GrUmPy1 Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 LONG BUT IMPORTANT. PLEASE READ. for about three weeks to a month i ve noticed that my boyfriend hasnt been holding my hands and im the one who has to go up to him and hug him, he used to be all up on me always holding me and things like that. anything i did turned him on. now if i want sex i am the one who ALWAYS has to initiate it. he hasnt even tried ya he complies when i come on to him and he seems to enjoy it but why didnt he come on to me? once i went to his house and we started kissing and then i began kissing more passionately and rubbing on him and NOTHING! two hours and he didnt even hint at wanting to make love. it was very obvious that i did and he didnt. the nite before last after yet again being rejected, we were playing video games and i very straight forward-ly said i want to play with your joystick and i put my hand down his pants. he seemed to enoy that but when it came to touching me he didnt seem into it and i stopped and he didnt try to continue. i broke down i started crying and i told him how i felt. he said that the reason he hasnt come onto me is because he got used to me coming on to him. please! for a year we played it like who ever was in the mood would try to get the other in the mood and for two weeks i was the one who kept trying to get him to make love. its been me hugging him and holding his hand. i told him if he didnt desire me anymore to tell me. if he didnt find me sexy anymore to let me know so that i can move on. but no he tells me he loves me and stills finds me attractive. but im like what the ****? y hasnt he wanted to make love? y hasnt he been as lovy dovy with me? and now 2 days later he's all up on me rubbing my ass whenever, saying that he has a boner, kissing me all the time and yes its what i wanted but i feel like he's only doing it make me happy or so that i wont be mad. i want him to really want me, to get hard by me its like he's faking it, like he's trying to hard. i dont want any affection its he really doesnt feel that way. guys, girls, please tell me why does he acts like this, whats causing this and what i should do about it. i dont know if it helps but he's 22 and im 20 . we've just celebrated our 1year anniversary. and i dont think he's cheating because we live right next door to each other and he doesnt have a car. we spend all the time together and if we are not hanging out and he is outside my sisters, mom, brother someone will see him talking to a girl (if he ever did) the point is we live next door to and he has no car. he goes where i go i go where he goes.
Author GrUmPy1 Posted January 19, 2005 Author Posted January 19, 2005 just to clarify that it isnt that he needs space i am the one always wanting to give him space and do things on our own. i dont smother him if thats what some of you will think . believe me i was the one who felt smothered at first. he is the one that always wants to be with me and trips when i go out with friends alone.
joeyNoelle Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Ok it does sound a little worrying that you are really trying to xcite him and he doesn't seem to be responding, for girls sometimes i will agree your just not in the mood.... but with guys they usually always want it. However other factors come into play... ie how is the rest of the relationship working .. does he work a really physically demanding job etc is he tired exhausted... these things can account for a decline in things sometimes but if it goes on for too long i would be concerned. Perhaps he just go lazy.. saw you were doing all the work and didn't feel like he needed to try anymore. Maybe try turning him down a couple times and see how it goes.. For me I know when my bf wants sex sometimes i don't feel like it and most of the time its just about being desired by your patner and then you get into it. Maybe he likes the fact that you desire him and then just turns you down because it will make you dsire him more..... not sure maybe that is being too over anaylitical. Anyway at least he has turned around and shows that he wants you.. i think sometimes u just go through ruts.
Author GrUmPy1 Posted January 19, 2005 Author Posted January 19, 2005 well as an update my bf and i had a long talk and he just told me that he was scared to tell me that he was tired or not in the mood so rather than tell me he just acted uninterested (the mind of the man!) (I HAVe a tendancy to get angry when i dont get any hehehe) anyway also he told me that he liked me initiateing things because i go down on him to get him in the mood and he feels wierd saying suck my dick to me. i beleive him because when we first got together i had to loosin him up in the sack a bit. he is very respectful and just didnt want to anger me. he is a good guy i know this. it just felt hurtful for him to not want me.
Just Visiting Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 For about a two weeks now, my boyfriend has been sad and depressed over financial problems. He does contract work and payments are very slow coming in. Meanwhile, his bills are piling up and it has been hard for him. Our lovemaking has dropped from 2x/day to 1x every four days or so. And I would have it as often as possible. He did tell me that he hasn't been able to from being stressed out. I totally understand that, but now his depression is taking its toll on me. I did cry the other evening when I found a porn in the vcr. I thought, if he is not interested in sex with me, than what's with the porn? Then I realized that it is my insecurity over being abandoned is what made me cry (different story there). And I decided to leave that issue. Anyway....last night, all we did was sit and watch tv. We were pretty quiet and hardly showed any physical affection. Usually we are laughing, teasing, hugging, holding hands, etc. It is really hard because I thrive on that type of attention. I am doing my best to be patient, stay positive and not let his mood affect me. I feel like crying because of that wall of tension between us. I have even considered going back to my apartment (I pretty much live at his) for a few days. To give each other some space. But I don't want to abandon him. I don't know what to do right now. I love him very much and I am not sure how long I can be around when he is this way. Any advice?
unreal Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Let me tell you. I had the same thing happen to me. And contrary to what Virginia Bob said about him being "gay", that probably isn't the case at all. I am not gay, yet when I was confronted with a bunch of problems, stress, depression, the intimacy with my exgf went way down hill. I had my parents get divorced, fought with my father continuously after his divorce and was stuck in the middle of his and my mothers problems, lost my job, lost my apartment, good friend committed suicide and had to deal with relationship troubles with my now ex-gf all at the same time. And she never could understand why? She blamed me for cheating and not being interested in her anymore. I think she was being very selfish, but apparently she didn't understand what I was going through emotionally. So, I guess she decided to run off and cheat on me. However, I have always been the kind of guy who wanted sex no less than 3 times a day and sometimes up to 6 times a day. But when going through these problems, my sex drive went down big time. I couldn't understand why it was happening until I read about how depression and stress can cause this. So my advice to you, please be patient with him and talk to him. He is obviously suffering from the same thing.
Merin Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob My response: He's gay. Next please. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he is ready to be bangin all the time.. You've talked to him Grumpy.. he's assured you that he loves you and does want to be with you in everyway.. but that there are times he is tired or distracted.. and thats okay.. it doesn't mean he isn't into you.
Just Visiting Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by unreal Let me tell you. I had the same thing happen to me. And contrary to what Virginia Bob said about him being "gay", that probably isn't the case at all. I am not gay, yet when I was confronted with a bunch of problems, stress, depression, the intimacy with my exgf went way down hill. I had my parents get divorced, fought with my father continuously after his divorce and was stuck in the middle of his and my mothers problems, lost my job, lost my apartment, good friend committed suicide and had to deal with relationship troubles with my now ex-gf all at the same time. And she never could understand why? She blamed me for cheating and not being interested in her anymore. I think she was being very selfish, but apparently she didn't understand what I was going through emotionally. So, I guess she decided to run off and cheat on me. However, I have always been the kind of guy who wanted sex no less than 3 times a day and sometimes up to 6 times a day. But when going through these problems, my sex drive went down big time. I couldn't understand why it was happening until I read about how depression and stress can cause this. So my advice to you, please be patient with him and talk to him. He is obviously suffering from the same thing. Thanks unreal....I really appreciate a reply from someone who has been there. I guess if I did go back to my apartment, it would be seen as selfish and it is not what I want. It has been hard being in a room with someone who is preoccupied and distant. And I am at loss on how to deal with it. So I am going to do my best to be patient, and keep myself busy with other activities. Hopefully he doesn't stay in this funk too long.
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