shutta300 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I have been seeing this girl for three weeks now. I have become really fond of being with her and I am developing feeling for her. Im 28 so not doing the whole "hey will you be my girlfriend thing" but I do want to be exclusive with her. Not sure if she is feeling the same or maybe if its to soon to be thinking this. So we started talking 3 weeks ago at the gym and she seemed to be smiling at me when she saw me. Got home and she was liking old comments on facebook and had poked me. Kind of childish I guess but hey it got me to msg her. Anyway we have been talking since and have been out twice with some of her friends and have spent a few nights watching movies at her house and cuddling on the couch. I did kiss her trying not to be shy like I usually am she seemed really surprised I did that. So later I said I didn't mean to surprise you and she said I did but she liked it. She tells me her friends like me and they even threatened to hurt me if I hurt her lol. We have talked about past relationships the other night and some other things. She gives me a goodnight kiss when I leave but when I tried to give her a kiss when she was going back to work from her break she said no public display of affection and smiled. She has a lot of things that I really like about her and makes me want to be more serious. She tells me not to be shy around her and that I need to break out of my shell. Im working on it but I've always been shy. So I guess what im asking is there a good way to go about asking or should I wait? Sorry for the long post. Thanks to anyone that helps.
Blade96 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 If she's as sweet as she sounds tell her you recognize it might be a bit soon, not even one month, cause that would let her know you respect her feelings if she does think that. Then tell her you like her a lot and are having thoughts about becoming an official couple. That's what I would do. Not that I have had a lot of experience but....it's what I would say to a guy if I really liked him. If she's nice she wouldn't be frightened of that.
Guitarisgood Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Umm dude, can you hear yourself right now!? You've only seen a girl for less than an month and you haven't even slept with her and you want to be exclusive? There is a slight tinge of neediness I feel in this one. Curb it NOW! Exclusivity comes with being someone for much longer, starting to know them inside out and developing genuine feelings for her - not the endorphin rush of the honey moon period. This and I have not even talked about her shying from your kiss in public. I get you're the shy type, so play it to your advantage. Don't let her be the one wearing the pants of the relationship. What I am saying is enjoy the freedom you have right now. Go out, still socialise, enjoy hobbies and make a life of yourself still. She has to be the one wanting to commit - the one whom asks for commitment. You have to be the stud! Not the nice guy whipping boy chasing after her.
Author shutta300 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Guitarisgood you are probably right I might be being to needy right now. I dont want to rush things but I dont want to wait too long either. Im just going to let things go ans see where it leads. I still do things I like and have fun. Im just getting ahead of myself and calm down. Thanks really appreciate it.
BDL Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Suck it in, bro. Wait until SHE brings up the idea of being exclusive. Women are the ones who like to connect and share. You bringing it up first makes you a bit of a pussy.
Eivuwan Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 What's with all the weird responses? Every relationship is different. My bf and I had an intense chemistry when we started dating and he asked me out after 2 weeks of getting to know each other. If you feel like she would make a good gf and then just ask if she is willing and if not, no pressure.
Author shutta300 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 I dunno I just dont want her to feel like im needy or clingy. So ill wait for her.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Ask her, because you're not exclusive right now and chances are another more confident guy she's dating will step in and take her off the market while you're 'waiting for her'. Knowing what you want and going after it is the sign of confidence, not neediness or clinginess. If she's into you, ask her to be exclusive 'while we continue getting to know each other'. If she likes you it won't turn her off, and if she doesn't like you you get to find out sooner rather than later and move on to other women. 1
Author shutta300 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I do want to ask her but there is always that feat of rejection I guess. That and I really have towork on not being shy about things.
Eivuwan Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I do want to ask her but there is always that feat of rejection I guess. That and I really have towork on not being shy about things. No pain, no gain.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I do want to ask her but there is always that feat of rejection I guess. That and I really have towork on not being shy about things. The guys that take risks are the ones that end up with the girls. You simply can't 'play it safe' in dating. You gotta be comfortable with rejection, OP! Recognise before you ask her that she might say no, and remind yourself that there are plenty more girls out there. Even if she rejects you, she'll think more of you for having the confidence to actually ask. I've never thought badly of guys that have asked me out who I had to turn down (For one reason or another), I've just been impressed at their confidence to do it in the first place. I have a friend called M, who has liked me for years I think, but I thought we had bypassed that earlier last year when we tried dating for a couple weeks and it just didn't work out. Towards the back end of last year we were spending a lot of time together, going for meals etc, going for days out and all of that. I wondered if he liked me but the fact that he has NEVER been remotely sexually aggressive or open about his feelings or direct etc. was always a super huge turn off. So I just carried on enjoying his company as a friend. Two months after we started hanging out a lot, after we didn't hang out for a week, he finally said via text 'btw, just thought you should know I like you a lot, was gonna ask you out and stuff but all my friends are telling me I'm an idiot for not going for it sooner *hides*' it was still a massive turn off. Women want a guy that will say straight to their face 'I really like you, how would you feel about us not dating other people while we see where this goes?' No pain, no gain. You're not gonna magically be with her by refusing to address it in case it goes wrong or doesn't turn out the way you want it to. Like I say, if you're not exclusive she's probably dating other guys, one of whom would not be so reluctant to step in and ask her to be exclusive.
clia Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 So we started talking 3 weeks ago at the gym and she seemed to be smiling at me when she saw me. Got home and she was liking old comments on facebook and had poked me. Kind of childish I guess but hey it got me to msg her. Anyway we have been talking since and have been out twice with some of her friends and have spent a few nights watching movies at her house and cuddling on the couch. Have you ever actually taken her out on a date? (Going out with other people and hanging out on the couch do not constitute a real date.) Maybe do that before you bring up being exclusive.
Author shutta300 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 The last time we were out I told her I liked her just didnt bring up being exclusive. So she knows I do. We were suppose to go out for sushi but the snow up here in the northeast has been ridiculous and had to cancel our plans. Which in turn we just spent the night watching movies and cuddling on the couch. She told me to not be shy around her so next time im with her ill just suck it up and ask her. Then just hope for the best.
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