquet of flowers sent to her house with a cute note during the week. But that's a fantasy I have for myself, others may not agree. hee hee.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Thanks HappyLove. Still no response to her text :-( not unusual for her to take forever to respond. But can't say I'm not a bit disappointed to not hear back. I'd love to send her flowers. But let's say she is interested - and I'm not naive enough to think she's got the same level of interest (e.g. she's not writing messages on forums about a guy) - but she is interested. Also assume that she is the kind that takes things slow - would sending her flowers be too much? This whole transition from friend to something more makes it difficult to read things and because I have some genuine feelings for her, I don't want to overstep and chase her off by moving too quickly. I'd be happy to move as slow as she wants. I also want to make it clear what I think of her (which I think she does). She wasn't looking for a relationship - work has been more important to her. I look at that as good and bad.
HappyLove Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 But you weren't really friends. Maybe friendly, or friends by association, friends of friends. Either way doesn't matter. Give it time she's probably sleeping and or busy. If 2 days go by then you worry. Well she said yes to another date if she follows thru and you have it set up THEN I'd send the flowers. I'd calm down as far as the texting. I remember meeting a guy and we emailed a lot back and forth one night but then the next day I had a lot to do so I just didn't have the time and wasn't home. He complained how he was disappointed we didn't keep things going. It was SUCH a turnoff that he said that. I'm thinking calm down buddy, way too needy. Needless to say it didn't go much further.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 You rock! Yeah, no - my rule texting with her is one text. I'm not sending many follow-ups ever to her. And if she responds, I try not to get in to a text conversation. Give her space and not be needy (that's what you guys are for ) Only reason I texted her is I thought the right thing to do is follow-up with a text after the date. Maybe sending it after the date last night was a bit much - but in lieu of flowers and such..I thought an immediate text to let her know I was thinking about her was a good thing. The way I see it - it was one text. If she's interested..one text isn't going to turn her off (now following up several times today would be different). And never would I mention that I was disappointed I didn't get a text back. Good perspective. You are right - I guess technically we weren't friends. We were getting to be friends. It might be more appropriate to say that trying to change the dynamic which was fully respectful that she wasn't on the vacation to date..and now we are back and the dynamic has changed. I appreciate your wisdom HappyLove..you really have a great perspective and insight...and it is very much appreciated. I'm an over thinker and I really hate that I am..esp. when I know the right answer and then I find reasons why it isn't the right answer. I can see everyone else's issues clearly..except mine.
HappyLove Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 " I can see everyone else's issues clearly..except mine" I think that's why we're all here
deathandtaxes Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Sounds like a good date. Now here's the hard part - chill the eff out man!! CHILL! 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Things, I think, are progressing very well...very comfortably (I hope). Everyone has provided some good advice and an honest assessment. We are set with another date for Friday and had a fun conversation last night. I want to keep taking things slow, feeding off of her non-verbal cues (though I could be reading them wrong). But do think it's worth being a little more forward (innocently though) - more contact, for instance.
Sivok Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) Yeah don't be afraid of being a little bit more forward. Also, a tip, sexual tension can get distracting during your first few dates. I know you kissed her already so it doesn't necessarily pertain to your last date but - don't just wait until the end of a date to kiss her, as it makes those last walking-to-car/door moments uncomfortable. From my experience, I noticed that when I'm on a date with a girl there are a few moments where we're making heavy eye contact and im just like 'damn, I feel incredibly comfortable and attracted to her right now - i really want to kiss her' - that's when you want to do it. Completely takes away any sexual tension and makes kissing/intimacy a standard comfortable thing between you too for the entirety of the date and future ones as well. She likes you, and you'll always be forgiven if you move a little too fast. What you wont be forgiven for, however, is never making a move Edited February 18, 2014 by Sivok
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Sivok - that's some of the best da** advice I've heard in awhile. Thank you. Actually, I've put the sexual aspect of relationships in front too many times in the past (to varying degrees of success) and she's different. She's one that I'll take it as it comes. However, you are right - those final moments are so awkward. At least we have kissed, so it's a bit less - but not a passionate one. But great advice, if the moment presents itself during the date - just do it. I also agree, I need to make a move. I didn't mind taking things slow - but between getting to know each other, our first date, and the second - I need to step it up a bit...I think. I definitely think there is interest on both our parts - now show some confidence
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I'm not crazy - right? she's got more than just friend interest. We texted for a couple of hours on Sunday and chatted via phone for hours on Monday - and have our date for Friday. She seemed excited and helped (or did) pick-out the place we decided to go. I've learned she's very bottled up and not willing to share much when it comes to even platonic social exchanges. Yeah - just looking to my support group here to tell me I'm on the right path, to be patient and I'm not misreading anything. Last question (ladies) - we have had some form of communication every day - but typically a real/bs reason to chat. Today, not really - but feel like at this point it's normal. Figured I'd just checking in to see how her day was (same as I asked yesterday). That's not coming on too strong - is it?
Guitarisgood Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 1) Like another poster said, don't be afraid to be sexual and forward. After all thats the difference of dating as friends or as more ain't it? 2) Don't always be texting her. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Don't be worried about letting a few days go bye - it shows you are busy and have a life. Texting everyday can be left when you guys are more serious and even then it is not that important. 3) Learn to stop overanalysing. Take up hobbies etc to kill the mind. It is a a short trip to becoming clingy when you let your thoughts down the track become actions if she might bail on a date being busy or meets another guy out simply as friends. Have fun!
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