Meeting boyfriend for the first time

[cassydeg]

So, me and my LDB have been together for over a year now and I decided to go visit him in UK first. Our relationship is very strong as we voice call for about 6h everyday and cam, we trust and love each other . I am 18 and it's my first time going abroad but i'm planning to go to uni there next year. I'm concered about going to meet him first because the stereotype is 'boyfriend goes to meet girlfriend'. I'm worried whether I'm doing the right thing. btw I'm from Greece

[TAV]

What is his reason for not visiting you?

[FitChick]

You are going to move there anyway whether you are still with this guy or not so I don't think it matters as much.

[cassydeg]

What is his reason for not visiting you?

 

His passport is going to take very long to be made and stupidly i proposed to go there first.

[TAV]

I hope that is a valid excuse he is giving you. I guess you will be travelling alone which can be daunting, especially at your age. I hope he is picking you up from the airport at least? If the visit goes well try to let him take the initiative for another meeting.

[justwhoiam]

His passport is going to take very long to be made

What? A passport from UK to Greece? Young lady, no passport is needed within the EU........................

So this is quite a red flag for me.

[Woggle]

I don't mean this with disrespect but how do you have a SO that you haven't even met?

[anne1707]

What? A passport from UK to Greece? Young lady, no passport is needed within the EU........................

So this is quite a red flag for me.

 

If flying, a passport would be needed if you don't have a national ID card.

 

Apart from that, I do not see why it must be the man who travels first. Women are sentient, intelligent beings after all.

[Els]

The stereotype doesn't matter very much, but I am concerned for you because 1) you are very young, and 2) you have never traveled overseas before.

 

If you are going there for uni anyway then by all means go, but make sure you meet him in a public place and you have accommodation of your own. Also have a trusted relative/friend know where you are meeting him, and do some research on emergency numbers in the UK if you need help.

[justwhoiam]

If flying, a passport would be needed if you don't have a national ID card.

Ok. I just checked that they are advising to get a passport to travel, because in the UK, IDs have been discontinued in 2011, so it seems. But their government website states: "It now takes up to six weeks to get a first passport." So, quite feasible, if you plan things right. If he asked for it 2 weeks ago, he'd have it by March 17.

She claimed they have been "together" for over a year. So plenty of time, and what's the hurry now for a visit in less than a month?

 

I'm not saying he must come to you first as a requirement, rather I'm questioning his excuse for not coming.

[mawadelle]

Hey Cassydeg!

 

To give you a little much-needed and experienced reassurance, I can tell you that we are in a very similar situation and I've been there, done that in January of 2014. Outcome: best month of my life, absolute perfection, to the point that nothing could have gone more perfectly.

 

I am also an 18 year old female from Australia, who went to meet my long distance SO of a year and a half in Morocco. We also met online and had never met in "real" life before, but, like you, we spent hours (at times more 13 hours a day) facebook messaging and skyping. Indeed, an incredible level of emotional intimacy and trust can be built in said amount of time.

 

Not only did I elect to visit him first due to the imminent termination of my studies and thus my opportunity to travel, but, by the good grace of over-regulation and resentment toward foreigners, the Australian government has conveniently made it virtually impossible for my S.O to enter the country. At the moment, our best bet (now that we've met in flesh and have evidence of having been together), is a Prospective Marriage Visa which will cost him over $3000 just for application fees plus around $2000 to actually get here. Just to give you an idea as to why it was me who visited first, when I can visit him for up to 3 months without Visa, and if I were to decide I want to extend said stay, all that is required is that I visit a local police station and they regulate the necessary paperwork.

 

Speaks volumes about our respective countries and tolerance for foreign human beings.

 

Sorry to have gone on a tangent, but yes like you I traveled completely alone, Brisbane--> Singapore--> Abu Dhabi--> Casablanca 100% problem-free. I arrived at Casablanca, and whilst still in the plane I was able to receive a phone call from my S.O telling me he was on his way. The bus took me to the airport, I cleared customs, had my passport checked and collected my baggage. 10 minutes later and my SO is there, he takes my baggage and his friend transports us to our apartment.

 

By far the most wonderful experience I've had, I'd say you will also have a fantastic time with your SO in UK. In saying all this, I by no means am recommending you embark on your journey blind-folded, naturally precautionary measures should be in place like making sure your country's foreign affairs department knows when and where you're going along with all contact/emergency details, as well as the Greek embassy in the UK, all parents/relatives etc and make sure to stay in contact during your trip either online or by phone with friends and family.

 

I hope that my successful experience has reassured you, but remember to keep your eyes open and trust no one. Pff, I sure trusted a lot of people but maybe I was just lucky or crazy or a combination of the two Or maybe more human beings have a tendency to be "good" than we think.. have fun with your man!!

[Els]

 

Not only did I elect to visit him first due to the imminent termination of my studies and thus my opportunity to travel, but, by the good grace of over-regulation and resentment toward foreigners, the Australian government has conveniently made it virtually impossible for my S.O to enter the country. At the moment, our best bet (now that we've met in flesh and have evidence of having been together), is a Prospective Marriage Visa which will cost him over $3000 just for application fees plus around $2000 to actually get here. Just to give you an idea as to why it was me who visited first, when I can visit him for up to 3 months without Visa, and if I were to decide I want to extend said stay, all that is required is that I visit a local police station and they regulate the necessary paperwork.

 

Uh, I hate to jump on you (because I'm really glad that you're sharing your story), but are there not Working Holiday and Tourist Visas for Australia? And then there is an option to get De Facto Partner Visas after a year of living together? Why do you need to jump all the way to Prospective Marriage Visa?

 

Not saying that there was anything wrong with you going to visit him, but it seems to me that there were definitely other options.

[mawadelle]

Uh, I hate to jump on you (because I'm really glad that you're sharing your story), but are there not Working Holiday and Tourist Visas for Australia? And then there is an option to get De Facto Partner Visas after a year of living together? Why do you need to jump all the way to Prospective Marriage Visa?

 

Not saying that there was anything wrong with you going to visit him, but it seems to me that there were definitely other options.

 

Hey Elswyth,

 

Thanks for your reply.

For us personally everything's a monetary issue, I was simply in a more financially suitable position (me being in Australia..) to visit him first. Given the value of the Moroccan Dirham against the Australian Dollar and the revenue disparity between our two countries, to pay this amount just for a tourist visit doesn't suit us- what I said was "our" best bet was the Prospective Marriage Visa. Personally for us this accomplishes a number of things: he has nine months here before the 'obligatory' date of the marriage. Then once married, he can gain Australian citizenship, simplifying future commuting between our two countries. Also, we are free to be more economical with accommodation in Morocco with a marriage act (it's also a religious thing for us).

There is unfortunately a lot of red tape and money around Australia's visa system, and it is often that people are refused, even after having paid application fees which are not reimbursed.

After all that I'm probably just going to move and live with him anyway so

[Els]

Hey Elswyth,

 

Thanks for your reply.

For us personally everything's a monetary issue, I was simply in a more financially suitable position (me being in Australia..) to visit him first. Given the value of the Moroccan Dirham against the Australian Dollar and the revenue disparity between our two countries, to pay this amount just for a tourist visit doesn't suit us- what I said was "our" best bet was the Prospective Marriage Visa. Personally for us this accomplishes a number of things: he has nine months here before the 'obligatory' date of the marriage. Then once married, he can gain Australian citizenship, simplifying future commuting between our two countries. Also, we are free to be more economical with accommodation in Morocco with a marriage act (it's also a religious thing for us).

There is unfortunately a lot of red tape and money around Australia's visa system, and it is often that people are refused, even after having paid application fees which are not reimbursed.

After all that I'm probably just going to move and live with him anyway so

 

Ah, that's all good. I had no problems applying for an Aussie tourist visa personally (it was granted electronically on the spot, and cost less than $100), but you two certainly should make the best decision for yourselves given the circumstances.

 

I'm just worried about the fact that you two were considering such a visa before you'd met, and at 18 years of age no less.

[justwhoiam]

I'm just worried about the fact that you two were considering such a visa before you'd met, and at 18 years of age no less.

I hope she considered any possible implication with his family and religion, and also the laws between the two respective countries in case there are children involved (for example with my country, if he flew to his country with the child, the child is probably lost forever).

 

And it's not always fairytale and honeymoon...

[HeavenOrHell]

You need a passport to enter any other country when leaving the UK.

 

 

 

What? A passport from UK to Greece? Young lady, no passport is needed within the EU........................

So this is quite a red flag for me.

[justwhoiam]

You need a passport to enter any other country when leaving the UK.

Within the EU we can travel without a passport. It's just the UK I guess, as I said in my previous post.

[FitChick]

I hope she considered any possible implication with his family and religion, and also the laws between the two respective countries in case there are children involved (for example with my country, if he flew to his country with the child, the child is probably lost forever).

 

And it's not always fairytale and honeymoon...

I've read enough stories about similar romances with Africans, Middle Eastern or Turkish men to make me suspicious. Those people are desperate to get out of their countries because of poverty. Anyone from a First World country is seen as rich by comparison.

 

But she's only eighteen so of course won't listen. Women in their 50s and 60s are even more pathetic thinking the hot young guy is madly in love with them, then later on they find out their bank account has been drained; meanwhile he's moved his entire family to the UK.

Edited February 24, 2014 by FitChick

[mawadelle]

I've read enough stories about similar romances with Africans, Middle Eastern or Turkish men to make me suspicious. Those people are desperate to get out of their countries because of poverty. Anyone from a First World country is seen as rich by comparison.

 

But she's only eighteen so of course won't listen. Women in their 50s and 60s are even more pathetic thinking the hot young guy is madly in love with them, then later on they find out their bank account has been drained; meanwhile he's moved his entire family to the UK.

 

Oh it sure is amusing reading the misguided assumptions of some people on here

Did the thought ever occur to you that we are of the same religion? That I'm of Mediterranean/Arab heritage? That I am not at all rich, that once I relocate to live with my brother I will be essentially poor? I enjoy your condescending tone and your implication that age has has some correlation to mental capacity/maturity, lol. What is more, why would he want to leave Morocco?! Not all of us have our eyes set on materialism and capitalism in this life As aforementioned, I'll probably just be living with him and studying for an Australian degree by distance, so that flaws all of your above misconceptions

 

Apologies if the tone was a little ish but I really just can't tolerate generalisations of this nature. And yes I've heard about these poor souls of 50-60 year old white women being lured in by scams and sleezy young men, el hamdullillah I'm not party to this crowd.

[justwhoiam]

If you think you know it all at 18, you'll have a hard time throughout your life. When you meet older people who know much more than you do, you might disagree with them, but just listen and take whatever good you can take. This is showing respect and a pinch of salt. If all you show is arrogance, what people will see is just that.

 

Also, your post told me the following:

1) you took it personally, when the post was not specifically about you

2) you only thought of your own situation, disregarding that of others

 

There are lots of people reading threads in this forum, it's a public forum that can be accessed just by anyone out there. And our concerns are not to be ignored just because an 18 year-old muslim Australian girl is having the time of her life. What we pointed out is happening every day, at an alarming rate. There's an average 20% increase every year of international parental child abduction. My country was able to get back only 40% of the children in the last 15 years. It's a dramatic situation. I am a mother, and to me that is alarming.

 

That said, if your country has very strict rules for people coming from Morocco, there might be motives behind it. Have you ever thought of that? Does Morocco comply with international rules and agreements?

The Hague Convention is not yet in force in Morocco, so whatever happens, if a child is abducted to Morocco from Astralia, your country has no laws or international agreement to get the child back. Period.

 

Sorry for pointing all this out, but it's a serious topic.

 

Now back to the OP's thread.

[mawadelle]

If you think you know it all at 18, you'll have a hard time throughout your life. When you meet older people who know much more than you do, you might disagree with them, but just listen and take whatever good you can take. This is showing respect and a pinch of salt. If all you show is arrogance, what people will see is just that.

 

Also, your post told me the following:

1) you took it personally, when the post was not specifically about you

2) you only thought of your own situation, disregarding that of others

 

There are lots of people reading threads in this forum, it's a public forum that can be accessed just by anyone out there. And our concerns are not to be ignored just because an 18 year-old muslim Australian girl is having the time of her life. What we pointed out is happening every day, at an alarming rate. There's an average 20% increase every year of international parental child abduction. My country was able to get back only 40% of the children in the last 15 years. It's a dramatic situation. I am a mother, and to me that is alarming.

 

That said, if your country has very strict rules for people coming from Morocco, there might be motives behind it. Have you ever thought of that? Does Morocco comply with international rules and agreements?

The Hague Convention is not yet in force in Morocco, so whatever happens, if a child is abducted to Morocco from Astralia, your country has no laws or international agreement to get the child back. Period.

 

Sorry for pointing all this out, but it's a serious topic.

 

Now back to the OP's thread.

 

I'm afraid that if you genuinely believe in the existence of a correlation between age and intellectual aptitude, as well as justification in appealing to stereotypes pertinent to other races in 'rational' discussion, you'll also have a hard time throughout your life. Either that or you'll simply take refuge in your blissful ignorance- a more unfortunate outcome than the latter.

 

In addition, your post told me the following:

1. You responded incorrectly when my post was clearly aimed at 'FitChick', hence my employment of the Quote feature.

2. You continue to ignite the "child abduction" issue, when this was neither discussed in OP's post nor mine, thereby deviating from the initial topic of a young woman visiting her partner.

 

Furthermore, apologies for mistakenly taking "I've read enough stories about similar romances with Africans, Middle Eastern or Turkish men to make me suspicious" and "But she's only eighteen so of course won't listen" as being specifically about me- because there are plenty of other posts about 18 year olds and Africans/Middle Easterns right?! I didn't take it personally, I merely addressed a series of errors from a post in response to mine. I don't deny your statistics nor reject your concerns by any means concerning international child abduction, it is indeed a very serious international crime permeating the international community; it just has no place in this post and deviates hugely from OP's demand for reassurance in meeting her partner.

 

A point to clarify simply because you incorrectly claimed it, Morocco ratified the Hague Abduction Convention in 2010, however whether this convention has been bilaterally acceded to between Morocco and your particular country, I can't be sure, and is dependent upon bilateral relations between the two nations. Just a pointer, I wouldn't place too much stock in the efficiency of international instruments either, for the issues of non-compliance and state sovereignty will be ever-present, like the US failing to ratify the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.

I never stated that Australia has very strict rules for people coming from Morocco: I stated that it is not uncommon for Visa applications to be refused even after hefty application fees have been paid. Motives? Well I'm not entirely sure to be honest, it's like questioning the motives behind the Australian Federal Police Force's false accusations, fabricated court evidence and arbitrary detention of Mohamed Haneef on "terrorism" charges in 2007. Dr Haneef received a substantial monetary compensation from the Government- as previously stated, stereotyping will only make your life harder.

 

I do regret continuing this petty digression from OP's thread, however errors are made to be corrected.

[Viking-Liz]

What? A passport from UK to Greece? Young lady, no passport is needed within the EU........................

 

My SO had to get a passport to get from UK to Scandinavia, and man was that a hazzle! So much red tape!

 

Took several weeks too. Was a pain!

[Els]

My SO had to get a passport to get from UK to Scandinavia, and man was that a hazzle! So much red tape!

 

Took several weeks too. Was a pain!

 

I honestly don't see the passport issue. Most adults need to make a passport some time or other in their lives, and they usually last several years with renewals being much simpler than the initial application, and you will need it to go ANYwhere outside your country (or a set of countries with agreements as in the case of the EU). So it's something that you'd need to do anyway, really. Better sooner than later no?

[FitChick]

I predict the Moroccan guy will dump you if you say you are moving to Morocco.

[mawadelle]

I predict the Moroccan guy will dump you if you say you are moving to Morocco.

 

It was his idea, strong logic by FitChick.