missliss908 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 My ex and I broke up right before Christmas 2013. The breakup was mutual but he was the one who actually did it. We only dated for a few months but the way it happened made the whole thing hurt that much more. Everything was going really great between us and I felt like we were building a relationship that had long-term potential. I thought he felt the same. But all of a sudden he started acting like an @$$hole. I called him out on it and told him I was not okay with how he was acting. He apologized and told me that he would call me that upcoming weekend to work on it. I was going to give him a chance to explain himself, and then decide if I wanted to break up with him or not during that phone conversation based on what he said. But I'm the idiot who is too nice to people and gives them too many chances because he ended up not calling me and dumping me via text instead, saying that he has "no time for a relationship" and giving me that BS "maybe someday we can still talk" line. I promptly told him that I was thinking about breaking up with him because of how he was treating me, deserved better than a text breakup and a boyfriend who would be willing to work through tough stuff, and wished him well. I haven't tried to contact him since. I've never been big on staying in touch with exes. I still have his number saved in my phone but I renamed his contact "You Can Do Better". He has no social media, so I don't have to worry about that. I think I handled the breakup really well. I was upset about it for a couple weeks, but once the new year started I kept myself busy. In addition to work and family/friends, I've been going to networking events for young professionals, recently joined a new gym that promotes group exercise and has lots of people in my age group there (I'm in my mid twenties) and I joined a kickball league that starts in March. I've just been as social as possible in order to keep my mind off of him and to meet new people. At the beginning of February, I decided to reactivate my OkCupid profile because I was interested in short term dating. I'm not interested in trying to start another relationship right now. I had been on OkCupid for barely three days, playing around with Quickmatch, and guess whose profile came up? I'm not mad that he's trying to date again. We're not together anymore and he can do what he wants. I'm just angry that he lied to me about having "no time to date", and that he tried to instill false hope in me by saying "maybe someday we can still talk". I hate when people are dishonest with me, and I hate that I'm never going to know the real reason why we broke up (because to be honest, I really can't figure out what was wrong. One weekend we were happy as can be, and the next he started withdrawing). I also knew it was a risk to reactivate my profile, because I knew there was a chance that he did the same. Ever since I came across his profile about two weeks ago, I've been feeling insecure about myself again, like I did while he was acting like a jerk/right after he broke up. I've been ruminating over the real reason as to why we broke up. I've also started missing him again, and I suddenly really want to text him and talk things over, even though I know that would mess me up even more if I did so. I deactivated my OkCupid after finding his profile (and downloaded Tinder instead hahaha...no risk of finding him on there since he doesn't have a Facebook) but I still can't bring myself to delete his number :/. I hate that I set myself back and it was my own fault because I knew there was a risk that he was using OkCupid again too. Also it's been snowing like crazy the past few days, so I've been stuck at home and thinking about him because I can't go anywhere/do anything else. I don't expect any responses, just needed to write this somewhere in the company of like-minded people. I know my friends and family expect me to be over it already so I can't really talk to them about it.
LostConfused123 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 WOW! Our stories are so similar. I had no choice but to go NC. Hurts like a biotch!!!! So sorry for your pain! Hopefully your man steps up. Best of luck! ((hugs!!))
Author missliss908 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 WOW! Our stories are so similar. I had no choice but to go NC. Hurts like a biotch!!!! So sorry for your pain! Hopefully your man steps up. Best of luck! ((hugs!!)) Thanks very much. I don't know why I'm taking this so hard since it was only three months. Like I said in my OP, I feel as if I am handling this very well but I'm still emotionally damaged from what happened. The only logical explanations I can come up with are: 1. I lost a lot of weight last year and last summer I went on a ton of dates (which I had never really done before) and was super confident for the first time in my life. I also graduated college last year and started a new job last fall (around the time this guy and I started dating). So everything in my life was going great right until we broke up. I've been reverting back to my old, insecure self since. 2. I suffer from anxiety, depression, and low self esteem issues. I have been medicated for the first two in the past, but I've been off meds for two years. I'm actually looking into CBT for these issues because I no longer want them to take over my life. As for him stepping up...hm, I honestly doubt I will hear from him again. When I sent him that final text telling him that I deserved better, etc., he never responded, thus proving even further what a coward he is. It's a shame because I would have been willing to be his friend eventually, because we got along so well, but I think too much damage has been done for that to be possible. I have to admit that I looked at your profile and read some of your posts and our situations are very similar. I wish you the best of luck with yours as well. xoxo.
LostConfused123 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 You were very smart to delete your cupid account and switch to one you know you won't see him on. My ex doesn't have Facebook either so we're both lucky there. Yeah, my relationship was pretty brief too but it sure made an impression on me. . . I'm 42 and have loved and lost before and always bounced back. . . . but this one??? Damnit, it's taking forever!!! Really got shaken to the core with this one and sounds like you did too. You found an awesome place to be when you're hurting. Always someone here to listen. As soon as you're able to, you can message me anytime. Take care and continue to work on your awesomeness!!
Author missliss908 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Yeah, some of my friends think it's silly that I deleted my OkCupid account but I know he would pop up all the time since we have a high match percentage (since we met off of the site in the first place). Even if I blocked him I would still be aware that he was on there, so it's better off just keeping it deleted. Which is a shame because it's a great site, I went off of a lot of dates from there. Maybe in a few months when I stop caring I will open it back up again. I was definitely shaken to the core. Everything happened so abruptly..it was like he turned into a different person all of the sudden. I'm also ashamed because we had sex for the first time a week before he started acting differently, and I don't take sex lightly. Which he knew, too :| I'm just working on improving myself and my self-esteem, and developing hobbies so I can meet new people and have something to do besides working all the time. Thank you for the support and you can message me anytime too
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