kittenhead Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 This is one of those momnets in life where you have a hard time believing that this story is actually you're own. I started dating this guy and I realy REALY dug him. And we're having this really honest conversation and he tells me that he like to video tape me having sex with him. So I thought it would be sweet if he wanted one of me--that could actually bring us closer together--but then I asked half jokingly if he had a collection of past girlfriends and he said yes. He has a LIBRARY of pornography of his exs! That he liked the "good times." I don't know, is it totally judgemental of me to think this is perverted or am I not getting something? Couldn't this hurt me?He asked, "Wouldn't it be weird if he deleted them?" And I don't know, it hurts to think that he could watch them and be with me--it feels like cheating b/c it's not just stangers--this is him reliving the experience. Can some one polease explain the pathology--b/c I don't get this. This is a flag, isn't it? He says he hasn't watched them since we've been together. Is that supposed to make me feel better b/c I still want to cry.
Groovy Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 That sounds weird to me and pretty insensitive. I can handle dating someone who watches porn but not his ex girlfriends and him. How long have you guys been dating?
Merin Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Wh t?! Good God! He told you he wants to video tape the 2 of you having sex.. okay.. so yeah, good to go... BUT.. Then he tells you he has a freaking Library of ALL his Ex's and him getting it on?! Honestly.. I wouldn't be down for this.. while I think it's all okay to video tape and what not.. I don't think it's a very good "sign" if you will that he's done this with all his Ex's.. and he makes it seem (to me) that he has a large selection to choose from on what to watch.. I guess my fear would be (if I were in your shoes) whats to say YOU won't become like volume 24 on the shelf? OR holy mother of whats to say he isn't like the freakin "block buster" for all his boys to come over and check out video's?! :Merin now steps down off the fear factor: Just saying.. talk to him about this.. IF I were to take a guess here.. IF you were the one with the collection, he wouldn't be down for it.. and he would want to know why you have them... Good Luck
Groovy Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 O.K, so you are getting to know each other quite a bit still with 2 months dating. If you are O.K with being a f_ck buddy than go for it. But if you are expecting someone who is capable of caring deeply about you with a relationship as your goal it doesn't sound like he can be this for any woman. Every guy wants to be a porn star with his girl he dates. However, the men I have been with we never talk in detail about people we were with. I know he doesn't want to hear about me with anyone else and vice versa. It sounds like he treats woman as objects and has not been sensitive. Most know they need to show a level of sensitivity and would never mention an ex tape library stashed somewhere. That to me is a red flag that I will be hurt. Have you talked about what your relationship is? Friends, dating, exclusive, etc?
RowanRavyn Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Ok, I am part of the Pornnetts on here (Read women who don't mind porn), however!!!!!!!!!!! I am not ok with personalized porn from old relationships. When we were very first together (really liking each other) my honey had various old pictures of past girls. It was an issue with us. Along with several other things including his fear of fatherhood. (I was a single mom). We had over six months of NC, when we finally started being friendly again, and then becoming romantic he got rid of them. All of them.
JohnWill69 Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 I agree with the rest. This A RED FLAG! He is treating women as objects. If I were you, I would say, “Ok you can tape us only if you delete the rest.” But I am sure he would just make backups before deleting them. But really, since he has done this before a number of times, I would say “NO!” If I were him, I won’t have ever said anything about the other tapes, likes that going make you want to do it more, b/c he has “done with others.” This guy is an idiot. I won’t video tape anyone unless we were married. This is just as bad, when a girl finds the guy collection of porn. Of course, every man does watch porn, but just keep a few tapes around, in case she does find them. Throw the others away, like you going to watch them all again, plus you have seen them too many times already. If you guys breakup, he can/will just buy/download more … If you are, going to watch porn, watch it together. That’s if the girl suggests or hints it first...
Hund1976 Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 BIG RED FLAG, If a guy can just casually say "Oh yeah, I have tapes of me and my former girls doing the deed" I don't see how he would expect a normal girl to not flip out over that. Watch out or you'll wind up on some website.
JoL Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 I have no problems with a *healthy* interest in all things naughty and such..being a woman and all, i dont have a problem with porn (under certain circumstances i do have a problem with it though- violent, degrading or just plain illegal stuff obviously).. But this..is..weird. Sorry, but if i were in your shoes i would be a bit freaked out. This guy keeps a collection of girls, catalogued..on film. How do you know he wouldnt show the movie to his mates..or what if someone got their hands on them?! What if you broke up and he dated someone else and she watched it?! If it was something he had done in the past and then gotten rid of the tape or deleted it- heck- its just a bit of fun right? But he keeps them of each girl- which makes me wonder if he is making a little token out of your sex life so when you break up he has a nice notch on his shelf of you?!
SilentPrayer Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 I had did this 2 with my ex. We took pics of me and did a home PORNO! I trusted him at that point, but now that I know the real him. Ide rather swallow Sadam Huseins cum then do that. I heard that with his ex before me...he had showed a close female friend of his the pics. SHE SAID that they were SICK..and GROSE! The thing that bothers be is that his EX before me...."he loved her"....they were together for a fiew years. ME AND HIM...only lasted over half a year or so. I believe I have the same fait as that ex soon. I would like to tell you......MAKE HIM DELETE IT...do it yourself even....those will CREEP up on you, the moment **** gets NASTY in the relationship. KNOWING...the pig headed guys....THEY will show there buddys...they dont care if there in it...they can easily block out a guy in PORNO....and just look at you.......aint that nice. I learned my lesson, I had found pics of a chick with BIG boobs lyeing on his bed...showing every inch of her to him. I didnt mention it to him, I was too scared.....BUT YOU...can change...this fate ASAP! DO the right thing, stuff like this....is meant FOR LONG TERM COUPLES>....and MARRIED people..not people dateing...YOU KNOW YOU WILL END UP ON A SITE...dont lie to yourself...I DID! NOT A GOOD IDEA! by the way...I aint bad looking...im concidered HOT...its no wonder I did wind up on porn sits.. I was 18 when I did that...Im on teen sits...lol...(A story to tell the grand kids huh, your granny was famous back in her day..lol)
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