True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Hi guys, I don't know how many of you know my story. You can read my threads to see the full situation if you wish. I just need to let off a little steam here. After 9 years she left me with GIGS. She went off and didn't devote time to breaking up. She left threads hanging with possessions, money and most important of all our two small dogs. I was left picking up the pieces while she was living up her new life. It was planned over a year ago that she was going to the states to work for 4 months. She is meant to leave in two Weeks from now During the last couple of months I've cared for the dogs alone whilst working my full time job. She has briefly had them a couple. of times since she left and I realise I can't care for them alone around my job. I also realise we can't stay in contact for the sake of pets I have been struggling with what to do, but I know the reality is the dogs are better off with her. She doesn't work full time she is a student and can dedicate more time to them. She came crying to me last week when her new boyfriend showed his true colours and blew up in her face. Everything has gone on for months and I'm sick of dragging it out. I need a clean split now. I've moved into a new house of my own and need the fresh start and new life. I've told her I can't take the dogs for the 4 months she's away in America and it's all drained me. I'm so sick of the mess she's made she needs to accept her responsibility. So today I've said goodbye to my little dogs for the last time and I'm now free of her. I get my fresh start yet a load of heartache all over again. She blames me for dropping her in it, but I cannot put my life on hold waiting for her to return in 4 months to take them away then. It's torture these few months, why am I made to feel bad for needing the clean split? She would drag this out for ever I'm sure. Please give me some input guys. Edited February 16, 2014 by True Gent
thefooloftheyear Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Hi guys, I don't know how many of you know my story. You can read my threads to see the full situation if you wish. I just need to let off a little steam here. After 9 years she left me with GIGS. She went off and didn't devote time to breaking up. She left threads hanging with possessions, money and most important of all our two small dogs. I was left picking up the pieces while she was living up her new life. It was planned over a year ago that she was going to the states to work for 4 months. She is meant to leave in two Weeks from now During the last couple of months I've cared for the dogs alone whilst working my full time job. She has briefly had them a couple. of times since she left and I realise I can't care for them alone around my job. I also realise we can't stay in contact for the sake of pets I have been struggling with what to do, but I know the reality is the dogs are better off with her. She doesn't work full time she is a student and can dedicate more time to them. She came crying to me last week when her new boyfriend showed his true colours and blew up in her face. Everything has gone on for months and I'm sick of dragging it out. I need a clean split now. I've moved into a new house of my own and need the fresh start and new life. I've told her I can't take the dogs for the 4 months she's away in America and it's all drained me. I'm so sick of the mess she's made she needs to accept her responsibility. So today I've said goodbye to my little dogs for the last time and I'm now free of her. I get my fresh start yet a load of heartache all over again. She blames me for dropping her in it, but I cannot put my life on hold waiting for her to return in 4 months to take them away then. It's torture these few months, why am I made to feel bad for needing the clean split? She would drag this out for ever I'm sure. Please give me some input guys. You did the right thing,.. While it probably hurts to lose the dogs, the reality is that you will have them to remind you of the bad experiences of the breakup...Just let them go..It will be the best thing you can do for yourself to get over this.. TFY 2
amaysngrace Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 If it was going to come to her taking them away in four months time anyway I think you did the right thing by doing it now. You're already in pain. Hopefully you'll be a little bit healed in four months and dealing with the dogs then could possibly rip the scab off all over again. 3
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Thanks guys. These forums are a wondeful thing, ive gained so much insight and comfort from reading and posting here. Loosing my dogs really hurts me. I've acepted loosing her and I truley believe her going off like she has could be the best thing she did to me because I'd never go backwards with her now. I see the clarity of things now she's off the pedestal. Just loosing my little four legged friends is another blow to my heart and she's totally cold to my needs. 1
Arieswoman Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) You must do the right thing for your little doggies who didn't want to be involved in the break-up. If she can give more time to them than you can, then it is right to let them go. I am sorry you are hurting over this, I know how hard it is to give up a pet. Edited February 16, 2014 by Arieswoman 2
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 You must do the right thing for your little doggies who didn't want to be involved in the break-up. If she can give more time to them than you can, then it is right to let them go. I am sorry you are hurting over this, I know how hard it is to give up a pet. Thanks, I hope she devotes the time she should to them. I've told her if she needs to rehome them at any point to let me know. The thing that bothers me is her saying I'm leaving her in the learch. That's not my intention I just need to put my life first for once in the last 9 years. She really takes no responsibility for the situation.
fixing Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Damn.Sorry to hear your down man. You did do the right thing though with regards to the dogs. If they can get more love and attention from her then your doing whats best for them right? I know its hard, but if those little doggies are going to be loved and cared for then try to take solace in that fact. Im really happy for you man, new place? Thats excellent progress. Its also very good now that you can see your ex for what she is and what she did to you. Its very important though that you remain strong. She may try to worm her way back in now that this man turned out to be a prick. Remember i said on your first thread months ago that her new man will turn out to be a twat? And then she will realise what a great man she threw away? KARMA. Stick to your guns man. Keep active and maintain no contact your doing great! Edited February 16, 2014 by fixing 2
RaidDolEm78 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I am familiar with your story, and I agree that it was the right thing to do for your well being. I can relate as I am out of a 7 year relationship, where he left me for someone much younger. In my situation, we still have financial things tied together that are slowly being work out. Having any sort of connection to them is the absolute worst My ex also refuses to accept any responsibility, so I feel you on that one. Like you, this will be the first time in seven years I put my needs first, and to be honest, its new territory for me. I'm sure you must feel the same. Our exs not being able to communicate and stick through good times and bad, plus wanting to see what else is out there for them, well, that is their true colors and the have done us a favor, or so I've been told. It still sucks. 1
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Damn.Sorry to hear your down man. You did do the right thing though with regards to the dogs. If they can get more love and attention from her then your doing whats best for them right? I know its hard, but if those little doggies are going to be loved and cared for then try to take solace in that fact. Im really happy for you man, new place? Thats excellent progress. Its also very good now that you can see your ex for what she is and what she did to you. Its very important though that you remain strong. She may try to worm her way back in now that this man turned out to be a prick. Remember i said on your first thread months ago that her new man will turn out to be a twat? And then she will realise what a great man she threw away? KARMA. Stick to your guns man. Keep active and maintain no contact your doing great! Hey fixing, I know you're a dog person, I really wish I could of kept them. It's just not realistic to be tied to them on my own. I have to rebuild my life, but yeah new place with no trace of her or our life in it. It is funny how quickly it went wrong with the fling, I didnt expect it to go as spectacularly wrong as it did so fast. She cried to me last weekend yet she is still obsessed with him. I am just a comfort blanket to her, I really don't want her in my life and this is the only way to take control and do what is best for me and the dogs. I will miss them so much, I wish I could keep them. 1
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 I am familiar with your story, and I agree that it was the right thing to do for your well being. I can relate as I am out of a 7 year relationship, where he left me for someone much younger. In my situation, we still have financial things tied together that are slowly being work out. Having any sort of connection to them is the absolute worst My ex also refuses to accept any responsibility, so I feel you on that one. Like you, this will be the first time in seven years I put my needs first, and to be honest, its new territory for me. I'm sure you must feel the same. Our exs not being able to communicate and stick through good times and bad, plus wanting to see what else is out there for them, well, that is their true colors and the have done us a favor, or so I've been told. It still sucks. I do feel like it is new territory. The thing is she seems to think i'm enjoying this even though she just watched me cry my heart out over those little animals as I said goodbye to them. But yeah this selfishness on my behalf is totally new to me. I dont like it, but in time I will be better for it. Thanks so much everyone, I really mean it. 1
fixing Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Dogs are the most precious loyal creatures ever to walk this earth. Dont worry m8, your dogs will always be there, dont rule out the possibility that in years to come when your completely over your ex you will see them again. But for now, your doing the right thing. Dogs are very forgiving and they will always remember you and if you wanted to see them in 2015-2016 they would love it!! 2
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Dogs are the most precious loyal creatures ever to walk this earth. Dont worry m8, your dogs will always be there, dont rule out the possibility that in years to come when your completely over your ex you will see them again. But for now, your doing the right thing. Dogs are very forgiving and they will always remember you and if you wanted to see them in 2015-2016 they would love it!! I know bud, they dont hold it against me. They have been back and forth between us, so me disappearing won't worry them. I'd love to think I could see them again, but that involves seeing her and I don't want that. She will always resent me for this when she is meant to go away to America. Everything really is broken now and I knew that would be the case when I made the decision.
No Limit Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 She blames me for dropping her in it Considering for how long you've taken care of the dogs I'd think you knew what dog feces look like. Don't listen to that kind of talk at all. She's the owner of the dogs now, wanted it for a longer time, and every single time you get a pet you must take responsibility. She's old enough. She didn't in your relationship, and from what I've read in your posts you really have the last laugh indeed. However, you don't need it, need her. 2
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Considering for how long you've taken care of the dogs I'd think you knew what dog feces look like. Don't listen to that kind of talk at all. She's the owner of the dogs now, wanted it for a longer time, and every single time you get a pet you must take responsibility. She's old enough. She didn't in your relationship, and from what I've read in your posts you really have the last laugh indeed. However, you don't need it, need her. Thanks Bud. You are right, she does need to face up to her responsibility. I do have the last laugh, it's a shame that I take no pleasure in that. I'm sure many would of taken delight in her crying to me and now this. The thing is I don't, I just need to think of myself and not her. Edited February 16, 2014 by True Gent 1
lollipopspot Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 It was planned over a year ago that she was going to the states to work for 4 months. She is meant to leave in two Weeks from now ... I have been struggling with what to do, but I know the reality is the dogs are better off with her. She doesn't work full time she is a student and can dedicate more time to them... Everything has gone on for months and I'm sick of dragging it out. I need a clean split now. I've moved into a new house of my own and need the fresh start and new life. I've told her I can't take the dogs for the 4 months she's away in America and it's all drained me. I'm so sick of the mess she's made she needs to accept her responsibility. So today I've said goodbye to my little dogs for the last time and I'm now free of her. I get my fresh start yet a load of heartache all over again. She blames me for dropping her in it, but I cannot put my life on hold waiting for her to return in 4 months to take them away then. It's torture these few months, why am I made to feel bad for needing the clean split? She would drag this out for ever I'm sure. Please give me some input guys. Where is she going to board the dogs for 4 months? If she doesn't have a good place for them to go, then I absolutely think you did the wrong thing and you should call her up and say you'll take them. She's got 2 weeks to figure out a place for the dogs to go. She could find a place that will not be very good - they could get injured or lost. Think of the dogs - they're reliant on the humans in their lives to take good care of them - not about the relationship you guys messed up.
lollipopspot Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Thanks Bud. You are right, she does need to face up to her responsibility. I do have the last laugh, it's a shame that I take no pleasure in that. I'm sure many would of taken delight in her crying to me and now this. The thing is I don't, I just need to think of myself and not her. Anyone who would take delight in her distress because the dogs have nowhere to go - and thus will probably end up in a ****ty or dangerous place for 4 months - never cared about the animals. Do you? If you had told her all this time that you would take them, and then backed out 2 weeks before she had to go, that's very wrong of you! When did you change your mind and tell her? 1
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Anyone who would take delight in her distress because the dogs have nowhere to go - and thus will probably end up in a ****ty or dangerous place for 4 months - never cared about the animals. Do you? If you had told her all this time that you would take them, and then backed out 2 weeks before she had to go, that's very wrong of you! When did you change your mind and tell her? Yes I do care for them very much. My work situation is going to get busy, I cannot realistically keep them when I'm going to work long hours. When she left I told her we cannot realistically share the dogs it will not work. She was always aware of that. I kept them while she went swanning off with infatuation. I have been thinking for Weeks about how I'll cope for 4 months with them whilst rebuilding my life and working extra hours. She understood I wanted her to keep them upon her return. Looking at the reality of me struggling for months alone with them to do her a favour isn't realistic. In four months I'll have the heartache then. Did she think of this when she left with another man? I do know she will not endanger them, she will forfeit her trip if she has to which is very likely. How can I be expected to neglect them for long hours and give them up after 4 months of just me and them in my new house? She knew the scenario in advance. If we hadn't split I would still be living near her Mum who could help out. All of that has changed, I need to build my life. I've always put her first. Edited February 16, 2014 by True Gent
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 I'd like to add just last week I put her up on my sofa whilst she was in pieces fearful her new boyfriend was going to break in during the night. I fed her kept her safe and bought her groceries to keep her going due to the mess she was in. Even now I looked out for her still. I just can't be left carrying the can for her actions.
lollipopspot Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 When did you tell her you wouldn't take them? It's not right to back out at the last minute, like 2 weeks in advance of a long trip.
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 When did you tell her you wouldn't take them? It's not right to back out at the last minute, like 2 weeks in advance of a long trip. I've just explained that above. Also her trip is not compulsory it's a choice. What makes you think I owe her to put my progress on hold so she can go studying in America for 4 months after the things she has done? 1
lollipopspot Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I've just explained that above. Also her trip is not compulsory it's a choice. What makes you think I owe her to put my progress on hold so she can go studying in America for 4 months after the things she has done? It is not clear to me from your posts exactly when you told her you would not keep the dogs. Exactly when did you tell her?
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 It is not clear to me from your posts exactly when you told her you would not keep the dogs. Exactly when did you tell her? When she walked out in November I said to her we need to organise all parts of out joint life together including the dogs. She has dragged her feet with every aspect of the breakup. The last few Weeks I've expressed my concern for the dogs and our situation. She always avoided it. Last week was the first time she spoke properly to me in a while and because she was in a state over other things again she didn't want to face it. This weekend I told her I need to talk to her and still she wouldn't discuss it. I had to just come out and say I cannot do it I want to talk it over. She still wouldn't discuss it and told me to make a decision so I made it.
lollipopspot Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I think it isn't fair to back of dog sitting 2 weeks before someone goes on a 4 month trip, if you had agreed to it prior. You needed to make that clear earlier. It sounds as though her communication isn't clear either. But if the agreement was that you would do it, and you only now said you wouldn't, that isn't enough time to give someone to come up with other arrangements.
Author True Gent Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 I think it isn't fair to back of dog sitting 2 weeks before someone goes on a 4 month trip, if you had agreed to it prior. You needed to make that clear earlier. It sounds as though her communication isn't clear either. But if the agreement was that you would do it, and you only now said you wouldn't, that isn't enough time to give someone to come up with other arrangements. I've tried to communicate with her. She has made it all difficult. Her plans were made as a partnership which she broke. I've went though a 9 yr breakup not through choice. I love those dogs so much I wanted to keep them. I'm facing reality that I just can't do it. I'm thinking of them and me, I need to move on. They need proper care, she doesn't need to go away for 4 months she just wants to do that. I really want those dogs and I've dealt with the shock if her leaving for another man, moving house on my own. The dogs living with me which was great company but hard on them when I'm at work. She kept them whilst I moved home and I realised that's where they are better off. I didn't want any of this, I have no option.
lollipopspot Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I have no option. Well of course you do. I think you should keep the dogs for 4 months, because if she's still going, there's a good chance the dogs will end up in a crappy place. People often get really self centered and delude themselves about the care their animals will get, when they want to take a trip. Unless she has someone in mind, two weeks is probably not enough time to find good care. If you care about them, I think you should follow through with your original commitment.
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