Why would this guy act like he likes me and say he misses me but then say THIS.....

February 5, 2014

Why are you having sex with someone before you've established what it is that you both want out of it?

I wouldn't respond to a message like that-because I simply wouldn't know what to say. It looked like you were fishing for pity AND a date for your birthday, and people who are self-pitying are a turn-off.

Perhaps it would be time to ask him exactly what it is he is after, and decide if you want the same based on that.

I agree and I know I should just ask him but I just can't. I been in this type of situation before where the guy didn't want anything serious and as soon as the girl brought it up he basically stopped talking to her. I am worried that this will happen again and I don't feel like getting my heartbroken. I don't want to hear those words again and feel like i'm worthless. Maybe I should just stop talking to him and if he comes after me than I will know...would that work? Or what other things could I say or ask without making it look like i want something serious?

Thanks so much for the support

February 5, 2014

There is a difference between a man who wants you for sex, and a man who just wants YOU period. A man who wants you, everything matters. Most men are problem solvers, and if there is a girl they're interested in, they usually will jump at the chance to help...because they care and will enjoy the opportunity to be needed. A man who cares will listen, and offer resources, time, and effort to make things in your life better. When it comes to my own girlfriend, its my job to make her feel secure in the relationship; being available when she needs me, giving space when she needs that, providing and sharing resources if she needs that kind of help, providing stability (making her feel like she's the only girl I care about romantically). Basically, I am part of her safety net, support system. As for sex, there isn't a man on earth who isn't going to think about that, myself included. The difference between the ones who care, and the ones who are using you just for sex, is that when you walk away from "the act" you don't feel empty. You feel wanted, needed, desired, loved. The other guy will make you feel disposable.

I understand what you mean and it does make sense but I don't really know how I feel. Like he does make me feel wanted, desired..etc..He tells me he missed me and and hugs me, kisses me before I leave...etc.. but at the same time I feel like it might just be an act to get me in bed. Like sometimes he kisses me and I'm thinking like we're going to just kiss and make out but then he always leads it to the bed. and when I bring up something about myself like a problem or something that's bothering me he doesn't have much to say or doesn't answer which sometimes i understand it can be hard to answer to something depression but if he REALLY cared about me he would of said at least one thing to comfort me... but he didn't. that was 3 days ago and still hasn't spoken to me since.

February 5, 2014

I agree and I know I should just ask him but I just can't. I been in this type of situation before where the guy didn't want anything serious and as soon as the girl brought it up he basically stopped talking to her. I am worried that this will happen again and I don't feel like getting my heartbroken. I don't want to hear those words again and feel like i'm worthless. Maybe I should just stop talking to him and if he comes after me than I will know...would that work? Or what other things could I say or ask without making it look like i want something serious?

Thanks so much for the support

First up-you have to understand that your self-worth is not attached to what a guy thinks of you. If he says he doesn't want what you want from him, then that will not kill you and you will move on.

Second-Do you want something serious? If you do, I think pulling away in the hopes of him chasing after you is a game that won't lead to achieving that. I think you have to be upfront, if you're having sex with someone-you have to be able to ask something about the nature of your relationship. If you can't, I'd suggest you stop having sex with him.

February 5, 2014

First up-you have to understand that your self-worth is not attached to what a guy thinks of you. If he says he doesn't want what you want from him, then that will not kill you and you will move on.

Second-Do you want something serious? If you do, I think pulling away in the hopes of him chasing after you is a game that won't lead to achieving that. I think you have to be upfront, if you're having sex with someone-you have to be able to ask something about the nature of your relationship. If you can't, I'd suggest you stop having sex with him.

Thanks for the advice. I agree with everything you said. I guess i'm just not ready for anything because I obviously don't have the courage to talk to him about it...

February 5, 2014

IF you are having sex with someone - you should be willing to talk to them about anything.

How many times has he taken you OUT for a date (and paid for the date)?

February 6, 2014

I have been seeing my ex and things have seemed to be going in a positive direction. We broke up a little over 1 year ago and for an entire year we were off and on. And then when I would bring up the subject about wanting a serious relationship he didn't want to see me anymore. at one point we completely stopped talking for a while and didn't see each other for months. He went away about 5 months ago, he was fare away in a different province for his job. He was away for about 3 months and then when he came back he texted me and even showed up at my house. At first he seemed like he just wanted to have s*x. But then when we actually hung out it seemed like he was really interested. He seemed much more open to me, he kept telling me how beautiful I am, he also kept saying "wow you really changed". He also told me he missed me. During the night and in the morning when we woke up he was cuddling me a lot and kissing me on the back and also held my hand. He was really passionate with me, kissing me and caressing me a lot. The next day before I left he kept saying "I wish you could stay longer", he gave me a long and romantic hug and gave me a long kiss before I left. I saw him a second time and he still seemed like he was way more interested in me and kissed me before leaving.

I have been away for over 2 weeks now, so we haven't been able to see each other but he has been texting me at least 2-3 times a week telling me he misses me and wishes to be with me at the moment. He also called me babe and baby two times.

I want to know if he wants a serious relationship with me or if he just wants s*x but I'm too scared to ask because of what happened in the past when I would ask he would basically tell me he didn't want to see me anymore because he didn't want anything serious and didn't want to hurt me. However the way he is acting now is VERY different to the past. He is being way more affectionate and is keeping in touch with me consistently, where as in the past he would never call me babe or never tell me he missed me and also would only contact once in a long time.

Does anybody know of a way I could ask him without making it seem that it's what I want? Or something I could say to find out?

February 6, 2014

You should not be worried about scaring him off.

Hiding what you want is a surefire way to hurt your chances at getting it. He know that you still have feelings for him anyway - you've made it clear multiple times in the past.

What if he does just want you for sex? Are you okay with this? With being used and led on? Put through that amount of pain? I should hope not!

Tell him that you still have feelings, and that if he doesn't, that you need to cut contact for your own well-being. If he just wants sex, you need to know so you can proceed accordingly and protect yourself from further emotional damage.

Be upfront, and be strong - you don't need someone that doesn't need you. If he doesn't love you, stop wasting your time and hurting yourself, move on, and find someone that will.

February 6, 2014

ask. If he wants something serious he will stay. If he leaves there is your answer, he just wanted what he had before which is not what you wanted.

February 6, 2014

He just wants sex and company.

If he wanted to be with you badly enough he'd make it happen.

February 6, 2014

Ah, now I see why you wouldn't answer my questions in your previous thread about how long you've known this guy and how many dates you've gone on. It's because he's your "ex."

You are wasting your time with this guy. From what you have posted, he's been pretty darn clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you. He knows you want a relationship. If he had changed his mind, he would tell you. He hasn't done that. Do yourself a favor and move on.

I have been seeing my ex and things have seemed to be going in a positive direction. We broke up a little over 1 year ago and for an entire year we were off and on. And then when I would bring up the subject about wanting a serious relationship he didn't want to see me anymore. at one point we completely stopped talking for a while and didn't see each other for months.

He is not interested in a relationship with you. He is so uninterested that he stopped seeing you and talking to you for months because you wouldn't stop bringing it up.

He went away about 5 months ago, he was fare away in a different province for his job. He was away for about 3 months and then when he came back he texted me and even showed up at my house. At first he seemed like he just wanted to have s*x.

He did. And he knew you would be there with open arms.

But then when we actually hung out it seemed like he was really interested. He seemed much more open to me, he kept telling me how beautiful I am, he also kept saying "wow you really changed". He also told me he missed me.

He missed sex with you.

During the night and in the morning when we woke up he was cuddling me a lot and kissing me on the back and also held my hand. He was really passionate with me, kissing me and caressing me a lot. The next day before I left he kept saying "I wish you could stay longer", he gave me a long and romantic hug and gave me a long kiss before I left. I saw him a second time and he still seemed like he was way more interested in me and kissed me before leaving.

Kissing and cuddling doesn't mean he wasn't just after sex. It may be that -- since he knows you well -- he knew you would respond to that.

I have been away for over 2 weeks now, so we haven't been able to see each other but he has been texting me at least 2-3 times a week telling me he misses me and wishes to be with me at the moment. He also called me babe and baby two times.

You are putting way too much stock into a six texts and the words "babe" and "baby." The fact that you are keeping count is kind of scary. he knows exactly how to play you.

I want to know if he wants a serious relationship with me or if he just wants s*x but I'm too scared to ask because of what happened in the past when I would ask he would basically tell me he didn't want to see me anymore because he didn't want anything serious and didn't want to hurt me.

This has not changed. It hasn't. If it had, he would tell you directly. You've brought it up enough in the past that he knows you want a relationship with him. If he had changed his mind, he would tell you. But he hasn't changed his mind. He is a timewaster.

Don't ask him anything. If he wants to be in a relationship with you, let him bring it up. In the meantime, you should be dating other men. If he wants to see you, he can take you out on a date. Do not have sex with him. Do not spend the night at his house.

February 6, 2014

Ah, now I see why you wouldn't answer my questions in your previous thread about how long you've known this guy and how many dates you've gone on. It's because he's your "ex."

You are wasting your time with this guy. From what you have posted, he's been pretty darn clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you. He knows you want a relationship. If he had changed his mind, he would tell you. He hasn't done that. Do yourself a favor and move on.

He is not interested in a relationship with you. He is so uninterested that he stopped seeing you and talking to you for months because you wouldn't stop bringing it up.

He did. And he knew you would be there with open arms.

He missed sex with you.

Kissing and cuddling doesn't mean he wasn't just after sex. It may be that -- since he knows you well -- he knew you would respond to that.

You are putting way too much stock into a six texts and the words "babe" and "baby." The fact that you are keeping count is kind of scary. he knows exactly how to play you.

This has not changed. It hasn't. If it had, he would tell you directly. You've brought it up enough in the past that he knows you want a relationship with him. If he had changed his mind, he would tell you. But he hasn't changed his mind. He is a timewaster.

Don't ask him anything. If he wants to be in a relationship with you, let him bring it up. In the meantime, you should be dating other men. If he wants to see you, he can take you out on a date. Do not have sex with him. Do not spend the night at his house.

I understand and I do agree with you. But I do have a question, what if by chance he does ask to see me on Valentine's Day, would this change everything and prove that his wants to be serious with me? Or do you think it wouldn't mean anything?

Thanks for all the tips I really appreciate it!

February 6, 2014

I understand and I do agree with you. But I do have a question, what if by chance he does ask to see me on Valentine's Day, would this change everything and prove that his wants to be serious with me? Or do you think it wouldn't mean anything?

Thanks for all the tips I really appreciate it!

Until he says to you "I want to have a serious relationship with you" or "I want you to be my girlfriend" nothing else matters. I don't care how many times he calls you "babe!"

He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who gives a rats' behind about Valentine's Day. He hasn't mentioned it yet, has he? It's a week away. Restaurants book up, at least around here. If he wanted to nail you down and make sure you don't have other plans, seems like he would be mentioning it to you by now. In my opinion, if he tries to get together with you on that day, it is likely because he wants to have sex.

You know what? Make other plans for Valentine's Day so that if he does ask you, you can say "I'm sorry, I already have plans." Go on a date with a different guy. Let him wonder what you are doing on Valentine's Day that you can't be with him.

Do not buy him anything for Valentine's Day. If by some miracle he decides to buy you something or offers to take you out for a nice dinner, please report back. But do not hold your breath for that to happen.

February 6, 2014

I understand and I do agree with you. But I do have a question, what if by chance he does ask to see me on Valentine's Day, would this change everything and prove that his wants to be serious with me? Or do you think it wouldn't mean anything?

Thanks for all the tips I really appreciate it!

If you haven't heard from him by now about VDay, then no. He could very well be dating others, and keeping you on the back burner for sex. He could be taking someone ELSE out on VDay! You just don't know. He's made his position with you very clear tho - no relationship.

Make plans, like Clia said. Don't wait for him, unless last minute sex on that day is okay with you.

February 6, 2014

JUST ASK HIM. If he does, great. If he doesn't, then you choose what you want to do. How is it such a mystery if your sex partner wants a relationship or not? Why is communication so difficult? If you want to be with someone, that person should be the easiest to communicate with. If you want to have sex with someone, there should be some understanding on where things are so you don't get confused after the fact.

If he just wants to use you for sex, then he is scum and you should run. Simple right?

February 6, 2014

Until he says to you "I want to have a serious relationship with you" or "I want you to be my girlfriend" nothing else matters. I don't care how many times he calls you "babe!"

He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who gives a rats' behind about Valentine's Day. He hasn't mentioned it yet, has he? It's a week away. Restaurants book up, at least around here. If he wanted to nail you down and make sure you don't have other plans, seems like he would be mentioning it to you by now. In my opinion, if he tries to get together with you on that day, it is likely because he wants to have sex.

You know what? Make other plans for Valentine's Day so that if he does ask you, you can say "I'm sorry, I already have plans." Go on a date with a different guy. Let him wonder what you are doing on Valentine's Day that you can't be with him.

Do not buy him anything for Valentine's Day. If by some miracle he decides to buy you something or offers to take you out for a nice dinner, please report back. But do not hold your breath for that to happen.

Thank you so much for the great advice. I really appreciate it It's really kind of you to take your time to help and support me. I will let you know any news Thanks again !

February 6, 2014

If you haven't heard from him by now about VDay, then no. He could very well be dating others, and keeping you on the back burner for sex. He could be taking someone ELSE out on VDay! You just don't know. He's made his position with you very clear tho - no relationship.

Make plans, like Clia said. Don't wait for him, unless last minute sex on that day is okay with you.

Thanks for taking your time to give me advice, i really appreciate that I will let you know any news.

February 6, 2014

Do you understand that you are letting him use you?

If you want a relationship but are settling for being his FWB you are selling yourself short. If the sex is that great & you were happy with the status quo that would be one thing but you're not. So you are letting him have everything he wants . . . your body with no commitment . . . while you fret about "scaring him off." That's so sad.

Have some self respect. You are never going to get what you want in life by sitting & waiting for it. Tell him what you want. Show him that in some ways he has been giving it to you. If he stays, great. If he backs off let him go! Once you are clear of him & all his BS you will be free to find somebody who loves you the way you want to be loved.

February 6, 2014

Do you understand that you are letting him use you?

If you want a relationship but are settling for being his FWB you are selling yourself short. If the sex is that great & you were happy with the status quo that would be one thing but you're not. So you are letting him have everything he wants . . . your body with no commitment . . . while you fret about "scaring him off." That's so sad.

Have some self respect. You are never going to get what you want in life by sitting & waiting for it. Tell him what you want. Show him that in some ways he has been giving it to you. If he stays, great. If he backs off let him go! Once you are clear of him & all his BS you will be free to find somebody who loves you the way you want to be loved.

Yes I know. I agree with you. I will have to get this figured out as soon as possible. Thanks for taking your time to give me advice

February 6, 2014

By sticking around without asking you'll get more hurt when dumps you to be with someone he loves.

Take a chance.

Ask him.

February 7, 2014

By sticking around without asking you'll get more hurt when dumps you to be with someone he loves.
Take a chance.
Ask him.

I agree! thanks

February 8, 2014

I agree! thanks

My pleasure!

February 8, 2014

I want to know if he wants a serious relationship with me or if he just wants s*x but I'm too scared to ask because of what happened in the past when I would ask he would basically tell me he didn't want to see me anymore because he didn't want anything serious and didn't want to hurt me. However the way he is acting now is VERY different to the past. He is being way more affectionate and is keeping in touch with me consistently, where as in the past he would never call me babe or never tell me he missed me and also would only contact once in a long time.

Does anybody know of a way I could ask him without making it seem that it's what I want? Or something I could say to find out?

I went through this last summer with my ex. He'd blow hot and cold, and it killed me. So last summer, I sent him a short, agonized-over message where I said that I wanted a relationship and not a casual fling.

As it turned out, he wanted the casual fling - and so we went our separate ways. (Me all brokenhearted.)

I still see him regularly for a sport we play together. Luckily, for a while we were both traveling, so I got some space - and luckily I had met another rebounding guy, so I got some positive male attention from a nice guy.

Recently though, the ex and I have been flirting a bit, and it still seems like there's something there. But he hasn't tried to initiate dates, or anything like that yet. And though I really want him to, I know it's because he knows I actually want a relationship with him - and he's not sure if he wants to get involved with me or not yet.

So it sucks - but ultimately it is better because I know how we stand. If he wants more, he has to step up and say it. And in the meantime, I can stop agonizing over it and just focus on having a good time around him. (Which is the main thing - who wants to get back together with someone who is miserable all the time? Much better to be with someone happy.)

I wish you luck - and I really hope that he does want more. My advice would be to not make it about him - make "I" statements like "I don't want casual sex." And if he says no, express regret and still continue to be smiley towards him. (My ex keeps giving me confused looks when I smile at him. It's very obvious that he still senses something there, even if he's not willing to act on it yet.)

You have to know that sometimes it works to tell a guy what you need from him, and you can't be afraid to do it. There's a big risk of failure, but at least then you know and can move forward with your life.

February 16, 2014

I am seeing a guy and I have been away for over 1 month now so we haven't seen each other for a while but he texts me a lot telling me he misses me and wishes to spend the day with me and stuff like that. I also showed him feelings back like I tell him I miss him also and I told him he makes me happy and he says he cant wait to see me. He also sometimes calls me babe and baby.

But then on Valentine's day he texted me and was saying he missed me and wanted to see me but he never mentioned anything about Valentine's day. And also on my b-day he said that when i get back we could do something for my bday and I said "yes it would be cool but you don't have to it's not like you're my bf" (I said this because I was curious what he would say) and he said "Yes I know but you know. That's what friends do" and then I replied back "Ya well not if i don't have a bf by then" (again I said this because I was curious if he is really serious about me or not) and all the he replied was "ok"

I am so confused right now. He basically just proved to me that he doesn't care If I see another guy but then why would he tell me he misses me and call me baby and say he is so excited to see me and everything?

February 16, 2014

I am seeing a guy and I have been away for over 1 month now so we haven't seen each other for a while but he texts me a lot telling me he misses me and wishes to spend the day with me and stuff like that. I also showed him feelings back like I tell him I miss him also and I told him he makes me happy and he says he cant wait to see me. He also sometimes calls me babe and baby.
But then on Valentine's day he texted me and was saying he missed me and wanted to see me but he never mentioned anything about Valentine's day. And also on my b-day he said that when i get back we could do something for my bday and I said "yes it would be cool but you don't have to it's not like you're my bf" (I said this because I was curious what he would say) and he said "Yes I know but you know. That's what friends do" and then I replied back "Ya well not if i don't have a bf by then" (again I said this because I was curious if he is really serious about me or not) and all the he replied was "ok"

I am so confused right now. He basically just proved to me that he doesn't care If I see another guy but then why would he tell me he misses me and call me baby and say he is so excited to see me and everything?

Update to this post: after he said "ok" I was thinking that he was going to think I just said that to make him jealous which would only make everything worse so I said "oh I guess you didn't get it it was an inside joke" and he said "Haha -_- you got me" Which I think he kind of means like he's happy that I was just messing with him. So does this kind of change the situation or what do you think?

February 16, 2014

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Why would this guy act like he likes me and say he misses me but then say THIS.....

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