Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Well of course you do. I think you should keep the dogs for 4 months, because if she's still going, there's a good chance the dogs will end up in a crappy place. People often get really self centered and delude themselves about the care their animals will get, when they want to take a trip. Unless she has someone in mind, two weeks is probably not enough time to find good care. If you care about them, I think you should follow through with your original commitment. She will cancel her trip. I need to get on with my life here. She didn't spare me when she slept with someone else. I have a big work load approaching I need to work extra hours, how do I get around that? How do I work and have a life with free time to see meet people when I'm taking care of them? How do I heal when in 4 months she re appears in my life to take them away. Why do I need to do all of that for someone who ditched me just do they can go and have a merry time for 4 months? Those dogs will be better with her. She just can't go on the trip. 1
lollipopspot Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) Have someone come in and let the dogs out to go pee once a day when you're at work. Give them a 20 minute walk in the morning or at night. I don't see how having a couple of dogs for 4 months is going to overtake your social life and keep you from meeting people. If the money is a concern, have her pay for the person to come by and let the dogs out, as a condition of them staying there. I do think it's fair to re-negotiate the conditions, if your life has changed. Edited February 17, 2014 by lollipopspot 1
Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Have someone come in and let the dogs out to go pee once a day when you're at work. Give them a 20 minute walk in the morning or at night. I don't see how having a couple of dogs for 4 months is going to overtake your social life and keep you from meeting people. If the money is a concern, have her pay for the person to come by and let the dogs out, as a condition of them staying there. My parents are disabled they can't let them out. My friends work, they can't let them out. I'm not happy giving a stranger keys to my house. If you think keeping animals for 4 months doesn't impact on your life you are diluded. Why should I just for her convenience? Do you not get the part I need to move on with my life? She chose to leave, in 4 months I'd have more heartache for what? 1
lollipopspot Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 My parents are disabled they can't let them out. My friends work, they can't let them out. I'm not happy giving a stranger keys to my house. If you think keeping animals for 4 months doesn't impact on your life you are diluded. Why should I just for her convenience? Do you not get the part I need to move on with my life? She chose to leave, in 4 months I'd have more heartache for what? A professional dog sitter with references? The dogs impact your life, but they should not keep you from meeting new people. The "for what" is that you made a prior commitment and 2 weeks before this trip you are pulling out, and that doesn't seem right, no matter the status of your relationship.
Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 A professional dog sitter with references? The dogs impact your life, but they should not keep you from meeting new people. The "for what" is that you made a prior commitment and 2 weeks before this trip you are pulling out, and that doesn't seem right, no matter the status of your relationship. How about the commitment she broke? She tore our would apart. The worst that happens here is she misses out on one trip. I made my commitment to this before she broke hers to me. I made my commitment before she changed our lives.
lollipopspot Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 How about the commitment she broke? She tore our would apart. The worst that happens here is she misses out on one trip. I made my commitment to this before she broke hers to me. I made my commitment before she changed our lives. Well, backing out on the commitment to care for the dogs 2 weeks before a big trip is one way to get revenge. You should have backed out on the commitment before now, if you were going to do so. Your relationship didn't just blow up. Either she won't go on the trip, or the dogs may suffer with substandard care. Or maybe she'll find an adequate place to care for them in 2 weeks. Who knows. It doesn't matter anyway, since it's clear you won't be caring for the dogs.
Rjbb2 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 She will cancel her trip. I need to get on with my life here. She didn't spare me when she slept with someone else. I have a big work load approaching I need to work extra hours, how do I get around that? How do I work and have a life with free time to see meet people when I'm taking care of them? How do I heal when in 4 months she re appears in my life to take them away. Why do I need to do all of that for someone who ditched me just do they can go and have a merry time for 4 months? Those dogs will be better with her. She just can't go on the trip. I went through a similiar situation, except it was one dog, and it lasted for nearly 2 years. It was a mistake for me to share this dog back and forth. ONE of you should take responsibility for the dogs. NOT a shared joint ownership. Those days are over. The dogs either belong 100 percent to you or her. FIX that first. What I find more troubling in your post, is why are you comforting her and making her dinner etc etc etc. ??? You are right about looking after yourself and wanting to move on, but comforting her and making her dinner IS not taking care of yourself! She is dragging things out she she can break away and have her new fling and if things don't work out, she has you to comfort her. I would STOP this nonsense if it were me. She left you. She has no right to you as a comfort station. You are right; none of this was your choice. AGREED. And I think you taking the right steps toward moving on, but I read conflicting things in your post about comforting her.......that is NOT moving on or being good to yourself. SHE took a chance when she left you. Let the chips fall where they may for her, but I certainly would not be her shoulder to cry on, and it is absurd she is counting on you for that, yet, your are allowing this to happen! Why? She made a decision to reject you and now maybe she is having second thoughts......too bad....her loss and it really is not your place any longer to make her feel better, in fact you are the last person she should be talking to about this. It shows to me she has no concern for your feelings whatsoever. You are correct in getting away from her. You just to run a little faster. 2
Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Well, backing out on the commitment to care for the dogs 2 weeks before a big trip is one way to get revenge. You should have backed out on the commitment before now, if you were going to do so. Your relationship didn't just blow up. Either she won't go on the trip, or the dogs may suffer with substandard care. Or maybe she'll find an adequate place to care for them in 2 weeks. Who knows. It doesn't matter anyway, since it's clear you won't be caring for the dogs. It isn't revenge. Losing my dogs isn't an easy decision. It hurts me to loose them, it will hurt me more losing them 4 months further on again. How is this revenge I've lost my pets? She won't miss treat them. Or let them suffer, they have more chance of a better life with her than me. I need to end this now, so much has went on. She will not leave them in poor care, she just won't go.
Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) I went through a similiar situation, except it was one dog, and it lasted for nearly 2 years. It was a mistake for me to share this dog back and forth. ONE of you should take responsibility for the dogs. NOT a shared joint ownership. Those days are over. The dogs either belong 100 percent to you or her. FIX that first. What I find more troubling in your post, is why are you comforting her and making her dinner etc etc etc. ??? You are right about looking after yourself and wanting to move on, but comforting her and making her dinner IS not taking care of yourself! She is dragging things out she she can break away and have her new fling and if things don't work out, she has you to comfort her. I would STOP this nonsense if it were me. She left you. She has no right to you as a comfort station. You are right; none of this was your choice. AGREED. And I think you taking the right steps toward moving on, but I read conflicting things in your post about comforting her.......that is NOT moving on or being good to yourself. SHE took a chance when she left you. Let the chips fall where they may for her, but I certainly would not be her shoulder to cry on, and it is absurd she is counting on you for that, yet, your are allowing this to happen! Why? She made a decision to reject you and now maybe she is having second thoughts......too bad....her loss and it really is not your place any longer to make her feel better, in fact you are the last person she should be talking to about this. It shows to me she has no concern for your feelings whatsoever. You are correct in getting away from her. You just to run a little faster. You are right about her using me for comfort and I knew that to be the case. I did start a thread on that matter. She phoned me late at night terrified of her own safety due to the crazy man she got involved with. I offered her my sofa for her safety nothing more. Yes I made her some food as I would for any guest. I went the extra mile getting groceries for her too. That was it I left her to it after that. I know my feelings don't matter to her and she used me. I thought there was a safety issue so I acted based on that. I need her out of my life and sharing the dogs would never work I always told her that it wasn't good for me. I've finally made the decision best for me and the dogs. Edited February 17, 2014 by True Gent
Sugarkane Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Why should she have them? Does she even care for them? She's a student and barely cared for them, while you were together. 1
lollipopspot Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Why should she have them? Does she even care for them? She's a student and barely cared for them, while you were together. Additionally, she's putting herself in unsafe situations. What would have happened to the dogs the night that she needed to get away and sleep on your couch, if she had had them?
Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Why should she have them? Does she even care for them? She's a student and barely cared for them, while you were together. Despite what she has done I cannot say she didn't care for them when we were together. She did do her share with the dogs when we were together. Yes she is a student with little income, but the dogs have insurance for vets bills. She has more time at home than me. Much more time at home, I can't realistically give them all the attention they need. She initially pushed for us to have the dogs, so I guess that also makes them hers. She will care for them.
Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) Additionally, she's putting herself in unsafe situations. What would have happened to the dogs the night that she needed to get away and sleep on your couch, if she had had them? That is a point she and I are aware of. She isn't involved with him now. I can't keep the dogs because she chose the wrong boy friend. She has more time at home and more attention to give. She does love them. Also the dogs would of come with her that night if she'd had them then. Edited February 17, 2014 by True Gent
No Limit Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 lollipopspot, it's noble of you to think of the dogs, but in the end these dogs aren't his. He has no responsibility over them, she has. And if she is that much of a poor owner I'd even suggest that she finds a home that can actually take care of them. True Gent has no reason to play the dogsitter for someone who doesn't even show real interest because she avoids conflict or reality as good as she can, but in the end it always catches up and it already caught up with her. She lost her OM and now it's time she finally cleans up the mess she created. It's her who's thoughtlessly given it all away for pleasure at night. And it is pitiful that there is a chance the dogs will pay for it, but as long as they aren't brought to an animal shelter I don't see how finding the dogs a good home is bad, should that girl really have no other option. Plus, the dogs also are the chain which connected him to her. To move on faster and far less painful it's quite a relief to have them gone despite caring greatly about them; had to make a similar decision with my horse. Don't cover everything up with untrue assumptions. Caring is not always sharing. 2
Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 lollipopspot, it's noble of you to think of the dogs, but in the end these dogs aren't his. He has no responsibility over them, she has. And if she is that much of a poor owner I'd even suggest that she finds a home that can actually take care of them. True Gent has no reason to play the dogsitter for someone who doesn't even show real interest because she avoids conflict or reality as good as she can, but in the end it always catches up and it already caught up with her. She lost her OM and now it's time she finally cleans up the mess she created. It's her who's thoughtlessly given it all away for pleasure at night. And it is pitiful that there is a chance the dogs will pay for it, but as long as they aren't brought to an animal shelter I don't see how finding the dogs a good home is bad, should that girl really have no other option. Plus, the dogs also are the chain which connected him to her. To move on faster and far less painful it's quite a relief to have them gone despite caring greatly about them; had to make a similar decision with my horse. Don't cover everything up with untrue assumptions. Caring is not always sharing. Thank you for this post. You make some valid points. She broke our partnership, she initiated getting dogs and I agreed because we were meant to get married and stay together. That was our little family to which she gave no thought to when she went off with another man. I love the dogs, but I'm facing reality. I wouldn't choose to keep pets as a single person. She loves them and will do the best for them. I can't keep tied to her and put my own life on hold. I need to look out for me even if it hurts for a while. Yeah it's causing disruption in her life, but she caused it. I've been debating for Weeks and she has been avoiding it. 1
fixing Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Actions have consequences, always! She did what she did, and now she's facing the consequences for her actions. Cant go to America? Tough ****. Maybe she should have thought about that before she cheated and pissed on a 9 year relationship to go off with another man. 3
Author True Gent Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Thank you again for the support guys. I am struggling with this decision regarding the dogs. It hurts thinking I have a good chance I may never see them again. However she plays the lead roll in this mess. I loved this woman to bits, she nearly destroyed me when she destroyed our life. I can't prolong it anymore. The dogs are hers, she needs to arrange her life to suit that. There is no her and me anymore. That was her choice I can't be to expected to hang on another 4 months. She's been so selfish, I've made the break now. Just wish the feeling of relief would come. I felt relief moving home, now I feel pain again. It will pass I know. There is a better life around the corner I can feel it. 1
No Limit Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 There is a better life around the corner I can feel it. And you've waited long enough for it. Best wishes to you. 1
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