Why would this guy act like he likes me and say he misses me but then say THIS.....

[Emilieya]

I am seeing a guy and so far he is giving me signals that he might want something more, for example I have been away for over 2 weeks and he texts me often telling me how much he misses me. He also told me that he thinks about me every night. The other day when he texted me he said "I wish I could be with you at this moment." Also sometimes he calls me babe or baby.

 

But at the same time I feel like he just wants me for s*x because as soon as I start talking to him about something that is bothering me he just stops talking or doesn't really have anything to say. Like for example last night he asked me what I was doing I said "watching TV alone like always." and he said "awww how come you don't text me more often then?" I said "I don't really know but seriously I lost all of my friends because of things they do that i'm not into and my birthday is coming up soon and I will most likely be spending it alone watching TV...but whatever honestly I don't even care anymore" and he never answered and still hasn't texted me since then. It makes me feel like he doesn't really care or doesn't want to get too close...

 

I also noticed that when we would see each other he would kiss me right before I leave but at the same time I noticed that when we're hanging out if he starts kissing me he starts reaching for the lady parts and wants to take it to the bedroom. It seems that we never kiss without it leading to s*x.

 

Valentine's Day is coming up soon and I'm almost sure he won't text me but if by chance he does, would that mean that he's serious about me and possibly wants more than just s*x?

[JourneyLady]

Quick answer... yes. In 50+ years I have learned that if there is groping, it's about the sex. Particularly if they aren't caring for you while there isn't groping going on.

 

Move along and find someone who cares before you get your heart broken or get pregnant.

[MidwestUSA]

 

as soon as I start talking to him about something that is bothering me he just stops talking or doesn't really have anything to say. Like for example last night he asked me what I was doing I said "watching TV alone like always." and he said "awww how come you don't text me more often then?" I said "I don't really know but seriously I lost all of my friends because of things they do that i'm not into and my birthday is coming up soon and I will most likely be spending it alone watching TV...but whatever honestly I don't even care anymore" and he never answered and still hasn't texted me since then. It makes me feel like he doesn't really care or doesn't want to get too close...

 

 

Maybe he thinks sex will cheer you up, or at least get you out of this funk. Reread what you put in quotes here. Why would you lay something so depressing on someone you're hoping for more with? You sound mopey, negative, whiney, self-pitying. Poor, poor me.

 

Why not try being engaging, positive, and enthusiastic (about ANYTHING!) and see how he responds.

 

What a downer.

[Ruby Slippers]

But at the same time I feel like he just wants me for s*x because as soon as I start talking to him about something that is bothering me he just stops talking or doesn't really have anything to say. Like for example last night he asked me what I was doing I said "watching TV alone like always." and he said "awww how come you don't text me more often then?" I said "I don't really know but seriously I lost all of my friends because of things they do that i'm not into and my birthday is coming up soon and I will most likely be spending it alone watching TV...but whatever honestly I don't even care anymore" and he never answered and still hasn't texted me since then. It makes me feel like he doesn't really care or doesn't want to get too close...

I agree with MidwestUSA - would you want to reply to a guy who texted something like that? You have a "save me" attitude, but it's up to you to improve your social life if you're not happy with it. No man wants the burden of being your sole source of happiness. Happiness comes from within.

 

I also noticed that when we would see each other he would kiss me right before I leave but at the same time I noticed that when we're hanging out if he starts kissing me he starts reaching for the lady parts and wants to take it to the bedroom. It seems that we never kiss without it leading to s*x.

How long have you been seeing him, and how long have you been having sex? Do you go on dates or just hang out and have sex?

[TXGuy]

...

But at the same time I feel like he just wants me for s*x because as soon as I start talking to him about something that is bothering me he just stops talking or doesn't really have anything to say. Like for example last night he asked me what I was doing I said "watching TV alone like always." and he said "awww how come you don't text me more often then?" I said "I don't really know but seriously I lost all of my friends because of things they do that i'm not into and my birthday is coming up soon and I will most likely be spending it alone watching TV...but whatever honestly I don't even care anymore" and he never answered and still hasn't texted me since then. It makes me feel like he doesn't really care or doesn't want to get too close...

 

Wow! That is pretty depressing. I hope you feel better.

 

It isn't clear how long you have been going out with this guy or whether such comments are common or rare. But if you have not been dating long or those type of comments are common, you might be pushing this guy away.

 

As a guy, I would find that text difficult to respond to. You basically said you have no friends, nobody likes you, and you don't care. First, I would not be sure how I should respond. Second, that might make me think twice about having such a person in my life.

 

Whether you continue dating or not, you should try to find a way to get some more joy in your life.

[BradJacobs]

She said: "watching TV alone like always."

He said: "awww how come you don't text me more often then?"

She said: "I don't really know but seriously I lost all of my friends because of things they do that i'm not into and my birthday is coming up soon and I will most likely be spending it alone watching TV...but whatever honestly I don't even care anymore"

So your answer was basically that you'd rather enjoy your pity party than text the guy who has been saying that he misses you. There wasn't anything he could have said or done to cheer you up, right?

 

The rest of the stuff is kind of a big shot to his ego as well. You planned on being alone for your birthday instead of with the guy that you're having sex with.

 

Ouch.

[emva07]

I don't know if SERIOUS per say but I'd say he definitely likes you....

 

Now him not responding to that text....you were throwing yourself a pity party and nobody likes to feed into that over the top drama.

[Leigh 87]

Wow! That is pretty depressing. I hope you feel better.

 

It isn't clear how long you have been going out with this guy or whether such comments are common or rare. But if you have not been dating long or those type of comments are common, you might be pushing this guy away.

 

As a guy, I would find that text difficult to respond to. You basically said you have no friends, nobody likes you, and you don't care. First, I would not be sure how I should respond. Second, that might make me think twice about having such a person in my life.

 

Whether you continue dating or not, you should try to find a way to get some more joy in your life.

 

 

 

 

If he was really into her he'd not be too put off.

 

That crap wouldn't have turned off my friends bf or my bf: they were really interested in us the first 2 weeks, wayyy too interested to let comments like the OP made deter them.

 

 

 

Also.... my disappearing prick of an ex did the EXACT same thing to me: if something awful happened to me, he'd ignore me. Then he'd text the following morning like nothing had happened.

 

 

 

He also wanted to fool around a LOT.

 

Yeah. Him ignoring my depressive texts and always trying to touch me every time we kissed, turned out to be a veryyyy bad sign.

 

 

 

 

He ended up disappearing after using me for a good time.

 

 

This guy sounds EXACTLY like him.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, no one likes to hear depressing crap. But the Op wasn't allllways texting him god awful stuff. She sent a couple of sad texts.

 

 

 

A couple of sad and not toooo dramatic texts shouldn't be enough to lose a guy who is reallllly into you.

[Leigh 87]

I don't know if SERIOUS per say but I'd say he definitely likes you....

 

Now him not responding to that text....you were throwing yourself a pity party and nobody likes to feed into that over the top drama.

 

 

 

 

He definitely likes her for a fun time. That's what.

 

Trust me. Ignoring upsetting texts and alllways truing to grope or touch nearly every time they make out. . Is a bad sign.

 

The guys I know of who met the loves of their lives? They were too crazy about these women to simply ignore a sad text.

 

Obviously if these women always sent sad texts their guys would be a bit perturbed. But 2 depressing ??

 

 

 

If he truly cared he'd hsd comforted her.

[emva07]

yes....that's what I meant by like....he's a nice sex guy as a opposed to a douche bag sex guy.

 

Leigh as you know, my ex was like this too....it was a nightmare to pretend it was more than sex for 3 YEARS but it was always in the back of my mind. Eventually he stopped caring to pretend and flat out told me and I couldn't lie to myself any longer.

 

He definitely likes her for a fun time. That's what.

 

Trust me. Ignoring upsetting texts and alllways truing to grope or touch nearly every time they make out. . Is a bad sign.

 

The guys I know of who met the loves of their lives? They were too crazy about these women to simply ignore a sad text.

 

Obviously if these women always sent sad texts their guys would be a bit perturbed. But 2 depressing ??

 

 

 

If he truly cared he'd hsd comforted her.

[ChristyJ]

If he was really into her he'd not be too put off.

 

That crap wouldn't have turned off my friends bf or my bf: they were really interested in us the first 2 weeks, wayyy too interested to let comments like the OP made deter them.

 

 

 

Also.... my disappearing prick of an ex did the EXACT same thing to me: if something awful happened to me, he'd ignore me. Then he'd text the following morning like nothing had happened.

 

 

 

He also wanted to fool around a LOT.

 

Yeah. Him ignoring my depressive texts and always trying to touch me every time we kissed, turned out to be a veryyyy bad sign.

 

 

 

 

He ended up disappearing after using me for a good time.

 

 

This guy sounds EXACTLY like him.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, no one likes to hear depressing crap. But the Op wasn't allllways texting him god awful stuff. She sent a couple of sad texts.

 

 

 

A couple of sad and not toooo dramatic texts shouldn't be enough to lose a guy who is reallllly into you.

 

I agree with all of this, if he really likes you nothing you said would've bothered him. Lose him before he hurts you.

[Emilieya]

He definitely likes her for a fun time. That's what.

 

Trust me. Ignoring upsetting texts and alllways truing to grope or touch nearly every time they make out. . Is a bad sign.

 

The guys I know of who met the loves of their lives? They were too crazy about these women to simply ignore a sad text.

 

Obviously if these women always sent sad texts their guys would be a bit perturbed. But 2 depressing ??

 

 

 

If he truly cared he'd hsd comforted her.

 

I agree with everything that Leigh is saying.

Now what if he asks to see me on Valentine's Day, would that be a different story like maybe hinting that he wants more than just s*x or would it not mean anything?

 

Thanks to everyone for the replies and the tips

[clia]

How long have you been dating this guy?

 

But at the same time I feel like he just wants me for s*x because as soon as I start talking to him about something that is bothering me he just stops talking or doesn't really have anything to say.

 

Some people are uncomfortable with discussing emotions and feelings. This is not uncommon at all when it comes to men.

 

Like for example last night he asked me what I was doing I said "watching TV alone like always." and he said "awww how come you don't text me more often then?"

 

How did you expect him to respond? I don't really see anything wrong with his response, to be honest. I wouldn't know what to say to such a depressing, downer remark.

 

I said "I don't really know but seriously I lost all of my friends because of things they do that i'm not into and my birthday is coming up soon and I will most likely be spending it alone watching TV...but whatever honestly I don't even care anymore" and he never answered and still hasn't texted me since then. It makes me feel like he doesn't really care or doesn't want to get too close...

 

What do you expect him to say? Honestly, this self pitying behavior is not something you should be sharing with a new guy. Not only is it really depressing, but it seems like you are fishing for a date for your birthday. You should be upbeat, positive, and fun to be around. It almost seems like you are trying to drive him away. Are you?

 

I also noticed that when we would see each other he would kiss me right before I leave but at the same time I noticed that when we're hanging out if he starts kissing me he starts reaching for the lady parts and wants to take it to the bedroom. It seems that we never kiss without it leading to s*x.

 

So you've had sex with him? Have you two discussed exclusivity?

 

Valentine's Day is coming up soon and I'm almost sure he won't text me but if by chance he does, would that mean that he's serious about me and possibly wants more than just s*x?

 

Why do you think he won't text you? I think it will be very telling if he does anything for you or buys you something. Will you be back in town?

[Phantom888]

Shouldn't you be more certain about his intentions BEFORE you started having sex? Now you are never going to know the truth. Think of it this way, if a man treats you with love, respect and affection BEFORE sex, then at least you know he can be serious about you as a person. Now he is serious about sex with you, and you'll never know if he really wants you as a person without the sex.

 

It's better to figure things out and have some certainty before sex. Now you know what to look for in your next relationship. IMHO.

[d0nnivain]

Sex changes things. Once you have sex, it's very rare that you will kiss & only kiss but not have it lead to sex.

 

 

The exchange you posted out came across as a pity party. A new person in your life isn't going to respond well to that. It's not his job to make you happy or provide you with a social life. You have to go get that on your own. Once you do, you will feel better about yourself & then you will be able to see whether he liked you for you or just is using you.

 

 

Why not see what V day brings? If he does more than text or invite you over for a booty call, it's a positive sign.

[Fondue]

Reading your post made me cringe.

 

I can't imagine a normal man saying those things. He sounds like a pussy.

 

He's feeding you lines. Terrible ones at that. He's just wanting to get into your pants, ma'am.

[Emilieya]

Sex changes things. Once you have sex, it's very rare that you will kiss & only kiss but not have it lead to sex.

 

 

The exchange you posted out came across as a pity party. A new person in your life isn't going to respond well to that. It's not his job to make you happy or provide you with a social life. You have to go get that on your own. Once you do, you will feel better about yourself & then you will be able to see whether he liked you for you or just is using you.

 

 

Why not see what V day brings? If he does more than text or invite you over for a booty call, it's a positive sign.

 

This is very true. I agree with everything you said. Thanks for the reply !

[Leigh 87]

Well, you were kinda cold to him. Want to know a little fact? Nobody likes to be around a Debbie Downer. Everyone has a little depressing moment but trying to transfer it over to someone all the time just because they want to see you puts them off. I don't blame him for not responding. He's probably found a more cheerful girl who won't always try to pin him down with moodiness all the time.

 

 

 

They have known each other 2 weeks.

 

A guy knows by 2 weeks if he is reallllly into a girl.

 

Good for you that you don't like to comfort people when they are upset. That is your prerogative. Personally, I have a lot of empathy, and I would at least try to comfort them.

I would ask " so why don't you have your friends... what did they do? Was it them or you? Do you need help?"

 

You don't know how guys work; a guy who IS NOT INTO A GIRL would perhaps bolt. A guy who is NUTS about a girl would absolutely NOT just stop responding to a girl due to a few melancholic messages.

 

 

 

Right then. So, if you met a girl who was the love of your life (guys KNOW whether or not a girl has THAT potential within mere weeks).

You would just stop responding to her texts once she sent 1 or 2 depressive texts?

Really? That is how you act when you are CRAZY about a girl and care about her so much?

Then you are either cold emotionally, lack empathy OR you are just not into the girls you date.

 

Most people who truly care about someone do not simply just "stop responding" to their texts and hop off to get a new "happier" girlfriend:lmao:

 

My ex didn't care about me much, hence why he disappeared when I had personal problems arise in my life, without having the decency to even comfort me ONCE or say goodbye when he had "enough" of having to listen about my worries.

Another ex of mine wanted to actually HELP me through hard times from day one. I didn't have any friends. I was weird. He felt really compelled to help me.

And he is even a selfish jerk most of the time, yet he STILL felt that human need to help a person in need out (me!).

 

 

My current guy plus another 2 guys I have met were crazy for me - if I dragged on about my personal issues, they would jump a mile to help me.

[Leigh 87]

Sex changes things. Once you have sex, it's very rare that you will kiss & only kiss but not have it lead to sex.

 

 

The exchange you posted out came across as a pity party. A new person in your life isn't going to respond well to that. It's not his job to make you happy or provide you with a social life. You have to go get that on your own. Once you do, you will feel better about yourself & then you will be able to see whether he liked you for you or just is using you.

 

 

Why not see what V day brings? If he does more than text or invite you over for a booty call, it's a positive sign.

 

 

 

No it isn't a new persons responsibility to make you happy.

 

It is, however, VERY common for an emotionally healthy man to want to support and offer some degree of comfort to a girl he truly cares for.

 

Even my idiot ex, who wasn't even that into me, cared enough about me as a person to want to be there for me when I went out and made friends, since I didn't have any at all when we first met.

 

He never thought it was HIS job or HIS responsibility. He simply wanted to be a person for me to talk to WHILE I set about changing the no friends situation.....

 

Look, if a guy is emotionally available, is not emotionally stunted and is fairly healthy emotionally AND he has a reasonable degree of empathy, he WILL comfort and NOT ignore a girl who says something upsetting via text.

 

 

 

Guys that do this to girls are:

 

- possibly not that into them

- not very empathetic; not very caring towards people that are not their immediate family or close friends ( where as I am empathetic to nearly everyone)

 

 

Personally, I want a guy who at least responds to my text and tries to cheer me up!

My own partner was brought up to NOT sweat the small stuff! HIs mother told him to just "suck it up" and "get over" his silly colds and sickness's as a child.....

Even still, he doesn't just IGNORE my texts when I sound upset - he at least comments, and since he doesn't see many problems as much of a big deal, he tries to get me to not sweat it and stay positive.

 

 

 

 

The guy could have at LEAST texted the OP back saying " that's too bad, I hope that changes for you"

 

 

 

I am not saying it is cool to be negative as a person, but the OP has NOT indicated that she is generally very pessimistic and down beat.

[Emilieya]

They have known each other 2 weeks.

 

A guy knows by 2 weeks if he is reallllly into a girl.

 

Good for you that you don't like to comfort people when they are upset. That is your prerogative. Personally, I have a lot of empathy, and I would at least try to comfort them.

I would ask " so why don't you have your friends... what did they do? Was it them or you? Do you need help?"

 

You don't know how guys work; a guy who IS NOT INTO A GIRL would perhaps bolt. A guy who is NUTS about a girl would absolutely NOT just stop responding to a girl due to a few melancholic messages.

 

 

 

Right then. So, if you met a girl who was the love of your life (guys KNOW whether or not a girl has THAT potential within mere weeks).

You would just stop responding to her texts once she sent 1 or 2 depressive texts?

Really? That is how you act when you are CRAZY about a girl and care about her so much?

Then you are either cold emotionally, lack empathy OR you are just not into the girls you date.

 

Most people who truly care about someone do not simply just "stop responding" to their texts and hop off to get a new "happier" girlfriend:lmao:

 

My ex didn't care about me much, hence why he disappeared when I had personal problems arise in my life, without having the decency to even comfort me ONCE or say goodbye when he had "enough" of having to listen about my worries.

Another ex of mine wanted to actually HELP me through hard times from day one. I didn't have any friends. I was weird. He felt really compelled to help me.

And he is even a selfish jerk most of the time, yet he STILL felt that human need to help a person in need out (me!).

 

 

My current guy plus another 2 guys I have met were crazy for me - if I dragged on about my personal issues, they would jump a mile to help me.

 

I totally agree 100% with everything you said here. Thank you so much for all of your replies...it's very helpful, I appreciate it If ever you want to talk just let me know, we could share advice anytime, message me your email if you're interested in talking more

Thank you

[Emilieya]

No it isn't a new persons responsibility to make you happy.

 

It is, however, VERY common for an emotionally healthy man to want to support and offer some degree of comfort to a girl he truly cares for.

 

Even my idiot ex, who wasn't even that into me, cared enough about me as a person to want to be there for me when I went out and made friends, since I didn't have any at all when we first met.

 

He never thought it was HIS job or HIS responsibility. He simply wanted to be a person for me to talk to WHILE I set about changing the no friends situation.....

 

Look, if a guy is emotionally available, is not emotionally stunted and is fairly healthy emotionally AND he has a reasonable degree of empathy, he WILL comfort and NOT ignore a girl who says something upsetting via text.

 

 

 

Guys that do this to girls are:

 

- possibly not that into them

- not very empathetic; not very caring towards people that are not their immediate family or close friends ( where as I am empathetic to nearly everyone)

 

 

Personally, I want a guy who at least responds to my text and tries to cheer me up!

My own partner was brought up to NOT sweat the small stuff! HIs mother told him to just "suck it up" and "get over" his silly colds and sickness's as a child.....

Even still, he doesn't just IGNORE my texts when I sound upset - he at least comments, and since he doesn't see many problems as much of a big deal, he tries to get me to not sweat it and stay positive.

 

 

 

 

The guy could have at LEAST texted the OP back saying " that's too bad, I hope that changes for you"

 

 

 

I am not saying it is cool to be negative as a person, but the OP has NOT indicated that she is generally very pessimistic and down beat.

 

ya i agree. Everything you're saying is so true. at this point i'm not really sure what to do...it seems like he's just wants s*x and has no intentions on having a serious relationship with me. But i'm not sure how to talk to him about this...i don't even think that I can. because I already know that if I he doesn't want to be serious about me and I bring up the subject he will just stop talking to me and I honestly don't feel like getting my heart broken again. should i just not talk to him for a while and not answer if he texts me and see what happens? and if he does text me on Valentine's Day, should I reply or ignore?

 

Thank you so much for the tips

[clia]

How long have you been dating him?

 

How many dates has he taken you out on?

[Conners]

Because guys don't care about your problems, they don't want to hear them.

That's just the way they are. Soem guys will pretend to care but they only do it so you will put out later.

[morrowrd]

There is a difference between a man who wants you for sex, and a man who just wants YOU period. A man who wants you, everything matters. Most men are problem solvers, and if there is a girl they're interested in, they usually will jump at the chance to help...because they care and will enjoy the opportunity to be needed. A man who cares will listen, and offer resources, time, and effort to make things in your life better. When it comes to my own girlfriend, its my job to make her feel secure in the relationship; being available when she needs me, giving space when she needs that, providing and sharing resources if she needs that kind of help, providing stability (making her feel like she's the only girl I care about romantically). Basically, I am part of her safety net, support system. As for sex, there isn't a man on earth who isn't going to think about that, myself included. The difference between the ones who care, and the ones who are using you just for sex, is that when you walk away from "the act" you don't feel empty. You feel wanted, needed, desired, loved. The other guy will make you feel disposable.

[maiden of rohan]

Why are you having sex with someone before you've established what it is that you both want out of it?

 

I wouldn't respond to a message like that-because I simply wouldn't know what to say. It looked like you were fishing for pity AND a date for your birthday, and people who are self-pitying are a turn-off.

 

Perhaps it would be time to ask him exactly what it is he is after, and decide if you want the same based on that.